"Deep into that darkness peering long, I stood there wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal's ever dared to dream before." – Edgar Allan Doe.

APOV

I tried to sleep, I really did. I wanted the day to be over with, to just come and go in the blink of an eye. Turned out that my ability to endure any weather had become dormant when I'd been given the luxury of warmth and shelter, and now that I needed it, it wasn't rouse-able.

I sighed and my breath swirled around my face – substance enough to be seen but impalpable to the touch – disappearing when my hand brushed the air to reach for it.

I may not have been able to actually rest, but still, I could dream.

I didn't know how much time had passed as I fantasised about what could've happened, I knew that it would only twist the knife that had embedded itself in my chest, but for a short while it felt nice to just imagine the perfect Christmas.

I imagined waking up with that same warm sensation I always got when I realised that Jasper would be the first person I'd see. I visualised how Jasper would leave his bedroom and smile at me in greeting, how I'd whisper my happy holidays against his cheek as I met it with my lips.

I imagined how his eyes would shine brightly as he whispered the same words back to me and hand me my present. I even went so far as to fantasise how we'd laugh with his family over dinner and dance together as the day ran into evening and light-hearted banter turned into nightly celebration.

I imagined how we'd end up under some mistletoe that hung delicately from the doorframe, and finally as his face lowered to mine, I'd finally be okay.

As my fantasy bled out and dispersed into blurred colours, I was faced with the cold, lonely view of the alley wall in front of me. My temporary, mental warmth was quickly replaced by a crippling chill that had set itself into my very bones, and I shuddered as it rippled through me.

I held my hand up to examine it. It shook violently, and my skin was ghoulishly pale with the subtlest of blue tints. I knew that I'd get sick and for a fleeting moment I considered going back to Jasper and apologizing for my unjustified behaviour, but it hurt too much to even think about seeing him with somebody else.

I thought I'd lost all sanity when I heard the faint calling of my name. But as it grew louder, closer, and I recognised the voice, I started to panic.

Jasper was looking for me, and he was really close to finding me. I honestly didn't know what I'd say or do when he did.

I was frozen, trapped within my own body as I was immobilised by stress.

And then Jasper turned the corner, his voice cut off as he was halfway through shouting my name again.

My heart thudded as I stared up at him from the ground. This was the second time he'd found me cowering in a side-street but the situation couldn't have been more different. Seeing him stirred emotions in me that weren't easily explained.

We locked eyes and I saw something flicker in his irises and as he reached toward me, I fled.

I hadn't expected him to pursue me, but soon enough I was caged in his strong arms, his warmth radiated through me and caused me to shudder. I wanted him to be so much closer but still, I struggled against him.

I couldn't deal with it. I wouldn't.

I couldn't deal with his questions, because the only answers I had to offer wouldn't make him happy. And I didn't have it in me to lie to him. Even for his benefit.

I wanted him to keep me safe, but as he kept me pinned to me chest, I wanted to be far, far away. I couldn't explain to him how he made me feel.

I couldn't let him in.

"Everything I touch turns to stone, so wrap your arms around me and leave me on my own. Take back every word I've said, ever said to you." – 'Blessed with a curse.' – Bring Me The Horizon.

JPOV

I saw the fear flash in her eyes and she bolted. There was no way I was gonna let her get away from me, not when I had tried so hard to find her, no way I had so much to say…not when I loved her so much.

I sprinted after her, my long legs giving me the advantage I needed to catch up and get my arms around her. I pinned her to me, her back to my chest, and I ignored her struggled, her groans of protest and the pain as her elbows jabbed my stomach.

She needed to understand, she needed to know.

"Alice, stop." I murmured in her ear.

She began to thrash, her shoulders hunched and shook and I knew she was crying.

"Alice, please." I begged. I didn't want to restrain her but she wasn't giving me an alternative.

"You have to listen to me." I tried again but she simply pushed against my hold, desperate for escape.

"God damn it, Alice! Listen to me!" I growled through gritted teeth as my arms felt the strain of her fighting.

"No!" she sobbed, staggering forward, failing to break my hold.

"Alice, it's not what it looked like!" I insisted and very nearly rolled my eyes at the cliché.

"Let me go!" she growled. My arms automatically tightened.

"Not until you listen to me!" I retorted and she finally slumped in my arms.

Sobs shook her fragile frame and I finally took in her appearance.

She looked broken again; in hope of fixing her I'd only shattered her further. And I'd made her cry. God, I hated it when she cried.

"Alice, I swear to you, it was a goodbye. It was for closure. It was the last thing I could give her." I breathed against the shell of her ear.

I just prayed that she'd believe me, but I knew it wasn't likely, she was on the defence and all of her guards were focused on keeping me out.

It made sense to me, but to her it must have sounded like a feeble excuse.

"She came to apologize. She came for an ending. Alice, that chapter of my life is over. I've made my peace." I continued when she didn't stop me.

She still didn't turn to face me, it was as if she didn't want to look at me.

"Alice, I'm sorry. So very, very sorry. I never would have done it if I knew it would hurt you. I didn't want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you." I murmured, my own voice cracking with the confession.

Her sobs quieted, turning to soft whimpers. Her head was bowed and I felt the splash of her tears against my hands that were clasped tightly around her waist.

My face was buried in her hair and I breathed her in.

"Alice, I'm sorry. Come back with me." I pleaded, failing to keep my voice steady.

She took a laboured breath before she spoke, and when she did her voice was hollow, defeated.

It was as if she didn't want to say the words, as if she didn't believe them and spoke only to try and convince herself.

It was a defence mechanism. Act like you don't care and hope that they believe it.

"Let me go, Jasper." She breathed and there was no strength in the sound.

I clenched my eyes shut at those words, but still my tears escaped. I felt how much those words had hurt her. And she had no idea how much that they'd hurt me.

"Never, Alice. I'll never let you go." I vowed, resting my head in the crook of her neck as I let myself cry.

After a silent moment she turned in my arms, wrapping her own around my shoulders.

I raised my head to meet her eye and hesitantly relaxed my iron grip on her tiny body.

Uncertainty danced in her big, beautiful eyes and I wanted to wash all of her doubt away.

"I'm so-" She cut off my apology by pressing her fingertips to my lips and I had to resist the urge to kiss them.

"I'm sorry, too. I overreacted." She murmured, soothing me as her hand, the one that wasn't on my face, found it's way into my hair.

We didn't have to voice our forgiveness, we knew.

I felt whole again as I pressed her close to me, my head once again rested on her shoulder.

"Merry Christmas, sweetie." I murmured to her.

She squeezed me tighter for a moment.

"Merry Christmas, Jazz." She whispered and then she paused. "…I missed you." She added softly.

I pulled back to look at her properly, and her eyes were searching.

I was about to tell her I'd missed her too but the second my lips parted, they were met by hers.

Okay guys, I really need reviews on this one because I very nearly didn't update. Christmas shopping is stressing me the fuck out so I get home and I'm in the process of typing up the chapter but my sister decided she's gonna use MY laptop to charge her iPad, which then fucks up my iTunes, crashes my internet and causes my laptop to freeze and me to lose all of the files I had open. So I've had to type this entire thing TWICE, after already writing it in my notebook. Nobody leaves me alone for a fucking HOUR in this house. Speaking of which, as I type this my mum's flipping her shit and shouting up the stairs at me because my sister doesn't know how to work a god damn credit card and I have to help her!