Warning: content contains mild references to unhealthy psychological behaviors including: sexual behaviors and several types of abuse issues

Chapter 21 – Lady Lillian Tells What She Knows

In which Lilly confesses the Burke/Fairfax family secret to John.

John awoke and looked at his alarm clock. 2:59. Lovely. He wasn't sure what had waked him, but something had. A noise? Maybe. He got up and went to the door of his bedroom, opening it a crack and looking down saw that the lights were burning in the flat. Sherlock must be back. When the sound came again, he realized that was not a sound that would likely be Sherlock-made. The kettle. Probably Lilly then. On a whim, John decided to go down and make sure she was okay. He still didn't understand what, if anything, their relationship was, but if Lilly was having some emotional trouble coming to terms with her abduction, he really rather thought that Sherlock might not be the most comforting of persons. And he had offered his services as a listening ear earlier. Hoping he wasn't about to walk to something he shouldn't be interrupting; John slipped on his pants and a tee shirt and went barefoot down the stairs and into the kitchen.

Lilly was sitting at the table, staring down into a steaming mug. John's nose picked up the scent of hot chocolate. Sherlock wasn't in the room, and he got the feeling he wasn't in the flat at all. John couldn't help but smile at the picture she made sitting there with her hair all mussed up, wearing those pink and white pajamas with that cat all over them. She looked like a little girl. Now he was here, he didn't want to startle her and was preparing to clear his throat when she looked up at him and smiled slightly, like she had been caught out doing something she shouldn't have been doing. He could see the tracks of tears on her cheeks and the shine of them in her eyes. Oh, Sherlock. What have you done?

"Did I wake you, John? I am sorry." With an air of determination, she reached up and wiped the tears away with her hand. "I couldn't sleep and I thought some hot chocolate might help. Would you like some?"

"That would be grand, Lilly. I can't remember the last time I had a hot chocolate. I didn't even know we had any in the flat."

She motioned him to sit at the table as she stood and went to the cupboard, pulling down another mug and set about preparing him a cup. John couldn't get over the fact that she looked like she had always been here. Getting things ready in their kitchen. He felt guilty about it though, she was technically a guest. But not guilty enough to stop her. It was nice to be waited on, instead of always being the one doing the prep and serving.

"Yes. Well, it was behind some clean beakers in that upper cupboard, next to some kind of solvent and a bottle of acid, but I did look it over very well and there does not seem to be an issue with cross contamination. I guess if there is, we will find out soon enough." She laughed then and John had to join her. "Though I'm not sure that it wasn't put there to hide the jar containing the preserved organ in it that is lurking in the very back of the cupboard. It looked a bit like a liver perhaps, but I'm not that great with anatomy."

At John's grimace, she laughed again. For being such a little thing, she had a very pleasant low chuckle. "Please forgive me for having a rummage around your kitchen, John. You know how it is when you feel you really need something…well, I really needed some chocolate. So I had a look see through the cupboards. I must say, this is quite the interesting kitchen. I was a bit surprised at some of the things being kept in the refrigerator, but then I imagine Sherlock needs them, or they wouldn't be there."

Well, living with Sherlock didn't seem to be fazing her in the least, John thought. The he added aloud, "There are times when I think we should just get another refrigerator, but knowing Sherlock, he would just spread his experiments and random body parts to both of them so what would the point of that be?"

As Lilly brought the mug to the table and placed it in front of John, he reached out impulsively and took her hand. He had a thought that maybe he could explain Sherlock a bit to Lilly and that might help her not to be so worried about what Sherlock might or might not be getting up to with Victoria. But where did one begin to explain Sherlock? Perhaps it would just be easier if he let her tell him what she was upset about and go from there. Maybe it wasn't even Sherlock she was upset about. Looking up at her, making sure she met his eyes, he said, "Lilly, why don't you tell me what's bothering you? Even if there is nothing I can do to help, sometimes just talking helps."

Lilly slipped her hand free and resumed her seat at the table. She had nodded when John had spoken, but now she was just sitting there staring into her mug, not saying anything.

John thought perhaps he needed to get the ball rolling here. Reaching out he took Lilly's chin in his hand and raised her face so she would look at him, adding with a calm, gentle voice, "Earlier you mentioned that you didn't tell Sherlock something. And that if you had, he wouldn't have left. I don't want to pry, but if it's weighing on your mind, it might help to talk about it. I've been known to be a good listener."

Lilly smiled sadly and nodded. "I know. You have been wonderful through all of this, John. It's just that it's not easy to talk about. I'm not even sure where to start."

"Take your time. I'm not going anywhere." He released her chin, picking up his mug and settling in like he was prepared to be there as long as necessary.

Lilly sat back in the chair and tried to order her thoughts. She couldn't remember if she had ever spoken of this with anyone other than her family. The urge to protect was so strong, but she knew that the time for making excuses and covering up was over. Victoria had gone too far this time. True, she didn't know for a fact that Victoria was behind the abduction, but if Sherlock was convinced, that was as good a conviction for Lilly. She believed in his abilities so much…still, she mused, it wouldn't hurt to ask John what he thought.

"Sherlock seems to think that my step sister was involved in my abduction. You know him the best, John. Is he likely to be wrong about this?"

"He's not perfect, Lilly, but if he thinks it, then it's because he figured it out. And he's very good at figuring things out. So. I would have to say, no, I don't think he's wrong about this. She has to be involved in some way, or Sherlock wouldn't be wasting time on her. That's exactly what he would call it too. Wasting time. I'm sorry. That's probably not what you wanted to hear, but I can't lie to you."

"No. It's okay. Actually, I think so too. I just wanted a second opinion." Lilly paused and smiled slightly, "and after all, you are a doctor."

"As a matter of fact I am." John grinned back at her.

"Okay." She took a deep breath as if to steel herself and began with a question. "Do you know what NPD is, John?"

"I'm guessing you aren't referring to near pupillary distance? Then I would hazard a guess based on your comment that I'm a doctor, along my understanding that we are about to discuss your step sister, and go with Narcissistic Personality Disorder?"

"Excellent guess, Dr. Watson. Yes, Victoria has NPD. The majority of the behaviors she exhibits fall within the subclass of 'amorous narcissist' or 'sexual narcissism', which presents with erotic and exhibitionist tendencies, and includes histrionic personality disorder features, which technically she has also been diagnosed with. How familiar with NPD are you, John?"

He quickly reviewed in his mind what he knew about the disorder. "Well it's not within my scope of practice, but I have heard of it. Are we talking pathological NPD?" Lilly nodded sadly, and John wondered what the poor girl had been through with a sister like that.

As far as he could recall from his studies, which he would be the first to admit were not extensive in the field of psychology, pathologically narcissistic people tended to be controlling, blaming, self-absorbed, intolerant of others' views, unaware of others' needs and of the effects of their behavior on others, and insistent that others see them as they wish to be seen. They want admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation from everyone. All of it. And they do not like to share it anyone else. Taken a step further, when the truly pathological narcissistic doesn't get the response they want, they respond with anger and hostility and sometimes manifest a desire to be feared and to be notorious.

Ah. He thought. Could Victoria have been angered enough by some imagined slight on Lilly's part to have arranged the abduction of her to teach her a lesson? If she was in fact what Lilly was saying she was, then yes, it was entirely possible. This could make her a very dangerous woman. If Victoria has gone this far, what's to stop her from going further. John looked over at Lilly and had to admit, if everyone loved Lilly as Ron Somers claimed, and which John was very willing to believe based on his own experience of her in the few hours he has known her, Victoria would have every reason to be jealous of her. Hate her in fact.

"So you think that she did this because she was upset with you getting some attention she thought should have been given to her?"

"Something like that. We've had a rocky relationship ever since our parents married. One of the reasons my father stopped being affectionate to me is because it upset Victoria so. If he so much as kissed my cheek or hugged me, she would fly into a rage and start screaming and throwing things. So he stopped. The other reason would be the fact that I remind him of my mother and her loss was so painful to him that distancing himself from me made it that much easier for him to avoid being affectionate to me."

"Oh, Lilly, that's terrible."

"It's okay, John. Really. I've had years to get over it." Lilly shook her head to clear it of her father and the pain that produced and continued on the subject at hand.

"Apparently it can be inherited. NPD that is. From everything that I've heard it sounds very much like her father also had NPD. At least, that's what Constance believes and blames for his death. He was a mountain claimer and an adventurer. He always had to be taking risks and ultimately he climbed the wrong mountain. Or rather not the wrong mountain, but he had the mistaken belief that he of all people could climb it even when he was advised on all sides not to attempt it. I think that the fact that my father was so settled and averse to taking risks of any kind is what attracted Constance to him. She had had enough excitement for a lifetime with her first husband. Not that my father doesn't have some narcissistic tendencies, we all do to some extent, but with Victoria we aren't just talking about someone who likes to admire herself in the mirror. Or just thinks that she's the most beautiful person in the world. Victoria has a completely full blow personality disorder which messes with her reality. And her reality is very different from the reality the rest of us live in. In addition, it's worse when she doesn't take her medication."

John sat back, a confused look on his face. "NPD isn't treated with medications, only talk therapy."

"Yes, that's true. But in Victoria's case, as with many people with NPD, she suffers from depression and anxiety. She is supposed to take medications to treat those conditions and when she does, she can keep the NPD almost manageable. When she's off her medication, which I suspect she has been for months, she gets uncontrollable. That's when the clubbing and the drug use starts up again and the reckless sexual behavior gets out of hand. I worry about her safety, John. Bringing strange men home with her every night. If they even make it there. She's told me she doesn't mind doing it in an alley if that's closer. She gets so obsessed with having sex. Like it's the only thing that proves she's capable of being loved. Which makes sense because of her fath-"

Lilly broke off suddenly, and looked mortified about something. John didn't want to pry, but it might be important, so he decided he had to press her.

"Because of what, Lilly? It's alright, you can tell me." John smiled reassuringly at Lilly in hopes of calming her.

"I really can't believe I'm talking like this, John. I'm a so called prude and yet, here I am, discussing my step sister's sex life with you, without even blush!" Lilly looked down into her mug and John got the feeling she was going to avoid answering him. Just when he thought that he might have to prompt her again, she took a deep breath and keeping her eyes on her mug she continued, "I've never spoken of this with anyone, John. No one knows that I know. And I don't want them to. It would only upset my father and embarrass Constance that I know about it."

Lilly stopped and looked at John as if to ask that he not repeat what she was about to tell him. He nodded slightly. They both knew that if he thought Sherlock needed to know, he would tell him and Lilly was okay with that. At least that way, she wouldn't have to tell Sherlock this herself. She bent her head over her mug again. She couldn't look at John while she told him what she was about to.

"Over the years, from bits of conversations I've accidently overheard, I have gotten the impression that Richard Burke was physically abusive of Constance during their marriage and that he had numerous affairs. What's more I know, based on comments that Victoria has made, and things that she has personally told me, that he began treating Victoria in a highly sexual manner when she was very young, leading to an incestuous relationship between them when she entered puberty, which then continued for years until he died. Once when she was very drunk she told me about it in graphic detail. She described things that I cannot repeat, John, but the essence being how wonderful it was that he loved her best, that she was his princess, and how jealous it would make Constance if she knew."

If silence could be deafening it was in the moment after Lilly finished speaking. The pain she felt for Victoria was so evident in her voice and the horrible actions of Richard Burke made John so righteously angry he just wanted to punch a hole in the kitchen wall with his fist.

"Now can you see why I can't bring myself to hurt Victoria any more than she has been? I know that if she did this to me, the abduction, the drugging and everything, she has to answer for that. But I can't make her a public spectacle. I will not press charges, John. I can't." Lilly broke down then and started quietly crying. It hurt John to see her in so much pain and have not a clue how to help. "There has to be some way to get her to stop this behavior that doesn't involve her being arrested. I can't be a party to that. That's why I didn't want Sherlock to continue investigating. One of the reasons I didn't want him to go after her tonight."

"One of the reasons? What are the others?" John had the grace to look into his own mug while he waited for her to answer. When she didn't answer, he looked up to see the blush on her cheeks and her avoiding eye contact with him while she wiped away the tears. Ha! So it was about Sherlock and Victoria. "A bit of jealousy, perhaps? Concern that Sherlock might become attracted to Victoria?"

It was playing dirty, but he thought maybe by making her express her feelings for Sherlock out loud, along with the fear and jealousy she had that he might be out seducing Victoria, would help make a dent in her pity for Victoria. If that was possible. He was feeling a bit sorry for her himself, in spite of what she had done to Lilly. Although, from what she had just told him, Victoria would be the one trying to seduce Sherlock. Which he was quite sure would not be happening. Not in this lifetime. Not in a million years. Oh good god, this was getting beyond ridiculous. But once again, John's laughter was stopped at the sight of this lovely young woman, sitting at the table beside him, nodding in response to his question and looking miserable at the thought of Sherlock with Victoria.

John decided he just needed to know, once and for all, what exactly was between Sherlock and Lilly. At least, from Lilly's point of view. He straightened in his chair and met Lilly's eyes directly. "You love him, don't you?"

"Of course, John. How could I not?" Lilly answered, with a shy smile, as if it was impossible to answer any other way. "He's Sherlock."

In that moment, John unwittingly joined a growing number of people who had made a vow to do everything in their power to protect Lady Lillian Fairfax. A group that now included Ron Somers, Dr. John Watson and perhaps most surprisingly of all, a man named Sherlock Holmes.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter and it wasn't too boring (no Sherlock, but he will BE the whole next chapter). I thought I should set the stage for what Sherlock's going to be discovering on his own in Victoria's flat. It was a difficult decision as to what exactly Victoria's problem should be, but Pathological Narcissism just seemed to be the theory that fit all the facts. I'm not a Dr, so I apologize if I get any of this completely wrong, but I do try to be informed as much as possible when writing about a subject.

Sending the love out there to Scarlett: Hope you are feeling better and getting home soon. And know that I'm thinking of you everyday, kiddo. You were the first to break the dry spell of reviews for this story and I thank you so much for that. I don't know where I would be without my dear reviewer!

In case you people haven't noticed, I'm very fond of my reviewers, one might almost say "attached". You have no idea what it means to me to read your thoughts: what you liked, didn't like, want to see more of. I would like to thank the reviewers for chapter 20: Scarlett, CheekyChemist, Kathryn Buzolic and The Yoshinator. - RS