Hello everyone, and happy First-Day-of-Winter (Though some would say otherwise)! I hope you all have a beautiful day ahead of you (Or behind you, depending on where you live)! Thank you for all of your WONDERFUL reviews! I love you all (In a completely platonic way, of course)! Anywho...

For this chapter, I am returning to the type of story that got me started on this whole drabble business in the first place: the fanfiction parody! As you've probably noticed, the Merlin fandom is especially rife with clichés, and, thus, I have taken it upon myself to expose and mock them whenever I can! That being said, I am not in any way claiming to be a satirist, but I hope you enjoy this anyway!

Description: Merlin comes up with a plan to gain more respect.

Disclaimer: I am currently saving up my money to buy the rights to Merlin (My piggy bank is nearly bursting!). But for now, it remains the property of BBC.

Warning: This story has nothing to do with s04e03, but it DOES take place after that episode, so if you haven't seen it...

Tale of a Pre-Aged Merlin

Merlin was tired of people always treating him like an idiot.

It didn't matter if what he said was wise or foolish– no one ever paid any attention to him. He was blamed for every little thing that went wrong, and when he did do something right, he was never given any credit.

But no more. Merlin had decided that enough was enough. It was high time people started listening to him around here. He had been thinking about it for quite some time, and he had finally thought of a way to get people to take him seriously.

He was going to grow a mustache.

Not a big one, mind you, but something impressive that would hopefully cause people to realize how wise and mature he was. There was only one problem with Merlin's ingenious plan: He couldn't grow facial hair to save his life.

This, however, was only a minor snag, for Merlin had long since discovered that many of life's problems could be solved by a little bit of magic. He hadn't been able to find any mustache-growing spells in his magic book, but he had come across an aging-spell that should bring about the same result.

Checking to make sure that Gaius wasn't around– he'd probably just tell Merlin off for using magic frivolously– the young warlock gently stroked his upper lip and whispered the magic word.

"Forealde."

He was careful to use as little of his magic as possible, hoping that this would decrease the potency of the spell to only a few years. Looking in the mirror, he saw that the spell had indeed worked. A beautiful mustache had sprouted above his lips, giving Merlin– at least in his own mind– a rather sophisticated appearance. Other than his new hair growth, there was nothing different about him, and Merlin was pleased that a spell had decided to run smoothly for once.

With this happy thought running through his head, the boy left his room and set off to astound people with his new feature. He grinned as he considered how Arthur would react, since the young king didn't seem able to grow facial hair either. This was going to be fun…

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

That morning was one of the best of Merlin's life. Everywhere he went, people stopped to nod in his direction or to compliment him on his new mustache. Oh sure, he got a few strange looks, and Arthur had outright laughed in his face (Jealousy, Merlin thought), but, overall, people had been very impressed and much more willing to listen to him. Why hadn't he thought of this sooner?

It wasn't until early afternoon that things began to go wrong.

Merlin was in Arthur's chambers, polishing his boots, and the king was watching him. No, not watching, exactly. He was studying him, staring as if Merlin was some kind of weird creature.

"Is something wrong, Sire?" Merlin finally asked, with only a hint of mockery in his tone.

Arthur's eyes widened in shock, not at the words– he had long since grown used to Merlin's disrespect– but at the voice. It was deeper and fuller than normal, as if its owner had lived much longer than Merlin's twenty-odd years.

His face, too, had changed. It looked older and more careworn that the one Arthur was used to seeing. In fact, everything about his manservant just seemed older.

Something wasn't right.

Merlin, meanwhile, was still staring at him, waiting for an answer. Arthur shook his head to clear his thoughts.

"Um, Merlin?" he said, scowling when he heard the tiny bit of concern in his voice. "Turn around."

Merlin raised his eyebrows but– for once– did as he was told. He found himself facing a mirror, and when he saw his reflection, he gasped. His mustache had been joined by a fair amount of stubble, his face had grown more haggard, and were those… wrinkles? There was only one conclusion:

The aging-spell had worked its magic too well.

Merlin knew that he had to get back to his magic book quickly, before he had time to age any further. He glanced over at the stunned king and cleared his throat.

"You know, Arthur," he said, wincing slightly at the sound of his changed voice. "I'm not feeling exactly… Like myself at the moment. Maybe I should go see Gaius…"

Arthur, who had been thinking along those same lines, nodded in agreement.

"Right," he replied. "I'm coming with you."

Merlin felt his heart sink at these words. How was he supposed to fix this magical mistake with Arthur in the room? He hurriedly pasted on an unconcerned grin.

"Really, Arthur, I think I can make it back to Gaius's chambers on my own."

But Arthur shook his head and frowned. "What if you turn into a doddery old man on the way there? You might fall down a flight of stairs and hurt someone."

In the end, Merlin had no choice but to let the king come along and pray that Gaius knew a non-magical remedy for this affliction (And hope that Arthur didn't stop to wonder why his manservant was suddenly aging so rapidly).

After several minutes– with Merlin getting older at each one– the pair arrived at the physician's chambers and stepped inside. Gaius looked up from his work as they entered and promptly dropped the glass vial he was holding.

"Is that… Merlin?" he gasped, staring at his ward in shock and confusion (And also a bit of anger as he began to guess what had happened).

"Afraid so," Arthur answered, shoving the other man forward. "Any idea what's wrong with him?"

As Merlin stumbled forward, he caught another glimpse of his reflection and groaned at the sight. He was now on the older end of middle-age, with long, dark hair and a thick beard– both of which were heavily streaked with gray. If this continued for much longer…

"It's too soon to tell, Sire," Gaius said, interrupting Merlin's thoughts. "But if I had to guess, I'd say magic was involved."

Merlin gaped at his mentor. What was he thinking? He might as well have announced to all the world that his ward was a warlock!

Arthur, however, merely nodded.

"I suspected as much," he declared. "But who would put a spell on Merlin?"

Gaius shrugged. "Perhaps Morgana?" he suggested weakly. "She could hold a grudge against him for helping you to defeat her immortal army."

Arthur snorted at the thought of Merlin actually helping but decided to accept this explanation for now.

"Do you know of any way to change him back?" the king asked. "I can't exactly have a manservant who…"

His voice trailed off as he glanced at Merlin. His annoyed expression was quickly replaced by one of confusion, shock, and even… rage?

Merlin glanced down at himself. His long beard had turned as white as snow, and his hands were now old and wrinkled. With growing panic, Merlin realized why the king looked so outraged.

Oh no. Oh, PLEASE, no… He thought desperately. But Arthur's reaction confirmed his fears.

Leaping to his feet, Arthur drew his sword and held it to Merlin's neck.

"Dragoon!"

Alright, so: The title of this fic is based off the title of an actual baby!Merlin story (Tale of a DE-Aged Merlin). I have never read that story, so don't think that I'm making fun of that one specifically. I'm sure it's a perfectly lovely fic. I've just always found it funny that there are SO many stories where Merlin turns into a baby! Anyway, that got me thinking about what would happen if, instead of a de-aging potion/spell, Merlin had an AGING one, and it caused him to turn into Dragoon in front of Arthur. Hopefully you found the idea as funny as I did...

I realized after writing this that I must have some strange obsession with hair because SEVERAL of my fics have had to do with it (Eyebrows, baldness, haircuts, mustaches...). Weird. Also, I realized that this could be classified as poking fun at two things: Baby!Merlin fics and reveal-fics (Since it kind of, sort of IS a reveal.).

Thank you again for reviewing, alerting, favoriting, whatevering this story, and please continue to do so! It feels so very wonderful and makes me believe I might actually have a future in writing (Literary world, look out!)!

The spell that Merlin uses (Forealde) is a command meaning "grow up," "age," or "mature." (But you probably could have figured that out!)

I don't know when my next fic will be up. If I can get it done in time, I'll post it tomorrow. If not, it probably won't be for another week because I'm visiting family for Christmas. So if you want one more story before the break: please review! :D If not, then this is goodbye for awhile, and I hope you all have a WONDERFULLY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

With tidings of comfort and joy,

DeleaMarie :)