Chasing the Rainbow
Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form.
Author's Notes: I'm glad folks enjoyed the last chapter; I was a bit worried that readers might think it too much of a departure from the Ranma ½ spirit… although, I don't personally see how that's possible, seeing as how in both canons we've seen ghosts, bakeneko, spirits, and a variety of other monsters.
Funny thing, though; nobody picked up on the little inter-continuity gag in the last chapter, either. Recall the comments made by Ukyo and the Jorogumo regarding that photo from the Hiryu Shoten Ha arc? Well, while Ranma's own leg covered himself in the anime take, in the manga, the picture was actually shot from the other side, meaning it was only Genma's thumb that prevented Akane and Ukyo from getting a full-frontal of Ranma. While Akane was all but squealing for Genma to take it away, though, Ukyo was practically drooling and openly begging Genma to move his thumb.
Chapter 20: Slice of Life! Other Peoples' Ordinary Day
It was another normal morning for the students of Furinkan Public High School. Well it would have been if it hadn't been for Kuno's arrival; the kendoist had decided that it was time to show off the efforts of his days of intense practice and training, by leading his private army of flying monkeys to school.
"Right! Left! Right! Left!" Students stopped and stared as Tatewaki Kuno, grinning like an idiot, marched at the head of the horde of winged primates, all of them dressed in kendo armour with their helmets under their arms and with swords strapped to their sides with as much military precision as an ape could pull off. The students at the end of the day commented that the apes marched better than Kuno, who seemed to have slipped at one point into a full-blown goose-step as he entered the school and headed towards the Kendo club.
Hiro Yamada liked to think that as vice-captain of the Kendo Squad, he presented some form of sanity to the usual lunacy that the team captain usually brought in. Oh sure, they were regional champs and likely go national one day thanks to their captain's skill and innate knowledge of just how to improve his team's performance (even if the methods were a little weird), but the fact was that Kuno was a complete nutter, so Yamada didn't even blink at seeing the small army of kendo-uniformed monkeys entering the team practice room.
The wings were strange though.
"And... just who are these, Upperclassman Kuno Sensei?" He asked; while it was technically a mangling of protocol to refer to Kuno by both of his titles of respect as head of the Furinkan High Kendo Club, Kuno did insist upon it.
"These are your new sparring partners. After our disappointing performance at our last competition and a slight run of good luck during my time off, I have managed to secure these highly adaptable winged primates for the purpose of training them in our noble art. And quite frankly I'm sorely tempted to put them in the ring instead of you lot. However, there is a means for you to redeem yourself and that is to spar with these primates and thus improve your skills to the point that you can defeat them."
With a flourish of his own bokken, Kuno pointed to the ring and one of the monkeys ambled over and put on its helmet, setting itself up in a standard stance before the incredulous and wary eyes of the team.
Hiro Yamada kept his mouth shut. It wasn't easy - in fact, if there was a medal for dealing with absolutely harebrained ideas, he was sure he'd take the gold for this - but he avoided saying anything that might give the notoriously volatile if his ego was bruised kendo champion an excuse to kick him out of the team. "You there - step forward." He declared, pointing at one of the best fighters in the club.
"Right, contest rules! First one to strike the head or chest wins! And no throwing people around this time." The last statement was directed to the baboon, prompting a lazy shrug as it bowed formally to the unlucky sap who had 'volunteered' to go first. Yamada raised a hand.
"Ready? Begin!"
Principal Kuno hummed pleasantly to himself as he made his way across the grounds; class was going to start soon, and he was keeping an eager eye out for potential latecomers and would-be truants. It was always so much fun to catch them; then he could shave all their hair off and nobody would complain! He was passing near the kendo club when he heard the voice of his own rambunctious son ringing out and, curious, he went to get a better listen. He was such a naughty little keikei, but he was still the big kahuna's one and only keikei, yah?
"That had to be the most pathetic show of skill I have ever seen! Monkeys! Monkeys beat you and you call yourselves a kendo team! It seems that we are going to do some serious training and you will be sparring with these apes until you can soundly defeat them in the arena! I will not tolerate such an embarrassing state of affairs!"
"Monkeys?" The principle asked. This was something to look into, and he moved close so he could see what his son was doing.
What the man saw was a group of winged baboons lazily chattering to each other as his son's kendo team nursed bruises and rubbed aching arms while Kuno bombastically strode in front of them.
"I cannot accept this! We will not be the team that a group of apes can defeat! Rest assured I will make sure you all make up for this deficiency!" Kuno looked actually disappointed and angry with his team as he said this.
"Oh-ho-ho! If them liddle monkeys can beat up Kuno-keikei's sword-fighters, den de big kahuna wants dem liddle monkeys to come anna work for de big kahuna!" The principle chortled, visions of batwinged baboons armed with scissors and shears and battery-powered razors raining down from the skies, grabbing the many naughty keikeis and wahinies of Furinkan High and shaving them all bald as eggs dancing in his brain. Oh, the joy! The rapture! The hair-cutting! ...But how to get them to follow him?
As Kuno began really getting into his rant, he noticed that his team was no longer focused on him, but behind him, and he now registered the sound of monkeys screaming in distress. He turned to see what the problem was and gaped as he watched his father, manning a winch, haul up his winged kendo baboons in a giant fishing net.
"Heheheheheheeee! Da keikei will learn to respect da big kahuna now! Come my new enforcers, time to train you in how to shave!"
Kuno gaped a moment longer before shaking his fist at his father, "You fiend! You won't get away with this travesty!" He whipped around to face his team, "To arms! We must foil my foul father's vile machinations!"
More than a few of them looked rebellious; they most certainly had not appreciated being compared in an inferior fashion to a bunch of apes. On the other hand, they didn't like Principal Kuno either, and while Tatewaki had showed them up with all those monkeys, who knew what that lunatic would do with them? As one, they grabbed their weapons and waved them in the air, giving a roar of support.
Lunchtime was considered a time of rest and relaxation at Furinkan High School. While things had necessarily dampened down a bit since Miss Hinako had been appointed as the homeroom teacher for classroom 1F, she had also scaled back a little since the business with Ukyo and Shampoo - nobody was quite sure why, but they were all far too grateful to care about prying.
When the sound of somewhat maniacal laughter ran out, the students as a whole backed away; it wasn't common in the slightest for Ranma's various fiancées to show up at Furinkan, but Kodachi Kuno was the rarest and most dangerous of all. While the rumor mill had done its usual exaggeration, Kodachi's aptitude for poisons, coupled with a high level of indifference to things like "fair play" and "innocent bystanders", did have grounding in reality.
Fortunately for them, Kodachi had no interest in them; her attention was fixated instead on finding Ranma Saotome, and she met him at last in homeroom. Without the slightest shame she made herself comfortable on his desk; Ukyo swallowed hard and kept her head deliberately turned away from the pair of them, fingers drumming nervously the only sign of her emotions that she would allow.
Akane, in something that might have surprised anyone who was paying attention, didn't even seem to notice. The truth was that she and Ranma had been emotionally drifting from each other at quite a steady pace; while recalling those cruel things that Ranma had once said to her would still make her mad, it was more because of the insult than because it made her heart feel like it was breaking. Besides, she had bigger things to worry about – who could possibly care about Kodachi when she had two strangers taking her place in the Tendo Dojo?
Ranma smiled a little nervously, not wanting to upset Miss Hinako, as he looked up at Kodachi. "Hey there, Kodachi; how's it going?"
"I am pleased to pronounce that I am in high spirits this fine day." She paused for a moment, looking contrite, "I apologize for the rude interruption, but I have a request for you."
Ukyo looked somewhere between shocked and envious; was Kodachi really going to try and ask Ranma on a date? Here? Now? In front of their classmates? Akane, barely listening, made a rather un-ladylike grunt of dismissal. So what did that matter?
"I'm listening." Ranma said, wondering what it could be. It couldn't be a date; Kodachi would have just come to him that morning, perhaps offering to let him sleep at her house to try and sweeten the deal.
"Yes, you see I was looking for someone who could help me further improve my skills and, well, you're by far the best martial artist I know, and you did mention that one time that you have knowledge of several martial arts that are suitable for me to practice." She coughed slightly, "Not to mention your...knowledge of the female body also means you're far more suitable as a trainer than anyone else in the area."
At that, a series of dirty snickering and lecherous comments rang out, Akane glowing brighter while Ukyo just looked embarrassed - though for Ranma's sake or her own, who could say?
"She's talkin' about my curse, ya creeps!" Ranma shouted in irritation. Every so often, Ranma kind of wished he could get on better with the more normal kids in his class... then they pulled stunts like this, and he was glad they were normally too afraid of him to talk to him.
Trying to muster his dignity, Ranma turned to Kodachi. "So... what brought this on? And what do you mean, my 'knowledge of the female body' makes me the best choice to be your trainer?"
Kodachi added her own glare before replying, "To put it bluntly? Unlike what some people think, you are not some kind of deviant pervert and you care about getting results, thusly I can trust you to actually train me properly."
"I... well, thank you." Ranma said, confused; it wasn't that he didn't appreciate the sentiment, he did, but that wasn't the sort of answer he was expecting. "But you made it sound like there was more to it than that - like my curse gave me some sort of extra insight into training you. And what martial arts were you talking about me knowing, anyway?"
"Apart from besting me at my own art, you did mention Martial Arts Tea Ceremony and Martial Arts Cheerleading, both of which are rather highly regarded and very well respected arts."
Ranma looked dumbfounded; personally, he thought those were both some of the goofiest styles he'd ever seen, even without the emphasis on female practitioners. Still, if that's what she wanted, and if she really did want to improve her skills, well, he could hardly refuse, now could he? Ignoring the way Ukyo was disbelievingly mouthing the titles of the martial arts styles that Kodachi had just mentioned, Ranma put on his best "martial arts sage" expression and nodded his head. "Alright, if that's what you want... when do you want me to meet you for training? And where?"
At that, Akane paid attention. She twitched in anger and indulged herself in a fond daydream of planting her desk on Ranma's head; whenever she wanted to get any better, he certainly was never there for her, now was he?
Kodachi smiled, "Wonderful! Will you be able to stop by my house later today? I'll have Sasuke take you to the dojo when you arrive." With a quick peck to the cheek, she was out the window and on her way, leaving Ranma to deal with the rest of the class.
Idly rubbing his cheek, Ranma noticed everyone, save for Akane and Ukyo, staring at him and he snarled, "What the hell are you all looking at?" He was just about to flare his aura in an unsubtle manner when suddenly the sound of Kuno shouting, "CHAARRRRGE!" caught everyone's attention as the Kendo club rumbled past.
As Kuno's war against his father started to engulf the school, another warrior was also on a mission, but this was one of on a mission of diplomacy and peace. Hopefully.
Shampoo felt a little awkward about coming to the Tendo Dojo at the best of times, though, before all of this, she had been able to mask it by either focusing on her desire to see Ranma or her hostility towards Akane. Seeing as how Ranma no longer lived here, and he and Akane were both in school, that meant she had no comfort at all. She still hadn't yet fully mastered the Kasho Happa-Ken, but that was all right, as she wasn't expecting to have to fight just yet. Still... She shook herself over and squared her shoulders; was she a proud champion of Nyuchiehzu or not? She reminded herself angrily. She had never cowered before in her life and she wasn't about to start doing so! Confidence bolstered, she pushed through the door and headed inside, slipping her shoes off as was custom.
Slipping through the house with ease, she saw no sign of life until she peeked into the living room, where Genma was idly watching some sort of game show. Through the doors to the garden, open to let the cool breeze into the house, she could see that Kasumi was in the garden hanging out some laundry. Shampoo could also hear the sounds of female voices coming from the dojo; those had to be her targets. Not bothering to let the others know she was there, she headed through the house to the doorway that led to the dojo itself, where she found who she was looking for. She recognized Natsume easily, which meant that the wiry haired little girl facing off against her was Kurumi.
The pair were sparring and while the fight was intense, Shampoo felt a little disappointed that they were only using their fists and feet and not any of their Ki abilities but the Chinese girl could tell that the pair were very skilled, so she decided to take the time to watch them fight, she might pick up a few tricks and tactics. Decision made, Shampoo took a seat and started watching the fight intently.
The spar continued for several more minutes until finally the two girls broke apart and bowed to each other. They jumped when Shampoo applauded.
"You too-too good fighters. Shampoo impressed."
Natsume nodded her recognition and polite gratitude, although it did nothing to remove her aura of suspicion. "Why are you here?" She asked, not rudely, but blunter than was normal - an attitude that Shampoo could respect.
"Shampoo? Your name is really 'Shampoo'?" Kurumi asked, trying to hold back an obvious snicker, too caught up in that to really care about the fact that she had been watching them spar.
Shampoo bit back a sigh and rolled her eyes; really, was it her fault that her name sounded like the English word for hair soap when spoken? "Yes, that Shampoo's name. Shampoo know what it sound like, but back in village, way we write it, Shampoo's name mean 'Jewel of the Mountains'." She preened herself visibly before asking. "It suit Shampoo too-too good, yes?"
"And in Japanese," Natsume promptly interjected, "one meaning of the words that are pronounced that same way would be 'She whose breasts are as mountains'." She smiled at Shampoo, a clear show that nothing seriously insulting was meant by it.
Besides, Shampoo knew that she had an impressive set of cleavage; she was indifferent to the reactions they evoked, but if she had to think about it, she was more proud of them then anything.
"That sure fits." Kurumi declared, gazing enviously at the Chinese Amazon's chest.
Natsume promptly ruffled her little sister's hair. "Well, you've got a few more years of growing to do yet, squirt. Who knows? You may turn out big enough to put her to shame."
Shampoo privately felt that was unlikely; Japanese girls tended to be flat, from her experience. Still, she kept that to herself; no need to make enemies, and besides, she wanted to get back on topic. "Shampoo heard about you two and now Shampoo wondering if Kurumi face Shampoo in match." She smiled at their skeptical looks, "Shampoo think we studying similar advanced martial arts and Shampoo want to see who the strongest."
Kurumi glanced at Natsume, who shrugged, and then nodded with a smile, "Okay, you got a match!"
While the girls were haggling out when and where the match was to take place, another unknown "guest" had arrived at the Tendo Dojo. Practically dead on his feet from exhaustion, having not slept for several days now, Ryoga, currently in his P-chan form, trotted wearily into the Tendo Dojo, just barely remembering to wipe his hooves before scrambling up onto the floor inside. He just wanted to find someplace soft and quiet so he could curl up and sleep until Akane got home and found him. Though being P-chan would never substitute for what he longed for, dreamed for, it was all he had so far, and so it would suffice. But with Ranma apparently out of Akane's life now and forever more, soon, he would have more, that he swore.
He was more than a little surprised when an unfamiliar hand picked him up, bringing him face to face with a person he didn't remember ever seeing before. "Well now; what have we here?" The stranger asked, then turned and headed for the bathroom. Ryoga watched in puzzlement as the stranger promptly filled the bath with hot water, confusion giving way to alarm as he realized he was now being suspended over the water... and then he fell into its steaming embrace...
"Yeeow! Hot! Hot! Hot!" Ryoga shot up from the water like some strange missile before whirling around to glare at the person who had dunked him, and then blinked in confusion, "Who the heck are you?"
"I am not important." The copper-eyed, silver-haired, pointy-eared stranger replied. "Who are you, and why do you come here wearing the body of a small black pig?" He asked quizzically.
Ryoga blushed in embarrassment, or from the heat, it was hard to tell, "My name's Ryoga and it's none of your business!"
The stranger merely smirked. "Is it, now? For I have heard from Akane Tendo that she has a small black piglet with a bandanna that she keeps as a pet, an animal named 'P-chan' with the oddest habit of disappearing for days at a time. I must say, the description of P-chan matches your own porcine form very well..."
Ryoga turned away slightly, "I-I just show up and give her company, that's all!"
"And what are your motivations for doing so?" The stranger pressed. "It's rather odd to turn into a pig to try and give a lady some companionship. What's wrong with approaching her in your true form, hmm?"
Ryoga spluttered and spurted, but apart from imitating an engine, no explanation was forthcoming.
The stranger just gave him a Cheshire Cat grin. Ryoga was something of an expert on annoying grins, being Ranma's Number 1 Rival did that to a person, but he'd never seen a grin that held quite this level of both infuriation and menace before. He wasn't quite sure if he wanted to punch it off the weirdo's face or cower for mercy. "Now, I know you don't have intentions towards her... at least, intentions that are wrong and sick... right?" He asked.
Ryoga shook his head, "Of course not, I'm not some kind of pervert!"
"Really? Then why pretend to be her pet?" The stranger asked, starting to sway slightly as he spoke. It should have looked ridiculous. Instead, it reminded Ryoga of a snake preparing to strike. "Now, I'm trusting you wouldn't do anything... untoward... her, but surely you know that it's not right...?"
Ryoga glanced away. "I know, but what can I do? It's either be the pet pig or nothing."
"What do you mean, nothing? Are you not Ryoga Hibiki? One of the boys that Akane trusts the most, and considers her closest male friend?"
"R-really? Akane trusts me? Yes! Take that Ranma! Akane trusts me more than you! Hahaha!" Ryoga couldn't help but perform some kind of dance in the tub at hearing those words. It made a strange sight. After a moment, a thought came to the teenage boy and he turned to face the strange boy in front of him, "Waitaminute...how do you know all this?"
The stranger made a show of examining his fingernails and gave him another of those irritating-yet-menacing grins. "Simple. I talk to her all the time; I'm upfront and honest with her, and I don't sneak around behind her back and take advantage of her naivety."
"I do not take advantage of Akane! And I bet you're trying to steal Akane!" Let it not be said that Ryoga didn't jump to conclusions like the others when it came to things he considered important to him.
"I bet you're just waiting for the right moment and the bam! You'll vanish with her!" Ryoga moved into a stance, "Well, I'm not going to let that happen!"
It was hard to say what surprised Ryoga more; the fact the stranger seemed to literally vanish mere instants before Ryoga's fist impacted on his cheek, reappearing at the other end of the bathtub, or the way that, in accordance with the stranger waving his hand, the water coating Ryoga's body and filling the tub went from steaming hot to frozen solid, seemingly without any hesitation in between.
Not that Ryoga couldn't break free, of course. But having a couple of gallons of solid ice clinging to your most sensitive of areas tended to make you a little less inclined towards unnecessary motion. Tapping one long index finger on the side of the bathtub, the stranger looked at him with an expression unchanged. "Are you quite finished?" He asked casually, like he was inquiring into Ryoga's health.
Ryoga gulped and nodded slowly as he forced himself to relax slightly.
"Allow this information to penetrate your dense skull, my friend. What I am to her is simply something that she needs and has needed for a long time: a good friend of the male gender who is willing to give her the space to be herself while also knowing how to puncture her ego without bruising her heart. I have been working very hard to help her get over her understandable reluctance to allow herself to trust members of the opposite sex, so while I have no particular personal enmity towards you, if I do catch you containing this facade, then no matter how lecherous your personal intentions may not be, you have my most solemn oath that I will persuade her to take 'P-chan' to be neutered. Do I make myself perfectly clear?"
Ryoga nodded rapidly, "C-crystal."
And, just like that, the stranger smiled at him, eyes closed and benevolence radiating from his lips like rays of sunshine. "Good, I'm glad we understand each other." He told Ryoga, and then he snapped his fingers. At once, the ice transformed into hot water. Boiling hot water, in fact.
"Yeow!"
After school was let out for the day, Ranma headed straight to the vacant lot that had become his new home, hopefully on a temporary basis. Once there, he began going through his belongings, trying to figure out what, if anything, he should take to his appointment with Kodachi. As he was deciding he had everything he needed, though, he tensed up; the almost psychic ability to sense danger that any martial artist could develop with sufficient skill sent him leaping backwards from his original position, even as eight yoyos slammed into the earth with enough force to create a small crater before zipping back the way they came. Ranma landed already in a posture to fight, an expression of exasperation on his face. "So now what'd I do, huh?" He complained.
"Uh nothing, I just wanted to get your attention Saotome." Mousse had the grace to look sheepish, "Force of habit."
"Well, you got my attention. Whaddya want?" Ranma grumbled, but it was more of a show than anything. He couldn't remember the last time that Mousse had actually apologised for anything, much less attacking him. Why, he could remember that time when Maomolin kidnapped Shampoo... He quickly shook his head to get his mind back on track; he needed to pay attention to what his rival was saying.
"Um...well...you see...I...uh.." Mousse adjusted his glasses and fidgeted, searching for imaginary lint on his clothing.
"Get on with it, I gotta get across town and do some teaching." Ranma complained.
"Really? Someone actually thought you could teach them?" Mousse quickly decided to change topics from his original request.
"Yeah, they did. Did you come to pick a fight, or what? Spit it out already!" Ranma snapped.
Mousse decided to just get it out and over with, "Canyousparwithmeplease?"
Ranma's face went blank. He looked Mousse, wringing his hands and looking at the ground, then looked around for anything out of the ordinary, then made a show of cleaning his ears. "Did you just say what I thought I heard you say?" He asked.
"Do you have to make this any more humiliating than it already is?" Mousse whined.
"I'm sorry, but, just… why?" Ranma asked, deeply confused.
"You think you're the only one who wants to improve his martial arts skills?" Mousse stated, but that was all he would add.
Ranma stared at him, long and hard, then finally made a decision. He didn't know what Mousse's game was, but either it had to be absolutely ridiculous… or he didn't have one at all. Either way, what did he have to lose? "Alright, but I've got other business to attend to right now – can it wait?"
A strangled squawk of rage told Ranma that he had chosen his words poorly; Mousse was, in his way, perhaps the proudest of Ranma's regular enemies and certainly the most short-tempered. He barely had time to move before a flurry of daggers and chains came his way; it looked like Mousse was going to get his sparring session right here and now, no matter what Ranma had to say on the subject…
I'll admit, this was something of a filler chapter, more so than normal, and I think we kind of got away from our original intentions. Don't worry, you'll get to see Shampoo's new technique in action soon enough, and Kodachi in a major role as well. Next up, though, Soun and Genma's tendency to depend on Ranma to do the work when they go monster-busting comes back to bite them in the ass when a certain body-snatching oni escapes their attempts to trap it and finds the most formidable host in Nerima it can… Ranma himself…