Chapter 21: Coming Clean (For Real This Time)


Jordan knocked on the Martins' door and, just like in his dream, Cody answered.

"Hey," Cody greeted Jordan with a smile that almost made Jordan forget why he was there.

"Hey."

"Everything okay?" Cody asked. Jordan could tell Cody knew something was wrong.

"I'm fine. I just need to talk to you in private if that's okay," Jordan said.

"Sure, hang on a sec," Cody went back inside while Jordan stayed in the hallway. He could hear Cody inside telling Zack he'd be back in a few minutes. Then he heard the twins whispering to each other and couldn't help but wonder what they were talking about. Soon Cody returned and closed the door behind him and followed Jordan next door to the Farmers' suite. Once inside, Jordan invited Cody to sit on the couch and offered him something to drink. "No, thanks. I'm fine." Jordan took his place on the other end of the couch. "So... what's up?"

"I just really need to talk to you about something very important, but first I need you to promise me that you won't get mad," Jordan started.

"Well... I mean... I'll do my best, but that really depends on what it is," Cody said nervously. "Is this about Max?" Jordan was stunned. What did Cody know about Max? Had she told him everything already?

"Um... sort of... I mean..." Jordan stuttered, "Why, what did she say to you?"

"Well, she didn't say anything," Cody explained, "but Zack said that you two went outside and had a talk during lunch today and that when she came back in after you left, she was crying. No one could get her to say what was wrong though." Jordan was a bit relieved.

"Well... it's complicated and it's a long story. I'm going to do my best to explain it to you," Jordan said. He waited for a moment to give Cody a chance to respond and when the blonde didn't say anything, Jordan continued. "There's really two parts to this and I'm not really sure where to start. This is really hard for me to talk to you about."

"It's okay," Cody said, "Take your time."

"Well, you see... the thing is..." Jordan had never been so nervous in his entire life. He could feel himself shaking a little and hoped that Cody didn't notice. He was also starting to sweat. "Well... you guys didn't know this, but Max and I went on a date." Cody didn't seem surprised and Jordan figured that, like Zack, Cody just assumed he was dating Max. "During our date, Max and I were talking and... well... I told her something that I haven't told anyone else until now. It's really my deepest secret, but... I need to tell you."

"It's cool. You can tell me anything. You can trust me," Cody said calmly. This helped ease the tension in Jordan's mind and made him a little more comfortable with what he was about to say.

"Basically... I'm gay," Jordan said, relieved that that part was finally out of the way. Now all he had to do was brace himself for Cody's reaction. Cody thought about it carefully, trying to find the right words before responding.

"Jordan, there's nothing wrong with that," Cody said finally. Jordan couldn't help but to think that this was going very well so far. Almost as well as in his dream on the bus. "I'm really honored that you think enough of me to share that with me. It shows that you really must trust me and that means a lot. Thank you. And I just want you to know that I'll be here for you if you ever need to talk about anything. I'll help you as best I can." Cody's words touched Jordan, but it made the rest of what he needed to say harder.

"You're not surprised by that?"

"Well... yeah... I guess a little," Cody said, unsure of how to answer the question properly, "but like I said, it's not a big deal to me and I'm glad you felt you could share that with me."

"Thank you, Cody," Jordan said, trying not to break down, "but that isn't all."

"You can tell me anything," Cody said putting his hand on Jordan's shoulder. The physical contact with Cody made Jordan more nervous, but he knew he needed to get it over with.

"Well... I also told Max that... ever since I met you..." he paused and considered backing out and letting things play out on their own. He knew he couldn't do that though. "Ever since I met you... I've liked you."

"Well... I like you, too," Cody said, not catching what Jordan meant.

"No... I mean... I LIKE you like you. I've had a crush on you, Cody," Jordan said. He expected to feel relief like he did when he said he was gay, but this time, that feeling never came. In fact, his heart was racing as he anticipated Cody's response.

"Oh..." was all Cody could say. Jordan could see this shift in Cody from calm and caring to awkward and uncomfortable. Still, he knew he had to keep going.

"There's more," he said, "I have a journal where I write things. All things. All of my thoughts, my hopes and dreams, my nightmares... everything." Cody nodded still seemingly unsure of what to say. "I wrote in it about you... alot."

"What kinds of things?" Cody asked even though he wasn't sure he really wanted to know.

"That's not important right now because this is where I tell you the bad part."

"There's a bad part?" Cody asked, his nervousness building almost as much as Jordan's.

"Yes. Two things. Number one, when I told Max I had a crush on you, she told me you were gay, too," Jordan started.

"What?" Cody said surprised. "Jordan... I'm not..."

"I know. At least I do now. She said I was rejecting her for another guy and I guess she wanted to hurt me in the same way when I finally told you how I felt and you ended up rejecting me. She confessed everything to me at lunch today, that's why she was crying, but the problem is, I wrote about it in my journal."

"How is that a problem?"

"Because... Drew Gambol has my journal." Jordan said finally. Cody was speechless. "He attacked me in the ally and I dropped it and when he left, he picked it up." Jordan waited for Cody to say something, but young blonde could only sit with his mouth hanging slightly open with a look of complete confusion and shock on his face as he tried to process what he had just been told. "Cody... I'm sorry. I can't tell you how sorry I am, but it's really not my fault. Max told me you were gay too and that just made it worse. If she hadn't told me that, things wouldn't have gotten this far. I mean, Drew would still have my journal and he would still know I was gay and that I had a crush on you when we met, but I never would have written about you being gay, too. You have to believe me. Max told me you liked to dress up in London's clothes and wear make-up. She even told me that you had been living in the closet..." As Jordan talked he began crying and with each word, it kept building until he couldn't hold it back anymore. Cody still hadn't said anything and the expression on his face hadn't changed. "Please say something," Jordan sobbed.

"I... I don't know what to say to that..." Cody said, "I mean... what is there to say... I just... that a LOT to have to digest..."

"I know, but you have to believe me when I tell you that I didn't mean for this to happen," Jordan said, managing to pull himself back together for a moment.

"You realize that Drew is not going to keep this stuff to himself, right? And I have a hard enough time at school as it is, even with Zack around," Cody said with a hint of anger. "I mean... This is bad..."

"I know and that's why I wanted you to hear it from me first, before it got around at school," Jordan said. He saw Cody wince when he mentioned things getting out at school. After staring silently at the floor for a minute, Cody stood up from the couch. "What's wrong? Where are you going?" Jordan asked.

"I just... I need some time to think about all of this..." Cody said. "I'm sorry... I'm not mad at you. I just... I have to go." Cody then left the room.

Left alone, Jordan started thinking about what had just happened. Cody said he wasn't mad, but Jordan wasn't sure if that was really the case. He also wasn't really sure how things could have gone any better outside of the fantasy he had on the bus, but he was sure that it could have gone a lot worse. Still, though, he wasn't happy with how things ended. The tears returned as he thought about Cody's reaction and the way he had left. The more he thought about it, the more convinced he was that Cody was angry and would likely never speak to him again. The thought of that happening made him even more upset. He went into his bedroom and laid face down on the bed and, for the second night in a row, Jordan cried himself to sleep.

Cody returned to his own suite in a daze. As he passed through, his brother asked what Jordan had needed to talk about. Cody told him that now wasn't a good time, but that he would tell Zack everything after he had some time to think. He then went into his bedroom and laid down on the bed and stared at the ceiling and tried to decide what to do.

(Author's Note: Thanks again for reading. Please review. Also, you can follow me on twitter, thehurricane13.)