Samus: Hey guys?
Link: Yeah?
Samus: Where's my suit?
Pit: King borrowed it.
Samus: WHAT?!
King: IT WAS FOR FIVE MINUTES.
Samus: THEN WHERE IS IT?!
King: In the... bottom of the river...
Samus: ... (Pulls out knife.)
Link: NO.
Samus: YES.
Pit: COMMENTARY!
(Random trumpet.)
2day wuz the day wen we gotted 2 viot on the Homcumen Keen and Homcumen Kween and aslo on the beast frishman gurl and boi. I votad 4 miself 4 bast froshmen gurl obveusly
King: I swear to God, if you win...
and I piked the prittest off the fiv opshens 4 Homcomeon Kween. Her nam is Emily and she haz lon wavey rad hare and a smil that shos of her perfact teth. Butt shes a senyor and im jus a fishman
King: MY GOD. SHE'S IN CAHOOTS WITH HORDY.
Pit: And that people of the internet, is a reference. Wonder if anyone will get it...
so she dosant notas me.
Link: Why does anyone notice you? I mean, I would very much NOT want to experience burning hell through my eyeballs, thank you please!
2 yares iago wen my bruther Jsoh wuz a senyor amd Emily wuz a softmare he aksed her ot and she sed no and than my bruther sed she was a hore and a slot and a batch.
Samus: Okay. A, your brother is a massive tool. B, I thought Christians don't swear?
Butt shes way 2 pritty 2 be aney off thos thins. 4 Homcumen Keen and tha friedman boi I votad 4 hoo sum otter gurls in my homrum sed they wer votan 4 becuz thye wer strate gurls and as anotter strate gurl I liek the sam kins off guys as tham.
CHAP 18: DITENSHUN IZ OVARY
Pit: Hm... Well then.
It wuz the day ditenshun was supos 2 and an I wuz vary scare becuz Math and his dad stil didant fine the cur.
Pit: Oh yeah, that's happening.
That ment Lucina dan me wold hav 2 go bak 2 r rom and she wold rap me 4 shur and noone cold protract me not evan Sholk.
Samus: And I will watch. IT SHALL BE GLORIOUS. MWAHAHAHAHA-
King: (Hits Samus with a pillow.) No.
I preyed al the tim that a cur wold be fond butt it wuz no us becuz God and Jesas wer captar and their wuz noone 2 ansar my prares. Lucina wuz heel at the hospatal duren this tim and the hardwerkin joeb craters off Nientedo Word had 2 paye forit becuz off Obaba Caer.
Link: Actually, we don't have Obamacare! We have just about every healing item in a Nintendo Game EVER.
Pit: MUCH better!
Matter Han entar the ditenshun rom were Me an Lucina an Sholk wer.
"Ok ditenshun is ovar nao u hav 2 gobak 2 ur romes" he sed.
"Ar u shur I cant go2 a difrant rom?" I sed.
"No u cant u ned 2 lern that homasexalty is ok bye sharon The Room
Samus: F*** THAT MOVIE.
with Lucina" Mastar Hind sed.
"BUTT SHELL RAP ME!" I sed.
"No ur jus parnoyd and intolrent" sed Mister Gland "nao leev the ditenshan rome. And u gobak 2 ur rom 2 Sholk. Lucina u can do watevar u want becuz uv ben haven a hard tim with ur famely and frends bean mean 2 u."
King: ... Why is he the bad guy?
Link: Because good be wack yo.
Pit: For rizzle Master Lizzle.
"Its ok" sed Lucina "Ill go bak 2 the rom with Sara and I promas that b4 2 lon she wont be a homophone anemore."
"I hop ur rite" sed Mastur Hump. So I had no choos but 2 gobak 2 my rom. Sholk cam with me butt he wold hav 2 leev at nite and than Lucina wold rap me 4 shur.
"Im gona taek a nap rite nao" Lucina sed "I ned 2 mak shur im awak at nite becuz wer gona hav lotsa lesban sax ons I mak u a lesban."
Samus: Okay, there is only so many times you can state your going to rape someone. I would MUCH more discreet. Maybe spell it out in tiny pieces of bacon with your eggs or something.
Pit: You've... totally done that, haven't you.
Samus: Yeah, except it was for a death threat.
"Wat shold I do?" I aksed Sholk.
"I dont bluddy no" sed Sholk "ur the onely hop off saven God and Jesas and if u becum a lesban ull be on Satins sid and the wrold wold be DOME!"
Link: Geez, what are you, a cracked out homeless man?
King: High-quality humor here folks! Or at least, to us...
"Ino its turible" I sed.
"Cold u 2 stap talken so lowd I ned 2 slep" Lucina sed.
Samus: She CLEARLY does not care.
"No! If u dont slep nao u mite be 2 tried 2 rap me 2nite" I sed. It wuz my onely hop.
"Ill tel Mastor Hamp on u if u dont be quite," sed Lucina. And than my hop wuz gon.
So me and Sholk had 2 leev the rom. We finded Mark and aksed him if he fond a cur yet.
"No sorey" he sed "my dad an I hav ben tryen this hole tim butt we cant get the rite ingredints."
Link: Seriously, WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT TIFFANY PERSON?!
"Maybee Ican halp" sed Goy Roban "Lucinas us 2 bee my gurlfrend b4 she becam a lesban so it wold be grate if she wuz strait agen."
"Ill halp 2" sed Grill Roben.
King:... Why? I mean... Sara CLEARLY took your boyfriend like (Snaps.) that. Wouldn't you be better off is she was a lesbian?
"And wen Me an Pete had 2 leev Hevan we brot a buncha stuf that mite be the rite ingredonts" sed Palletowna "maybee wecan halp."
Pit: Who are you? And who's Pete- IS THAT ME?! NEXT SHE'LL SAY I'M AN ANGEL OF THAT GOD GUY OR SOMETHING.
King: Um... About that...
"Grate!" I sed "butt I stil dont thank u can getit don bye tonite."
"Unfortenanty no" sed Mart "and it wil be vary hared 2 surviv 2nite with ur stratenes intac."
Samus: Straightness intact... Hah...
Link: BY NARYU, SHE LAUGHED. THE WORLD IS NOW ENDING FOR SURE!
"I HAV EDEA!" sed Gurl Roban, looken vary hapey.
King: And sounding like a Lolcat.
"Wut? I sed
"Wy dont u slep withme insted off with Lucina?" she sed.
"Butt Mastar Han sed I coldant do that" I sed.
"Than jus wate somewere saf frum lesbans in the manshan untel Mastur Hanes goes to slep himsalf" sed Gull Roban.
Link: Actually... DOES he sleep?
Pit: YOU'RE one of the Original Twelve! And yet, you DON'T know?!
"Yay!" I sed. I wold be saf.
That nite I wated in the kichan 4 Moster Han 2 go2 his rome 2 slep adn than I went 2 Gurl Robens rom and falled aslep.
"Sara... Sara..." I herd in my slep. I waked up and sawed Gurl Roban standen ovar me... and Lucina wuz wither!
Samus: Well then. Someone sucks at security. I, on the other hand, am a MASTER.
Pit: You have to be...
"Lucina jus cam in hear and mad me a lesban" sed Grul Roben.
Link: And you didn't wake up from that... Why?
"And nao wer both gona maek u a lesban 2!" sed Lucina.
Ono! This wuz evan wors than been stuk in a rom with 1 lesban! I wuz stuk with 2. Hao wold I sav miself?!
King: We would prefer you didn't.
King: Hey, in um, let's say, seven chapters, who wants to do a killing scene? We would prefer you use this format.
Name:
Description:
What you will do:
King: Thank you, and if it's your birthday, happy birthday! GOODBYE!