Title: Lists (Part Three)
Genre: Romance/Drama
Rating: T
Summary: At times, it feels accidental. As for other times...it's just meant to be.
Disclaimer: Bah. Japanese manga are so much cooler than boring old American comics...
Notes: And the long-awaited, highly-demanded Lists is back!
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if it's not love
what else could it be?
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REASONS WHY MOYASHI MIGHT BE GAY
He...wears tight pants. What kind of guy does that?
I don't wear tight pants. Do I? Fuck it all, that doesn't work.
He's got the fucking accent.
But it's British, so all British people have the same accent...
Fuck. He's not gay, is he?
Fuck.
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There was no way of finding out if Allen was gay, or even remotely interested in him. And there was also no way of Kanda ever asking the white-haired Exorcist outright. He supposed that he could beg a favor from Lavi and send the redhead to question Allen, but the thought of being indebted to Lavi made him squirm in a ghostly resemblance to the way he felt whenever Mugen was broken and it was left in Komui's hands for repair. Not to mention, Lavi would probably spend more time teasing him for actually liking the very same boy he had snubbed in their first encounter.
Or Lavi might instead go on yapping about how Kanda was finally starting to rely on his friends and the usual cliché and overused shit about love. And then maybe he would start making friendship bracelets and have some sort of group chant before every mission. Kanda wouldn't pass it up for Lavi to actually do something like that.
Shuddering, Kanda shook his head. Lavi was definitely out of the question.
Chances were, Allen wasn't gay. Last he had heard, the sprout was attracted to Lenalee, and therefore, liked girls. Girls with round chests and full lips and curved hips. Girls who had high, sweet voices, slender forms, and smoky eyes.
Kanda took a peek downstairs. Nope, no hourglass figure.
'Maybe he's bisexual...?'
Huffing, Kanda pulled himself together and splashed more hot water over himself. Coming to the hot baths situated inside the Order had been a way for him to relax before, but for some reason, today he just couldn't release the tension from his shoulders. Instead, he imagined Allen, flushed and smiling, professing his attraction to a faceless and nameless girl.
The thought made him want to break something. More specifically, the faceless girl's neck.
The sudden burst of jealousy made him sober and rethink his thoughts.
It wasn't as if he loved Allen anyway. He just happened to be a little enamored by the Moyashi. It didn't mean that he had to actually confess his love or girly shit like that. He didn't want a relationship or even a friend with benefits; being an Exorcist left little to no time for trivial matters such as that, and Kanda had been on a rigid training schedule ever since Mugen became his Innocence. There was no way he was going to let some damn sprout with pretty eyes ruin what he had right now.
'Although, he has really pretty eyes...'
"Yuu?"
Visions of white hair and smooth, pale skin vanished from Kanda's fantasies and he scowled angrily as Lavi removed a small towel from around his waist and submerged himself in the hot water. The redhead paused at the dangerous glare thrown in his direction, but he continued regardless of the threat to his life in Kanda's eyes.
"I'll make this brief," Lavi said, trying to sound serious. "You like Allen."
Something between a cross of a grunt and a nod confirmed the statement.
"You really like him. You think he's attractive. You think he's amazing. You want to get in his pants."
"Yes, Lavi," Kanda grounded out. "I – like – Moyashi." He bent his head over, letting a curtain of hair hide his face from the world. "Like it fucking matters. It doesn't mean anything. He's just a brat."
"Well, just to let you know," Lavi was smiling again, and Kanda was really starting to hate that smile, "Allen's here."
Kanda jerked in his seat and nearly fell face-down in the water. "What?!"
"Lavi? Where did you go?"
A figure with Allen's voice appeared through the hazy steam that rose from the baths. Soon, Allen appeared, towel secured firmly around delicate hipbones and a smaller one lying folded on his head. He looked slightly annoyed. "Lavi, I told you to wait for me—Oh," he stopped, blinking at Kanda as if he was completely mystified as to why the Japanese Exorcist would be in the hot baths as well. "It's you," he said almost flatly.
Kanda felt himself wilt a little on the inside; the last time he encountered Allen, they had had a relatively peaceful conversation. What happened now?
The kicked puppy look in Kanda's eyes caught the redhead's attention. "Andddd..." Lavi drawled out, suddenly rising out of the water. "Sorry, Allen, got to go wash my back first. You stay here and chat with good old Yuu here, 'kay?"
And he was gone.
Allen coughed delicately before sliding into the hot water. Kanda was only slightly disappointed (slightly, he insisted) when Allen made no move to take off the towel covering his lower body parts. Instead, the parasitic Exorcist sighed, exhaling slowly, before leaning against the edge of the baths and closing his eyes wearily. Kanda watched him intently, taking note of the shadows under Allen's eyes, the creases his forehead had gained, and the new slimness to his already slight form.
"You look horrible," Kanda said bluntly. As much as he wanted to demand an explanation, he knew he couldn't force Allen to do anything. The younger Exorcist was under too many people's control already; who was Kanda to add more to his burden?
"Do I really?" Allen muttered. He drew a hand over his face before lowering his arm back into the water. "I think I've forgotten how to look fine."
"You're fooling everyone else," the Japanese shrugged. "The Finders, Central, your damn inspector..."
"They see only what they want to see," came the soft whisper. "An obedient dog who lets himself be pushed around just to prove he doesn't have rabies." Then Allen lolled his head and looked at Kanda with bright silver eyes. "I don't know why I'm telling you all this. I mean, you're a bastard."
"And you're a Moyashi."
"Hm." Allen didn't bother to counter and shut his eyes again. "It's kind of nice arguing with you. Good distraction."
'Is that it?' Kanda sulked in the corners of his mind. 'I'm just a distraction to him? Some fucking escape from reality?'
As a visible rain cloud loomed over Kanda's head, Allen let his eyes fall down to Kanda's chest, where the mysterious tattoo inking the junction between his left shoulder and chest. A frown slowly spread over his face, and without thinking, he leaned closer until his head was all but in front of the symbol. A pale finger reached out and traced it gently.
Kanda jolted and looked down to see Allen crouching before him. Allen looked up for a moment before glancing back down. He let his palm spread over the symbol, covering it. Kanda felt himself stiffen at physical contact. He considered shoving the sprout away for a moment, but relented. Allen didn't seem on planning to do anything besides stroke the tattoo. It was strange that Allen would want to touch him so easily, but Kanda pushed the matter out of his mind and enjoyed the contact.
It wasn't so bad to have someone touch you, he decided. It felt nice. Allen's right hand was warm and slightly damp, and he was certain the sprout could hear his heart beating, firm and strong.
Somewhere, Kanda belatedly wondered if Lavi was watching all of this with a laughing green eye. The thought flew out of his head when Allen accidentally scraped his nipple. He tightened his mouth and forced himself not to sigh with pleasure. Allen didn't even seem to notice what he had done and continued to touch the tattoo with fascination.
Then his stomach sank when Allen opened his mouth.
"What does it mean?" Allen asked, eyes wide and curious. "This mark."
Turning his head away, Kanda frantically began doing the one thing that calmed him down.
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WHAT SHOULD I TELL MOYASHI?
1. It's just a tattoo I got one day on a whim.
Fuck. He'll never buy that. He knows I don't do shit like that.
2. It's a curse.
The truth? I don't want to have to explain everything else. Che.
3. It's not your business. Stop touching me.
...He'll hate me. He'll hate me. I can't do that.
4. Say nothing.
Maybe he'll leave me alone...maybe.
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"...It's a curse."
"A curse?" Allen's eyes widened. He made to move as if he would remove his hand from Kanda's chest. But then he paused and instead, switched to his left hand. Kanda watched apprehensively as gray skin met pale, and Allen smoothed his palm over the symbol.
"Moyashi?"
"And to think you gave me a hard time for being cursed," Allen said slowly. His bangs covered most of his face from Kanda's view.
"...You're not going to ask about it?"
"No." Allen traced the symbol again, careful with the long black nails his left hand had. "I know what it's like to be cursed. And I know the feeling when someone asks why. It's not something that's easy to explain, especially if it has a dark history." And then Allen curled his fingers inward and pulled away. "Sorry," he said, looking sheepish, "I know you don't like people touching you or anything."
"Che," Kanda turned his face away so that the dark flush settling over his cheeks wouldn't be seen. "Like it matters when it's another cursed person like you."
Allen stared, startled, and then laughed. It was a light sound that made Kanda instinctively turn his head to watch those bright silver eyes become brighter. If Allen could just forget, even for a moment, that he was enslaved to the Order as an apostle...
"Hey, Kanda?"
"Moyashi?"
"It's Allen, you moron. Don't think I'm letting you off of that."
"What is it?"
"...Does this mean we're friends?"
"Who wants to be friends with a cursed person?"
"Another cursed person."
"Che. Don't be stupid, Moyashi. It's obvious."
"...Obvious that only cursed people would be friends with each other, or obvious that we're friends?"
"What do you think?"
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THE FACTS RIGHT NOW
I'm not in love with Moyashi.
But it might happen. Or maybe it's happening right now.
I don't really want this to happen...
But like the stupid rabbit once said, you can't control this kind of shit.
Tch. Alright, you win, Love.
I'm not in love with Moyashi. I don't love him.
But I could.
That's the tricky part to it.
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