Chapter 21 – Experto credite

Notes: Title translation: Trust one who has gone through it. Thank you for all being so patient with me and this chapter. It was one of the harder ones to get to work because of what I needed to get across (hopefully it works!). Many, many, many thanks, luffles and noms to my beta for her geeky knowledge. I know very, very little about computers, so she filled in the much needed blanks for a certain someone. I am away next week with no sure chance at getting online, so I'll apologise now if there is a delay in replying to reviews. I assure you, they are very much loved!

'''

Hound wasn't quite sure how Mirage found him or how he even knew, but his friend said nothing as he sat down beside him. He looked out over Iacon from their position high up on a watchtower and waited silently.

"How much have you heard?"

"Brawn," Mirage said the name with clear distaste, "was saying you'd brought a Decepticon in and wouldn't let anyone touch him." Hound made a non-committal noise. "There is a lot of talk about you."

"And none of it's good."

"Not all of it," the blue and white mech inclined his head in agreement.

"I don't know what to do, Mirage," Hound replied, voice strained. "Ratchet can't help him and he doesn't know who I am, not really."

"Would you rather he was still a Decepticon?"

"No!" Hound hesitated after his automatic denial. "No, but… sometimes… yes… Primus that sounds so selfish."

Mirage laid a black hand on Hound's shoulder. "Speaking as your friend, you are one of the least selfish mechs I have the privilege of knowing, but I hate seeing you like this. Thundercracker has always caused you pain."

The green mech turned his head sharply, optics narrowed, so he could level a truly angry stare at his companion and Mirage pulled his hand back. "No he hasn't."

Mirage knew he was treading on dangerous ground right now, but getting Hound angry was better than the scout beating himself up over something he couldn't control.

"He's causing you pain right now and he doesn't even know it."

Hound's mouth tightened down into a thin line. "And I've done the same to him. He's carried my problems. It's time I returned my share."

"You've done more than your fair share," the spy returned levelly. "Ask anyone who knows you are Silverbolt's creator."

"That's not fair Mirage," Hound argued. "Thundercracker didn't choose to miss out on that."

"He chose to fly away from both of you that night. He could have stayed at your side and seen you both safe." The other mech looked away abruptly, feeling the pain in the truth of Mirage's words and all those lost meta-cycles. Mirage touched Hound's shoulder again fleetingly before he stood up. "I didn't come out here with the intention of hurting you more or making you dwell on the past, but you must realise you can't change that or what has happened. If you truly wish to stand by your seeker's side through the worst he has to offer, then do it. If you keep breaking down and feeling sorry for yourself, then how long do you think it will be before someone confronts you on those rumours? What would you say then?"

With that Mirage turned and vanished back into the tower. Hound was left alone with those questions and he knew Mirage was right. A long time ago he had sworn an oath, alongside his Autobot pledge, not to directly admit to being bonded to Thundercracker whilst they served in opposing factions. Hound had refused to include Silverbolt in that promise, but the flyer had learnt quickly who he told about Thundercracker anyway, so very few knew about their relationship and even fewer knew about the depth of Hound's connection to the seeker. Optimus had known, even back then, that many would not understand the scout's love for a mech that had killed so many of their fellow soldiers, but there had been another reason behind the big mech's decision. Hound had asked what it had been, but all Optimus would say was that 'It is for the future and if that time comes, then I will tell you'.

No, no-one could know, but Hound was not a mech who gave up on those he loved. That much was obvious for everyone to see and right now the mech that he loved more than anyone else on the planet needed him badly. Hound could sit here, feeling sorry for himself, but that gained him nothing, except a mild rebuke from Mirage as it turned out. The green scout climbed to his pedes and set a course back to the med bay. As he walked he was aware of some of the looks he received; the curious glances, the narrowed optics, but he ignored it. Gossip was rife in Iacon, it filled the time between battles, but it was mostly harmless.

Hound spent his cycles at Thundercracker's side, devoting so much time and effort to his mate that he forgot about his own duties, until Optimus paid him a personal visit. The Prime meant to reprimand the scout, to explain to him that his private life couldn't impact on his role within the Autobots but the instant guilt that was apparent on Hound's face was enough to stop Optimus. He felt for the smaller mech, knowing that he was being offered a second chance that so few got during the war and suddenly Optimus could not punish Hound for his dereliction of duty. Instead he had Hound's role reduced, giving him datawork instead of fieldwork and Hound promised not to forget again.

For the most part he didn't. The seeker struggled through each joor and Thundercracker had bad mega-cycles, not so bad mega-cycles and then he had times where he returned to the Decepticon he had been. His violence and ill temper Hound could cope with, though Ratchet didn't like the repairs he was forced to make on the scout when Thundercracker hurt him. It was the coldness in his attitude towards Hound that pained the green mech the most. It felt like he was right back where he had been all those meta-cycles before and there was a limit to his internal strength.

Ratchet had agreed to let Thundercracker spend a portion of each mega-cycle online so that Hound could attempt to talk to him, to help root him in reality, even though the medic doubted it would do much good. It was, in some ways, to help Hound feel he was doing something to help his mate. Ratchet suspected simply staring at his stasis locked chassis would slowly drive Hound insane and one mech that could do without that was Thundercracker.

''''

Hound frowned at the vacant berth, looking around the empty isolation room for his mate, who should have still been offline. He found him tucked down in one corner, file in one hand as he twisted round to attack his wings, or rather the purple Decepticon emblems on them. The floor was littered with shavings of blue and purple metal.

"Ratchet!" Hound shouted, already running across the room to Thundercracker. He crashed down next to him and wrestled the file out of his hand, but the seeker just set to with his bare fingers, scratching madly, ignoring the energon trickling down his wing. "Thundercracker, stop it! Look at what you're doing!"

"Badbadbad," Thundercracker muttered, optics narrowed in determination.

The green mech pulled his hands away from his wing and held onto them tightly. Ratchet abruptly appeared next to him, staring at the mess the blue mech had made of his own chassis.

"Primus," he murmured. "At least it's only one wing."

"I thought he was supposed to still be out of it," Hound glanced up at the medic.

"He was." Ratchet knelt down next to the pair of them to peer at the seeker. "He still is."

"He's dreaming?" Hound exclaimed.

"More like hallucinating." The CMO shook his head. "I was worried repeatedly drugging him with all the CPU problems he has might cause side effects."

They both looked at Thundercracker, who wasn't fighting to attack his own wings anymore, but was just sitting quietly, mumbling away to himself.

"What are we going to do?"

"Help me get him up on the berth again." Ratchet took one arm as Hound took the other and they led a stumbling Thundercracker back to his berth, where he laid down without protest. The medic set to work patching up the damage on the wing when it became apparent the seeker wasn't registering pain from the normally super sensitive appendages. Hound sat on the other side of the berth, holding one of his mate's black hands in his own, vaguely glad Ratchet hadn't answered his question as he meant it.

"I'm glad Silverbolt hasn't seen him like this," the green mech sighed. "He doesn't remember much of him anyway, but I wouldn't want his first adult memories to be of this."

Ratchet glanced at him briefly before returning his gaze to his work. "He's going to have to meet him some time and Thundercracker is only progressing slowly."

"I know, I know." Hound shook his head. "But seeing Silverbolt won't help Thundercracker, he's never seen him in his adult chassis and it will only serve to bring up memories of who he left behind."

"Which are the ones we want," the CMO reminded him dryly.

"Except he'll be miserable."

Ratchet raised an optic ridge at that. "Thundercracker never gets miserable. Grumpy, angry maybe, but he's not self-pitying."

"He does. You just never see it."

"Hound, even if we get…."

"When," Hound interrupted mulishly.

Ratchet sighed. "If, when, we get this right, there will be no way to permanently remove all traces of the programming. It will have made an impact on his personality, like it or not."

Hound nodded. "I know. It's been so strange. He's always been so capable, so strong, and he's always looked after me." The green mech looked up at Ratchet. "You remember what he was like after the fire."

"Stubborn slagger," the medic agreed. "You are perfectly capable and strong. You raised Silverbolt in the worst of times and everyone says he's a good mech."

Hound shrugged one shoulder. "That's Silverbolt. Thundercracker is different. I never meant to let him be the one to look after me, it was supposed to be equal, but that's the way I always felt it was. For all my independence I liked not having to be the capable one sometimes."

"You're saying you don't want to take on that role for Thundercracker?"

"No," the green mech shook his head vehemently. "No, it's just not us. It's something else that's changed, that we've lost."

Ratchet stopped working then and turned on Hound sharply. "Everyone has lost something. You still have close friends, your family is still alive. Would you rather be Bluestreak? Is your pain worse than his?"

"No, I…" Hound looked up helplessly, but the CMO known as The Hatchet was in full rant mode and wasn't going to be stopped.

"The one slagging thing I can't stand is mechs that whine and wallow in their own Primus-damned misery. You've got back struts in there! Use them!"

Hound knew the medic was right, but he also knew it wasn't as easy as that. "How, Ratchet? What can I do?"

The red and white mech grimaced momentarily before snapping, "Stop being so pathetic and get out."

Hound sighed, sliding off the berth. "I know why you shout Ratchet. Maybe if you let someone in you wouldn't feel the need to shout as us, not when we know it's because you care." With that the scout vanished out the door, leaving Ratchet behind growling. The medic hated it when other mechs pointed out his flaws. He knew perfectly well he had them, and didn't need a scout to tell him that.

''''

The green mech frowned when he noticed another mech with Ratchet in Thundercracker's isolation room. Very few mechs had access; Ratchet, Hound, Optimus, and Hound had never seen this particular red mech before. Not only was he in the room but the green mech could well overhear what they were talking about.

"…create a Trojan that will isolate the affected area and disguise it as a divergent piece of code so Thundercracker's wonderfully complex system will not reject it. I would say our best bet is to shut down the neuro-synapses in direct contact with Shockwave's handiwork entirely and prevent them from reconnecting until we deem it safe to do so. Once that phase is complete it will be much easier for me analyse its codonic make, construction and neuronic interactivity, and then hopefully I can formulate an antiviral programme that will attack and neutralize only the offending material. It will have to be very carefully constructed so none of the outlying hardware or software components are damaged, influenced or altered though, which will be enrapturing in itself to puzzle out."

"It's well ingrained into his core programmes, can it be isolated without affecting those?"

"Ratchet," Hound interrupted. "Who's this?"

Both of the talking mechs turned to face him and the red one peered at him. "You must be Hound. The intricacies of your mate's reprogramming is fascinating work. Your spark bond is an interesting condrum that, it would appear, Shockwave couldn't fully counteract. Now, of course, he didn't have you, as I do, so…"

"Shut up," Ratchet interrupted gruffly. "Hound this is Perceptor. He's recently arrived to Iacon, but I believe he can help Thundercracker."

Hope spiked abruptly in Hound's spark. "You can?"

"It will not be as easy as erasing a virus from someone's systems," Perceptor explained. "But I have never had such a fascinating case to work with. I am aware of Shockwave's work, though I always greatly disagreed with his ethics. This should prove an interesting challenge…" His voice trailed off as his optics dimmed slightly, clearly lost in a new thought process. It was just as well because he missed Hound's expression. Anger at the way the scientist had referred to his mate had stiffened his whole chassis and narrowed his optics. Ratchet turned Perceptor back around to face the terminal without a word of complaint from the other before shaking his head.

"Don't take it personally Hound. I don't think he's aware of how he comes across."

The green mech shook his head before crossing the floor to Thundercracker's side once more and seating himself at his side. He dug out a datapad and started reading a field report that had come in from one of the other mechs that had taken over some of his work now Optimus had let him do desk work. Hound lost himself in the work, partially because it distracted him from his thoughts and partially because he didn't want to listen to Perceptor and Ratchet argue about Thundercracker. Perceptor, in particular, came across like he didn't have any real concern for the mech behind the corrupt processor and that this was all just a fascinating study for him to immerse himself in. Cycles past this way, as they did most orns.

Hound jumped when Thundercracker abruptly shifted on the berth, red optics flickering fitfully. He twisted around, hands clenching, legs moving aimlessly before he focused briefly on Hound and frowned. "It's all so confused…" He touched his helm, before covering his face. "There's something wrong. I remember… I remember… A sparkling? There was a sparkling… our…"

"Yes," Hound risked speaking, scared in case he set his mate off again. The fact that he was conscious was worrying in itself, but Hound wasn't leaving him to get Ratchet, who had briefly stepped out the room to attend to another patient in the main med bay. "We had a sparkling called Silverbolt. He's all grown up now. A flyer like you."

"Silverbolt…" Thundercracker frowned, fingers digging into his head as he struggled with memories that didn't make sense. "Flyer… Aerialbot… Autobot… enemy."

The green mech reacted as soon as he realised but it was too late. Thundercracker was upright, falling off the berth the other way to Hound, looking for a weapon as battle training and Shockwave's protocols kicked into the fore. Hound stilled as the seeker scrambled backwards over the floor.

"Thundercracker, look at me."

The blue flyer did, obeying the voice he knew, but couldn't identify and let out a noise of confusion. Hound smiled at him softly and ever so slowly inched around the berth towards him. Thundercracker just stared at him, face almost blank in incomprehension, and the green mech held his hands out at his sides, empty and open, encouraging Thundercracker to his pedes. The green scout was almost at the seeker's side when Perceptor chose to speak up.

"This is incredible! Does he wake from the enforced stasis frequently?"

Thundercracker reacted swiftly, far faster than Hound could, and violently. He turned on Perceptor, whose expression turned from excited to horrified as the seeker lunged at him, forcefully grabbing his arms. His face was twisted by a snarl of anger, marred with faint traces of confusion that still lingered.

"Thundercracker! No!" Hound dived after his mate, grabbing at one arm and twisting his hold off the scientist. He wasn't strong enough to break both grips and there was only so far he was willing to go before he hurt Thundercracker.

"Autobot scum," the big blue mech growled, red optics still fixed on the now scared Perceptor.

"I assure you I didn't…"

"Shut up!" Hound interrupted harshly. "Don't make it worse!"

Thundercracker tugged at the arm the green mech had pinned to his chest, almost in annoyance that he couldn't use it, but gave up after a moment, making do with the grip he still had Perceptor. He turned his chassis away from Hound, clouting him with the edge of his wing and flung the slender red mech hard across the room. Perceptor yelped as he hit the floor, but was quick to climb to his pedes. Hound dug the back of his pedes into the floor and clung on grimly as the seeker tried to pursue his quarry to inflict more damage.

"Thundercracker, please, listen to my voice," Hound begged, not wanting to think about how much worse the situation could get. "Remember who I am."

Unfortunately for Hound the circumstances did get worse when Optimus picked that moment to walk into the room. Perceptor, with wide optics, beat a hasty retreat to the Prime's side when Thundercracker's engine rumbled threateningly and his hands tightened into fists. The big mech stopped dead when he saw the way Hound was hanging onto his mate, well used to these kinds of situations. It wasn't that he feared Thundercracker, but he knew Hound had the best chance of calming his bonded when the seeker wasn't reacting to an Autobot threat like a cornered Decepticon.

"Perceptor, go get Ratchet," Optimus ordered quietly.

"Of course!" The scientist backed out of the room quickly.

"Hound, do you have control or do you need my help?" Optimus asked, optics steadily watching the seeker watching him.

The green mech hated that question. He wouldn't lie to Optimus; he didn't have control and he wasn't big enough or strong enough to stop Thundercracker if he chose to make a move, but he knew the flyer would lash out if Optimus came anywhere near them.

"I don't think he'll let Ratchet touch him like this."

"Alright, but this can't happen again. I will assign mechs to defend against this… state of mind." The red and blue mech nodded before adding softly, "I am sorry Hound."

The scout looked away momentarily as he braced himself, ready for his mate's reaction when Optimus moved. He could feel it in their bond when that hatred and anger towards the other Autobot in the room flared in a burst of emotion, exactly timed to Optimus stepping across their small room in their direction. When the bigger mech got closer Thundercracker really started struggling against the hold Hound had on his arm, but he never turned on his mate in anger, almost like the smaller green mech was a blind spot in his confusion.

When Thundercracker realised he couldn't get away from Optimus he tensed, his free hand balling into a fist and the Prime deflected the following punch with a raised forearm. He grabbed the seeker's arm before he could swing at him again, trapping it under his arm and braced his body for the expected struggle that came next. The blue flyer swore at him, grunting and snarling in his effort to free himself but Optimus' optics were really watching Hound. The green mech stood there, being tugged backwards and forwards without seeming to notice, with his optics shuttered and clear pain written on his face plates.

Ratchet reappeared, Perceptor in hesitant tow, and Thundercracker reacted accordingly. The medic sighed, hating this side of the seeker the most. Their shared past history was older than Hound's and Ratchet knew this violence and anger was something Thundercracker may have had inside, but normally knew how to control. His hatred towards Shockwave grew every time he saw Thundercracker's personality being warped like this.

Swiftly the CMO knocked the struggling seeker offline and the tension level in the room dropped like a stone when the mech sagged in the arms of the two bots holding him. Ratchet ordered him to be put back on the berth and rounded on Perceptor to get back to work and 'solve the fragging problem already'. Hound laid a kiss on Thundercracker's helm before swiftly departing the isolation room, with plans to leave the med bay all together to give himself a little time to get his emotions back in check.

"Hound." The tone of Optimus' voice stopped the green mech dead and he scowled at the floor, not wanting to show his leader his expression. "This needs to be done. He's not stable and I will not risk the lives of the others to protect your sensibilities."

"He doesn't need guards," Hound insisted, hands clenching. "I'll make sure he doesn't do anything."

"You have your own duties to attend to," Optimus reminded him. "However I've limited them, I cannot take you completely off duty and you know that. What would you do if he got confused again, when you weren't here, and he hurt someone?"

Hound stiffened, hating the way Optimus knew just what to say to get him to comply. "Then I don't want just any guards. Most of the mechs here would just shoot first, before trying to stop him any other way."

"Agreed," the big mech nodded. "Ironhide has volunteered as well as Mirage and Trailbreaker. Between the four of you, you should be able to cover the necessary time when Ratchet isn't around or he's too busy to keep an optic on Thundercracker. If you let Silverbolt know he was here…"

"No," Hound interrupted, shaking his head as he turned to face Optimus. "Thank you for agreeing to send him away from Iacon… but he can't see Thundercracker like this."

"I agreed to that because it gave the Aerialbots a chance to take on the seekers whilst they were a mech down and confused," Optimus rumbled quietly.

"I know," the scout admitted before a thought struck him. "You had already asked Mirage, Trailbreaker and Ironhide before you came here."

"Yes, I had come here to tell you of my decision. The incident today just compounded my belief that it is the right thing to do, for Thundercracker and others." Optimus laid a hand briefly on Hound's shoulder. "I am also about to call a meeting of my unit to discuss Thundercracker's presence. Prowl has told me there has been a lot of disquiet since you brought him in. Certain members of the forces are not so good at remaining patient and waiting for answers."

Hound's optics widened. "How much will you tell them?"

"As much as I need to," the bigger mech warned. "But I do not plan on divulging your own personal history. That is your choice, not mine."

The green helm bowed in acceptance. Optimus had the right to tell mechs whatever he chose, if he believed it had some impact on their war. He was holding back because he judged it right for each mech to have his own private life, even in the midst of fighting. So much of that was lost, that each little bit you could save was precious.

Optimus said nothing more, except to ask Hound to accompany him to a conference room, one of the only rooms big enough to hold all the mechs needed for the meeting. Hound remained quiet, even when he joined Mirage and Trailbreaker at a table where they had saved him a seat. Both mechs looked worried, unsure of the reason behind the meeting, though the scout's face gave them some indication.

"Alright," Optimus quietened the mechs down. "I know all of you are asking questions as to why we have a Decepticon in our med bay and why we're helping him. This is better told to all of you and it is better if Ratchet explain just what we're trying to do for Thundercracker."

The medic took over, fixing the gathered crowd with stern optics. "I am sure you're all aware of who Shockwave is and have heard the stories of the experiments he conducts. The seeker in my med bay has been through Shockwave's care. He had systematically had nearly a vorn of memory replaced with lies so he can't remember who he was, or more importantly, who he knew. This was all done so Megatron could have a trine and Starscream could have a little payback. Some of you are aware, like myself, of what Thundercracker knew before and, the rest of you, try to slagging understand, he's so far off limits for anyone looking for a little Con payback time that if I find anyone in my med bay I'll let Ironhide use you for target practice after I've removed your legs and beaten you with them."

Optimus cleared his intakes quietly, grateful Ironhide had volunteered to remain on guard duty with Thundercracker. Ratchet glared at him and Optimus raised one optic ridge, making the medic grumbled quietly. Prime continued.

"As Autobots we stand by the ideals that we fight for, though sometimes we may get a little lost as the war clouds our path. When Hound brought in Thundercracker he did so because it was the right thing to do. The mech was in pain and needed help, something he would not get from his own side. Who are we to deny him that? We are here to offer help to anyone that needs it and the seeker in Ratchet's med bay requires our help."

"What happens if he doesn't want it?" Sunstreaker asked, voice loud. "Are we going to waste resources on repairing him just so he can rot in our holding cells?"

"Are you saying we don't try?" Optimus responded calmly.

The yellow twin didn't reply, just sat back moodily in his seat, folding his arms over his chest. Everyone else shifted, muttering quietly before one mech decided to speak up. Wheeljack looked distinctly uneasy to be taking up where frontliner had left off. "Sunstreaker has a point. What if he does end up in the brig? He would be a very tempting target for the Cons to attempt to rescue. I mean, I know they don't 'rescue' as such, but if Megatron went to all that trouble to start with, and the trines have proved highly effective, then surely he's more of a risk?"

Optimus sighed and nodded. "Yes, he is, but if it comes down to that, he may also be a useful in an exchange for some of our captured soldiers."

Hound tried not to react to that statement, but something must have shown on his face because Mirage laid a warning hand on his arm. The scout looked up to find Blaster watching him with intent, curious optics from across the room and he made himself keep the optic contact, pretending nothing was wrong. The red mech smiled slightly, like he knew something he wasn't letting on and then went back to listening to Optimus. Hound kept studying the communications officer, wondering just what he'd figured out. He knew the loud, apparently careless mech was actually very good at intelligence gathering and had a very serious streak in him. Blaster could put two and two together without a problem. It was what he chose to do with that information that Hound couldn't predict.

The big red mech was known to be a gossiper, though how much of that was information he gave away, or just collected, no one seemed to know for sure, but he did seem to have some morals on what data he let slip. The scout just didn't known whether whatever he had heard about Thundercracker fell into a secure category.

"There is one thing I will insist on and the reprimands will be harsh if I discover anyone has broken this rule." Optimus' gaze swept the room. "No one is to mention what we are trying to do for Thundercracker outside a secure location. For all the Decepticons know, he is our prisoner. If he can be helped, then he may be willing to join our side and work as an undercover agent."

The bottom fell out of Hound's world then. Optimus had never even breathed a word of such a plan to him. He had thought Thundercracker would merely join their forces once he was recovered, giving them much needed air support. To send him back into the heart of danger when he knew what that could mean for the seeker, for Hound, was a terrible decision Hound knew he couldn't have undertaken lightly.

Mirage and Trailbreaker exchanged an understanding look over the top of the green mech's head and silently vowed to offer more to their friend, even when he didn't ask for it.