A/N: Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer.

Chapter 21: Instincts Ignited

BPOV

I love you too, Edward. I thought it. I occurred to me that I even felt it. I didn't say it out loud. I couldn't say it when I didn't understand it. I wouldn't give him false hope that there was a future for us.

"It means a lot to me too, Edward," I said as I approached him. I almost wanted to laugh at myself. I was selfish and I knew it. I would take what he would give me, and I would not offer what he needed in return. I watched his heart break as I kissed him.

Like I told him, I needed to feel something else. I wanted the sweet release of his all consuming presence. I wanted the numbness my mind would feel when my carnal instincts took over. I wanted the pleasure to block out the pain. Edward was the only one who could give it to me. Edward was the only one I wanted it from.

As I kissed him I trailed my hand down along his chest, feeling every muscle beneath his shirt. When my hand finally rested below the button of his jeans, I wasn't surprised that he wasn't hard; these weren't exactly the most exciting circumstances. I removed my mouth from his and took a step back. I pulled my shirt off over my head in one slow, fluid motion. I was trying hard to be seductive. I knew if I just faked it long enough then eventually my body would take over.

At the sight of my lacy red bra, he let out a little huff and allowed a visible wave of emotion to course through his body. He relaxed slightly and I fought the urge to ask him what he was thinking. Doing so would be futile; I knew what the answer would be. It was working. He loved me. Despite the situation, his body couldn't help but respond to me.

I felt disgusted at myself for the way I was taking advantage of him. I looked into his eyes and saw the mix of pain and anticipation, and the whole weight of my selfishness fell upon me.

I needed him to know that he was the only one I wanted. And in that way, this wasn't just about me. This was about the two of us, stealing a moment from the dark world we lived in to go off into the light.

"I want to tell you something," I said with a hint of allurement in my voice.

"Yes, Bella," he responded, his voice matching the slightly lower register of my own.

"When I close my eyes, Edward," I did just that; I closed them and took in the light that emanated from his body. "I see you. But not your body, I see your light…it's like I can see your soul," I realized aloud.

He laughed and I abruptly opened my eyes. I was pissed for a fleeting moment before he explained. There I was confessing my most mystifying secret to him, trying to tell him something important, and he was laughing at me. It wasn't a normal laugh either, not the kind of light chuckle that resounded in my ears like a melody and made my eyes dance with delight. It was a dark laugh, hollow.

"Bella, you can't see my soul," he said the word with a sneer, "because I don't have one."

"What do you mean you don't have a soul?" I questioned, feeling raw and exposed, shirtless in the darkness. This was not the way I had imagined this going.

"I'm a monster, Bella. Monsters don't have souls. Immortals don't have souls!" He was practically yelling at me. He had never raised his voice to me, not even during our worst fights when I had goaded him, practically begged him to return my fury. "Look what I did to you! Could a monster like me have a soul?"

"No, Edward, you're wrong," I spoke calmly; angry Edward was someone I had never been confronted by; someone I didn't know how to deal with. The instinct to comfort him consumed me. "If your theory is true, and you don't have a soul, that means I don't have a soul," I took a slow step toward him and placed my hand on his cheek. I could feel his jaw clenched tightly beneath my palm. "Could I possibly not have a soul, Edward?" He closed his eyes, unresponsive.

I reached for his left arm with my free hand and placed it on my chest so he could feel the rise and fall of my unnecessary breathing. "Where there is life, there is a soul." He shuttered with agony. He was punishing himself for a crime he didn't commit. Yes, he changed me. He took my life. But Edward did not take my soul; he gave me his.

"Look at me, Edward." Something about trying to calm him made me want to say his name over and over, like it was a soothing lullaby. "Edward, look at me," I urged again. He finally opened his eyes and stared deep into mine. "I refuse to believe it, because I've seen your soul, Edward." I closed my eyes and smiled. "I can see it right now."

I saw the light in front of my closed eyes shift slightly as he lifted his right arm and placed it gently above my hip, cupping the curve of my body, and I felt his jaw relax underneath my hand.

"What does it look like?" he eventually whispered after a long, peaceful silence.

"Like a light, but dim. Kind of blurry and warm," I said as I rubbed my thumb along his cheekbone. "It's shapeless, but always the same. Always present." He sighed and I hoped he finally understood. "It was the only thing I could see when I was changing. When my every sense was incapacitated, I could still feel the light and I knew you were there."

"Bella, I can't…I can't believe it. But I do somehow." I saw the light move closer and felt Edwards lips meet mine. His mouth moved softly against my own. He brushed his tongue brushed along my bottom lip as he broke the kiss and I opened my eyes to see him smiling. "I have a soul," he whispered, life returning to his eyes, "we have souls." He shook his head as he chuckled. There was my laugh. The laugh that sparked a joy deep inside me.

His left hand moved slowly from my chest to the back of my neck. He tightened his grip around my waist, bringing me closer to him until I could feel the heat of his body through his shirt. I pushed myself to him to close the small gap between us until our bodies were pressed against each other. I rested my face into the crook of his neck and breathed him in.

"We don't have to do this, Edward," I whispered into his neck. "If you're not sure…" I trailed off, forgetting everything that had brought us to this point. Everything that had passed up to that instant was a mere blur in my periphery. None of those external influences could penetrate the bond holding Edward and I together in that moment.

He ran his fingers through my hair at the base of my neck as he spoke. I could feel the warmth of his breath growing hotter with each word as the air around us intensified. "I've never been so sure of anything, Bella. It's time." There was something distinct about how he said the word "time," it wasn't defeat anymore; it was victory.

EPOV

I had sought Bella out to protect her, to comfort her and suddenly the tables had turned. She was comforting me. She was protecting me from myself. In that moment, I thought again about fate and time but with a new perspective. The time had come, fate had brought us here. If being immortal was what it took to get us to this place, then could it really be such a bad thing?

I had spent so much time loathing what I was, that I had never stopped to appreciate its necessity. If I had died in that hospital bed in 1918…if I had survived the flu and gone off to die in the war…if I had lived to be an old man and died peacefully in my sleep at eighty-eight, I would have never met Bella. This was fate; no matter the means, we had arrived.

Bella planted soft kisses on my neck, moving gradually toward my Adam's apple as I watched my entire worldview transform before my eyes. "What are you thinking about?" she whispered in between kisses.

"Fate, actually. And time," I responded while rubbing circles into the bare skin of her back.

She sighed softly, "What about them?"

"About how maybe they're not so bad after all," I said with a chuckle.

She lifted her head from my neck to smile at me with her eyes. "Maybe you're on to something there…" she trailed off, the sultry look in her eyes escalating. "I'd love to discuss that issue further with you at a later date, Mister Cullen, but for now…let's attend to the matter at hand." In less than a second her hand was at my zipper. A mischievous smile crossed her lips, and I couldn't help but attack them with my own.

I kissed her furiously. The time for quiet introspection had passed. Bella had given me something invaluable, though it wasn't what I was expecting. It wasn't love necessarily, not in so many words, but she gave me back my soul, and how could that not be love?

She unzipped my jeans and pushed them to the ground. My body responded willingly to the force she exerted. The energy she gave off excited me and I could feel nothing but the tingling sensation of anticipation. She dropped slowly to her knees, her eyes never leaving mine, her hands running down my chest and finally resting on the sides of my thighs.

As she removed my underwear, I felt the slightly cold sensitivity of the night air replaced by Bella's warm breath. I ran my fingers through her long, brown hair from the top of her head down to her neck. I rested my hand there, right below her chin and drew my thumb along her the curve of her face. Her expression asked me a silent question and I nodded a silent "yes" in return.

Her eyes left mine as she focused her attention elsewhere. I felt her warm hand grasp around my hard length. The sensation was quickly coupled with the encompassing wetness of her mouth exploring me. A deep moan was elicited from my lips, without my permission or even my awareness. It sounded like the famous moan Bella gave me the first time I placed my mouth on her.

Suddenly I was paralyzed with dread, thinking of how our last sexual encounter had ended. Bella was about to take me down a road that I couldn't come back from. There were no U-turns allowed on Vampire Sex Boulevard.

Bella sensed the abrupt change in my mood and removed her mouth to look up at me, panicked. "What's wrong Edward, did I hurt you? I don't…I don't really know…"

Fuck it. So what if I wound up beating off into a sock for the rest of eternity? Bella wanted to give this to me and I wanted to take it. Now I had made her feel insecure. I remembered feeling that way the first time I dove into uncharted territory, but she had never discouraged me in that moment. I had to let her know she was doing everything right. Think, Edward, think!

I looked down at her beautiful, pale body, crisp against the dark green grass and her bright red bra. I let all the lust I felt for her flood my voice as I spoke. "Don't stop, Bella, please don't ever stop."

A/N: So yeah, that's my favorite chapter so far. Tell me, tell me, tell me—did you like it?! Thanks for all your wonderful reviews of the last chapter. It's so good to be back! Muah!