Hi, my pretties! Updating only once a month feels so weird, I feel like it's been half a year since I've updated! But my life is starting to even out again, and so maybe next month or the one after I'll be able to go back to two monthly updates :) Now, something that I wanted to say, was that I've written up summaries for all the new stories that I'm working on, and I've put them up on my profile. So go check them out and let me know what you think of them! I'm always happy to talk about new stories if you guys have any questions or want to talk :)
"I think maybe I'll just head home," Clary said quietly, not for the first time that evening. Magnus pursed his glossed lips, rubbing them together before slipping his hand into Clary's.
"If you really want to go home, then we will," he told her softly, leaning in close so that she could hear him despite the loud noise coming from the club. "But it's been two months, and you've barely left your house except to go to work or to your mums. I get that this all feels weird and different, because it's normal and maybe it doesn't feel right," Magnus was talking in hushed tones, voicing everything that Clary was feeling and making pressure build behind her eyes. "But Izzy would want you to be having fun, and to be with your friends." He squeezed her hand and took in a deep breath. "But if you want to head home, then we can." Clary looked up at the flashing sigh above the club, Pandemonium, and the then looked at the long line of brightly dressed people who were waiting to get in.
"Okay, no...Let's go in," she agreed. Magnus flashed her a smile and leaned in to press a kiss to her cheek before tugging her toward the door. Their names were on the list, one of the many perks they got for being friends with people who promoted and worked at the club, and then they were ducking inside. The music just got louder as they walked down the dark hallway and finally reached the actual club itself. There were blue and purple and green lights spinning around the room, illuminating the throngs of people dancing and laughing, and the DJ who was on a raised platform, and the staff behind the bar, serving drinks and chatting up the pretty girls who were hanging around.
"You guys made it!" Maia came over to them. She looked a little tentative when she smiled at Clary, the two girls only having seen each other a couple of times since the funeral, but she still leaned in to give her a hug. "You want a drink?"
"Uh," Clary almost flinched at the thought, but Magnus' warmth next to her comforting. "Yeah, sure." Maia smiled and disappeared into the crowd.
"Come on," Magnus tugged on her hand, leading her further into club, toward an empty booth that had been reserved for them.
Two months now since the accident, and Clary was only just starting to walk around now as though she wasn't half asleep. The first few weeks had all been sort of a blur, she knew that she was at the boys house most of the time, and that she had barely left Jace's room. The familiar smell of his room and his skin on his sheets and pillow had been reassuring, and a lot of the time he had been in the bed with her, just holding her close against his solid body. She had known that he was suffering as well, and she had wanted to reach out to him, to comfort him like he was comforting her, but she just hadn't been able to push through this mental block that had settled over her entire body.
Once she had gone back to her and Izzy's place, she had just been trying to focus on operating normally again, going back to doing things that she should be doing without really thinking about them.
Working.
Eating.
Sleeping.
Showering.
Painting.
Jocelyn had been incredible, as usual. The relationship between Jocelyn and Clary was closer than one of mother and daughter, they were close friends as well. She could switch between friend and mother easily, and it had helped a lot over the past few months. Luke had helped as well, knowing when to give her space, knowing when to reach in and give her a fatherly hug that Clary had never had from her own father, a void that Luke seemed to easily fill.
She was also getting on reasonably well with Aline. The girl was cheerful and upbeat, and even though it was still hard to see her in the uniform and in the place that her best friend used to fill, she was finding it easier to see them as separate, and not look at Aline as though she was inadvertently trying to replace Isabelle.
She had also been trying to keep in touch with the boys, although that was a little bit more difficult. All of them loved Isabelle as much as her, but even though she knew that they should all be banding together, sharing their grief, she found it harder.
Specifically she was finding it harder to be around Jace.
While Clary had sought his comfort in the few weeks following Isabelle and Simon's accident, when she was coming back into her head space, everything from before the accident had come back. The hurt that she had felt when Jace had pushed her away, the ache in her chest when she had seen Jace disappeared upstairs with Kaelie—it all seemed so unimportant now, but Clary couldn't get past it.
Her reliance on Jace was more than what she should feel toward a friend, and that was all that he had to offer her. Jocelyn had murmured that maybe she should just tell Jace how she felt and see how things go from there, but when Clary said that she wasn't ready for whatever the outcome was right now, Jocelyn had agreed and nodded, saying maybe that giving them all some time to adjust before saying anything.
Clary still hadn't decided if she was going to tell Jace how she felt.
Isabelle had told her she should.
But Isabelle wasn't here to talk things through with anymore.
"You okay?" Magnus was almost yelling to be heard over the music and Clary blinked at him, realizing that it was no longer just the two of them, Maia was standing there with two drinks in her hands and Jordan was behind her.
"I'm good!" Clary shouted back, hoping that the smile she plastered on her face was convincing. Magnus didn't look as though he believed it, but luckily the attention shifted when Simon and Alec came over to them. The two boys looked about as keen to be there as Clary, but they were dressed nicely, clearly trying to make an effort. "So we all have the night off, huh?" She attempted to start conversation as she took the drink from Maia and swallowed back half of it.
"All of us except Jace!" Simon yelled over the music.
"He doesn't usually work Saturday's," Clary commented.
"He's been picking up extra shifts," Alec ran his hand through his styled black hair, ruffling it up a little. "I've only been doing three days a week at the car yard, so that I can spend more time with mum and dad and Max, so Jace has been working more." He looked a little guilty about it, but Magnus gave a slight shake of his head and reached out to link their fingers together.
"You're looking good, Si," Clary said quietly as she shifted so that she was standing next to Simon.
"Yeah, you too," his expression was strained and his eyes were tired, but he didn't look as pale or gaunt as he had the past couple of times that she had seen him.
"Looks like we were all dragged out tonight," she murmured and Simon let out a huff of a laugh.
"Yeah, I guess," he shrugged and took in a deep breath. "But, hey, maybe it's good for us. We haven't all been together much, and I miss you—I miss all of us together," his voice tightened a little. "And the rest of us need to stick together."
"I know," Clary nudged his arm until he curled it around her back, holding her against him.
"So, you want a beer?" Jordan looked between Simon and Alec, and they both gave weak nods. Jordan nodded, slapping his arm against Alec's before turning to make his way back to the bar. Maia starting talking to Clary about something that had happened at her work that week, and Magnus kept Simon entertained, and maybe after ten or twenty minutes, the tension dissipated a little. Clary still hadn't caught a glimpse of Jace, but maybe that was a good thing. She was purposefully trying not to look at the crowds, to just focus on the people around her, and as the next hour went by, Maia kept bringing her drinks, the intent clearly to try and get her drunk.
Maybe it would be good for her, so she kept taking them, swallowing back the almost sickly sweet liquid.
It was almost twelve, two hours after they had gotten to the club, when there was a familiar, grating giggle behind her. Clary's spine stiffened, the relaxed state she had slowly faded into quickly disappearing as she was unable to stop herself from turning around to look over her shoulder at the blonde.
Kaelie.
She had been at Isabelle's funeral, but Clary hadn't seen her since.
"Just ignore her," Alec's voice was smooth next to her ear, clearly picking up on her discomfort. Clary tried to turn back around, except now that she had finally shifted her gaze from her group of friends, she couldn't help but look around the club.
And it wasn't hard to find Jace.
He was standing next to a group of people, a mixture of boys and girls, and they were all laughing and hanging off every word he was saying, so he was clearly being as charming and delightful as usual when he was meant to be working the crowd.
From the way he was looking straight at her, over everyones heads, she was guessing that he had had his eyes on her most of the night.
He gave her a hopeful smile, and Clary swallowed hard before smiling back, although it wasn't anything close to special, more just like a slight lift at the corners of her mouth, which felt kind of sticky with the lipstick Magnus had shoved in front of her in the car.
They had seen each other a couple of times since she had moved back to her place, but it had always been in big group settings, she had purposefully avoided meeting him alone, or letting him come over when she was at her place by herself.
"You alright?" Simon asked from where he was sitting next to Clary.
"I'm fine," she told him as she finished her drink and pushed it to the centre of the table in front of them. Alec had seemed to loosen up a little as well, he and Magnus had disappeared outside for about fifteen minutes at one stage, and when they had come back in, they smelt slightly of weed, and Alec's eyes were a little hazy. Simon was still a bit tense, but then the clubbing thing had never really been his scene, he had only ever really come out when the rest of them dragged him there, but him, Jordan and Maia seemed to be nerding out about some popular movie franchise.
It was good.
Everyone was comfortable and making the best of the situation.
"I just need to go to the bathroom," she said quietly to Simon as she got up, excusing herself from the booth. Maia offered to come with her, but Clary just shook her head with a smile as she wound her way through the club. Seeing Kaelie and then Jace had just been a little bit of a shock to her system and she needed a breather. She got to the bathroom and stared at her reflection in the murky mirror, which was smudged and smeared. She was jostled by a couple of other drunks girls but she mainly ignored them as she washed her hands slowly. After a few minutes, she walked back out to the main club, and saw Jace standing next to the booth with their friends. Clary took in a deep breath as she crossed the club to join them.
"Clary!" Maia called out as she started walking over to them and Jace turned around to give her another one of those hesitant smiles. When Clary returned his smile, his eyes lightened and he looked a bit more confident. Clary had almost reached them when Kaelie suddenly appeared at Jace's side, clinging onto his arm and slurring something into his ear. Jace's body tensed as his eyes shifted away from Clary, and even though she knew that this wasn't what Jace wanted, that Kaelie was just drunk, the two of them together made her stomach twist.
She turned on her heel and weaved quickly out of the club.
Sooooo...I saw The Hitmans Bodyguard last weekend with the man and a few friends, and it was fucking hilarious. I definitely recommend. Another movie I watched a week or so ago was Below Her Mouth. It was on Netflix and yeah, okay, it's about 80% sex scenes, but I absolutely fucking loved it. Erika Linder is just...Holy shit, she is fucking beautiful. So both of these, I recommend! One that I'm a little iffy on is Friends From College. My husband and I watched it all in the space of one weekend. The cast was incredible, they're all good actors and they all had so much chemistry with each other—Felix was my absolute favourite—but I felt so, so, so angry at the end. I won't explain it on here because I don't want to spoil it for those who haven't seen it, but shit I was angry at the end!
Now, song wise...Lili Reinhart's cover of Wicked Games. Holy shit. It's absolutely beautiful, and I have played it so many times on Youtube, it's insane. The other songs I've had on repeat recently are Havana by Camilla Cabello, Fight Like A Girl by Zolita and Bird by Billie Marten. I've also put some of my old songs on my phone to play at work, and so I've been listening to Flyleaf—my favourite by them is Marionette.
Also, has anyone listened to the song 1-800-273-8255 by Logic, Alessia Cara and Khalid? It's absolutely heart breaking and completely beautiful. Their performance at the VMA's had me all tearing up. Holy shit.
As usual—recommend songs, movies, fics in the Riverdale, Teen Wolf and Mortal Instruments categories! Sometimes I do take a while to get around to all your recs, but I do get there! And don't forget to check out the summaries on my profile, and let me know what you think!
Pleeeease leave a review, my beauties! They make me super happy, and I've got a preview for anyone who wants one :) xx