Title: Chapter 18 - Anthony's love

A/N: The last chapter. Enjoy.

"He's never gonna wake up, is he?"

Voices. From afar.

"Don't you dare say such bullshit, Anthony! It's been a few days since the surgery. We don't know anything yet."

Surgery. He had surgery? What surgery?

"But they said the heart is pumping blood on its own, it's working. Why hasn't he woken up yet?"

Desperation. He knows that voice.

"..thony."

Too weak. No one could hear him. Louder. Much louder.

"Anthony."

Anthony faces the wall when he suddenly can hear a familiar voice. It's weak, but he's sure he heard it. He whirls around and sees Ian opening his eyes slowly.

"Ian…"

Courtney jumps up from her chair and approaches the bed.

"Ian? Oh my God…"

Anthony can't stop the tears from streaming down his face. It's been too long since he has heard that sweet voice. Ian is awake. Ian is breathing and talking. Which means no brain damage.

"Ian, how are you?", Courtney asks, since Anthony is a complete sobbing mess, not being able to speak.

"Fine, I think.", Ian answers, voice a bit raspy but sounding strong. "What happened?"

"You fainted in the office. Remember?", Courtney explains, sitting down on the bed next to her friend.

"Barely.", he answers and turns to face Anthony. "I remember talking to you."

Anthony doesn't answer but stares a hole into the ground. Should he tell him about the fight? About Ian's plans to break up their relationship? About how he called the ambulance and watched as they took him away? About how he wasn't allowed to go with him because he wasn't family? Should he tell him about the last few days? About Ian's heart failure? About the incredibly and nerve-wreckingly long hours before they finally got the confirmation? The good news that Ian would get a new heart despite his rare blood type? That it was basically a miracle happening right in front of them? About Ian's heart transplant? And about how Anthony sneaked into the hospital and into his room after the surgery and just lay with him? Held him in his arms? Not wanting to let go? Hoping? Praying? Waiting?

"I'll get the doctor. Stay with him.", Courtney says, making Anthony flinch. He nods simply as Courtney leaves the room.

Ian pats the empty spot next to him where Courtney was sitting.

"Come. Sit with me."

Anthony does as he is told, but avoids Ian's eyes. Why does he feel so strange all of a sudden? Ian is awake. He is alive. There is nothing more he could wish for. And yet, there is a strange feeling brewing inside his gut. He is scared, that's what it is. He's worried that Ian might remember their conversation and break up with him all over again. These thoughts make Anthony's stomach churn.

"Anthony, look at me. Please."

They lock eyes but only for a moment before Anthony focuses on his fingers fidgeting with Ian's blanket.

"What happened?", Ian asks. "I remember being in my office. Shayne was there, I think. And then you came in. And we talked. And then… I can't remember anything after that. Could you please tell me? Something is up, I can feel it. Talk to me. Please."

Anthony takes a deep breath before he decides to tell Ian everything.

"You were working really hard that day. Everything went wrong. You were not satisfied with me as your personal assistant. You said that your schedule had been a mess lately. And that is was my fault."

Anthony is not looking at Ian, but he can sense the tension in the room increasing.

"You… you wanted to take a break from us. You said that your work was important. And then I left the office."

Anthony cannot believe the amount of tears he has still inside of him. Tears are flowing uncontrollably down his cheeks. He knows it. Ian will break up with him again. Even after him staying at his side all this time. But how is Ian supposed to know that? Being in a coma all this time? And then with the heart transplant… This is the first time since their "break-up" that they are talking again to each other. Anthony prepares for everything right now.

Anthony feels Ian shift and sit up a bit. He tries to stop him, tries to force him back down, but Ian won't let him.

"I can understand if you don't want to be with me anymore."

Anthony's eyes widen in surprise at Ian's words.

"I said such terrible things. Hearing you telling me all this, I think I can remember parts of the conversation. I'm sorry, Anthony. I never meant to hurt you. Maybe it was the stress, the pressure, although this should not count as an excuse to treat you in such a horrible way. I'm really sorry, Anthony."

Anthony is rendered speechless. He doesn't know what to say. This is not the same Ian from a week ago. He is different, but he doesn't know exactly what it is.

"Anthony? Did you hear me? I don't want to break up with you. It was a stupid idea and I take it back. But I can understand if you don't want to be with me anymore."

"Ian, I-"

Anthony's answer is interrupted by Courtney and Ian's doctor coming back. And the moment is gone. Anthony wanted to say so much, tell Ian that he doesn't want to break up, that he wants to be with him, that he understands why he acted that way, that his job is stressful and… Maybe another time.

So, he stays silent while the doctor explains Ian what has been going on since his admittance. Anthony already knows all of that. He doesn't want to hear it again, but he stays at Ian's side nevertheless. He doesn't want to leave him alone. He partly blames himself for Ian's stroke. If he hadn't reacted in such a childish and immature kind of way, Ian wouldn't have run after him. And maybe he wouldn't have collapsed. Maybe Ian's heart wouldn't have burst out of stress and exhaustion.

"I would like to keep you over night for observation, but your stats seem fine to me right now. If nothing changes, and your condition keeps improving, I see no reason why you can't be discharged tomorrow."

Anthony sees happy faces, Courtney is smiling, Ian is showing signs of relief and joy. Anthony is also happy that Ian is doing well after such a tough operation, and that he can go home soon. He will try to visit Ian at home and clear up some things between them. Ian is still waiting for an answer. If he doesn't act quickly, Ian will think that Anthony really doesn't want to be with him anymore. And this couldn't be more false.

Anthony comes back from lunch when he finds a slightly concerned Courtney slumped down on her chair, head resting in her hands.

"Courtney? Everything alright?", he says, approaching her. A thought occurs to him. "Is something wrong with Ian?"

"No, no. He's fine.", she calms him down at once. "I thought I've visited him already? What is up with you guys? First you act all lovey-dovey, spend days and night together, and then suddenly this mess. What happened?"

"It's… a long story. So, what's wrong?"

Courtney sighs, a sad smile on her lips.

"We lost the Calvin Klein job."

"What? Why?"

"They changed their mind. They didn't like the proposals we made, and the progress we made was too slow for them. Assholes. I told them about Ian and his operation. But they just care about money and profit and… Fuck. This sucks."

"I'm sorry. I haven't heard yet."

"They just called.", she gets up and is about to leave. "I need to call in a meeting and tell everyone the news. This not gonna be easy. Everyone was so excited about that job. Man, I hate this job sometimes."

Anthony pats her comfortingly on the back.

"You want me to go and tell Ian?", he suddenly suggests, the words just popping out of his mouth.

"You would do that?", Courtney's face lights up a bit. "This would be great, Anthony. Thanks."

"No problem. I can do that right now."

Courtney throws him the car keys to the company car and Anthony is off to see Ian.

During the drive to Ian's house, Anthony is thinking about what to say exactly. Well, at first he has to break the bad news to Ian. This won't be easy. He knows how important that job was to Ian. And then he has to come clean. He needs to tell Ian how he really feels, and that he heard him calling out his name that day. And something else happened that Ian probably didn't notice or see. Ian's words from the hospital keep Anthony going. He doesn't want to break up, he even apologized. This was untypical for Ian, but Anthony appreciated this gesture.

There is something different about Ian. Something has changed.

He drives up to the house and parks the car in front of the garage. Getting outside the car, he can already hear barking coming from inside the house. Daisy. He hasn't seen her in a long time.

"Daisy, no! Back!" Ian's voice. He sounds strong and healthy.

Anthony doesn't even have to ring the doorbell since Ian opens the door to peek outside. His face lightens up when he recognizes Anthony.

"Hey! What are you doing here?", Ian calls out to him, waving.

Daisy tears herself away from Ian's grip and runs over to Anthony to greet him. He pats her gently and walks over to Ian.

"Hi, Courtney sends me.", Anthony answers, entering the house.

Ian closes the door behind them and leads them both to the living room. Anthony has always loved this house. Here he has felt safe and loved. He smiles when all those memories flood his mind.

"So, what's the news?", Ian wants to know when they have taken a seat on the couch.

"Bad news, actually. It's about the Calvin Klein job…"

"We lost it, right?", Ian ends his sentence. "That's okay. I figured that would happen."

"Wait… You don't mind? But it was such a big job! This could have meant the big breakthrough for your company!", Anthony exclaims, a bit shocked about Ian's relaxed reaction.

"I know. But it doesn't matter. There is more important stuff than a stupid job." He pauses and suddenly takes Anthony's hands into his. "Anthony, I still want to be with you. I hope you can forgive me for the words I said. But if you don't want me in your life anymore, I will back away. I promise."

Anthony's heart warms up when he hears Ian's sweet words.

"Ian, of course I want to be with you." And without even thinking he throws himself into Ian's chest, embracing him tightly. "I love you, Ian."

A love confession. Anthony almost immediately bites his tongue. This may have been to much to handle for Ian right now. They haven't told each other that yet. He isn't even sure if Ian feels the same. There were his texts though, where he almost said it. But so many things have happened since then. Anthony's feelings haven't changed at all, but Ian's might have.

"Anthony…" Anthony hears Ian's surprised voice and already wants to pull back, but then he can feel Ian's arms wrap around him more tightly. "I love you, too."

Anthony's heart is about to burst, he is so happy right now. Ian loves him back. They stay like this for a while before breaking the hug and looking deeply into each other's eyes. Anthony is sure he has a flushed face right now, and red cheeks. But he doesn't care about that. All he sees are Ian's shimmering ocean blue gems, and they are filled with love.

"Anthony, while I was… asleep, I had the weirdest dream. I only remember bits and pieces, but it felt so real. I was about to lose you in that dream. I don't know why exactly, but something happened to you. I felt so scared and desperate in my dream. I wanted to keep you in my life, but there was some bigger force pulling you away from me. It tore my heart apart. I couldn't imagine my life without you."

Ian takes Anthony's face into his hands and kisses him passionately.

"And then I woke up that day, and I saw you. I was overwhelmed by so many different emotions and feelings. And seeing you standing there, in that room, at my side, was the best sight in the whole world. You haven't abandoned me. I don't wanna be without you, Anthony. It's like I can't breathe when you're not with me."

Anthony smiles lovingly at Ian, not being able to keep his hands off him. He wants to make sure this is real, that this is not a dream like Ian said. That dream sounded awful. He also cannot imagine being away from Ian. It would rip him apart. So, he decided to tell Ian, what he had gone through that certain day.

"That day when you collapsed, when you shouted out my name… I was already on my way back, Ian. I didn't want to leave like that. I had turned around and saw you running out of your office. And then you collapsed to the ground. Courtney screamed. It was horrible. It was the worst feeling in my life, seeing you go down to the ground. You seemed so vulnerable, so weak and fragile. I was so scared, Ian. I thought I had lost you."

Anthony tugs on Ian's shirt, pulling him closer again, holding on to him tightly. He feels Ian's warm hands rubbing his back, whispering words of comfort into his ear.

"It's okay now. I'm here. I won't leave you, Anthony. Ever. And if I ever start talking such bullshit again you make sure you take the next best bat and hit me hard over the head with it. Okay?"

This makes Anthony chuckle in between his small sobs. They lie down on the couch together, bodies entangled, hands rummaging over each other's bodies, sharing a kiss from time to time. Then Anthony places his hand over Ian's chest, the place where Ian's new heart is beating.

"I can feel it. It's beating strongly.", he notices, smiling gently at his lover.

"You wanna see the scar?", Ian asks, waiting for Anthony to nod before pulling up his shirt, revealing a not completely healed scar in the middle of his chest. Anthony runs a finger over it, hovering, as to not hurt Ian.

"The doctor mentioned I wouldn't wake up after the surgery."

"Yes, you were out for almost three days."

"I think I had to do something… in my dream, you know? Some unfinished business that needed to be done."

"Could be possible."

"I can't shake off the feeling that I woke up because of you. Have you been talking to me while I was out? I swear I could hear your voice.", Ian wants to know.

"Yes. When I was lying by your side, I kept on talking to you. About everything. I told you my complete life story, basically." He snickers. "And I repeated your name a few times. I was hoping to wake you up by doing that."

Instead of saying something, Ian leans in for another kiss.

"Thank you.", Ian whispers.

"For what?"

"For believing in me. For not giving up on me." Ian pauses and closes his eyes. "I want to kiss you forever. Hold you forever. Love you forever. You changed me, Anthony, in so many ways and for the better. I would have never imagined myself in another relationship after David. Let alone love someone so much as I love you."

"What did he do to you, Ian? Your eyes are always so sad when you mention his name."

"That's a story for another time. And it doesn't really matter. I just want to tell you, that you healed me, Anthony. I love you with all my heart. Be it the old or the new one." Ian smiles at that and pecks Anthony on the forehead.

"I love you, too, Ian.", Anthony replies, and he can't help it but tears are once again covering his face.

"Don't cry, sunshine.", Ian says and kisses Anthony's tears away. "From now on, there will be only tears of laughter for you and me, alright? Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise."

Smiles. Laughs. Kisses. Hugs. Touches.

Talking all night long. Falling asleep together. Working side by side. Having lunch together. Making plans for the future. Renovating the house. Moving in together. Dancing around in the kitchen in just their underwear. Cooking dinner. Anthony teaching Ian how to cook. Going for long walks with Daisy. Holding hands. Driving down to Santa Monica. Visiting the Pier Aquarium. Spending a day at the beach.

Being together. Starting their new life together. Side by side.

They are not done loving each other.