Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Potterverse. It is the sole property of JKR and Warner Bros. And maybe a few other people. Regardless, I don't make any money from this, so obviously I don't own it.

Author's Note: I'm soooo sorry this took so long! o_O… But here it is! The long awaited twenty-first chapter!

~XXI~

Thankfully, it was Saturday, so Harry woke to the sounds of birds, rather than Draco's alarm. He sat up in bed and began looking around for his missing boyfriend. He found him wandering around the room, picking up cigarette butts by hand. He grinned at the ridiculous picture he made.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Counting. Hush," Draco replied.

Harry was silent until he had picked up the last one. "What were you-?"

"Eight! You smoked eight of these cancer sticks just last night!" Draco exclaimed.

"Nine, actually… one went out the window…" he corrected.

"Nine, then! Are you trying to kill yourself?!" Draco said incredulously.

"In case you've forgotten, the first time I saw you this summer, you were smoking," Harry retorted.

"Yes, it was just a whim though. Just something I was doing because my father hated it," Draco replied, "This is dangerous. There is no cure for cancer, muggle or magical."

"I know that! I only do it when I'm really stressed or upset, and I was in a very bad place last night," Harry snapped, "If you couldn't tell."

Draco sighed. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to nag. I just worry about you."

"Okay, Hermione…" he teased.

Draco grinned banishing the mess and sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I do wish you'd find a less destructive way of coping, you know."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Fine. I'll tell Trina to stop sending them to me. Happy?"

"Very," Draco said smugly.

"I bet. So… what's on the agenda for today?" Harry asked.

"After last night? Nothing but cuddling in bed," Draco stated, crawling over his boyfriend to take his side of the bed, "No visitors, no homework, no stress, nothing."

Harry smiled and snuggled closer to him. "I think I like the sound of that. But good luck keeping our nosy friends out of our hair."

"We just won't answer the door, so they'll think nobody's here," Draco said.

"Hmm… you're awful," Harry murmured.

Draco smirked, kissing the top of his head. "But you still love me."

Harry blushed and hid his face in the blonde's chest. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, I think you do," Draco said, laughing softly.

He shook his head. "Nope. No idea." He sat up, smirking. "I'm gay, remember? How could I fall in love with somebody so girly?"

"Do you really want to start on that again?" Draco asked, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"I won last time, didn't I? What are you going to do about it?" Harry teased.

"Perhaps I need to remind you just how much of a man I am…" Draco said, flipping them so that he was straddling his boyfriend's hips.

Harry's eyes widened as he began to panic. "Draco? What…?"

"Calm down," the blonde said, kissing the tip of his nose, "Just look at me, Harry. Only at me…"

Luckily, Draco didn't have to worry about clothing, as Harry had stripped himself down to his boxers the previous night. He bent his head to kiss a trail down the boy's neck to his chest, delighted by every slight gasp and hitch in his breathing. He paused for a moment, making sure Harry's eyes were glued to him, before taking one rosy nipple into his mouth, nipping it lightly. Harry cried out sharply, arching into the touch, silently begging for more as his eyes slipped shut.

Draco pulled back immediately. "No, love. Open your eyes."

He obeyed, blushing, and looked up at him pleadingly.

Draco smiled. "Good… just keep your eyes on me."

He dipped his head again and took possession of the other nipple, running his fingers up and down Harry's sides in a feather-light caress that made him shiver and moan helplessly. He moved his mouth up to attack his neck and sensitive earlobe with his teeth and tongue, his hands exploring every other part of bare flesh that they could reach until Harry was lost, staring up at the ceiling as he was reduced to moans and gasps and pleas for more.

When Draco sat up, removing himself completely from the boy, he whimpered pitifully. "Draco…"

"Patience is a virtue, darling," he replied, leaning over for a quick kiss, "Do you still think I'm girly?"

"No…" Harry breathed.

"Do you have something to say to me?" Draco asked.

"Wha…? Draco!" he whined.

The blonde chuckled. "I think you have something you need to tell me, Harry."

"What are you talking about?" he exclaimed, more than a little frustrated.

"You don't remember? You just said it last night…" Draco hinted, placing soft kisses on his neck.

"Oh, for Merlin's-! Of course I love you, you silly git!" he growled playfully, kissing him, "Now… can you help me out here?"

"With pleasure…" Draco purred.

With that out of the way, his hands and mouth returned to their previous task of turning Harry into a useless puddle of trembling jelly. He kept his actions above the boy's waist, not wanting to frighten him, and stuck to teasing little touches that drove him practically to madness. When Harry growled and thrust his hips upward, grinding their erections together, he sat back with a moan, taking deep breaths to calm himself.

"Careful, love…" he said through gritted teeth, "I'm hanging on by a thread as it is."

"Then, damn it, do something, please!" Harry begged, beyond embarrassment at this point.

Draco smirked, swooping in for a deep, searing kiss as his hand moved to Harry's boxers, freeing his straining cock. He stroked it lightly at first, marveling in the immediate reaction and the beauty of Harry's wide, green eyes, darkened by lust. He tightened his grip, moving his hand ever faster until the boy's back arched and cried out loudly as he came. He wasn't surprised that it hadn't lasted long… he hadn't been the only one barely holding on and Harry obviously had never been touched like that by another person.

He cast a quick cleaning charm on them both before lying down beside his gorgeous, sated companion and tucking him into his shorts. "All right, there?"

"Better than all right," Harry replied breathlessly, turning on his side to face Draco, smiling, "But it doesn't seem fair that I get to have all of the fun." He touched the blonde timidly through the fabric of his pants.

Draco grabbed his wrist, a look on his face that bordered on painful. "Don't."

"But…"

"Just don't," Draco hissed.

"Draco, it's okay. I'm not forcing myself," he said, confused by the severe response, "I want to."

Draco shook his head, closing his eyes. "Please… just stop, Harry."

"Why? I want to do this for you, even if I can't do more…" he said, trying to free himself from the tight grip.

"That's exactly why. You're not ready to do more, and I'm not confident that I could control myself right now," Draco stated.

Harry smiled fondly at him before kissing his neck gently. "I trust you…"

Draco gave a feral growl, flipping him onto his back and pinning his hands above his head. "You shouldn't. You may think I'm some kind of saint, but I'm not. My control is not infinite! I'm still a man, just like- just like your uncle…"

Harry's eyes widened and he couldn't the small sound of fear that escaped his throat. When Draco abruptly left him, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, his hands went instantly to cover his face. He didn't want Draco to see the tears falling down his cheeks. For the first time since the beginning of their relationship, he had been afraid of him… Afraid of Draco. Maybe he shouldn't have pushed him so hard. He should have thought of how Draco felt, rather than selfishly taking everything he gave him for granted. The other boy must have been so tightly wound already… it was his fault that he snapped.

"I'm- sorry…" he sobbed, turning away from him and burying his face in the pillow.

"Me, too," Draco said, standing and walking into the bathroom without another word.

Harry waited until he heard the shower running before he dressed and left the room, making his way toward Remus' quarters. Thankfully, he managed to avoid running into anybody. He didn't even want to think about the humiliation he would face if he was seen crying the hallways. When he knocked on the werewolf's door, it was answered quickly, but it was Severus who stood before him.

"Harry?"

"Can I… come in?" he said, keeping his eyes trained on the floor.

Severus ushered him inside and to a spot on the newly cleared sofa. "Remus should be done showering shortly. Did something happen?" he asked, taking a seat next to him.

Harry nodded, fresh tears falling now. "We were… lying down together. Doing- stuff, y'know? Well, mostly he was doing- stuff." He could feel his face heat even as his eyes stung. "And I tried to… but he wouldn't let me, so- I- I tried harder and- he… his control… broke and- I- he…"

Severus narrowed his eyes, feeling anger rise in his chest. "Where is he?" he said in a deadly calm voice.

Harry shook his head, but a broken sob was all that came out when he tried to speak.

The man stood. "Is he still in his room?"

"Don't go," he said, trying desperately to calm himself, "It was my fault anyway. I shouldn't have pushed him so hard."

"Is that what he told you?!" Severus exclaimed, his fists clenching at his sides, "I'm going to kill that spoiled, arrogant, little-!"

"Who, exactly, are you going to kill?" Remus asked, striding quickly into the room.

"Draco!" Severus snarled, "He- Harry…"

Remus' normally cheerful expression was replaced by one which contained murderous intent. "What did he do, Harry?"

"No… you're not- you don't understand," he said, placing his face in his hands, "Nothing actually happened, so calm down! He didn't really do anything! And it was my fault! I should have stopped when he told me to! I never listen, though!"

Remus sat down, shoving his anger aside for a moment. "If he didn't do anything then what is your fault?"

He wiped his face, furiously, wishing that he could stop bloody crying for ten bloody minutes! "We were… fooling around a bit and I felt… selfish, because- well, you can guess, I'm sure. And- I tried to… you know… return the favor… but he said no. And I didn't listen, because I never- never listen. I pushed it and pushed it and he told me that his restraint was wearing thin, but I just- I pushed it even more. I told him I trusted him…" He leaned back, sighing, and shook his head at his own stupidity. "He- he snapped then… and he- pinned me to the bed…"

They felt the anger boiling to the surface once more.

"Please- just…" he took a steadying breath, "He said I- I shouldn't trust him so much. Because he's not a saint. He said… he- he said that he's still a man, just like- like- just like Vernon…"

Severus sat on the other side of the boy, his anger losing its killing edge but not leaving. "Do you think that he's just like Vernon?"

"No!" Harry exclaimed, outraged at even the thought, "He's nothing like- but… I was afraid of him. I was afraid, because I know that he- he could, if he really wanted to. He could have done it right then and there and I- I wouldn't be able to do anything to stop him… because I love him…"

They shared a shocked look over his head. Had their relationship really progressed so far?

Remus smiled sadly at his surrogate son. "Have you told him how you feel?"

He nodded. "He told me he loved me, first. Just last night. So… how could he- do something like that after saying he loves me? I don't want to be afraid of him, but he's right. He is just a man. And I've been taking him for granted. His patience must have a limit, after all. It's obvious that he's reaching his limit… but I can't just- I'm not ready!"

"That is something that he is going to have to understand," Severus said firmly, "And he will."

"But you didn't see him," Harry stated, "He looked so angry and then… he just looked- disappointed. And then he walked out of the room." He rubbed his already bruising wrists, looking down at the light purple marks, shaped perfectly like Draco's fingers. He hadn't thought that he was capable of that kind of violence. He had thought that as long as he was with him, he wouldn't have to worry about these kinds of marks anymore. "He was so angry… it was like I didn't even know him…"

Severus stood and left the rooms silently, nodding at Remus as he did.

"Harry," Remus said softly, "Maybe you should lie down. If you clear your head, you may see things differently."

"No…" he said, "It's obvious, now. I'm not fit to be his boyfriend. I can't give him the things that he needs. The type of attention that he deserves."

Remus pulled him into his arms, letting him cry into his shoulder and praying that Severus didn't actually kill Draco. They needed to work this out.

He didn't even knock. He stormed up the stairs and grabbed his godson by the front of his perfectly tailored shirt and threw him against the wall.

"What the hell, Sev?! What are you doing?" Draco yelled, confused by the rough treatment.

"Are you not even aware of what you have done?" Severus hissed, "Or are you so selfish that you just don't care?"

"I honestly have no idea to what you are referring, but please let go of me," Draco snapped.

Severus released him none too gently. "I thought that you were better than that, Draco. I am sorely disappointed in both your lack of discipline and your utter disregard for the feelings of the one whom you claim to love."

His head snapped up at that, his expression worried. "This is about Harry? Where is he?"

"He is currently in Remus' quarters, having yet another breakdown because of you," the man stated, his obsidian eyes spitting fire, "You really scared him, you idiot boy. Did you think it was a good idea to hold him down on the bed and then proceed to tell him that you are just like the man who raped him?!"

Draco blanched at the fury in his voice. "I wasn't thinking…"

"Exactly. You never think," Severus said, sighing, "I'm getting awfully tired of having to lecture you, Draco."

"Look, I know that what I did was stupid and I know that it was wrong," Draco stated, running a hand through his hair, "And I know that I shouldn't have just left him alone, but… I was so mad at myself. You think that you're disappointed? I didn't think that I was capable of- but I almost did. And that wasn't even the first time."

"You've done something like this before?" Severus said, aghast.

"Once. We had a little… drinking party and when everybody left… he was drunk and he came on to me," Draco said, "I came even closer then. I'm not as strong as he thinks I am. I don't want to hurt him, but he- he doesn't understand what he does to me, Sev! He drives me absolutely crazy!"

Severus smiled, raising an eyebrow at him. "You both seem to be missing the biggest difference between you and Vernon."

Draco simply gave a questioning look.

"What Vernon did, he did out of anger, with the intent to hurt and even kill Harry," Severus explained, "And Harry couldn't fight back because of fear. It is different with you. You can't control yourself because you love him."

"And because he's bloody irresistible…" Draco muttered ruefully.

"And he can't fight you because he's in love with you," Severus finished, trying very hard to ignore the boy's horribly awkward and inappropriate statement, "You need better communication skills, Draco. If you give and give and ask for nothing in return, of course he is going to think that you are entirely safe. If you never take the time to explain how you're feeling, he isn't going to know what you want, what your expectations are."

Draco nodded. "I need to talk to him…"

"Harry…" Remus said, once he seemed to have finished crying, "Why couldn't you fight Vernon off?"

"I was too scared," he replied quietly.

"And you wouldn't be able to fight Draco off because…?"

"I love him. I wouldn't want to hurt him," he said, confused by the sudden questions.

"And do you think that Draco wants to use sex to hurt you?" Remus prompted.

"No… no, he wouldn't do that," he said, giving the man a small smile as he realized what the man was hinting at, "Draco wants to have sex with me because he finds me attractive. Because he loves me."

"Do you still think that Draco is capable of what Vernon did to you?" Remus said.

He shook his head. "No… Thank you, Remus."

"Harry?"

He turned at the sound of Draco's voice from the doorway. His gaze fell to the floor, still believing that he was angry with him.

Draco walked over to the sofa, kneeling in front of Harry. "I'm so sorry. Can we talk? Privately?"

"Severus, would you join me in my office? I would like your opinion on something," Remus said, leading his lover out of the room.

"It was my fault," Harry said, still avoiding his gaze, "I should have listened to you."

Draco sat next to him, pulling him into his arms. "You're wrong. It was my fault. I've been so stupid… I promise that I wasn't angry with you. I was mad at myself, because I started to see some similarity between me and-"

"Don't even say it!" Harry snapped vehemently, grabbing his face in his hands and staring into his eyes, "You are nothing like him! Vernon never loved me. He only wanted to cause me pain. You've never once tried to hurt me, you've been nothing but kind and gentle and sweet and all I've done is take advantage of that. I've been a selfish, spoiled jerk and I don't deserve somebody as wonderful as you."

Draco smiled softly, taking his hands in his own. "You deserve the chance to be a little selfish, Harry."

"No. That's not how a relationship works. You can't be the only one giving…" he said, "You were right. You're still a man and I haven't been thinking about your feelings at all."

"But I…" Draco sighed, his smile fading, "I almost… How can you even look at me after I almost…"

"Draco, calm down," Harry said, sensing that the blonde was in a near panic, "You didn't 'almost' anything. You would never do that. And even if-" he smiled sweetly, "Even if you did, it wouldn't be rape because I wouldn't ask you to stop."

Draco's eyes widened comically and he sat back, gaping open-mouthed at the boy. "What… did you just say?"

Harry chuckled, elbowing him in the gut playfully. "You heard me. It's the truth, though. Now, I'm not saying that I suddenly want to jump into bed with you for a nice shag, but… I trust you. And I believe that you would never hurt me. And I love you, so it would be different."

Draco embraced him tightly. "Damn it, Harry… I honestly thought that you'd never want to speak to me again," he said, his voice thick with emotion, "I'm so glad I was wrong. However, I'd still like to take things slow. I understand that you're not ready. But… it means a lot that you would say something like that."

"Promise me one thing," he said quietly, pulling back slightly, "From now on, if you want something, just tell me. Please stop worrying so much about how I'm going to react. I'm a lot stronger than you give me credit for and it's rather irritating to be treated like a fragile little girl. Come to think of it, I believe I've told you this before."

Draco chuckled sheepishly. "You may have said something along those lines. I promise to be more open, and I will try to stop treating like you're made of glass. As long as you promise to forgive my pathetic fears and insecurities."

"They're not pathetic, but it's a deal," he replied, grinning.

Draco smiled, bringing one of the boy's hands to his lips. It was then that he saw the bruises… "Did- did I do this?" he breathed.

Harry snatched his hands back, trying to hide them. "It's nothing, Draco. Really."

He wasn't buying it. He grasped them again and brought them close to his face for inspection. "For Merlin's sake… I didn't mean- I wasn't- I'm so sorry…"

Harry saw the despair in his expression, the wetness in his eyes, and smiled gently. "It's fine. You obviously weren't thinking straight. I know you didn't mean to hurt me."

Draco pressed a tender kiss to each wrist, a few stray tears making tracks down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry, love."

He wiped the moisture from his face with his thumbs. "Stop apologizing so much. And please don't cry." He kissed him lightly. "That's my thing, don't you know?"

Draco gave a weak laugh. "You can't be strong all of the time. I'm surprised you're not a blubbering mess by now."

Harry laughed. "No time for blubbering. Apparently I have to take care of a big, blonde baby."

Draco smiled at that, tackling him to the floor and holding his hands above his head. He chuckled at the confusion in Harry's eyes and leaned in to for a slow kiss, lacing their fingers together. "Never again," he said when they pulled apart, "You will never have to fear me again."

"Are you quite finished?" Severus stated, standing nearby with his arms crossed over his chest.

They sat up, grinning. "Sorry, Sev. Been standing there long?" Draco said.

"Just a few moments," Remus replied, beaming at them, "Do you understand, now, boys?"

They nodded, standing and taking their leave, thanking the men for their help.

"I can't keep up with those two," Severus stated, sitting heavily on the sofa, "They're happily in love one moment and then they are each having their own special kind of mental breakdown and two minutes later…" He sighed, leaning his head back.

"You were young once. Do you not remember what love is like at that age?" Remus said, curling into his side.

"I remember…" Severus said, smiling wistfully, "I just wish there was some way to save them all of the pain that inevitably comes with first love."

Remus kissed him sweetly. "But that would mean sacrificing all of the joy, as well. These are lessons that they must learn, Severus. Trying to shield them from pain will do more harm than good."

Severus nodded, smirking. "Since when is a Gryffindor wiser than a Slytherin?"

Remus returned the smirk. "Since when does a Slytherin fall in love with a Gryffindor?"

XXI

Wow… That all just kind of spilled out. I'm sorry if it seems like there's a lot of angst lately! Please don't hate me for it! And… well, Harry's kind of a crybaby, and I think a lot of people are going to be irritated about that, but you can't go through the crap he's gone through and not come out just a bit touched in the head. Right? I hate to tell you this, but poor Harry and Draco are going to go through a lot more hardship in their relationship. And Harry's life is going to get a whole lot worse before it can get better. But never fear! Because I will throw in random little fluffy chapters here and there! After all, if I write nothing but angst and drama I'M going to end up touched in the head!