Part 21

The next two weeks past in a blur, Dick thought back to the memory of Donna holding Roy's lifeless body in her arms, her sobs ringing in the ears of Garth, Wally and himself who could only stand by and watch, none of them could help to ease the burden she felt at that moment..They all had there own private turmoil to face, and afterwards they each withdrew into their own worlds for a while, to absorb what had happened, to allow time for it to become real...not the surreal nightmare that it was.

Then telling Dinah...that was something Dick had to do himself. As he had said the words they had sounded as though someone else was saying them...as though they came from somewhere far away, and he was just looking on as he tore Dinah's heart in half. He still had the picture in his mind...the absolute sheer devastation that showed on her face as she sank slowly to her knees and began to sob...She had lost Ollie the year before, and now Roy was gone as well...the two men she had loved most in this world...no matter what had happened between her and Ollie she had still loved him, and Roy...Roy was like a cross between the little brother, and the son she would never have.

How do you make a three year old understand about death? That was something Dick had asked himself over and over...He stood nearby as Dinah told the little girl. Watching as the sparkle in her little eyes darkened...she cried in Dinahs arms until she couldn't cry anymore. Then after a while she sat up and sniffed.."When will Daddy be back?" she asked. The innocent question showing the confusion of the little girl..who understood her father had died, but had no understanding of the finality of death. In her childish mind Roy had merely gone away for a very long time...she wasn't able to comprehend the meaning of forever.

Roy's body was returned to the reservation, a small, private ceremony took place with only thefour remaining original Titans,as well Dinah and Lian and some close Navajo friends that Roy considered family present. As was theNavajo tradition, Roy was buried with a number of items..food, water, his Indian blanket as well as other personal items that were important to the Archer, the casket wasn't sealed...so Roy's spirit could be released. Roy would have wanted to be buried nowhere else...Arizona was his home, he may not have lived there since he was thirteen, but when he spoke of 'home' all who knew him knew what he meant.

A memorial service had been held a few days after they had buried Roy..They held it on the island, the Tower providing a magnificent backdrop...a testimony to the hero's life Roy had lived. Dick was both pleased and annoyed to see the crowd that turned out to say goodbye to their friend and comrade...pleased that so many had thought highly of Roy, and annoyed that some of those in attendance had judged the Archer harshly whilst he was alive.

Annoyance was one of the emotions that he now felt...annoyance, frustration and down right anger as he read the report in front of him. It was the doctors report, it detailed the cause of Roy's death. He appeared to have caught a simple virus, which had developed into a mild pneumonia...that alone wasn't enough to kill him. No the cause of his friend no longer being here was something that made Dicks boil and enhanced the feelings of anger he felt...angry at the world for being so unfair, angry at Roy for dying...and angry at himself for taking them all away on that mission in Turkey and leaving Roy...if he had been here he would have noticed, he was sure he would have. He would have seen the sudden deteriation in Roy's breathing...the wheezing that occurred after he had taken the new medication the doctor had given him the day before...If he had been here Roy would never have taken the second dose of that medication shortly before Dick had found him that day...and he would still be alive.

"Damn it!" Dick yelled, throwing the report across the room, annoyedwhen it fluttered softly to the ground. He stood up and ran his hands through his hair. This wasn't fair...life had been cruel to Roy, to go through everything that the Archer had been through and to lose the battle to something so damn avoidable wasn't rational. Dick should have been there..he would have known, he would have seen the signs...he was sure he would have.

"Dick?"

Dick turned at the softly spoken sound of his name to find Dinah standing, watching him quietly.

"I came to get some more of Lian's things...I.." she paused watching him closely as he shifted his feet uncomfortably, even with the mask on she could see the hurt and confusion in his face. "Don't do this to yourself Dick." she said as she walked closer.

"Do what?" Dick asked, turning and facing away from her gaze..unable to endure the way it made him feel vulnerable.

"You know what I mean...Roy always worried about the way you needed to stay in control...the way you carried everyone else's burdens on your shoulders...He said you always felt responsible if things didn't go the way they should, if a team mate was hurt or..." she paused for a moment. "This wasn't your fault and you know that...deep down you know."

He stood silently for a moment, his head down, one hand on the back of his neck. "I received the medical report...Shit Dinah..it was an allergic reaction to the medication...That's all it was...the transplant wasn't anything to do with him dying. Hell if it had been I could have understood, but this...this really sucks. If we hadn't have been out helping complete strangers in another country he might still be alive today...I might have noticed something was wrong after he took the first dose, the he would never have taken the second one which..."

"Stop it!...Don't you dare do this...This was something no one could predict, you risked your life to give Roy a chance to survive, there's no way in hell I'm going to let you question yourself now. Roy respected you more than he respected any other man in his life...he loved you like a brother..he would have died for you and he knew you would do the same for him. If he knew you were tearing yourself up over this he'd kick your ass." Dinah stated firmly but gently.

"He would wouldn't he?" he mumbled.

"Yes he would..and you'd be wise to remember that kiddo. You're human, you don't have any psychic powers...don't put this on yourself, if you do your forgetting what Roy was like, he had some big knocks in his life but he always bounced back. This is a tough knock, but we've all got to bounce back, it's what Roy would have wanted, it's what he would expect...don't let him down."Dinah said as she stepped closer and wrapped her arms around him.

At first he had wanted to pull away, He felt uncomfortable in the embrace..but after a moments hesitation he returned the hug, he now knew why Roy loved Dinah so much... He lay his cheek on the top of Dinah's head and managed a weak smile..he knew she was right, it wasn't his fault..he would always wish he could have prevented it...there would always be pain when he thought of the way Roy died, but there was also the good things..the years they had spent together fighting side by side, the wisecracks and the laughter...the camaraderie the five of them shared..there was no way Dick was going to spoil those memories with bitterness and anger. "I won't let him down." he promised...and he was determined he would never break that promise.

end part 21