CHOICES
A/N: Love all the comments! Several of you agreed that Jake needed a 'time out' in his truck. Thanks again to my dear Momma Laura for tidying my messes and for complimenting my gerunds. I'm glad you know what they are and that I get them right.
Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own the ingredients to make both dolmades and baklava. Be jealous.
Can't Stand Losing You – The Police 'Every Breath You Take'
Chapter 21
BPOV
Bella lay in bed on Sunday morning, mentally running through the things she needed to take care of prior to Monday's testing. It was as much an actual attempt at organization as it was an effort to shake off the effects of the dream that woke her. It was odd that she almost missed her old nightmares; they were at least familiar. The dreams she had now were darker and much more painful.
They all revolved around him, of course, and his cold, cruel removal of her heart.
She sometimes wished he had literally removed it, instead of figuratively. It wouldn't ache so badly then. She sighed and began the process of getting up and ready for her day.
Once she had showered and dressed, she started a load of laundry. Mundane chores helped keep her busy and her mind off of things she didn't want to think about, which made it easier to concentrate on things she did, like grocery shopping. Since she wouldn't be home for half of the week, there was no sense in buying a bunch of food. She started a list of what she would need for dinner when she came home, as well as a list of things to take with her to the Research Center.
Other than a few items to make sandwiches, she didn't need much, but she was low on one important staple. She wrote down 'wine'. Even if she wouldn't be home, it would be comforting to know there was a bottle or two chilling for her when the testing was over. She would probably be too tired to make anything fussy when she came home, so 'pizza' also went on the list. She stared at the two words and struggled not to re-live the last time she had eaten that particular meal.
She could see his amber eyes as he watched her eat, picking his own slice to pieces. How the amber turned to gold when he had explained that he left Forks because he had been too dangerous to be around, and then sparkling like topaz, crinkling in amusement when he had shooed her from her own kitchen so he could do their dishes.
Bella shook her head, trying to stop the memory loop her brain kept replaying. If it kept on, she'd remember how dark his eyes had been when he came back to her after Jake left; how delighted he was to take her to listen to the jazz combo at his hotel. If she remembered that far, there would be no stopping the waves of thoughts until they brought her once again to the agony she'd felt when Jake told her that he had gone.
There wasn't time for another of those trips down misery lane. She had things to do, and there was no point in rehashing it anyway; it didn't change how she felt or the fact that he was gone. She wiped angrily at a tear that had managed to escape, even though her eyes had been squeezed tightly shut.
'Traitor.'
She opened her eyes and looked at the vase that was still in the kitchen, the violets now decidedly wilted. There was no more chance of reviving them. She left the list on the kitchen counter and pulled a few sheets of paper towels free from the roll. She carefully removed the flowers and laid them out, blotting the stems dry. She dumped the water from the vase and washed it before putting it away, then turned back to the violets. They looked so frail and forlorn, the same way she felt. She reached for the coffee cup on the counter that held the blossoms which had already fallen from the nosegay, and scattered them loosely around the limp stems on the towel. She folded the paper towel over the flowers and reached into a cabinet for a casserole dish, which she placed on top as a weight. By the time she got home on Wednesday, they would be pressed and nearly dry.
Wednesday. She had come to dread that word last week, yet the day had come and gone, and here she was at Sunday again. Her head swam at the realization. One week ago he had walked into Jake's shop, back into her life and into her heart. As much as she wanted to deny it, she knew it was true. She cared for him, more than she should. He had charmed her, wined and dined her, and flat-out romanced her. He had to know what he was doing to her; the effect he had on her made it hard for her to breathe.
Bella's eyes were on the paper towels, but her mind wasn't. One week ago, he brought those violets to her, because they reminded him of the silly ones on that hat…
'That hat… oh, God, please, no. I can't take this.' She shuddered, and another tear escaped her eye. What was the point of wiping them away if they were just going to keep coming?
She dropped her head into her hands, and a sob wrenched through her. The pain would get better; it had to get better. Time heals all wounds, after all. But she didn't believe it. She knew firsthand how time and wounds worked, and healing wasn't always what happened. Sometimes, the wounds just stayed there, refusing to get any better, no matter how you tried to pretend they were. Sometimes, you just had to learn to live with a hole.
Several minutes passed as Bella struggled for composure. She had things to do. She was an independent woman, with a good job and good friends. She was about to take part in something that could well be a breakthrough for spinal cord injury medicine. Her life was full and content, and the entrance of one beautiful man into it for a few days was not going to disrupt that.
'I suck at pep talks. Dear God. If I can't get him out of my heart, can I at least get him out of my head for a little while?' She shook her head again, as if she could physically dislodge the image of him from her mind.
'That's it – I have to get out of here. Grocery shopping and dry cleaning, here I come.'
Bella grabbed her coat and purse and headed out of the door. Once outside, she was stunned by the beauty of the day. Winter in the northwest was fairly standard – cold and wet. Today was still quite chilly, but the sun was shining in a brilliant clear blue sky, bringing a welcome reprieve from the usual gloom. It lifted her spirits and gave her a small bit of hope that things would, indeed, be better soon. Until she remembered that last Tuesday had also been a sunny day such as this, the last day she had felt the least shred of happiness.
Her errands were simple and actually took very little time. She added a few extra things to her grocery basket, trying in vain to hide the wine bottles and pizza box from her sight, and ended up with more food than she could have eaten if she were going to be home all week. At the dry cleaners, she had a difficult moment when the clerk handed back not only two skirts and a pair of slacks, but the deep blue dress she had forgotten she left there last Monday. She made it back to her truck before the first tears splattered softly on the protective plastic bag.
It was the dress that did it. Bella could see it from the corner of her eye as she drove, draped carefully across the passenger seat as though it were the rarest of silks, the color taunting her with the words he had murmured to her.
"Kryptonite doesn't make me weak, Bella. But violets do."
On an impulse, she drove past her apartment and turned at the corner. She spent a few minutes searching along the street for a place to park, finally finding one nearly a block from her intended destination. She was grateful for the fine weather then; it had been raining the last time she was here.
The same woman was behind the counter, smiling indulgently as Bella carefully made her way back to the corner that held the clothes. The musty scent of dust and age pulled her back a week in time. She knew if she closed her eyes, he would be there, laughing at himself, peering at her over those awful sunglasses, kissing her glove, asking… Her eyes closed against her will, and she fought to keep the sob from rising in her throat.
"Miss Bennet, may I escort you to dinner?"
Her eyes flew open, tears clinging to her lashes. That incredibly velvet voice still sounded in her ears. She swiped at her eyes and glanced around, hardly daring to hope to find what she was looking for. Surely someone else had been here. Someone else must have wandered through, a costumer perhaps, or someone going to a masquerade… but, no. It was still here. All of it. There, on the chest, just as he had placed it a week ago, was a small pile of Day-Glo orange feathers and chartreuse linen, red silk and ivory lace. A pair of mirrored sunglasses leaned saucily against a bent cardboard box.
Bella's hands shook as she reached for the box, knocking the glasses onto the pile of clothes. Hardly daring to breathe, she lifted the lid.
Black silk gleamed from its depths, and frazzled purple blossoms drooped on the inky shadow of the band. A small gasp escaped her lips, and she tentatively touched the crown. She could feel the weave of the silk; it made a whispery sound as she trailed her fingers across it. Carefully, she replaced the lid. The treasure was hers.
Clutching the box, she started to wheel towards the counter, but stopped, looking back at the sad little pile. She argued with herself for a moment, but there was really nothing else to do. Just as with the gloves, no one else should wear these things. They were theirs.
The woman looked up as Bella placed her tatty collection on the counter. She smiled in recognition and began to ring up the sale, wrapping each item lovingly as though it were spun glass. Her lonely chatter swept over Bella, neither waiting for responses nor expecting them.
"You were in here last week, weren't you? With that handsome boy who bought you gloves. He is a looker, isn't he? Is this for him? A Christmas present for your boyfriend? My, he will look handsome in this hat! You might want to get a fresh posy for the band though; this one's seen better days. Another purple flower would be nice. It would go quite well with all that pretty coppery hair. Oh, yes, I remember! I haven't seen such pretty hair on a fellow in, oh, thirty years! You do make quite the handsome couple. I thought that the minute the two of you came in last week. Raining cats and dogs and the two of you giggling back there in the corner. I thought to myself, 'Now that's a fine looking couple back there, her with her pretty dark ringlets and him with…,' oh, what do they call it now? There's something the kids at the college say… Oh, I know! 'Sex hair!'"
Twenty shades of red crossed Bella's face in half as many seconds as she paid for her purchases and exited the shop as quickly as she could. Once outside and on her way back to her truck, the insanity of what had just happened took hold, and she had to stop until the fit of giggles passed.
It felt good to laugh, but it was short-lived. Her gasps for breath shortly turned to soft sobs as she continued to her truck. Once she was inside the cab with the box and other packages nestled on the floor of the passenger side, she rested her head on the steering wheel.
'What am I doing? Why did I buy all that? Just so no one else would? How pathetic! It isn't even anything I can use, and I certainly can't give any of it as Christmas gifts, not even as gag gifts to Embry or Quil…' She felt a tear trickle down her cheek. She would never consider giving any of it away, of course. It was too personal, too special. If only he could have heard that woman! He would have laughed so hard, his golden eyes would have crinkled. What she wouldn't give to be able to tell him about it, to be the reason for the crinkles and the music that was his laughter.
Another tear fell, and Bella started the truck. It wouldn't do to fall apart out here on the street; she had a perfectly good apartment that was much more private. Besides, there were still groceries to put away, laundry to finish, bills to pay, and packing to do. Nice, quiet, mundane things to keep her mind off of violets.
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Mondays, as a rule, suck. It's part of their job description. If there is something that could go wrong any day of the week, it will inevitably be Monday that gets the short straw.
Bella was having a clear case of the Mondays. To begin with, she forgot to set her alarm. Again. It wasn't that big of a deal in the long run, as she was awakened by dreams a little after four and couldn't get back to sleep, so she wasn't late. But she was tired, and a tired Bella was cranky and short-tempered. That may have had something to do with the ticket she got. That, and no coffee.
No coffee was already the worst part of this research project. They wanted the participants to be stimulant and depressant free from Day One. She had to fast from midnight on, which wasn't too bad, but she wasn't allowed to drink anything other than water after three o'clock on Sunday. She'd had to attempt sleep without even one small glass of wine, which meant she didn't fall asleep until well after midnight.
So now, running on a bit less than four hours of sleep and no food, finally registered and assigned to report to Harborview Medical Center, Bella fumed as she looked at the ticket stuck under her windshield wiper. She had been in a hurry to park and all of the handicap spaces were full; there was a car in one of them that had no tag. This was one of her pet peeves, and she couldn't wait for this moron to discover the huge fine he was going to have to pay for his discourtesy. She had to park two rows down on the end, and in her aggravated state hadn't noticed she was in the staff parking section. Now she had a parking ticket on her windshield that she couldn't reach from inside the cab or from the ground.
The ticket could just stay there. She had called Jake to tell him she would be at Harborview, and he had agreed to take her truck back to her apartment for her. That's when she had gone out to get her bag and found the ticket. She sighed and started the truck; at least she could move to a handicap spot now.
Bella re-parked, double checking the section first. She got her bag and headed to the shuttle stop to wait for her ride to Harborview. It was a simple service that UW medical provided, connecting all the medical campuses and making it easier for patients to get to their appointments. It also was going to save her some money. Parking wasn't cheap at Harborview and it would really add up over three days. Since her little impulsive shopping spree yesterday, she was going to have to watch her budget when she got home. She wondered briefly if there was a monetary compensation for the research participants that Dr. Riggs hadn't mentioned, but immediately felt guilty for it. Research monies were better spent on paying the researchers than the subjects.
As the shuttle trundled across Portage Bay, it occurred to her that she still hadn't done any Christmas shopping. Now that the semester was over, she would have some time to cruise around the university area, poking about in fun little shops… Bella squeezed her eyes shut and dropped her chin to her chest for a moment before lifting her head to look out the window. Somehow exploring those shops had lost its appeal. Perhaps it would be an internet Christmas after all.
The shuttle left I-5 and returned to street level. Bella's heart leaped to her throat for just a moment as they crossed Madison heading south. She had forgotten how close Harborview was to the Sorrento Hotel. She counted the blocks in her head.
'Five… six… seven. Probably no more than a half mile away, but it might as well be in Alaska. Not that it matters – he isn't there anymore, anyway. Gone back to Vermont, I guess. Wait… he said he didn't live in Vermont. He didn't ever actually say where he lives now.' Bella sighed as the shuttle came to a stop in a passenger loading zone outside of Harborview.
When was this going to stop hurting? She had known from the beginning that he was going to leave; it had been his plan all along to go when his car was ready. So why had she let herself get so attached? It wasn't like her to allow strangers to get so close to her, but then, he was no stranger. He had lived in her head for a decade; now that they were formally introduced, he had moved to her heart.
Her musings were interrupted by center staff asking her questions. A pretty nursing assistant took her paperwork and information and led her upstairs, through the labyrinth of offices, examination rooms, and labs, to an area that had been set up specifically for this research project. It took two rooms to hold it all.
In the first, counters and desktops were covered in computers and equipment. Freestanding diagnostic machines hummed in a row as last-minute tests were run to ensure they were working properly. A variety of exercise and stress measurement equipment was set up around the second room, cables running along the floorboards connecting them to the data receptacles in the first room. Center staff, doctors, and researchers milled around, each intent on a specific task in preparation for the testing.
The NA brought her to a room just off of the main research area that would be her home for the next few days. There were three rooms, each identical in layout, beds, and equipment. Bella's was on the end. The other two test subjects were parked in the doorways of their respective rooms, watching the organized chaos. One she knew by sight as one of Dr. Riggs' patients; she had seen him on occasion when she had gone in for check-ups. She thought his name was Randy. He was a few years older than she was, tanned and attractive with a very athletic build. He had on a sleeveless team jersey that showcased his muscular arms and powerful torso. Randy seemed to be full of energy. He couldn't keep still, rocking the wheels of his racer chair back and forth, impatient to get started.
The other subject was unfamiliar to her, an older gentleman who sat quietly with his hands folded together in his lap. Now and then he would raise one hand to rub absently at his ruddy cheek and chin. He had watched Bella and the NA cross the room to her new quarters with mild interest.
When she had her things unpacked and settled into the unfamiliar dresser and bathroom, Bella also felt drawn to the doorway. There were so many people and machines for just the three of them. She felt a bit overwhelmed by all the activity and was glad that for the next three days at least, she only had to do what the researchers asked of her. No decisions, no worries and little time to think were just what she needed. Maybe by the time Wednesday rolled around, she wouldn't still be constantly thinking of him.
She pulled her chair into her doorway like the others and sighed, rubbing her arms with her hands. It was always cold in these places. Her neighbor quickly wheeled out of his door and over to her, his hand out.
"Hey, I'm Randy! You're one of Dr. Riggs', too, aren't you?"
She nodded and shook his hand. "I'm Bella. It's nice to meet you."
Randy grinned, then let go of her and spun his chair back around. He tilted his head to indicate the other man as he did. "That's Frank. He's with Dr. Sanchez."
Frank raised one hand and waved as a small smile crossed his face. "Hello, Bella. Welcome to the circus." He chuckled at his joke and turned back to watching the commotion in front of them.
Randy shook his head and gave her a wry grin. He swiveled his chair in small arcs, occasionally popping a wheelie and balancing on just his back wheels for a few seconds before dropping the front ones back to the floor. Bella watched and decided his injury was probably self-inflicted; Randy seemed like a risk taker. She glanced over to see Frank looking at her from the corner of his eyes. He raised one eyebrow, looked pointedly at Randy and rolled his eyes, making Bella giggle.
Randy looked up at her. "What'd you do?"
Bella glanced back at him. "I'm sorry?"
He smirked at her. "How did you end up in a chair?"
"Car wreck." It wasn't exactly true, but it was close enough. It was her standard answer when she didn't feel like explaining.
He nodded and swung his chair in circles. "I was cliff diving and picked a bad spot with some submerged rocks. You ever do any cliff diving, Bella?" His blue eyes were intently roaming over her face.
She blushed and chuckled nervously. "Um, no. No cliff diving." Why was he looking at her like that?
"It's fun. Well, when you just hit water and nothing else, it is. The best part is feeling like you're flying. Just soaring, like you could touch the clouds. It's like sky-diving without all the confinement of a parachute. You don't sky-dive, do you, Bella?"
What was wrong with him? Bella felt her cheeks burning as he kept staring at her. "No, I don't sky-dive. I see no point in leaving a perfectly good airplane."
"Ha ha ha! That's funny! You crack me up, Bella!" Randy chortled, swinging his chair around so he could lightly punch Bella's right arm. She drew back in dismay. He hadn't hurt her, but he had definitely crossed a line as far as personal space was concerned. She rubbed at her arm and glanced at Frank. He was glowering at Randy.
"Cool it, kid," he said in voice made of gravel. "Didn't your mother ever teach you not to hit girls? Or did you hit your head on those rocks, too?"
Randy's gaze flickered to Frank then swiveled back to Bella. "Frank's worried I hurt you. I didn't hurt you, did I Bella?" His eyebrows rose as he resumed his intense stare.
Bella knew her entire face must be scarlet. This was ridiculous. This idiot really needed to learn some manners, or at least basic social interaction. She raised her head and narrowed her eyes, staring right back at him. His eyes shifted then, and he seemed to lose his composure.
"No, Randy, you didn't. But don't touch me again." Her voice was hard.
"Sorry, Bella. I was just being friendly. I didn't mean anything by it," he was almost whining.
Now it was Bella's turn to roll her eyes. "All right. No harm done." She started to turn her chair around to go into her room, but saw a couple of the research staff approaching.
The woman had short blonde hair and very long legs, which Bella could see had already captured Randy's interest. She smirked to herself as the woman spoke.
"Thank you all for agreeing to take part in this study. I'm Dr. Harris. This is Nurse Allen," she indicated the stocky man at her side. "He will be in charge of monitoring your vital signs, intake and output, and any ADLs you may need assistance with today. There will be other nurses and interns who will rotate through our research project, but you will see the same faces each day. We want you to understand everything we ask you to do during your stay with us, so please, if you have any questions, ask. We want the most accurate results possible and we can't get them if you aren't honest with us. If anything hurts, or otherwise makes you uncomfortable, you must let us know. Is that clear?"
Bella nodded. From the corner of her eye, she saw Frank rub his hand over his chin again as he nodded. Randy grinned. "Sure, Doc! Anything you want." He winked at her, but she ignored it.
"Good. We'll be getting started here shortly with your vital signs and output, so if you would each please go into your rooms, someone will be with you in a moment." Dr. Harris looked down at her clipboard and turned to consult with Nurse Allen as Bella wheeled herself back through the door.
She moved over to the window and stared out, trying to discern which side of the building she was on. She hadn't been paying attention in the elevator and wasn't entirely sure what floor she was on, but from the looks of the buildings nearby, she was above the sixth floor. She let her eyes follow the street and spotted St. James Cathedral a few blocks away. So that was Ninth Avenue below her. Her eyes strained to see past buildings and trees, but there were too many. The Sorrento Hotel was out there, one street over, just out of sight. She wondered if she were able to get up to the fourteenth and top floor of Harborview, would she be able to see the penthouse patio then?
Bella's reverie was interrupted by Nurse Allen and another, older nurse who introduced herself as Vicky. They briskly and efficiently weighed her, measured her height, took her vital signs, noted the amount of urine in her catheter bag and told her that she could empty it if she wished. She asked about meals, and Vicky smiled.
"You must be hungry. They'll bring up some breakfast for you soon. You'll have a selection of food to choose from for meals each day. You'll get that form with your breakfast each morning. Anytime you eat or drink anything other than what comes with your meals, though, you need to make sure we know. We have to chart your input. Okay?" Her eyes were kind.
Bella thanked her, and they left, promising someone would be along in a few minutes to get her set up with the first test. She went back to the window and stared up Ninth Avenue, leaning her head against the cool glass. She wondered where he was and what he was doing. Had he gotten home alright? That thought hadn't occurred to her before, and a sudden chill ran through her. What if something else had happened to the Volvo? His phone was off; he might have had a wreck and the phone…
She shook her head at the tears that filled her eyes. She was making herself worry for nothing. She had no reason to think he hadn't gotten home, but then, she had no idea where 'home' was. As she thought about it, she realized that though they had shared so much, and he had answered her questions, she really still knew very little about him. That was the saddest thought of all, because she knew her chance was gone forever.
"Miss Swan? Are you alright?"
It was Vicky with a breakfast tray. Her kind eyes were concerned as she took in Bella at the window with tears on her cheeks.
Bella wiped her eyes as she flushed pink. "Yes, I'm fine, thank you." She looked up to see skepticism cross Vicky's face, and she gave her a wobbly smile. "Really. And please, call me Bella."
Vicky put the tray down on the adjustable table and lowered it to Bella's height. She put her hand on Bella's shoulder and leaned down to look in her eyes. "Frank told me what happened with Randy earlier. Is that what upset you?"
Bella's eyes flew wide. "Oh, no! It has nothing to do with that. That was just… dumb. He was being a jerk, that's all."
Vicky nodded and straightened up again. "Okay. But if you need to talk about anything, I'll be glad to listen." She patted Bella's shoulder. Bella could only nod as Vicky left the room.
Bella still hadn't touched her tray when the intern came to get her for the first test.
They started with baseline readings to see what she could do. They attached electrical nodes to her chest and back to measure her heart rate and respiration. She lifted things, pulled things, pushed things and rowed a machine like a boat. After each test, they took her vital signs. They stopped for lunch, and Bella ate something finally, but an hour later she couldn't remember what she had. They took x-rays and a CAT scan, and what felt like a million other scans of her neck, legs, spine, and pelvis. By the time they let her go for the evening, Bella was exhausted.
She was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open to wait for her dinner tray, but the headache she had developed wouldn't let her rest. She decided to get a shower while she waited, and perhaps it would wake her up a little. She made a note on the chart on the bathroom door, checking off 'shower' and 'wash hair'.
The hot water wasn't her hot water and the shower head wasn't hers, but it still felt wonderful. Some of the tests they gave were supposed to measure stress. Bella wondered if the researchers took into account the additional stress put on the subjects by giving them the tests in an unfamiliar environment. She washed her hair with the shampoo and conditioner she had packed, and by the time her shower was through, she almost felt human again.
Her dinner tray was on the adjustable table when she came out of the bathroom in her pajamas, a metal cover over the plate to keep it warm. For a moment she played a guessing game with herself, trying to remember what she had ordered for dinner this morning. Nothing came to mind, so she lifted the cover and looked. Baked chicken with green beans and mashed potatoes, a small salad and a small bowl of red Jell-o cubes. She smiled to herself; obviously, she hadn't ordered anything this morning, because this was not a meal she would have picked. Well, not the Jell-o. She would have picked pudding over that, preferably chocolate.
Bella sighed and picked up her fork. Ten minutes later, she had only managed a few bites of chicken and potatoes, most of the green beans and the tomatoes from the salad. She did drink the apple juice and the milk that came with the meal. It was important to stay hydrated. She wondered if she asked would they give her something for the headache.
She was again by the window, resting her throbbing head against the chilled glass when someone tapped on her door. A younger nurse peeked around the door, asking if she was through with her tray. Bella nodded and went back to watching the lights of the city outside. She didn't hear the door close so she looked up to see the woman standing by the table, looking at her tray in dismay.
She met Bella's eyes, and hers were troubled.
"You need to eat more than this, Miss Swan. The research depends on you being at your fittest, and you can't be if you don't eat. Was there something wrong with the chicken?" she asked.
Bella shook her head then realized she could at least give the nurse an answer. "No, it was fine. I just wasn't hungry for some reason. I guess I'm just too tired to eat."
The woman looked at her fully then, and Bella could see something that almost looked like worry in her eyes. She nodded and picked up the tray.
"Be sure you eat all of your breakfast tomorrow, then. You didn't this morning and that may be one reason you're so tired."
Bella had to agree with her, but this morning seemed so far away. She couldn't remember what they had brought her for breakfast.
As the nurse opened the door, Bella sat forward and called to her. "Miss…"
"It's Anna, Miss Swan. Did you need something else?" she said as she paused in the doorway.
"Yes, I have a terrible headache. Can you give me something for it?"
Anna hesitated a moment, looking at Bella. "I'm sorry, Miss Swan, but we can't allow any stimulants or depressants during the testing period, and that includes pain medication. I can get you a cool pack if you would like."
Bella sighed. "Yes, please," she murmured and leaned back against the window.
Anna returned in a few moments with the cool pack wrapped in a wash cloth. She handed it to Bella and asked if she wanted any assistance in getting in the hospital bed. Bella looked around in surprise. She hadn't even given the height of the bed much thought. She nodded and let Anna help her transfer from her chair onto the bed. Once she was settled, Anna took Bella's vitals again and measured her output. She then pulled a machine a bit closer to the bed and explained that she was going to attach electrodes to Bella's temples and breastbone for overnight monitoring of her brain activity, respiration, and heartbeat. When she finished, she raised the rails for safety and placed the nurse call button on it so Bella could reach it if she needed anything before morning. She smoothed the blankets down and asked if there was anything else.
"Just one thing, Anna. Please call me Bella," she said.
Anna smiled for the first time. "Good night, Bella." She switched off the light as she closed the door, leaving Bella in darkness.
She positioned the cool pack on her forehead and felt its cooling comfort spread through the cloth to her skin and into her aching head. She stared out the window at the lights of Seattle until her eyes would no longer stay open, and she dreamed.
She was in an unfamiliar place, a meadow of some kind, full of strange flowers with an unusual yet familiar scent. She was whole again and could walk and run in this beautiful place, but as she came to the woods that bordered it, she slowed and stopped. She was afraid that if she left the meadow, she would no longer have the use of her legs. She turned then and ran the perimeter of the meadow, feet flying over the ground, racing her own shadow that struggled to keep pace with her in the sunlight. Her heart pounded with the joy of running.
As she ran, something in the center of the meadow caught her eye. She stopped and turned to see a figure standing motionless, watching her. She ran her hands through her wind-tangled hair and slowly stepped towards the figure. After only a few yards she realized who it was.
She kept going towards him, wary of his eyes on her and whether or not he would turn and run from her. He didn't move until she was mere feet from him. She stopped, barely daring to breathe. His warm amber eyes gazed at her, and he smiled, holding his arms out to her. She ran to him then and wrapped her arms around him as he picked her up and swung her around, laughing that beautiful musical laugh that belonged to only him. She held him tightly and realized that the scent of the meadow flowers was his scent, cool and crisp and male. It made her laugh, and she threw her head back, closing her eyes as he spun her in circles in the middle of the meadow. She felt his cool lips on her throat, and she sighed at the heat they left behind.
"Edward." She breathed his name, finally allowing it to cross her lips.
"Bella," he growled back as he ravaged her neck.
She raised her head to look down at him. There was something wrong. His mouth was too red and shiny and wet. His eyes were wrong, too. The gold was gone, and the black of her old dreams was back. His red wet shiny mouth said her name again, and he kissed her neck again. She let him, even as she knew what he was doing. It was the price she had to pay of course; it was why she had been allowed in the meadow. She had been given her legs again, and this was the price she would pay for that gift. She paid it willingly.
Bella woke with a start, her heart pounding as she clawed at her throat, her fingers finding the cool pack that had slipped down. She was disoriented at first, but she recognized her surroundings quickly enough. It was still quite dark, and she took deep calming breaths as she again gazed at the lights of the city beyond her window.
'What a strange dream! I can almost still smell his scent. I wasn't afraid this time, either. I was happy to give him what he wanted.'
She chuckled to herself as the dream triggered memories of their vampire conversations. He had been upset, ridiculously so, over the idea that she would be willing to be changed by a vampire.
'Well, who wouldn't want to live forever?' she yawned, realizing suddenly that her headache was gone. That cool pack was a wonder.
Someone tapped lightly on her door and pushed it open. The light from the room beyond silhouetted the figure and Bella squinted against it, trying to see who it was.
"It's Anna, Bella. Are you all right?" Anna came to the bed and checked the position of the electrodes. "Your readings started going a little haywire for a minute." She studied the machine and poked at a few buttons.
"I'm okay. I was just dreaming, I guess. Sorry about that," Bella said as she rubbed her eyes.
Anna chuckled. "No need to apologize for dreaming, Bella. It's normal; expected, even. Were you having a nightmare, though? Your heart rate was kinda high."
Bella thought a moment. Was it a nightmare? Technically, she supposed it was. But she hadn't been frightened because she was in his arms, the one place she longed to be.
"No, I don't think it was. I just remember running."
Anna's hand hesitated over a knob on the machine, and she looked at Bella. "You were dreaming you could use your legs?"
Bella nodded. "It was wonderful to run," she sighed.
Anna let another rare smile cross her face. "Maybe what we are doing here will make that possible. Get some sleep, Bella. You're going to need it." She finished her adjustments to the machine and patted Bella's arm as she left the room. When the door had closed again, Bella turned her head back to the window.
'Running would be nice. Walking would be great. But I would almost take simply 'feeling' again over that.' Bella rested one fist on her thigh, lightly tapping it. She might as well have been hitting the bed. She sighed again and closed her eyes, hoping with all her might that he was still waiting for her in her dreams, bloody mouth and all.
A/N: I'm not sure if that dream is an improvement over the other ones or not. Thanks for reading!
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