Started March 20th

Completed March 21st

Okay, kiddos. It's Wednesday again. And for those in the U.S.—Independence Day! Enjoy and be safe!

Chapter Eighteen

Admission

Admission: (Noun) A confession, as of a crime, error, or mistake; an acknowledgement of the truth or validity of something.

o.O.o.O.o.O.o

Stress was at an all new high for the four of us. We were pressured by the plans that were being put into place, anxious of the way this entire escapade was going to turn out.

It certainly didn't help matters when Ran stumbled in, face clouded in this strange, horrified confusion. I knew what had to be done.

o.O.o.O.o.O.o

Shinichi sighed for what felt the millionth time that day. Had it only been that morning that he had finally spoken to Hattori and Hakuba about his plans? Had it only been a short 6 hours? It certainly didn't feel like it. It felt as if days upon days upon weeks had passed.

Maybe it was just the pressure that was getting to him. He was starting to get the distinct feeling that he was the only one able to maneuver around this situation without feeling as if he were blindly waving his arms through the dark.

He fingered the small, pristine card in his pocket, eyes roving over the three males occupying the living room once more. He had half expected his mother and father to show up once more, but it seemed as if they were planning to spend yet another day doing their version of information collecting. However in the seven hells they did it.

That left just him, Kaito, Hakuba and Hattori. Kaito, of course had already been staying in the manor for the past half week, so his presence came as nothing of a surprise. Heiji had returned just a few short days ago with even more of his luggage in hand, pushing through the front doors to unpack it in one of the many guest rooms within the Kudo residence. Hakuba, however, had been the most surprising. Had he followed his usual pattern from the past few weeks, he would have gone home by now. Though he had returned home to Ekoda a few hours ago, the half-British detective had shown up on the front steps with his own suitcases in hand just a half hour before, face set with an unreadable expression. After Hakuba had dropped his stuff in a guest room (as far away from Heiji's as he could manage), he had found himself here in the living room once more.

So that was where they were now: back on the topic of the plans that they would use in order to bring down the Black Organization.

"You don't have to worry about that anymore," Shinichi called wearily, pressing idly against his temples. His headaches were beginning to come back—and he wasn't sure if that was credited to this irritating meeting or….

…Or the fact that his body was going to start deteriorating once more.

He'd rather not think about it.

Kaito picked up on the weary tone and leaned over, prodding him in his good shoulder. Shinichi squinted his eyes open just a touch, somewhat blurred and limited gaze landing on the magician's concerned expression. It seemed as if Kaito were thinking the same thing. Shinichi shook his head subtly, silently telling him to let it go. The Midnight Magician watched him for a moment before letting it go. (Though he did scoot just a bit closer.)

Heiji furrowed his brows at Shinichi's last cryptic statement, completely missing the exchange between him and the thief on the couch across the table from him. "What do ya mean, we 'don't have to worry about that, anymore'?" He used his fingers to motion quotation marks before dropping his hands to his lap, expression tight and searching.

Kaito, Hakuba and Heiji all looked to him for answers, wondering what in the world he was hiding from them. He knew that they wanted him to trust them with as much information as he had, but reckless and protective notions aside, it was in their best interest that they not know. It was probably the most favorable (and dare he say it: ideal) piece to the entire puzzle. But if they knew exactly what was going on… well, he knew that their refusal would be the best-case scenario.

"Look, I know you guys feel like I'm going to do something… reckless," he glanced over to Kaito in time to see a pinched expression cross his features. His Poker Face swallowed it in an instant. Shinichi hesitated before saying, "…But you need to trust me. The bait is going to be taken care of, in a way that nobody gets hurt. But it's best for everyone that you guys stay in the dark until it comes up, okay?"

He first looked at Kaito to his left, engaging in a staring match with him for a moment before the disguised young man gave in. If there was one person who knew how stubborn and hard headed the shrunken detective could be, it was the Moonlight Magician. He had, after all, been on the other side of the fence for quite some time.

Next he looked in Hattori's direction, pinning him with a determined look. He darted a glance at Hakuba and kept shifting his gaze back and forth, willing them to resign. It was for the best.

If any of them knew that he was going to actually contact Vermouth for help… Well, he really had no idea how they would react. He knew for a fact that all of them had become relatively protective of him, and that they all felt she posed a threat. But they hadn't seen her in the way that Shinichi had. They hadn't seen all of the opportunities that she had to end his life. Hadn't seen her take the chances that she had in order to make sure that he didn't get hurt.

Hadn't felt the sincerity reverberating through her words when she had told them of her desires to change things for the better.

Of course, they had probably felt her sincerity to a certain degree. But their judgment was clouded by their lack of knowledge. They simply didn't know the circumstances surrounding her quite as well as he did. Shinichi could tell them, sure, but he didn't have the time. There was no telling when the proverbial shit was going to hit the fan, and he wasn't going to waste the precious minutes counting up to the movie-esque action trying to get them to trust an assassin.

Finally, Hakuba spoke up. "Alright, Kudo. We'll trust you on this one. But I hope there isn't anything that will break that trust." He gave the Eastern detective a pointed, sharp look. "I believe I speak for all of us when I say that we will do almost anything to keep you out of harm's way."

Even if that means taking you out of the equation in these plans.

Huh. Kaito had mentioned something about Hakuba's ability to let others know what he was thinking with a single look… But wow. He had never really thought that the dirty-blonde headed detective could be expressive enough to do something like that…

But he read the message loud and clear. Though he wasn't sure if pulling Vermouth into the matter would fall under being capable of breaking their trust, it was simply something that he wouldn't turn back on. He knew from the moment he had seen the card that this was the way that it had to be done.

So Shinichi had called her almost immediately.

But they didn't know that yet. They weren't going to know that yet. Not yet. "I know," Shinichi called in Conan's version of a somber voice, clenching his too-small fists. "I understand."

o.O.o.O.o.O.o

Ran was done with searching for answers on her own. It was time to go and get a straight answer from the Conan himself. She wasn't going to battle with her fear over regretting something that hadn't yet happened. She had been left in the dark long enough and it was time to change that.

She slipped through the front door of the Kudo residence easily enough. At first, she had thought that nobody was home. She hadn't seen Yukiko's car out in the driveway, but knowing them, they probably haven't stayed at home for too long at a time. The front entrance was almost completely silent, signs of life completely absent from the large abode. She wasn't going to let this deter her. She was going to get her answers.

Shutting the door behind her with a quiet click, she shut the dimming light of the sunset out, plunging herself into a strange, not-too-dark gloom. Her footsteps were quiet as she pushed through the corridor, idly wondering where Conan would be. Perhaps he would be in the kitchen? She began her trek in that direction, pausing when she heard voices from the door she had just passed.

The living room?

She backtracked a bit, squaring her shoulders and steeling herself for her upcoming interrogation. Her fingers had just brushed the knob when she heard Conan speak.

"You don't have to worry about that anymore."

She froze, fingertips slowly absorbing the chill from the metal doorknob and staining it with heat. Why did Conan sound so… weary? As if he had lived for so long… She pulled her hand away and instead pressed her body a bit closer, maneuvering her ear into a better position to hear what was going on.

There was the rustling of fabric for a brief pause and then she heard another voice. "What do ya mean, we 'don't have to worry about that, anymore'?" Heiji, she immediately placed it. A frown slipped across her lips as she felt the vague tendrils of anger wrapping around her. He had been the one to initiate the lie…

…Or at least a piece of it, her mind whispered.

Inside the room, there was an uncomfortable silence. It almost made her want to fidget anxiously. Finally she heard Conan speak again. "Look, I know you guys feel like I'm going to do something… reckless… But you need to trust me. The bait is going to be taken care of, in a way that nobody gets hurt. But it's best for everyone that you guys stay in the dark until it comes up, okay?"

Bait? Ran furrowed her eyebrows, endless amounts of questions bubbling through her mind. What bait? What in the world are they talking about?

A new voice spoke next, one that she couldn't quite place. "Alright, Kudo. We'll trust you on this one. But I hope there isn't anything that will break that trust."

Her mind stuttered to a halt after the first sentence. Kudo. Was Shinichi in there? Was Shinichi a part of this? What in the world was happening? Was she really the only one who was being left in the dark? Was she really the only one who didn't know what exactly was going on? Even Shinichi, who was never around, never with Conan, knew what was happening?

In what felt like the next moment, Ran felt as if her easygoing, ignorant life had shattered. "I know," Conan replied. "I understand."

Why is Conan replying when he was talking to Shinichi? Her mind whirled and her stomach flopped. Her hands were shaking at her sides as her eyes stared unseeingly at the door before her. She didn't understand.

(But she did.)

She didn't want to believe the signs. Didn't want to believe what everything was pointing to. She hadn't known.

(Deep down, she had.)

Ran's breath came out in short, restricted pants. She was lightheaded and swaying somewhat on her feet. This was wrong. This was impossible. This couldn't be happening.

(But it was.)

Now acting on pure instinct and sheer force of will, she grasped the knob and turned, pushing the door open with a shallow creak. She stumbled through the doorway, eyes immediately falling on the figures seated upon the couches facing one another. The three—no, her mind traitorously reminded her, four—young men snapped their heads in her direction, three out of the four rapidly paling. She stared at them for a moment, vaguely wondering what kind of expression was painted across her face. Then she found her voice, hoarse and confused. "What… is going on…?" Her eyes stayed trained on Conan the entire time.

No.

No.

Shinichi.

Kudo Shinichi.

She licked her lips, eyes never leaving his brilliant cerulean orbs. She saw the way his expression seemed to collapse, leaving him in a mess of guilt, frustration, fear… He knew that she had heard. He knew that she had figured it out. Slowly, the bespectacled not-boy got to his feet, eyes never leaving hers. Shinichi only paused to cast his gaze elsewhere when the boy beside him caught him by the elbow. Something seemed to pass between the small detective and the concerned young man for he nodded and released him.

Conan—Shinichi—whoever this person was, made his way across the room and paused a few short feet in front of her. "Follow me," he muttered, head ducked. He made his way around her, careful not to touch her.

He led her outside, to the back of the house, just as the sun had disappeared from the horizon. The sky was tinged a dark indigo except in the west, where it still held a small splash of an orangey purple. He stood in front of a small bench, back turned to her. She took the hint and took a seat, waiting for him to begin his explanation. The both of them knew that there was no way around it—there was no way of going back.

Finally, he turned around, chewing nervously on his lower lip. Around the burning fury and confusion and hurt, part of her felt guilty that he would have to tell her his secret in this way. That everything would have to come out like this. Ran shoved the feeling aside. But, she supposed she could give him a small mercy.

"Who are you?" Both of them knew the answer to that question—the true answer—but it was her way of getting him to start. It worked.

His breath came out as a visible cloud of vapor in the winter air as he pressed his lips into a thin line. "… I am Kudo Shinichi."

Though she had already figured it out, she still couldn't hold back the wince. To hear him say it aloud…

He ignored the sharp movement, instead turning on his heel once more. With his back to her, he felt as if he could say the entire truth without having to face her, without having to face the pain, disappointment and anger that was simmering behind her blank façade.

"It… started at Tropical Land that day." He couldn't glance at her over his shoulder, no matter how much he wanted to. His habits as a detective dictated that he carefully watch the way people reacted to words… but he couldn't. Shinichi knew that she would understand what time he was talking about anyway. He continued.

"That murder… well, you can probably remember it. There was a small handful of suspects… some of which were a little suspicious in their own right." He shook his head, wincing somewhat. "I don't know if you remember, but there were two men. One was tall, with long blond hair and the other short and heavy-set. They were both wearing black coats and hats.

"Something about them rubbed me the wrong way. I knew that they hadn't committed the murder, but something about them still bugged me. So as we were leaving that night… I saw one of them acting suspiciously. I went to go investigate… That was the last time you saw me before this entire mess happened."

He didn't have to look back to know that she had tensed. There was no doubt in his mind that she remembered those final moments before they had parted. It had been the moment to change everything between them and she knew that clearly.

"The man had been in the midst of a shady dealing. He was meeting up with another man, a CEO, to make a trade—the blackmail that they had on him for smuggling illegal weapons in return for money. I was so focused on the trade…" He rubbed at his arm, flinching at the sharp pain that flared from his shoulder. Ahh, Kaito hadn't forced him to take his pain medication yet, had he?

"…That I had forgotten about the other man dressed in black." This time he turned, gaze searching for Ran's ocean-blue. He watched her for a moment before he slipped his eyes shut. "His partner came up behind me and knocked me out."

Here goes nothing, he thought.

"The two of them force-fed me an untraceable poison." His face contorted somewhat at the sharp intake of breath he heard from her direction. Just plunge through it, he reminded himself. No details necessary. She'll have to make do with the general idea.

He completely left out the pain portion of the drug. "I woke up later by a few security officers. They took me back to the clinic and started asking me questions… And that's when I noticed my appearance." Shinichi pried his eyes open and glanced down with a gesture to his figure. The body of a child. "So I got out of there as fast as I could and found Agasa. I told him what had happened, and both of us decided that it was best not to tell anyone else—those men were really dangerous, and if it were somehow found out that Kudo Shinichi was still alive…"

Ran could piece it together easily enough.

Shinichi continued, "I knew that I would have to create an alternate identity in order to keep them off of my tracks, so I became Edogawa Conan—Shinichi's long lost cousin from America." There was no point in telling her how the name came to be. "Agasa figured that the best way for me to find information on the men in black… a way to change back, was to go to your place—a detective agency that had information filtering through on a regular basis."

He tried in vain to control his breathing, eyes darting off to the side. "I can't give you many details. But… that's… what happened. That's the big secret. The 'big case' that I've been working on all along."

Moments passed. The silence was tense and uncomfortable as Ran tried her best to push past the numb state she had fallen into in order to think over his words. The moment she had pushed past it, the dam opened like a riptide.

Hysteria began to build up from her core, clawing at her limbs and causing them to shake. She forced it back, pushing back the nonsensical question that threatened to fall from her tongue. She ended up saying it anyhow. "How could you do this to us?" She whispered, cheeks rosy from the freezing temperatures and expression torn in pain.

He shook his head, his expression almost mirroring hers. "There isn't an 'us', Ran. I don't love you like that… I'm not sure I ever have," he whispered, screwing his eyes shut.

It couldn't be true.

(But it was the cold, hard truth that he had always so favored.)

Ran's jaw snapped shut with an audible click. She sat there for a moment, fighting back tears. Abruptly, she nodded and stood, turning on her heel and disappearing around the corner. Shinichi, stuck in the body of a child and trapped in the identity of Conan, could do nothing but watch her go.

o.O.o.O.o.O.o

It wasn't until an hour after Ran's frenzied departure that Shinichi stumbled back into the house, glassy-eyed and shaking. He hadn't realized that anyone had been in the hallway until two strong arms wrapped around him, supporting him from the tumble he nearly took to the floor. The person pulled away, rubbing at his arms and almost forgetting about his injury. He couldn't hide the wince that jolted across his body and the sharp sound of discomfort.

"Are you crazy?" Kaito asked in a concerned hiss. "It's the dead of winter out there! Why couldn't you have spoken inside?" The magician pulled him into his arms once more, this time a little more careful with his hurt shoulder. Slowly, warmth began to filter through his clothes to him, the change in temperature causing him to shake almost violently. Kaito kept his arms around him, waiting for the jerky movements to subside mostly before he pulled away and looked over his shoulder.

Without a word, Heiji stepped forward and offered a blanket to the disguised young man, concerned but calculating eyes never leaving Shinichi. "You okay, Kudo?" He asked quietly. The Eastern detective's skin was pale other than the sharp rosy hue at his cheeks and nose. Shinichi gave a sharp nod in response, clenching his hands in Kaito's clothes in an effort to keep himself from shaking too badly.

"How did it go?" Kaito ventured, eyes searching his features. Shinichi frowned, licking his chapped lips idly as he shook his head. "About like ex-pected," he stumbled over the last word slightly, snapping his mouth shut before he blinked sluggishly. "I'm surprised you d-didn't eavesdrop," he stuttered. Kaito pulled away from him a bit more and wrapped him in the blanket that Heiji had handed over.

"We knew it was something you had to handle."

Moreover, they knew that Shinichi might hold it against them forever that they didn't let him deal with something like that in private. That was his business and his alone. They weren't going to prod at his boundaries.

Though, they were only going to wait a few more minutes before rushing outside and hauling the stubborn mule's ass inside. They had no clue whether he was finished speaking with the Mouri girl or not, but it was freezing outside and they knew it couldn't be good for his current weak constitution.

The shrunken detective gave another jerky nod in acknowledgement and Kaito frowned. "You need to get some rest now." The cerulean eyed detective said nothing, only began to stumble his way around the magician-turned-thief and began to make his slow ascent up the stairs. Hakuba, who had stayed silent during the entire exchange, pulled away from the wall and gave the other two a pointed look. "It seems like it didn't go very well."

"That's an understatement," Kaito muttered under his breath, fists clenching.

Heiji gave the both of them a quick glance before making his way to the foot of the stairs. "I'm gonna go—" The Osakan didn't have a chance to say anything further before Kaito was brushing past him and taking the stairs two at a time, disappearing around the bend that Shinichi had just recently turned.

"What the—"

Hakuba smacked his hand lightly on Hattori's shoulder, shaking his head before jolting his head toward the direction of the second story's landing. "Just leave it. Let him take care of it." The two detectives exchanged a quick look before they made a mutual, silent agreement and started for the kitchen to prepare themselves something to eat.

o.O.o.O.o.O.o

It had only been moments after Shinichi had fallen into bed, shoes, blanket-wrap and all that Kaito had slipped into the room, immediately crossing the threshold to sit upon the coverlet beside him. They stayed that way for a bit until Kaito reached forward, brushing his hand against Shinichi's forehead to push aside a lock of hair.

"Will you be okay?"

That seemed to be the right question. He knew that there was no point in asking if he was okay. It was only obvious that he wasn't at the moment. So he needed to know if the detective thought that he would be able to make it out of this with a smile in the end.

"…I think so," Shinichi croaked, rolling onto his good shoulder to stare at the wall in the gloom. Kaito leaned back onto his hands, staring up at the ceiling as if it held all the answers. Then he asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Shinichi just barely bit back the resounding 'no' that had instinctively risen to the surface of his mind. Being in the situation that he was, he was completely used to the fact that he would have to take care of things by himself. That he would have to put up with the stress and pressure and pain that all of these secrets entailed. But Kaito was like him. Kaito understood his fears and stood beside him in order to help him through it. At the back of his mind, he idly realized that, when they got out of this ordeal, he would owe Kaito more than just his life.

"She has always been my best friend," he started, a shiver ripping through his body. Kaito scooted closer. "She was always there. Always. We were always picking on each other, having fun with each other, helping each other out. Just there."

Shinichi shook his head awkwardly from his position. "And she may not have realized it, but that hadn't changed even when Conan came into the picture. We were always there for each other—just under a different name. I never really noticed a difference… it happened over time for me. But for her—it just came out of the blue." He choked over some of the words, pressing his eyes shut.

"I was no longer there for her. Shinichi brushed her off time and again. I know she probably felt abandoned…"

Hesitation caused him to pause and turn over, sitting up to stare straight at Kaito. Then the words were falling from his mouth in a torrent of mild hysteria. "And then I spring this on her. And she realizes that I've been here all along under a false identity. Feeding her lie after lie, and creating secret after secret. Abandonment wouldn't even begin to describe it. Betrayal…"

The magician scooted even closer, until their knees bumped against one another. "Hey. Stop for a second."

Cerulean eyes blinked in the gloom, trying to adjust to the dark to read the expression of the young man. Kaito's hands sought his own in the dark, pulling them between them to rub warmth into. "I'm not going to lie… you're smart enough to see through it. She's probably really hurt right now. But you need to remember that you couldn't help that circumstances deemed for things to happen this way." Shinichi opened his mouth to argue but snapped his mouth shut when Kaito squeezed his hands.

"You also need to remember that she's your best friend," Kaito continued, halting the rubbing motions and simply wrapping his fingers around the detective's cool hands. "She is hurt right now," he repeated, "…But that's only normal. It might take time, but she will start to see things from your point of view. She's been around you a long time, so she knows you, knows the way you think. She may not know the way you feel too clearly, because no matter the person, that sort of thing is always a mystery…

"But she will come to terms with this. She will still be your friend in the end." Kaito rose from the bed and gently pressed Shinichi's tiny body into the comforting warmth of the mattress. He pulled a blanket over him and brushed a hand across his forehead once again. Shinichi, suddenly being dragged into an almost paralyzed, comatose state by his weariness, allowed his eyes to slip shut.

"Give it some time and everything will be okay."

And since Kaito said it, Shinichi felt as if everything truly would be okay. He fell into a relaxed slumber.

Chapter Eighteen

End

Huh. That… came together a lot better than expected. Hahahaha. Thoughts?