Our hands were laced together across the table, our smiles shy but sincere. There was so much we needed to talk about, clear up, confess, but how we started that, neither of us knew. For now, we were still high on the feeling of our lips touching, our bodies connecting. Whatever else may have happened, what I felt when he kissed me was magical. If anything, it was stronger than when we'd been together before; he somehow filled me, rounded out my corners.
Our coffee came quickly, forcing us to release our hands reluctantly.
"So I like the hair," I said, taking him in, his neck strong and long.
"Oh, ahh, yeah, you know, regs." He ran his hand through his barely-there hair.
"Huh?"
"It's regulation."
"Whose?"
"Um… that's part of why… you know… you haven't seen me much… ah… I… ah…"
"Spit it out, Black. I can't, I really can't chase you down tonight."
"What? Wait, hold up, Bella; what's that about?"
"Look, it's just that I'm tired, okay? It's been a long day."
"Yeah, I get it."
"I'm sorry."
"No, it's… I get it. You don't even have to be here with me. I shouldn't make this any harder on you."
"I'm glad I'm here with you." I looked at him through my lashes before taking a sip.
"I'm glad you're here with me too."
"What took you so long, Jake?" I asked abruptly, refusing to hold back any longer. My sadness seeped through more than I'd intended.
"Bella, I'm sorry."
"That's not what I asked." I placed my coffee down on the table.
"Wow, you're really not fucking around tonight, are you?"
"I told you, I'm tired. I'm tired of all of it, and I can't keep doing this. I want you, Jake. I want to be with you. That hasn't changed, and really, I don't think it's going to, but all this… crap the last six months… I can't do it."
"I know… but, fuck, Bella, give me a sec to get my bearings, okay?"
"Sure, whatever." Annoyance oozed from my skin, leaving a sticky residue behind on everything I touched. I didn't want to be like this. I didn't want to be a bitch or demand anything of him. I wanted his hands on me, his love in my heart, but I was hurt, and I was… I was angry. All these months of being sad, I didn't take the time to realize it.
"All right, okay, look, I'm sorry. I've wanted to call you so many times… I've wanted… I just couldn't."
"Why?"
"I didn't know how… I didn't want to see that look in your eyes… the one everyone else around here sees me through."
"Jake, no one sees you that way but you."
"That's just not true, Bella."
"You don't realize it, but you've grown up, and so have they. Jessica may still be a little bitch, but you aren't. No one tonight so much as looked at you sideways, and at your art opening, there were a few people, but for the most part, Jake, it's in your head."
"Well, maybe, but it's set up a nice little cabin with a picket fence and a dog and everything, so I don't know what to do about that."
"Hmmm."
We sat in silence, sipping our coffee. Being with Jake was always so comfortable, natural. I smiled, watching the slow rain outside and thinking of the first time I'd been in this diner with him.
"What?" he asked, smiling at my smile.
"Do you remember our first non-date?"
"Hmmm, that was a fun night."
"You were so sure."
"Yeah."
"You were so sure of us."
"Yeah," he whispered.
"What changed, Jake? Do you not… am I not what you want?"
"What? No, God, Bella, no! I… You're everything I want," he said intensely.
"Why then? Why did you leave like that?"
"Okay, what happened at your house with Edward, it freaked me out. I'm smart enough to see that he came at me, that I just kept him from hurting either of us, but… there was so much blood…"
"But he was fine."
"And you were amazing. You totally just jumped in and took over, and I don't know... seeing you take care of him, and here I was, just a bully. I thought, you should be with someone who's more like you." His eyes fell to the table between us.
"So you thought staying away from me was the best way to do that... no thoughts of what I wanted…"
"No, I didn't want to… Look, I couldn't trust that wouldn't… I felt it building up in me that morning, Bella, that out of control feeling, that bubble of -I don't know -anger? Hate? Whatever it is, it's bad, and you shouldn't be around it."
"But you came tonight."
"I… I had to…"
"Why? Why not when I came to your house and cried on your dad's lap for an hour? Why not then or any of the other of million times you could have driven the twenty minutes to my house?"
"I… I don't know. I just… had to… and then when I read your book, and I heard that poem… why that one, Bella?"
"You know why, Jake…"
"Hey," he said abruptly, pulling me out of my moment of confession, "why did you think Quil brought me?"
"Oh, ahh, I called him before the show, asked him to stuff you in the trunk of his car."
He chuckled, still subdued, but a light in his eyes was shining though, illuminating my entire existence.
"You didn't have to do that."
"Yeah, I did, Jake. God, you're infuriating. I mean, you think this has been easy? What did you think I was doing all this time?"
"I don't know… moving on, I guess."
"How? I had no idea what was going on!" The anger was surprising me, spilling over onto the table.
"What do you want me to say? I fucked up? I did! Okay, I'm sorry. I don't... I'm not good at any of this, and you're… you're everything to me!"
"How would I know that?"
"I didn't want to hurt you!"
"You don't think this hurt?" My voice cracked with the pain that fought to jump out at him from my eyes, wanting to rip at him. Snarling, it clung to the bars of my sanity. "You wouldn't see me. You wouldn't talk to me. Even your dad told me to just let you go… maybe I should have… maybe that would have been the healthy thing to do…"
I looked up at him before continuing, my tears falling off the edge now, holding on to my lashes until they couldn't fight gravity any longer. "But I just couldn't." Reaching out, I ran my knuckles against his cheek, and he leaned into my caress.
"I'm glad you didn't…"
"Are you? Are you just going to disappear on me again?"
"I…"
"I couldn't bear it, Jake… I can't take it. If you're going to leave, you have to tell me now. Don't pull me in again just to go."
"I won't."
"Please… I'm not that strong… but I'm not that stupid either. I can't have my heart broken by you again."
He grabbed my hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing it. "I'm so sorry," he said, looking up at me with misty eyes. "I never… God…" He lowered his head onto my hand, holding it to his cheek and cradling it like it might shatter and be lost at any moment.
We sat there for a moment -my pain and his regret sat at the next table over, arguing over the latest budget cuts while Jake and I treasured being together.
"What can I do…"
"I don't know, Jake; just… don't run away again."
"I won't; I know I overreact…"
"Where have you been?"
He released my hand and sat back, running his hand across his scalp again… wait… regulation… his hair… My chest tightened around me, making it difficult to breath as the reality of him leaving despite everything he'd just said washed over me. But I knew, I knew that if that was his choice, I was staying here.
"You reenlisted…"
"No… I can't… I tried, but my dad…"
"You were going to go that far away. You had completely given up." My tears fell faster now, swirling in my coffee mug.
"I joined the reserves, so, yeah, I could be called up, I guess, but with my dad, I probably won't… I didn't want to leave, Bella. I just needed to do something… I went back to basic for a few weeks. My aunt stayed with Dad, and I did the whole reenlisting thing but wasn't going to go anywhere; it's just not an option for me."
"But you would have if you could."
"I never meant to come back here in the first place; you know that."
"But you love it here! This is your home."
"No, Bella, this was my home."
"You are such an idiot. God, don't you see? Paul, Quil, Royce, Emmett, and Alice, and me! Don't we mean anything to you?"
"Of course."
"Don't I mean anything to you?"
"How can you even ask that? You're the only reason I was leaving. For you! So you could be here in peace without me; so you could start a life. I don't know... marry Eric Yorkie or something and live happily ever after."
"Are you fucking out of your mind?" I said slowly and softly, wanting him to hear every single word. "Don't you ever make a decision like that for me again."
He blanched, pulling back from me.
"I called you, I begged you, I threw my shame out the window, and now you're telling me you never even intended to… God… why did you even come tonight!"
The diner lights started turning off, our cue to pay and leave. And my anger, my hurt, seethed, steaming off of my skin hot enough to burn. Jake put the money down on the table and stood up, holding his hand out to me. I looked up at him, an eyebrow raised, my tears and fury mixing together. A moment later, he withdrew his hand, and I stood up, storming outside.
Once we were a safe distance from the diner, I turned on him. "What the fuck, Jacob?" The rain made the distance between us visible.
"Bella…"
"No, you know what? I don't want to hear it." I started to storm off toward my truck.
He trailed after me, finally starting to act. "Bella, I'm here tonight because I couldn't, even if I wanted to, I couldn't leave you. You're the air, you're the reason... you're... fuck…"
I was at the door to my truck, but instead of getting in, I leaned against it, placing my head against the window frame. Its cool metal soothed me. Its solid structure was the only thing keeping me sane. At last, I broke, and I cried all of the tears that had been building and growing.
"Bella…" he said, gathering me into his arms, "Shhh, shhh, I'm so sorry. I know I did this, but I'm so sorry. Please."
"This is it, Jake; this is it. I can't take more than this. We're standing at the line in the sand." I looked up at him, the rain falling on my face. "It's now or never because… this is it."
Jacob looked down at me, holding me against him with his strong arms for an impossible amount of time. He didn't look away this time; he looked deep into me and dropped his walls, letting me see into him. I saw the pain and fear. I saw the hope. As he leaned down to kiss me, I closed my eyes just before I saw what would come next. I didn't see the love, the life he wished for us; I didn't see the man he would become. But I could feel it in that kiss.
His kiss was urgent, desperate. He pulled me up into him, hurting me with his embrace, but I needed it; I needed to feel every muscle, every ounce of him. He kissed me roughly, forcing himself down on me. His mouth was hot, scalding as it opened and pulled my lip into him; he moaned, and I licked his teeth before diving in with matching need.
He pushed me back against the truck, picking me up slightly so that my weight was leveraged between his body and the metal frame. He leaned into me kissing harshly, leaving my lips swollen and sore, and he kissed me... As his hand came up my side, I felt him push against me. His heat, his sex was against me, making me gasp from the unexpected sensation. It had been so long…
His need for me screamed in his touch, his hands clutching me roughly and his cock grinding against me so hard I could barely make coherent thoughts. I scratched at him, pulling his head to my neck and begging him to touch me. My eyes rolled back in my head as he hitched me higher, and his hand started kneading my ass, grabbing handfuls and rubbing me, the other hand matching his desperation in its hold on my breast. His mouth was on my neck, sucking so hard I was sure to have a mark tomorrow, but I didn't care. All I wanted was him.
I rolled against him, his body hard and unyielding in his passion. He nipped at my neck, teeth grazing against sensitive flesh, as my hands roamed around his shoulders until he kissed me again, making me dig my nails into his biceps. "Bella," he growled as he descended to my mouth, sucking my tongue into his own, causing a rippling sensation to spread out from my core.
He stopped then, his hand releasing my breast and coming to my face to brush the hair away.
"I will never, ever hurt you like that again, Bella; I promise."
My voice hitched, and I cried as he came back in to kiss me again, gently this time. He kissed my lips, my eyes, my cheeks, over and over, making me smile against him. "Let me prove it to you," he whispered, "I can be better; I can be what you need."
I ran my hand over his scalp. "You already are, baby." I brought my hands to his jaw and kissed him languidly.
Slowly, he stepped back from me, rearranging himself slightly and smiling. "So… what do we do? I mean… how do we? I want to..."
I smiled at his insecurities; while unnecessary, it was still sweet. "Why don't you come over tomorrow night? Em and I have been making Sunday night dinners… you should come."
"Okay, Bells."
I smiled at the nickname, melting just a little more in his warm gaze. He reached forward and opened my door for me.
I smiled and climbed in.
"Tomorrow," he promised.
"Tomorrow," I smiled. He leaned in again and kissed me goodbye before closing the door. I started the truck and turned around to look again at his body heading back to where he'd parked. Sighing, I pulled out of the small parking lot and headed home.
The house was empty, and I crawled into bed with a smile on my face, sleeping soundly, dreamlessly, for the first time in months. The morning came slowly, sun filtering through the blinds I'd finally hung up. I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. God, if this is love, am I crazy?
My phone buzzed its early morning ring.
"Hello?"
"Bella! What happened?"
"What? Alice, is that you?"
"Of course! Who else? Now, come on; spill it!
"Oh, ahh…"
"Leave her alone," Jasper called through the phone line.
"Hi, Jazz."
"Bella says 'hi.' Okay, now are you going to dish or what? What happened with Jake?"
"Nothing, I mean, we went out to coffee, and we talked…"
"That's it!"
"Considering he hasn't talked to me in over six months, I think that's pretty big, don't you?"
"I was hoping for something a little steamier."
"Yeah, well, we'll just have to wait and see about that." I slipped my slippers on and went to start the coffee downstairs while we talked.
"So are you two, like, together now?"
"I don't know, Alice… I guess… He's coming over for dinner tonight so… I'm just gonna see what happens."
"Well, if my vote counts, I say you jump him. You've been pining all winter."
"Yeah, but…"
"But nothing, Bella. Life doesn't happen if you don't participate!"
"You sound like Angela."
"Well, despite her fashion sense, she's very smart."
"Yeah, maybe…"
"Okay, well, Mr. Patience here is bugging me to get off the phone, but you're gonna call me, right? You're gonna tell me every little detail."
"Probably not."
"Bella!"
"Sorry, Alice," I laughed at her indignation about not getting to be a fly on the wall of my love life.
"Fine. Talk to you later."
"You know I love you, Alice."
"I know. Love you too."
"Bye."
I hung up the phone before heading up to my room. The morning passed happily, listening to Pandora on my laptop and writing notes to my mother and Edward. I knew Edward would be happy, probably surprised by some of my work, but he'd be proud of me in his own way. And strangely, that made me happy; I wanted him to be proud of me. No matter how far apart our lives may go, what he thought, what he did, would always matter to me. Love is like that: impossible to ignore.
I didn't know what my mother would think; she was barely speaking to me at this point. We'd never had a difficult relationship, and I knew she wasn't upset with me; she was just an exceptionally selfish human being, and now that she had her new life, that simply didn't include me. I missed her, but more than anything else, I missed the image of what I wanted a mother to be.
When I watched Rosalie with Royce, I prayed I would know how to be a mother like that when the time came. I had no experience, no idea what that felt like, to love like that. When Rose looked at Royce, her world was complete; his heart beating was enough for her to bear all that she had in her short life ten times over.
I texted Emmet once it was late enough I could be sure he'd get it.
Jake's coming 2 dinner – get extra
Then Jake
Dinner at 6 – come early if you want to help cook
An hour later, I got what I'd come to learn was a typical response from Emmett:
Don't think I can afford that much food…
I would worry the day he stopped teasing me… that's how I would know there was something very, very wrong in the world.
I spent the day opening all of the windows in the house, airing out the stale smell of winter in the bright warmth of this May Sunday and reading some new books Angela had squirreled aside for me. I was getting quite a collection of esoteric literature, and I loved it. Claire had been borrowing some of them, and I had taken a few into the school for the kids to borrow, but most I kept here: my own personal treasures.
My phone rang again. This time it was Angela. I guess my love life really was the most interesting thing going on in Forks.
"Hello."
"So…"
"Hi, Angela."
"Yeah, yeah, hi. So?"
"I'm fine; thanks for asking. It's a lovely day, isn't it?"
"Bella! Come on, did you and Jake work things out? It's killing me!"
"I can't believe how invested you are in this. You and Alice, god, you'd think you didn't have lives of your own."
"Okay, I'm coming over there if you don't start talking. Or maybe I should call Jacob…"
I laughed at her frustration. "Okay, don't do anything rash now. We talked, okay? We went for coffee, and we talked."
"So, did he spend the night?"
"Angela!"
"What?"
"No, he didn't."
"Well, so did you work things out then?"
"For now, we'll see. He's coming over tonight."
"Awesome! I hope he doesn't fuck this up."
"Me too!"
I heard Emmett and Rosalie come in, laughing happily, and I checked the clock to see it was 4:00 PM.
"Okay, I'm gonna run Ange…"
"Okay, well, have fun, okay?"
"I will. I'll call you tomorrow."
"Love you, Bella."
"You too."
I hung up, smiling at my friends and half expecting to get a call from Emily next. Royce would be home any minute, and I hadn't heard back from Jake yet… I changed my clothes, taking off my ratty sweats and pulling on a pair of tight jeans and a t-shirt. It felt so good to be able to wear just one layer of clothing finally. Forks was a lot of things, but ideally situated for optimal climatic appeal, it was not.
I came bopping downstairs and found Rosalie spread out on the couch, happily working on her recent Sudoku book while Emmett was clanging around in the kitchen.
"What we making today?" I said, hopping up onto my favorite perch on the counter.
"I was thinking mango and black bean empanadas."
"Mmmm, that sounds great!"
"I had to get a jar of mangos since they aren't in season."
"Ewww, in syrup?"
"Nah, the stuff in the fruit juice."
"Great…" I said, skimming over the recipe as Emmett pulled out all of the spices we would need.
"Greasy Grimey Gofer Guts – Mutilated Monkey Meat – Little Birdie's Bloody Feet, and I Forgot My Spoon!"
"Royce is home," Emmett laughed, opening the refrigerator door.
"You think?"
"Miss Bella!" he called.
"Miss Bella!" he and another voice called together.
"Miss Bella!" Rosalie joined them.
"Miss Bella!" the chant continued.
"Fine," I hopped off my perch and walked into the other room to find Jake by the door with flowers and a bottle of wine in his hands.
"This is what I'm supposed to do, right? This is how you woo a girl?" he smiled, knowing perfectly well what he was doing. Royce bounced up and down, his face an open book of joy and delight.
"Uncle J drove me home! He says he's not in trouble anymore!"
"Oh, is that what he said?" I raised an eyebrow at Jake.
"It's the best I could come up with," he blushed, heading to the kitchen but stopping to kiss my cheek on the way.
"Hey, man."
"Hey, brother…" Emmett and Jake fell easily back into being together.
"So… should I ask?" Rose said, looking at me from over her book.
"Not yet."
"Okay." She shrugged her shoulders and went back to her game.
I walked back into the kitchen to find Jake sitting at the table, messing with my laptop.
"What'cha doing?"
"Checking your history for internet porn."
"Shut up." I smacked his arm.
"Hitting's not nice; Miss Trish says not to hit," Royce said, wandering back to his room with his overnight bag.
"You're right, Royce. I'm sorry, Jacob."
"I accept your apology, but I think I need a kiss to make it better."
I leaned down to kiss him as Emmett started making gagging sounds behind us.
"Seriously? Is this what I have to endure now? God, maybe the two of you sulking separately was better…"
"Hmmm, I have to disagree," Jake said, pulling me down to sit on his lap. As I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, I was struck by how perfectly we fit together, and how comfortable it was with him here. He fit not only with my body but in my life.
"Well, as long as you're here, get chopping."
"I wanna be where the people are… I wanna see wanna see 'em dancing..."
Royce brought his stuffed animals out into the kitchen from his room, a little collection of sea creatures in his arms.
"I'm gonna be Ariel for Halloween," he said on his way to the living room to play.
"Now, what do I do with that?" Emmett asked, looking at us.
"Nothing. Let him be," I chidded, knowing that Royce was lost in the world of his imagination. This wasn't some kind of glimpse into his sexuality, just a part of being a kid.
"Yeah, he'll be what he'll be. Nothing you can do about it now," Jake said, lifting me up off his lap before grabbing the cilantro from the counter and starting to chop it finely.
I sat watching them work, smiling that my family was complete again.
"He's not your son."
"Not yours either."
"You know what I mean."
"Yeah, well, I've known plenty of gay guys - not really a big deal either way." Jake joked offhandishly.
"Nothing sexier than men cooking," Rose said from the doorway before walking up behind Em and wrapping her arms around him.
"Put some music on, Bella."
"What are you in the mood for?"
"AC/DC," Emmett said without missing a beat.
"I think not."
"Come on, Jake, back me up; AC/DC right?"
"No way, brother. I'm on relationship probation; I'm siding with the girls tonight," he laughed, turning to wink at me.
"How about Nora Jones?"
"All right, that's okay. Not as good as Hells Bells, but it'll do… Hey, Hells Bells! That's you!"
"Oh God…"
"I feel a nickname coming on," Emmett threatened, turning around and pulling Rose against his chest.
"Don't you dare."
"Sure, Hells Bells, no problem. I won't call you that, Hells Bells."
"Rose, could you please castrate him for me?"
"No… I need those. How about I chop off his nose?" she laughed against him.
We worked, stuffing the dough until it was time to put them in the oven and drinking the wine Jacob had brought over. When that bottle was gone, Emmett pulled out another, filling our glasses.
"Roy Baby, are you going to try the empanadas?" Rose called when dinner was ready.
"Sure, Mama!" he said, bounding in. Somehow, he'd gotten something green all over his yellow shirt.
"What have you been doing in there?"
"Playing."
"With?"
"My animals!"
"So what's on your shirt?"
"Oh." He looked down, wiping at the offending stain. "I don't know, mama, looks like monster blood."
His complete sincerity made all of us laugh.
"Okay, honey, is there monster blood on anything else?"
"I'll check…" Royce went running back into the living room to inspect.
"Where does he come up with that stuff?" Jake laughed, taking another sip of his wine. His large hand on the delicate wine glass was amazingly sexy.
"I don't know, but he's constantly catching me off guard," Rose said, watching after him with a soft smile playing on her lips.
We set the table together in comfortable conversation and ate quickly, our most recent adventure in cooking a glowing success. We were halfway into our third bottle of wine at this point, and Royce had been nodding off at the table so Rose took him back to bed.
All night, Jake's hand had been on me in some way -on my leg under the table, or against the small of my back. He kept constant contact, and the heat of his hand was dizzying.
"I'll do the dishes," Rose announced, coming back to the kitchen. This was her usual duty, since she never cooked.
Em went out to the living room and flipped on the TV, and I looked at Jake, inclining my head and making him smile that slow, sexy smile that made me quiver. We headed upstairs without comment from Emmett and Rose. They were being surprisingly cool about his reintroduction into our lives, and I was glad not to have to deal with tension from them in addition to my own nervousness about being with Jake.
As soon as we were up in my room, he closed the door and pulled me to him. "You are so beautiful," he whispered into my hair, sending shock waves from where his lips brushed against me through my entire body.
"Jake…" I sighed, leaning back into him as his scent surrounded me.
He brushed my hair away from my neck and kissed me lightly -feather light kisses, making my skin shiver and my eyes close. He kissed along my neck up to my ear, licking the lobe. "I missed you," he cooed, his voice low, before kissing me again, further back on my neck, down to my shoulder. His hands were wrapped around me, one slowly making its way up my body; I pushed harder against him, feeling his need.
"Stop, stop…" I said, regaining my control and stepping out of his grasp.
"I'm… I'm sorry."
"I can't… you can't just jump back into my bed, you know? I can't just… let it all go."
"Okay, okay, honey." He walked back up to me, putting his hand on my face and covering most of my cheek. "However much or little of me you want… it's fine… it doesn't matter, okay?" He bent his legs, coming down to my eye level and forcing me to look at him. "I just want to be here with you, Bella. That's more than I could have hoped for."
I touched his face, wanting to kiss him but afraid he would misunderstand. But he leaned into me, straightening back up but taking me with him by his strong arms around my waist. "Whatever you want, Bella, anything," he said into my mouth, "Anything." And then his lips were on mine, soft like silk, warm as water, moving against mine in rhythm with our hearts.
We walked over to my couch, still entwined. He sat down, bringing me to sit on his lap.
"I'm serious, okay?" I said, not wanting him to try and change my mind as he was so prone to do. I didn't want to make any mistakes with him.
"I know. We'll stay out here, okay? I won't try anything like that… I just… I don't think I can stop kissing you."
And I didn't want him to; I leaned against him, my hand flat on his chest -so strong -and brought my lips down to his. We kissed; our tongues wrapped together, and our hands unsure like teenagers. I turned and straddled him, making him moan in my mouth as I pulled his face to mine, pushing myself against him.
His hands worked their way up my shirt, scorching my skin with every light touch. He clutched at my shoulder blades, pulling me into his chest. I dropped his lips, wanting to taste his skin. I ran my tongue along his jawline before kissing him gently under his ear, a spot I knew made him quiver.
"Bella…" he breathed, putting his hands on my hips and holding me tight as he rubbed against me, making a fire start at my core that couldn't be quenched. His head rolled back, eyes closed as I kissed his neck, licking and pulling his skin into my mouth. Listening as his breath sped up, I bit him hard along his artery, making him moan loudly.
"Bella, Bella, what are you doing to me…" he moaned as I bit him again, chewing on his skin and pulling his shirt collar aside to give me access to more of him. He rubbed against me savagely, losing himself in the sensation of his body against mine.
"I… god…" he moaned as I pulled his head the other direction roughly before diving in to attack the other side of his neck. He tasted like tears and love, his scent getting stronger as he struggled against the confines of his jeans.
"Bella, I… god… what… what… how can I… oh god…" he brought his hands to the back of my shoulders and pushing me down against him. His hips rose up from the couch; he was growling, clenching his jaw.
I sat up slightly and pulled him with me as I rolled onto my back on the love seat. It was far too small for us, and with a savage look and a growl, he lifted me onto the floor, settling himself between my legs.
I pulled my legs up against his hips, holding him against me, and the seam of my jeans rubbed against my core in just the right spot as he pushed against me over and over. "Jake!" I said, leaning my head back and arching up to his hand on my breast.
"Fuck, Bella… I'm… I'm not gonna…"
"What?" I looked up at him.
"I… I'm not gonna come like this… I… God, I want you." His eyes were black, the fire behind them blazing.
Without thinking, my hand slid down his body, hard and tight with desire. I pulled his shirt out of his pants before reaching in, grabbing his thickness in my hand. "Oh my…" He lurched against my touch. He was so soft, like satin. How could his skin be so soft and smooth when he was burning me with his desire, his hardness thick and needy?
"How about now?" I whispered, running my thumb over his tip, spreading the moisture there over his head, and letting it glide my fingers against him.
"Hhhaaa," was all he said as I started to pump him, looking up at his closed eyes and tight face. I pulled on him firmly, wanting to feel his release.
"Come for me," I whispered, grinding my hips against the back of my hand inside his jeans, matching his movements with my own. I made love to him on the black rug of my living room with my hand and my eyes. I held him tightly as he shook and pulsed against me before collapsing on top of me, his weight heavy and welcome.
"Oh my god…" he whispered into my neck. I kissed his ear, making him shiver.
"I have to get up," I said softly, not wanting to ruin the moment. I slid my hand out of his jeans carefully as he rolled off of me. Quickly, I went to wash my hands. When I came back, he was still lying on the floor with his hands behind his head and his eyes closed. His body was beautiful, so long and defined, especially when he stretched like this, his thin waist sculpted with muscles stretching up along his torso.
"Bells, come here," he sighed, holding his arm out and inviting me to join him.
"Aren't you uncomfortable?" I asked, sliding along his body and wrapping myself around his side and leg to burrow into his chest. Here, I could finally breathe.
"You said no bed, and I don't want to let go of you yet, so no, I'm perfectly comfortable. This is perfect." He kissed the top of my head.
"Will you stay tonight?"
"Do I have to sleep on the floor?" he said, and though I could hear the smile in his voice, I knew that if I told him to, he would, without complaint.
"No… stay with me."
"Okay… I… I don't deserve you, Bella. I don't deserve any of this."
"I don't know why you can't see what you mean to me." I rolled onto my stomach so I could look at him.
"Because it doesn't make any sense." He looked down at me, a deep sadness in his eyes.
"Jake." I shook my head, wishing he could read my mind, see inside my head. "Come on." I got up and walked back into the bedroom.
We settled into sleep -him in his underwear, me in his t-shirt. I slept curled up on his back with one arm wrapped around his broad body, our legs intertwined, our lives mingled.