"Did you see what I saw?" Howard asked Penny.

"Yup," she answered with her eyes still opened wide.

"Are we that drunk?"

"God, I hope so."

"Should we tell Leonard and Bernie?"

"What's the point? If we are that drunk, we won't remember any of this. And if it actually happened, would we really want to share that image with the people we love most in this world?"

"You're right. Scratch that. Wanna make out here in the hallway? I have Tic Tacs."

Penny looked at Howard's longing eyes and fidgety hands. "Gross," she said and walked back into the living room.

"Damn it, Sheldon," he mumbled and followed her.

"So how does this work exactly?" Sheldon asked as he held Amy in his arms.

"What do you mean? How does sex work?"

"I understand the mechanics of it, but how do we get there?"

"I don't know," she said and looked away.

"What do you mean you don't know?! I was relying on your expertise to guide us through this process?"

"Expertise? This is just as new to me as it is to you."

"Weren't you bragging about your collection of romance novels earlier? I'm sure you can extrapolate."

"It's not the same thing, Sheldon. Those are someone else's likes and preferences. Not mine."

"Well, what are yours?"

"I really don't know. I've never been intimate with anyone before."

"Try," he said and put his hands on her hips, awaiting instruction.

"Well, I know I like kissing you."

Sheldon nodded his head in agreement.

"No, I mean—I REALLY like kissing you," she hinted.

Sheldon continued to nod his head.

"Sheldon,"

He startled a bit and paid close attention to her.

"Kiss me," she said.

"Oh! Right." he said and kissed her gently.

"Maybe undo the rest of the buttons on my shirt?"

Sheldon's hands reached for the buttons and undid them one at a time, feeling light-headed at the sight of her abdomen. He swallowed to settle his nerves. "Like that?" he whispered and gently opened the fabric. Her black lace bra smiled at him.

"Perfect," she said. "Now, your turn."

"Pardon?"

"What do you like?" she asked.

"Oh, dear. I wasn't prepared for this." He pulled away with his hands on his face. "This requires testing, analysis, and…"

"You don't need to know the answer to run an experiment. Why don't you just let me do what I would like to do to you, and you can let me know if you agree?"

Sheldon watched her curiously. "Sounds a little hippie-dippy but alright."

"Just sit down on the bed and say yes or no if you find something enjoyable or not."

Sheldon did as he was told and sat on the edge of the bed, his long legs draped down the side and his feet nestled close to each other in nervous anticipation. His hands shook.

"Just relax, Sheldon," she said sweetly. "It's simple. Yes or no."

He nodded and looked at her with wide bright eyes, trusting her with every fear he'd ever had. He let his body relax and with a fluid motion and his hands fell to his sides.

Amy moved close to him and pulled his knees apart so she could stand between them and hold him close. She felt his breath against her heart. "I'll be gentle. Just remember—yes or no. Ready?"

"Yes," he said.

Starting from the top, she ran her fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp gently. His hair swayed in all directions.

"Yes," he said.

She moved to his shoulders. With gentle pressure she kneaded the knots that had formed in his muscles.

"Yes."

Amy leaned closer to him and moved her hands down his back. Her chest pressed against the side of his face. Perfume filled his lungs.

"Yes."

Her hands touched across his arms as she leaned down and kissed his forehead.

"Yes."

Pressing her lips gently to his, she held him in a sensual lip-lock. As she pulled away, she brushed her cheek along his and kissed along his defined jaw.

"Yes," he said as he leaned his head back.

Her lips moved down his neck, pausing to lick his freckles.

"Yes."

Amy slid her hands down his chest towards the top of his pants where she began to un-tuck his undershirt.

"No," Sheldon said with a high-pitched giggle.

"No?" Amy stepped back. "What's wrong?"

Sheldon looked at her innocently, "It tickles."

Amy smiled and braced herself for his retreat. But to her surprise, he pulled up on his shirt and lifted it over his head, revealing his bare chest.

"Whoo…" Amy said without even knowing.

"Pardon?" he said after folding his shirts carefully.

She eyed him longingly, absorbing every inch of his body. "I don't know if anyone has ever told you this before," she said quietly, "But you are beautiful. Inside and out."

Sheldon smiled, a delicate balance between humility and ego. Either way, her words made him happy.

"May I?" she said while reaching for his chest.

He looked up at her and slowly nodded his head.

She put her hands on his chest and pushed him onto the mattress.

BUZZ!

"Sorry," he said and threw the buzzer on the floor. "Forgot it was there." He readjusted on the bed, "Okay, I'm ready."

Amy smiled and crept on top of him and kissed his chest.

"Yes," he whispered. She could feel his little friend through her skirt. But he wasn't so little anymore.

"This isn't so bad, is it?" she said with a smile.

"No."

"How do you feel?" she asked.

But he had no answer for her. All he wanted to do was remove her blouse, and he did. Slowly reaching under the fabric and running his fingertips down the back of her shoulders until the garment drifted away like a snowflake on a windy day.

All that was left was Amy, staring at him in her bra—chest heaving, eyes shimmering, body glistening. Okay, so she just looked normal, but he was a man in love and for the first time, he was thinking with his lower half.

Pushing off the mattress with his arms, he sat up and kissed her lips. His right hand wrapped around her mid-section and started to fiddle with the clasp of her bra.

Amy stifled a moan. Sheldon's can-do attitude was making her sweat, and she loved it.

Twist? Sheldon asked himself as he continued to manipulate the clasp.

Nope. Pull, maybe? Nothing yet.

She must have this thing booby-trapped. He paused and stopped kissing once he realized the double meaning in his statement. Thank god he hadn't said it aloud.

He lifted his other hand to her back. There was no way this simple clasp could withstand the intellectual power and manual dexterity of Sheldon Lee Cooper.

Both hands went to work. And both hands came home with nothing to show for it.

Amy was desperately trying not to laugh. She didn't want to do anything that would discourage him. She even considered just doing it herself, but that was sure to let the air out of his sails and the pitch out of his tent so she waited patiently.

"Why don't you just worry about that later," she said gently and started to kiss his earlobe.

"No, I can get it. Really, it's almost there. You must have gotten a defective edition. I will send an email to the manufacturer in the morning."

Again, Amy used all of her might to conceal her laughter.

"Sheldon, it's not a big deal. We can get to it later if you can't figure it out."

OOPS! She'd said it. She shined the brightest light on his inability to perform this one simple task and he began to flop like a fish out of water.

"You think I can't do this? I'm a genius. This thing was obviously designed by Neanderthals and wasn't meant to function for someone such as myself."

"The Neanderthals designed it specifically to malfunction in the presence of a genius?"

"Precisely."

"Sounds like they may have out-witted you."

Sheldon leaned back and squinted his eyes at her. "Oh, my phone is ringing!" he said and gently pushed Amy off of him.

"I didn't hear anything," Amy said while looking confused.

"Well, my phone is on vibrate," he said and pulled his phone from his pocket. "And it looks like it's just a text message. I'll just reply and we can get back to business. It may take a few minutes."

"I was sitting on top of you, Sheldon. I could feel—everything. And I didn't feel any vibration." Amy watched him stand in a trance in the light of the screen.

"Hmm?"

"Are you even listening to me, Sheldon? What's going on?"

"Mmm-hmmm," he said while continuing to study the mysterious text message.

"Who would be texting you now?" Amy started to walk closer to him.

"Hmmm?"

"What are you doing?" Amy said quickly and snatched his phone like a Venus Fly-Trap.

She looked at the screen and couldn't believe what was playing before her.

"Are you seriously watching a YouTube tutorial on how to remove a woman's bra?" Amy couldn't help but smile as wide as her face would allow.

"Don't be preposterous. My finger slipped. I was answering a very important text message from the president of the university."

"Mmm-hmm" Amy stepped closer to him, feeling more attracted to him that ever. She wanted him so badly that her mouth began to salivate.

"Now, if you'll give me my phone back. I can answer the text and we can resume our amorous activities."

"Make me," Amy said and held the phone behind her back. "Take my bra off and I'll give you the phone."

"Amy, this is no time for nonsense. Give me the phone, and I will forgive you of this transgression."

"I'm waiting."

"I am not going to participate in these little mind games of yours. Now give me my phone so I can return to my video… I MEAN TEXT."

Amy smiled and licked her lips. She could feel a moisture growing between her legs and it was reserved for Sheldon Lee Cooper, the bra-removing novice.

She turned her back to make the clasp more visible. "Chop chop," she said.

With a sigh, he approached the dreaded clasp and eyed it with the determination and strength of a gladiator heading into battle. He raised a single hand and extended two long, agile fingers towards the clasp.

Amy prepared to laugh at his impending foibles, but the clasp sprung free in one deft motion. She felt him press against her and put his hands on her hips. A hot breath spread over her ear. "I already watched the video," he whispered lustfully.

Amy dropped the phone, turned to him and instantly grabbed the front on his pants to pull him against her thighs. Sheldon licked his lips while he watched her undo the button on his pants.

With a thrust she pushed his zipper down and slid her hands down the back of his pants, squealing inside as she cupped his ass for the very first time. "Whoo."

Sheldon's ego puffed like a helium balloon. Until she spoke…

"Sheldon?" Amy asked while she fiddled with the back of his underwear.

"Yeah?"

"Who wrote your name in the back of your underwear? This isn't your handwriting."

"No."

"So whose is it? Did you have Leonard write in your underwear because you didn't want to get ink on your fingers."

"That's just silly."

"Sheldon."

"Fine. It's my mother's."

"Your mother hasn't been here in months."

"I send her every new pair of underwear I buy."

"Why?"

"She draws a little smiley face in the O."

Amy smiled and shook her head. "You can be such a child sometimes."

Sheldon's face became very serious and she worried that she'd offended him. He grabbed her hands roughly and pulled them over her head before pressing her against the wall. "With my mother, I may be a child. But with you—I'm a man." He pushed his body against hers. She could feel his erection between her legs

"Take me?" she whispered.

Sheldon responded by grabbing her thighs and lifting her into the air. Her legs wrapped around his hips and her breasts gently bobbed as he carried her towards the bed.

His pants had settled a bit and hung low in his hips. Amy moaned after catching a glimpse of the bulge in his briefs as he laid her down.

"Take your pants off," she said breathlessly. "I need you—NOW!"

Sheldon did so and laid on top of her in nothing but his white Fruit of the Loom briefs. Amy grabbed his hand and pushed it towards the zipper on her skirt. This was taking far too long. She needed action.

Sheldon undid the zipper and pulled her skirt down, revealing the matching black panties that he had been imagining all afternoon. A wet spot had formed in the center and Sheldon felt his heart race and his member throb.

Amy sat up grabbed his briefs. "Off," she said forcefully before ripping off her own panties.

He stood in front of her and slowly removed the only barrier left between them. The only chance to escape. The only stone left unturned.

They fell to the floor. And all Amy could think was that aesthetically pleasing was an understatement.

"Which one," Sheldon said while pointing to the condoms. The foreplay was over. They both knew it. They needed a release. Which was a relief to Sheldon especially, because he had no idea what came next in the foreplay arena.

"It doesn't matter," Amy said.

"Of course it matters. They've designed all of these to accomplish different tasks. For instance, this one claims that it is ribbed to provide the woman with more pleasure."

"Just pick one!" Amy shouted.

Sheldon jumped a bit and chose the chocolate flavored one. Probably tastes like Yoohoo. Can't go wrong with that. He ripped the package open and tasted the coating.

He gasped and threw the package on the floor. Definitely not.

He opened the magnum. Good, lord! Is this for a horse? It's certainly not for Leonard.

He began to read each package, dissatisfied with nearly all of them, except one.

"Thin for his pleasure. Ribbed for hers." Perfect.

He opened the package and slipped it on before Amy disintegrated in her own libido.

He turned to face her.

"Come here," she said sweetly and guided him to his position on top of her. His body fit perfectly between her legs.

"They say it hurts. For the woman, I mean. If it's her first time," he said.

"I know. Don't worry about me, Sheldon. It will be okay. And in the end, it's more than worth it."

Sheldon leaned down and kissed her slowly. Tongue to tongue. Chest to chest.

And he gently pushed inside her.

Amy flinched a bit and then kissed him more deeply, sucking gently on the end of his tongue. This made him pump faster.

What a marvelous sensation. Like stepping into a warm bath—times a billion. In and out. In and out. In and out. Okay, maybe a trillion.

But not everyone was thrilled with their union. Not everyone sat silently on the sidelines and applauded their long-awaited consummation. Not everyone cared that this was a monumental step in their otherwise turtle-paced relationship.

The bed simply did not care.

And began to squeak with every thrust of Sheldon's hips.

Squeak. Squeak. Squeak.

"Good, lord!" Sheldon yelped. "There's no way I can concentrate with that incessant noise."

Amy panted like a dog on a hot summer day.

"Do you guys hear that?" Howard said from the couch as the gang watched a movie and drifted into an inebriated trance.

"Yay!" Leonard shouted.

"No!" Howard answered before the others could chime in. "We're not doing that right now. Just listen. Do you hear that?"

"Just sounds like squeaking," Raj answered and continued to watch TV.

"That's not just any squeaking," Howard said while he stood and looked down the hallway.

"That's the squeak of a bed in distress. Sheldon Cooper is getting laid."

"Yay!" Leonard shouted again and the others joined in almost instantly.

"First he steals my seven minutes in heaven, and then he gets laid on top of it. You just made my list, Sheldon."

"Yay!"

Howard looked at his friends and could muster the mental strength to do nothing more than sigh.

The squeaking grew faster as they watched commercials flash.

"Was that satisfactory?" Sheldon asked as he let his exhausted body fall alongside Amy's. But she was to breathless to speak. Her chest heaved in exhilaration.

"Amazing," she whispered.

Sheldon put his arms behind his head and grinned. Amazing is right. Amy rested her head on his chest and they drifted to sleep in each other's arms.

"Sheldon?" Amy awoke to the sound of his alarm clock that was always set to chime at 6:15. But he was nowhere to be found. She fished for her glasses on the end table and slipped on his robe before stepping out into the hallway.

The house was quite. Leonard was at Penny's and Amy realized that she was all alone. Maybe he went out for breakfast. I better call him anyway.

She found her purse, pulled out her phone and dialed his number.

The familiar Star Wars Theme played from somewhere in the apartment. He'd left his phone behind.

Amy crouched and scanned the living room to see a light flashing from Leonard's chair. She rushed to the phone to see if there were any clues as to his whereabouts. One missed call from Amy. But she already knew that. She cleared the notification and noticed that he had an unread text message.

She was tempted to read it. But is that a betrayal of his privacy? Are we at that point in our relationship? She set the phone on the coffee table and walked away. It wasn't worth the risk.

But just as she reached for the coffee pot, the phone chimed. Another text message. What if he's in trouble?

And that was it. She flipped open the phone and looked at the text messages.

Two new text messages from Dr. Emily Richards. Amy felt her heart sink. Why on earth would this woman be texting her boyfriend after everything that happened?

She immediately tried to open them, but the phone had other plans. Message inbox full. Please clear inbox to open message.

Amy sighed in relief and disgust. She didn't read the texts from Emily, but she hadn't betrayed Sheldon's trust either. She sat on the couch—IN HIS SPOT—and waited for him to return. She stared at the notification, unlocking the phone each time the light went out.

Two new text messages from Dr. Emily Richards flashed on and off like an S.O.S. signal across Amy's face.