Title: Hand of Sorrow

Pairing: Ichigo x Toshiro

Summary: Despair, sadness and darkness are all what they could see. All the misfortune caused by the hand of sorrow: fate.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN BLEACH. THIS IS JUST A FANFIC.

Chapter 21: Winter Sleep

While Ichigo was away for another day in college, Yuzu cooked up herself some hot cabbage soup after finding two fresh cabbages in the fridge. She wanted something hot to eat to fight against the unnatural cold inside the house, and it was surely not the air outside. Yuzu narrowed her eyes in suspicion when she felt something new from upstairs.

The presence didn't seem ominous, but if it was the cause of the cold she wanted to quell it right away. She finished her meal first and walked upstairs. There didn't seem to be any need to draw her sword so her hands were bare and not holding anything deadly.

"Okay... come out, come out... wherever you are..." her voice nearly cracked because the farther she stepped, the colder her skin became.

"It's so cold. It might have come from this room. I wonder what's in here..." Curiosity was something she couldn't avoid, and her nimble fingers grabbed the knob and twisted it until it creaked open, but she went in as quietly as she could. She immediately clasped her hands and breathed into them, to give them warmth. It was colder in there than it was downstairs.

"What's in here-" Her body froze just like water would stop flowing and turn to ice when she saw a young boy with the strangest hair color she ever saw, and bandages that kept the bleeding from going freely. But aside from that the cold air came from the boy, the energy was also powerful that it was hard to walk freely.

He didn't seem to show any signs of waking up, but the groans and the slight moving of his body meant he's in a deep sleep and he's alive. "Oh my. I didn't know Onii-chan had someone else living with him." The voice was of nothing but surprise and pity, for the ex-Captain looked like he was in deep pain though his eyes couldn't be seen.

"Hey, who are you?" No answer. That was to be expected. He just shifted to the side of the bed, which made her thought that he was ignoring her but she knew better and just came closer, slowly ignoring the chilly air.

"Nnn... Ichigo, please..." She didn't hear what he said, and just looked at his sleeping form.

Silhouettes danced while they whispered words from the pained voices that he didn't want to hear. Their eyes weren't there, but he could feel them looking at him, if not with their eyes, then with the dark and invisible third eye in their mind or in the hollow of their heart.

The Hollow wasn't there to insult him or hurt him, but he was too scared either way and just sat to a closer. His feet were stiff that he couldn't even curl his toes, his voice too stiff to whimper, and his eyes too shot open to close and avoid looking at the nightmarish creatures.

He had never felt so useless before. Maybe the Hollow was right about what he said just earlier.

"You're nothing but a coward, a hypocrite, and a weakling. If you won't do anything to change that and to atone for what you believe you had done wrong, then you are worth nothing more than to die like a worm!"

It was all true now. Since Hinamori and Matsumoto died, he did nothing but cry and struggle with the pain he allowed himself to have. Meanwhile, from so far that he wouldn't be seen, gold-black eyes saw him cringing like a baby.

"Damn it! Why the fuck won't you fight back?" The terror-instilling eyes were bitter, and his voice raised higher and higher by word. He lost patient. For hours, Toshiro didn't fight back or made any retort to show that he had regained his stubborn and fighting spirit. And he wasn't one who loved to wait.

If he would get rid of all the regret that made his soul, his very essence, turn into black and crumble into tiny pieces like burned paper, then he wouldn't have to keep on putting this up. Torture was a tad too far, but lighthearted efforts won't definitely work.

And yet, nothing happened though he tried to keep his calm. Toshiro was too afraid, and too broken now to do anything but cower and give up.

"Fuck all this!" he yelled, a white carbon copy of Hyourinmaru rising out from nothing on his palm and he lunged forward on mid-air and destroyed all the shadow figures brutally that they made an ear-piercing screech while vanishing into thin air.

The noise may have made them both nearly deaf, but the albino ex-Captain was too focused in glaring at his pathetic counterpart that was just as scared at his presence as those dark things a while ago.

"Oh, and I was expecting you'd point something sharp at me. You'd still look pathetic like the first time, but at least you still had guts unlike now. You're nothing but a fragile piece of glass that I can break with just a tap."

One foot forward, and Toshiro flinched so much that his eyes almost snapped forward.

"Don't..." he begged, and the light in his eyes had been long gone. This did not go unnoticed, and it just fanned the flames. "Don't what?" He pinned the boy's head to the ground, and if he added more strength there would already be a fatal dent in the skull.

"You really won't just yell at me, do you? Maybe a little video would help you scream." grinned the Hollow as through his insidious and dark energy, memories of the humans he killed went inside the prodigy.

It was horrible and disgusting, bloody and merciless, sadistic and frightening, and stomach-twisting. "NO! STOP IT! STOP!" His head shook violently and for the first time he landed a blow on his Hollow, to be free of his hold.

"Heh... getting your spunk back?" He wiped his mouth and saw the little drops of red on his white hand. He was expecting to get lunged at, but he got nothing. "Please... stop them..."

Whether it was his intention or not, it did not change the fact that he's the one that crushed the lives out of them. The sounds of their blood and organs squishing from bare hands resonated so loud like the warning bell.

"I don't want this... I just want..." He forgot what he should have said next. The shock ate at his brain and he couldn't think clearly, not about anything or what he would even say next.

If he would speak, he would just scream and beg. "No... no..." And that was it. Everything about Toshiro Hitsugaya was gone.

"AAAHHHH!" He threw his head back and his fingers pressed deep on his hard head, some of them trying to pull his hair out his scalp. It hurt, but he would still feel pain even if he didn't do that.

There was nothing left for him. No one would respond to his soft cries, not even Ichigo. But he knew it was all futile, and it was all his fault. The Hollow watched with mixed emotions in his eyes as the soul of the boy faded until only a tiny flame remained. It burned strongly, but it was so tiny that it would give out soon.

Everything consumed him, and in return he allowed himself to be consumed but there was something that kept him from completely swallowed by the jaws of despair.

The motionless but not lifeless body stayed there, and the background disintegrated like sand into black. Pure black. "That's what you choose?" was what all he could say. Then he repeated it again, with a low-toned but more cross voice.

"That's what you choose? You think pain is something you must avoid? Isn't that what they say: no pain, no gain? Everyone feels pain, no matter how deep it would strike one at the heart." His head dropped down and his fists clenched even whiter than his skin tone.

"I did everything I can to help you even if it would mean extracting cries and blood. If I were you, I would gain the resolve. Others would have done the same, even if they were physically weaker than you."

He stepped on the head but went back by the next second. He tossed the haori on the ground and it smoked away.

"You still have something to protect. We do. But you took the coward's way out. I won't forgive you, Toshiro Hitsugaya. You deny that you want what I did to those humans? Whatever. I don't care about what I did. But while you're still breathing, I'll make you die with more regrets if you truly wish to disappear."

For just a moment, his face was as solemn as the silverette's when he would think deep or worry about others' situations, when he was still himself. And what has he become? A weakened parody of himself.

Another whooshing sound was heard, but by no one but the stagnant air itself.

When Ichigo heard of sudden murders that occur minute by minute in somewhere close to his home, he quickly but calmly asked the professors to go home. With the excuse that his house is at the area of crime and that his sister's there, they allowed him to go and with some others that lived close as well.

There was no time to use his form. Even in his human shell, he was already quicker than most others. He was only a little tired when he stopped at the sight that explained more than enough for him. Flashes of white appeared when he would leap from one human to another and that human would die without seeing what just took their live.

Blood was all over, and before his college mates would catch up he made a barrier that would confuse them and keep them from getting killed. He wasn't in the mood for letting more people die. Yet.

Running over the dead bodies, he chased the Hollow back to the house. Unlike before, he had killed so many of them and he feared the worst that Toshiro lost and got taken over by his Hollow.

I'm not gonna have it, Ichigo. I don't know about Zangetsu, but I refuse to carry a king who's weaker than me and get cut to ribbons with him. If you're weaker than me, then I'll destroy you, and take your crown for myself.

It almost happened to him, and now it was happening to Toshiro. It already happened to him, at that. He lost the battle for the crown and became the horse, or a dead horse. Shadows lingered at the back of his head, and tried to corrupt him again.

Kill.

Nothing but that word that it had grown tedious and made him want to kill one more innocent life if that would silence it. The door was fully open but at least it wasn't destroyed, and blood was everywhere. He expected Toshiro to come to his senses and freak out, but now that there was so many that happened in such short time, that was never going to happen.

Another door was wide open and full of nail scratches with little trickles of blood. Yuzu was against the wood desk, unconscious but not wounded and thankfully alive. But Toshiro was not there, and he knew that he saw him going back there.

"I went too far, huh?" a broken voice spoke, with a little hint of pity and amusement. Ichigo turned at his back, and the ex-Captain was drenched with fresh blood of many people mixed together that it formed a strong smell.

The bandages were gone, and his eyes were still deeply wounded but it was most likely that he can see now. Each time the odd eyes blinked, there would be a little spark of black Reiryoku.

The sight was very frustrating and unnerving, and if it were others who saw it they'd faint instantly. "Sorry I made a mess of your house, and knocking out your friend there. I didn't kill her, because I can smell your blood in her. You're siblings right? So I didn't want to take her life."

It kept on muttering nothing but some things that didn't need to be said at the moment. But it finally said what needed to be said a long time ago. "To tell you, Toshiro was never conscious the whole time after the fight with those other Espada. I was the one in charge of this body." he confessed, licking drops of blood off the sight of his peeling lips.

"What did you do to him?" The tone was so cold, severe, threatening, despite how quiet it was said, that it immediately gave the message that he should answer the question and he won't repeat it again.

An absent and blank smile appeared on the lips, his voice more broken than ever, "You said it wrong, Ichigo Kurosaki." Saying the full name made his heart, if ever he had one himself, burn. Haste filled him to add along with correct, "It should be, 'What had he done to himself'. I may be partly at fault, but it was mostly his." Slow rage appeared on the last words.

"I'm very sure you know that he lost his closest friends. Made him an empty shell, you could see that, right?" The raven head didn't have to nod. He just continued kneeling on the floor with his sister on his arms. The Hollow was explaining everything now, without having to go ballistic and kill more people.

"Thanks to letting himself despair and despair, again and again, every day just on the bed and screaming and sobbing, I was born. I hate wusses like that, so I roughed him up, whether directly or indirectly."

And by indirectly, he meant frightening the boy with illusions images that he created himself.

Ichigo was once a man who felt a lot of emotions at once, mixing up until they form something else and compel him to do reckless things. He also had enough of many people talking to him about the weaknesses that he once had, whether clearly or in riddles.

Which is why he analyzed the whole words and concluded, "You think you can bring him back, make him forget the pain by giving him more pain?" No monster would have stayed normal on the voice that sounded like he was on the borderline of boiling anger and anguishing sorrow.

"What else can I do? Isn't that why Hollows live? To bring people pain..." He also started to lose sight of himself as well, not remembering exactly why he went far. In the end, temptation won and not resolve.

But there was one thing he would never forget. "He fell too deep into himself until he could no longer climb up the well, the void in his heart. And now, though the crown is mine, it's empty. It was raining in here..." His hand was against his chest.

"And now, it stopped completely. Nothing but darkness. You can feel it, right?" Closer and closer he walked, until he was close enough to gently grab Ichigo's strong arm and press the calloused palm against the chest.

There was a heartbeat, but it wasn't respectfully his. It was so slow and almost gone, just as he felt so dizzy. A dark chuckle followed, but it was towards himself. He tried to stay up, and it was hard. It wasn't his body after all.

"You know, Ichigo..." It was odd that he would call him like that, for it should have been by his whole name or his last name. "You're the only one who ever made him like this. In his cries, he always called for you to help. When he would be able to think clearly for a moment, he thought of you, that you would come to him and protect him. If you want to save him, show me, show him that same kindness that you did like before."

He sounded like a robot. The lids closed, covered under a mass of white hair with streaks of blood running to the edges and falling down in round drops.

The taller teen hesitated to do anything, but he slowly placed Yuzu on the bed and conjured a small shield around the bed. Tears fell down again, from the one inside the body that was about to die. One thing kept him from being cast away to the netherworld.

But when the Hollow gave out, energy poured out him so wildly at its maximum rate. Ichigo was rarely intimidated by the force, but it would destroy the body if it kept on flaming around like that.

His arms brought the smaller body close to him, the limp head against his cold chest and he poured so much of his energy inside the child to suppress the energy. But it also attracted the virus in him that it made it take over his body, so slowly. His eyes turned black, and blood oozed out.

He would have to persevere and keep himself from being transformed, as well as keeping Toshiro from being obliterated the Hollows' and his own icy energy, mixed together to form fatal Reiryoku.

No words had to be said, and all what was needed was to ensure that he would live.

"You fear being alone, do you not? You fear pain and death. So do we. Ichigo was right. I was wrong in trying to relieve you of your pain through giving you more pain. But, you and I... we feel something different towards him." He petted at the hair as white as his own.

"For this once, I'll help. This will make me not able to act for a long while, but it's better than forever. And I don't intend to steal your crown. I wasn't made from how other Hollows would be born, after all. I want to kill, but I have a mind while they don't. They only think once their body evolves in its highest form possible. You see, those not born of the corruption of a Plus, they're already born with a mind."

He faded, going inside the boy. "If this won't work, then I will have no other choice when that unfortunate time comes. I would have to kill you. So do not fail me, or yourself, or the souls of your friends. And one more thing: I'm not just a Hollow." Their energy was synchronized at the second he said that he wasn't just a Hollow.

It was over. It almost got him to be corrupted by the virus, but it was all over. Toshiro was alive but it was uncertain when he would wake up. He would move from one room to the other to check on both Yuzu and the ex-Captain.

Yuzu woke up for a while, but Ichigo quickly dosed her with a liquid enchanted with Kido that would make her forget what she saw when Toshiro set out to kill people. He lied that she hit her head, and just that.

But it was soon enough, that Toshiro woke up and blinked lazily to adapt his eyes to the light of the moon. He thought he would be haunted again by things, but there was only the plain room that he hadn't seen in a long while, and Ichigo, who sat at the edge of the bleed with his eyes closed but his posture still straight.

Finally, he saw the man whose name he repeated like a prayer. Impulsively, he encircled his arms around the firm body, and this slightly startled Ichigo awake. His eyes seemed to hurt, but it didn't matter now.

He was awake and Ichigo was beside him. That was what mattered. He said nothing more, and the raven head turned around to see him. Only then he broke the embrace of relief, and his head was slightly tilted upward with a hold of his chin.

Somehow, though he wanted to ask what's happening, there's nothing in his throat that would allow him to speak.

"You're eyes are green." Yes they were, but they was only little light in them. He hugged the older teen again, and felt all his fears going away. The gesture wasn't returned and he didn't care. The sky was starless tonight, and Ichigo just let himself be embraced for as long as they could.

It was difficult to use his voice. But though he strained, he couldn't make a sound for Ichigo to know. It took a while until he whispered while weakly pushing himself away.

"Thank you."

A/N: I guess I made Toshiro's Hollow a very complex character. Kind then brutal then both and so on, so forth. Chapter title's inspired from Winter Sleep by Olivia Lufkin. I just heard of her and I found her to be so good in her works. And what's better, she can sing in both Japanese and English.

I have two things to say.

One, I already posted this in Grave of Love but I will say it again here. To anyone of those who read an old fic of mine called 'Painful Memories' that I deleted due to some reasons I would never say again, I will reupload it again, but I forgot some parts but I will do my best to write all what I can remember and it will take a while to upload it online but I'll persevere. I hope that's good news.

And another, I'm so jealous of Yukiko-san, who gets so much reviews in all her stories and who is actually the reason why I started writing here. She may not review much, but on Facebook we would confide in each other. Right now she's going to be in college and since we're both busy now thanks to school we rarely communicate but I try getting in touch with her once in a while.

Now remember, review but no flames. I worked so hard in this story, as well as the others.