Chapter 21 Graduations

Brenda smiled and smoothed her hand down his chest, looking up at him. He groaned, catching it away and lifting it to his lips. His eyes held hers as he gently kissed her fingertips.

"Hey, go easy on me," he said huskily. "I'm only human, after all."

She snuggled into his side as he rested their joined hands atop his thigh. "Really?" she sighed. "You could have fooled me."

He smiled briefly, his expression changing to one of concern. "Listen Brenda, about today—

"Please," she warned, resting her head back upon his shoulder, "don't spoil the moment? I'm still dreaming and I don't ever want to wake up."

He shifted his position slightly, wincing gently. "If it is a dream then why is my back killing me?"

She lifted her head, glancing around them. "Because we're sitting on a park bench that's seen better days," she admitted, ducking out from under his arm to get to her feet. When he stayed where he was she tugged at his hand. "We'd better get back, or Bobby'll worry—"

"Not until you give me an answer," he stated, resisting her efforts to get him to his feet.

"Isn't it obvious by now?" she smiled, releasing his hand as he checked his watch.

"The only thing that's obvious is that we've spent the last half hour kissing," he said, looking up with a smirk. "So come on—what's your answer?"

She crossed her arms and sighed impatiently. "I think you know the answer."

"No, not really," he said quietly, getting to his feet and winding his arms around her. "Are you having reservations?"

"No, it's just that you asked me kind of suddenly," she replied, fingering the edge of his collar.

"You're right," he breathed, "and I know I should have waited until after a year—"

"No!" she gasped, gripping his upper arms. "I'm glad you didn't! I couldn't have waited that long."

He studied her a moment. "I think I see a 'but' in there somewhere."

She felt herself blush and looked down at his chest. "You know I love you…it's just that—marrying me is kind of a risky thing for you to do."

"Hey," he breathed, touching her chin until she looked up at him. "I was there, remember? If you're concerned how things might be between us, there's no need to be."

"How can I not be concerned?" she worried. "I don't know how I might react—you saw what I did to Nick—"

"That's because he was a selfish insensitive brute," he said with a smile. "Besides that, we've just shared some wildly passionate kisses and I made it through ok."

She couldn't help laughing. "You do have a point there."

"Unless you think I'm no better than your old boyfriend," he said, looking slightly offended.

She hugged him close. "No—you'd never treat me like that…I just don't want to panic at the wrong moment and club you in the head."

He eased away to look her in the eye. "We won't ever do anything you're not ready for, or comfortable with, understand?"

She studied him a moment, then nodded. "Ok."

"So you'll marry me?"

"Of course I'll marry you, but not until September 1st."

His expression sobered. "You even see the baggage I have…then September 1st it is."

"That means we'll have waited a year since everything happened," she said with conviction. It felt right, waiting until then, "And Bobby will have graduated already."

"Graduation!" he croaked, "but I completely forgot—you won't be finished by then."

"No, not quite—mine is on the 4th."

"Then we'll wait," he decided, taking her hand as they started back toward the sidewalk.

"That's only two months," she breathed, eyeing his sobering expression. Then she remembered that he'd mentioned wanting to talk about other things. "Doug…what happened when you went home today?"

He glanced at her as they continued walking hand in hand. "We can talk about that later."

"Why not now?"

He looked at her with a slight smile. "Because I don't want to steal anything from us, or this moment."

She nodded, holding up her left hand to the light from the streetlamps. "It's beautiful—at least tell me how you got it, and when?"

"That's for later," he sighed, pulling her closer to drape his arm over her shoulders.

"But how did you know my size?"

He glanced away. "It's a long story."

She squeezed his side until he protested. "All right! If you must know, I found a ring in the guest room and knew it must be yours."

"What ring, and how did you know it was mine?"

"It was a folky kind of ring, with a purple stone in the center," he shrugged. "And Lynne never wore rings, except for her wedding band..."

She watched his expression turn wistful. "I know," she said gently. "She always said she didn't like all the fuss other girls made about the sizes of their diamonds."

"That's right," he sighed, shaking his head. "She wouldn't let me buy her one, even though I wanted to."

"So you found my ring…"

He glanced back down at her. "I took it to a jeweler to size it, then just picked one out that seemed to fit your personality."

She stared at him in disbelief, never having imagined he'd do something like that. "But when did you do all this?"

He eyed her intently. "I found your ring before I left for D.C."

"So you kept it, all this time?"

"I did."

"And when did that translate into buying me an engagement ring?" she had to know.

"I bought it earlier today," he sighed. "That's why I was so late."

She was mortified, and covered her mouth with her hand. "I'm so sorry…you let me yell at you and treat you horribly all that time!"

He smiled broadly. "It was for a good cause," he said huskily, turning and pulling her back into his arms. She felt his hand slide into her hair as he brought his lips close to her ear, making her shiver. "But I will tell you that when I made it past the crowds and entered that empty house, I realized it wasn't home anymore."

She gripped his shoulders, hugging him tight. "It wasn't?"

"No," he breathed, pulling her lips to his for a lingering kiss. "And when I tried to think of home, all I could see was you and Katie…and even Bobby."

She felt him chuckle at the latter and touched his cheek, loving the feel of his soft, scraggly beard. "Now that is strange…"

He reached up to smooth back a tendril of her hair. "And I realized that I'd changed…we all have."

"And that made you want to propose?"

"Not exactly," he admitted. "But I knew that at some point I wanted to ask you, before you found somebody else."

She shook her head. "There hasn't been anyone else…nor will there be."

"But just in case I had to have the ring ready," he told her, "you know, for the proper moment."

"Which was today, after our fight?"

He shrugged. "I don't mind fighting with you."

She smiled and raised up onto her toes to kiss his lips. "Me either, as long as we make up like this."

He kissed her hungrily, finally pulling away to try to catch his breath. "You know, I even consulted the Almighty about the matter," he breathed.

She gaped at him in surprise. "You prayed about asking me to marry you?"

He shrugged. "If crying out demanding answers from heaven and yelling at God counts as prayer, then yes."

She hugged his side as he turned them to continue back. "Yeah," she smiled, loving him even more for that. "I think that counts."

They all settled back into Abe's car, Ceil in the middle of the front seat with Bobby on the passenger side. Doug sat in the back with Brenda, Catherine in her car seat between them. He eyed her wan expression, trying to dispel the bleak feeling deep in his soul. No one said anything as they drove away, leading the way out of the cemetery. Behind them a procession of half a dozen cars followed, a surprising turnout for the unveiling considering how few people had attended the burials.

She turned her head and met his gaze then, her skin pale as she forced a smile. Reaching over his daughter's seat he took her hand, squeezing it as he looked into her eyes. She nodded and held his gaze, her eyes moist with emotion. No one had shed a tear except for his aunt, but they were all pretty choked up. After a minute she took a deep breath and slid her hand from his grasp. He eyed her bare finger, reminded that they still needed to announce their engagement before his family left for home again. He only prayed they would take it the right way, especially Bobby.

"So exactly what is an unveiling?" Bobby ventured into the silence.

Abe turned his head, glancing at his sister before he directed he gaze forward.

"It's like an anniversary," Ceil replied, her attention straight ahead, "to commemorate the year of passing for our loved ones."

"And the cover thing that Doug took off the headstone?" Bobby continued, ignoring him completely.

Brenda glanced his way and shrugged, apologizing in a way for her brother. He shook his head, as much as to say to her not to make a big deal out of it.

"It's just another symbol to end the year of mourning," she added with a shrug.

"But how come you guys don't do flowers?" he wanted to know.

"It's just not our custom," she told him, glancing his way. "You're really interested, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I am," he sighed, looking back at Doug. "But you put a yellow rose on Lynne's grave."

"I'm not so strict, Bobby," he said, pursing his lips. It felt right, with you and Brenda laying large bouquets of flowers on your parents' graves, he wanted to say. How could I do nothing for Lynne?

"I think that's lovely, Doug," she said, turning to glance back at him. "We can't have Lynne with nothing at all, can we?"

Brenda nodded, but Doug saw tears misting her eyes. She did take hold of Catherine's hand as she met his gaze, then glanced past him out his window.

"So now what's done?" Bobby asked, settling in to his relationship with Ceil, who was great with teenagers, Doug knew. She'd been like a substitute mom to him for years, and he could see Bobby following in those steps too.

"Well you light a yahrtzeit candle on each anniversary," she sighed, looking at Abe. "You'd almost think he wanted to convert…"

"Convert? Me?" Bobby gasped, laughing. "Ah no that's ok, no offense you guys…I just think it's interesting."

"It is, given the fact that Christians have nothing at all to do," Brenda sighed. Three heads turned to look at her from the front seat, and even Doug stared at her in surprise.

She smiled. "Actually I'm the one who might want to convert."

Doug felt himself blanch, hoping this was not the way she would bring up their engagement. He tried signaling to her that it wasn't the right time, but she patted his hand reassuringly.

"I have a question too," she said brightly, "does one have to convert to marry a Jewish person?"

"That depends on how religious the family is," Ceil said, her eyes narrowing. "Why, Brenda?"

"Oh, just wondering," she breathed, "like Bobby was."

"Lynne didn't convert to marry me," he stated, wondering if it wasn't better to at least move in that direction. He suspected his father had caught them holding hands. Bobby had, but hadn't mentioned it at all, to anyone.

"No, she didn't," Abe sighed, shaking his head. "May she rest in peace."

"Well I'm hungry," Bobby stated, glancing around as they finally pulled onto the main road. "Is it ok to go out to eat?"

"Well," Ceil worried, glancing at Doug. "On days like this we usually don't—"

"But we're all dressed up," he whined, "and you could use a break Aunt Ceil."

She stared at him, a smile on her face. "You're something else, kiddo."

"He's right," Doug agreed, glancing at Brenda. "You always are cooking and cleaning, Ceil."

"Well I for one would vote Italian," Brenda gushed, glancing at Katie. "And Catherine loves spaghetti."

"Yeah but she'll be wearing it all over her little pink dress," Bobby chuckled, "but now that you mention it I could really get into some fettuccini Alfredo…"

"Not a bad idea," he agreed, reaching down to get pull a bottle from the diaper bag. "Here sweetheart, have some juice," he said gently to Catherine.

"Duse," she crooned, perking up and reaching for it. He gently patted her shoulder, his arm around the top of her seat.

"Italian it is," Abe declared, looking at Bobbie. "Point out the way to a good restaurant, will you?"

"Be glad to," Bobby stated, visibly relaxing.

Doug glanced at Brenda over Catherine's head, smiling secretly to her. Her mood had improved a bit, and her eyes shone. He let Katie hold her own bottle and stretched back in his seat, his gaze drifting out the window. Staring at the passing trees, he tried to grasp the fact that it had already been a year since their deaths. He really didn't know how he'd made it, except for reaching out to God and having the support of his family and Brenda. He felt like he was emerging from a very dark hole and was blinking in the light, not quite sure how to adjust. Even with the events which had recently taken place.

Bobby had graduated high school with honors and had been accepted at the University of Washington, which he stated had always been his dream school. He credited him with helping him score high on his SATs, opening up a place for him there. Brenda had graduated college magna cum laude and took a paid internship was in jewelry design company and he'd finally submitted his thesis. Unbelievably it was in the process of being published and printed. He'd finally been discharged from service by his neurologist, orthopedic surgeon and physical and occupational therapists, who'd all concurred that he was managing well with his disability. The Army was currently arranging settlements for them, as well as for all the families who'd lost loved ones in the New Mexico desert, though the Department of Energy still insisted they were innocent of any wrongdoing. His testimony had weighed in favor of the settlements, for which his online contacts were grateful. On that note they were planning a dedication of a memorial to be erected near the Trinity Site in honor of all the victims, tentatively scheduled for next year. Brenda's friend Alexis had won the competition with her plans for sculpture to mark the place, a bronze six foot statue of angels carrying the victims up to heaven. He'd know it was the right one as soon as he'd seen her forms, and the other families had unanimously agreed. Brenda was helping her on that as well, and his job search was returning several interested contacts. He's sold the store to a larger company, who were currently renovating it for their opening next month.

"Doug," Brenda's voice interrupted, and he pulled his gaze from the window, eyeing her bemused expression. "You alright?"

He nodded, glancing at Bobby's raised brows. "Just thinking about everything that's happened."

"You desperately need a vacation, man," he stated, looking to Abe for agreement. "I'm taking one, but I think you need it more."

"Yeah," he breathed, realizing that they were pulling into the parking lot of the best Italian restaurant in the city, wondering how they got there. "Now that I've sold the store, I suppose I can take one."

"Well I'm going with Nate and his family to Boston for a week but Brenda's not far away," he added, to which Abe and Ceil began plying him with the typical questions.

He eyed Brenda with a faint smile as they opened their doors to climb out. "No," he agreed softly, "she's not far away at all."

They lifted their wine glasses to toast each other, with Abe and Ceil wishing them all happiness and future success in their chosen career paths. Doug made light of his accomplishments, stating quietly that it took him long enough to finish his master's, but his family was effusive in their praises for him.

"It was quite a feat, especially considering what you went through this past year," he father said proudly, setting down his glass to hug him tightly. "I'm proud of you, son."

He nodded, looking embarrassed especially since the whole restaurant seemed to be watching. "Thanks, Dad."

"I'm picking up the tab for this, and I insist we all have dessert," his father announced, to which they all applauded.

Thankfully the rest of the diners turned back to their meals and the conversation rose to a higher volume, as before. Brenda leaned toward him with a smile.

"You handled that well," she said, watching Abe wipe spaghetti sauce from Katie's cheek as she screeched in excitement.

"Thanks, you didn't do too bad yourself," he teased, watching Bobby raise his hands in victory. "But brace yourself—we're about to go public."

"Doug, no!" she hissed, further embarrassed when he slowly stood and raised his glass again.

"Everybody?" he said just loud enough for their table to hear. All eyes shot to him as they waited, and he glanced down at her with a smile. "I have another announcement to make."

She reddened and lifted her napkin to her lips, not quite sure how they would all take it, especially Bobby. But Doug was determined to make this a family announcement, and thought it be best done in public in case Bobby wanted to make a scene. She wasn't so sure, she decided as she looked at the way her brother's gaze shifted from Doug to Abe and then to her. His eyes narrowed as Doug cleared his throat.

"I decided to use this opportunity, when everyone is in a festive mood though not to detract in any way from Bobby's and Brenda's accomplishments—"

"What about your own, Doug?" Ceil interrupted, her face alight with interest.

"Granted that was an accomplishment, but I'd like to change the subject a little and make another announcement."

"What you're going into research instead of teaching?" Bobby joked, leaning back in his chair.

"No, it's really not job-related, so please just hear me out?"

"Go ahead, but sit down before everyone in the place gets involved again," Abe pleaded, to which he sat abruptly down. But he reached for the bottle of wine and refilled his father's glass.

"Alright, but just give me your attention for a bit longer?"

"You got it," Bobby stated, leaning forward while he filled his glass all the way. "And thanks for letting me partake."

Abe waved a hand. "It's just wine, which Jewish children younger than you drink at Passover."

"Then I'll be sure to come for Passover next year," Bobby said with a bow of his head.

"Please, everyone?" Doug asked, a bit frustrated. When he had their attention he glanced at Brenda, who sat back and folded her hands in her lap. In her purse was the ring he'd given her, and though she was a bit apprehensive at their reaction, she decided she couldn't wait to tell the world of their engagement.

"I wanted you all to know that two weeks ago I asked Brenda to marry me," he said carefully, glancing down at his daughter who looked up at him with a smile on her face. "And much to my amazement, she has agreed."

Silence reigned for nearly a full minute before Ceil clapped her hands, her eyes full of love. "Douglas! You amaze me all the time, but this is beyond my wildest dreams! Congratulations, and Brenda you know we've always loved you as our own daughter!"

"Wow that's great news," Abe agreed, nodding his head as a smile split his face. He reached out his hand and shook Doug's, then hugged him again. "I couldn't be happier for you both!"

Brenda felt him reach for her hand, which he squeezed as he leaned over and kissed her cheek. She blushed, thanking them all before looking at her brother. Bobby sat transfixed, then his gaze shot to Doug, narrowed suspiciously, then settled on her face.

"You sure about this, sis?"

She nodded, gripping Doug's hand like a lifeline. "I fell in love with him even before that." She looked at Doug, who scooted closer and put his arm around her. Leaning her head on his shoulder, she felt happier than she had in months. Even years.

"So—when's the happy occasion?" Ceil wanted to know as she got up. Moving to Doug's side, she gripped his head between her hands and kissed his cheeks, making him blush. Then she came over and kissed her, too. "I'm so happy, for both of you!"

Bobby slowly got up, coming over to Doug and extending his hand. "Wow—this was a little scary at first, but now I think it feels kind of amazing," he admitted.

Doug studied him, shaking his hand before he gripped Bobby and hugged him. "We want you to be ok with this," he said quietly.

Bobby nodded, "I am—it was just a surprise at first." He turned to her as she got up and hugged him.

"We both love you, Bobby," she told him, feeling her tears well up. "You'll see, nothing will change that."

He nodded. "I know—really, it's cool. You guys will be good together, and I think Lynne would want you to."

She nodded. "We think so, too."

"And does my little niece know?" he teased, going over to Katie and lifting her from her high chair. "How's my little buddy, huh? Uncle Bob's gonna take care of you now, especially with dessert coming!"

The ceremony was held at Ceil's house on September 2nd, with the rabbi who officiated Doug's bar mitzvah years before officiating. Besides family members Bobby's two best friends came, as did Alexis and Missy in support of the bride. The matron of honor was none other than her friend Tina, who flew in with her husband from New Mexico to help them celebrate. It was a traditional service held under a chuppah made of flowers, taking place on a blessedly warm sunny day in Ceil's backyard garden. Katie delighted in her role as flower girl, throwing petals of roses at everyone as she circled the small crowd guided by her great aunt Ceil. They wrapped a wine glass in a cloth napkin, and by the time Doug stomped on it and kissed his bride they all sighed in corporate relief, considering this beginning of life together a fitting close to a year of suffering and loss.

Brenda hugged Tina as Doug shook hands with her husband, taking some time to get to know him. She leaned back and studied her friend's glowing face.

"I'm so glad you could come," she breathed happily, hugging Tina again. "Thank you for being my matron of honor."

"Are you kidding?" Tina gushed, extending her at arm's length to get a good look at her up close. "I wouldn't have missed this for anything! You look gorgeous, and best of all happy."

"Thanks, I am," she sighed, glancing over at her new husband who was deep in conversation that looked far too serious for the occasion. "You're husband's great, Tina."

"Yeah I think so, even after 30 years of marriage!" she teased, turning to glance at him. She turned back and winked. "Yours is pretty great too, and he looks so handsome!"

"He does, doesn't he?" she sighed, gazing at Doug. In that moment he looked up, his lips parted as if in mid sentence. The warmth of his gaze heated her skin even across the distance.

He wore a navy suit with a silver and navy striped tie, which he was already loosening with his injured fingers. She was amazed at how well he was managing with them, for he didn't even seem to notice them anymore or be hindered much in their use. His hair was streaked by the sun with highlights, and the secret kiss he'd planted on her cheek before the ceremony had afforded her a whiff of a new aftershave he'd used just to touch up the edges of his scraggly beard. It was woodsy with just a hint of spice, and she couldn't wait to go hang on his arm just to enjoy its scent.

"Oh you've both got it bad, just as I predicted," Tina said, her gaze shifting from Doug's face to her own. "I'm so happy you found each other, and I must say he certainly looks much finer than he did in the ICU."

"I do love him," she whispered to Tina, leaning closer. "And I'm not worried about tonight, or any other night, not with him."

Tina patted her hand, glancing at him again as he took Katie from his aunt's arms, kissing her cheek. His smile lit his face and took one's breath away, at least in Brenda's opinion.

"Just look at him," she whispered to Brenda, "there's gentleness in every move he makes," she said, focusing on her alone. "He'll surely treat you that way too."

She nodded, shivering and laughing at herself. "I'd better get some punch," she choked.

"No, I think you need your man instead, and look out he's coming this way," Tina warned, turning to hug him in greeting. "Congratulations, and may I say you look much better than the last time I saw you, Doug!"

"Thank you, ma'am," he drawled as her husband came to his side.

"Ignore her, it's the nurse talking," he warned Doug, who laughed with them both.

"I thank God for nurses," he replied, letting Tina take Katie as she requested. His eyes caught Brenda's and he smiled. "We both do."

She smiled as he came to her side, sliding his hand around the small of her back as he leaned close. His kippah was made of leather died navy, its border etched with Hebrew letters she wanted translated. Gripping his arm, she pressed into his side for support, feeling elated at being with him and even better being married to him. Gazing up at him, she saw the love in his eyes, and the desire. Gone was that haunted look and the quiet desperation she'd sensed in him, and she vowed to keep it at bay if at all possible.

Tina handed Katie over to Ceil, who announced she was going to change her pull-up. Everyone present had already congratulated them, a thankfully small group, and now they were moving toward the food set up buffet-style.

"Glad the service part is over?" Doug whispered as she touched his lapel. His breath sent little shivers down her bare neck as his eyes followed the long curled tendril of hair that reached to the top of her gown.

She nodded, leaning closer. "I'll have to learn Hebrew—it sounded beautiful but I have no idea what it meant."

He chuckled, his voice low. "It's mostly the Psalms and prayers of thanksgiving," he told her. "We have a siddur with the translations printed on one side if you're interested."

"I am," she breathed, holding his gaze. "It would be nice to know every detail…"

He kissed her forehead, but she hungered for another kiss like the one he'd planted on her when the rabbi declared them husband and wife. He straightened, his eyes telling her that he understood as a tiny smile lifted the corners of his lips.

"Thank you for marrying me," he whispered, lifting her hand to kiss her knuckled.

She curtsied just enough to honor him without embarrassing him. "Thank you…"

Ceil's oldest son passed a tray of champagne flutes, and they each took one, turning as Abe gave the toast, then l'chayim. They linked elbows and drank, looking into each other's eyes.

"To life," he repeated, translating for her. They heard clinking sounds being made with the glasses, and he laughed softly, setting aside their glasses.

She gripped his arms as he lowered her back just enough to kiss her, a firm press of his warm lips upon hers as everyone shouted in approval, gentling to soft tentative nibbles as he smiled into her gaze. She fanned herself as he pulled her upright again, then kicked off her heels. His eyes gauged the decrease in her height as she heard music start and climbed up barefoot onto the tops of his shoes. He laughed, gripping her waist as she clung to his shoulders and they danced slowly, not really knowing how to or caring. In fact no one cared, which made it a much more relaxing and stress-free celebration. A celebration of life.

c. 2011 by Christine Levitt