Sorry about the slight delay on this chapter, I didn't wind up finishing it last night. Hope everyone enjoys! :)
Alistair,
It's been two months since I left Amaranthine in the middle of the night, and four months since I've last seen you. I know you're probably furious and I doubt you even want to hear from me right now, I had to write because I miss you and I love you. I ran away without warning, and now I'm writing when you don't want to talk to me, and I know it's so selfish of me to keep doing these things. When I left... I was being incredibly selfish. I hate that I've turned what started as a rescue mission to find Zevran into something about me, when it should be about him and the danger he's in.
The truth is, I feel terrible about leaving in such a rush. If I had a bit more sense, I would've realized that you weren't trying to coddle me by telling me to stay at Amaranthine – you were just trying to protect me, because you knew I'd want to rush off, and you don't want to see me hurt. I hate that I got so upset that I ignored the truth and forgot how much you love me. When I got that letter from you about Zevran, I just sat in my room with those guards and I sulked, and got angrier and angrier because I felt like you were treating me like a child. I was convinced that because I killed the Archdemon, I knew best.
But it wasn't me that killed it – it was all of us, especially you. I can't do anything without you, Alistair. After Arl Howe killed my parents and Duncan dragged me away from Highever, I couldn't go a day without breaking down and begging Duncan to just leave me behind. I was being selfish, thinking only about myself. I thought there was no point in stopping the Blight, because nothing could make things worse than they were already. And then I met you at Ostagar and it was like I was finally starting to wake up from a nightmare. You made me laugh, for the first time since my parents died, and from then on, everything I did was for you, to keep you happy and smiling and laughing, because I wanted to protect you from everything I could, and because I wished I was still that way. Falling for you gave me something to fight for. And knowing you loved me too gave me something to live for.
We've been together such a short time that it was too easy for me to forget how much you love me when I went off to Amaranthine. I was so upset and scared when you sent me away, and I just got angry to cover it up. Then you sent me that letter ordering me to stay in Amaranthine when Zevran was in trouble, so I decided to rebel like a stupid teenager and ran away. I was being an idiot, and I can't believe I left like that. It's too late for me to turn around and come home now, but I don't want to lie or hide what I'm thinking anymore. You're everything to me, Alistair. I'm so sorry I forgot that, and I hope that after I find Zevran and return to Ferelden, you can eventually forgive me.
I can't blame you for being angry with me right now, but I hope this letter helps you understand how much I care about you and how sorry I am for leaving like this. I love you, more than anything.
Yours, always,
Irien
Commander Anallorin,
Our trailing of the quarry goes well, and we are some distance in to the Free Marches, taking the Traders' Path north toward Antiva. She has remained with the merchant who hired her thus far, and the man has been pleasantly surprised at her skill when she defended him from bandits several times. He does not know her true identity, it seems – she is claiming to be a survivor of the massacre at Ostagar to explain away her scars and uses a feigned tale of trauma and loss experienced there as a barrier to prevent conversation with the merchant and the other guards he hired. They are making surprisingly good time, no doubt thanks to her skill at fighting off any bandit attacks, and should be in Antiva in the next few weeks.
We have intercepted a letter she wrote when the caravan stopped for a few days in a small city. Kynth saw her slip away and pay a messenger a great deal to deliver the letter all the way to Denerim and keep his mouth shut, but we caught the man as he left town. The letter enclosed is extremely interesting and the information contained should help you a great deal.
We will write again with any more updates.
Wardens Aisse, Kynth, and Reigirn