Black Fingernails, Red Wine
Chapter 21
Itachi paced nervously in his room. The carpet in his path had become a distinct color from the rest because of his feet wearing it down. Today was going to go horribly bad. He knew it. He couldn't believe he had forgotten about it, but maybe it was a good thing he did, otherwise he would have been a nervous wreck about it. If he had known, he would have arranged to be far away, possibly on another continent if he could manage, but then his mother would have scolded him. This wasn't exactly how he wanted to spend his break between summer classes, but he couldn't leave her and Sasuke to suffer alone with them. But it wasn't going to just be uncomfortable this time. Sasuke had accidentally slipped to a cousin that Itachi was dating someone. And his cruel, homophobic, self-centered family had indicated they were looking forward to meeting Itachi's girlfriend. Mikoto insisted that they should introduce Deidara as himself, but Itachi argued that the Uchiha family had already been out of sorts with their family because of Fugaku, and he didn't want to cause more trouble for his mother. Besides, the whole Uchiha family knew Deidara was involved with Fugaku's arrest. He certainly shouldn't be here at least.
And then Deidara found out and insisted on coming with the most frighteningly devilish look on his face Itachi had ever seen.
Stressing out wasn't going to help the situation at all, but he couldn't do anything to relieve it. Deidara was going to do something and it was going to make something horrible happen. Sometimes Deidara just didn't think things through the way Itachi did. Swallowing, he picked up a book from his shelves to distract himself when he heard a car pull up to the house and the front door open. Were they here early?
"Deidara's here!" Sasuke called up from the living room.
Itachi groaned softly, pinching the bridge of his nose. This was going to be an utter disaster. He should just beg the blond to go back home. Or bribe him. Deidara liked bribes. His door opened and he turned to face what was sure to become an angry boyfriend, but his book fell from his hands with a loud thud, mouth dropping open completely speechless.
"I am dazzling, aren't I?"
By the mischievous smirk, he knew this to be Deidara, but otherwise he was nearly unrecognizable. "You… you look horrible," he blurted out before he could stop himself. "No, no. I mean – I – you… Wha—… Why are you… dressed like a girl?"
Deidara was laughing at him, the jerk. His usual t-shirt, torn jeans, and hoodie had been replaced with a light cardigan, a light creamy pink blouse that hung loosely around his hips over a pair of dark blue jean shorts that were a respectable length and tights that disappeared into little black wedge pumps. He was wearing makeup too. Not the black coal liner he wore to clubs. Delicate, fashionable girl make up with mascara, powder, gloss. Itachi couldn't quite close his mouth properly.
"What a terrible thing to say to your girlfriend, un," Deidara commented, pouting those shiny lips at him. "Don't I look nice?"
Itachi stared at him in disbelief. He was dressed like a girl. A girl. Or rather, a woman. That was just so wrong on so many levels. When Deidara's inquiring pout didn't disperse, he gave a staggered sign and gave him another once over. The clothing gave the illusion of curves that was hard to decipher a gender. The make-up made his eyes look gentle and warm instead of the sharp cleverness they usually had. His eyes dropped slowly down to his crotch, feeling slightly worried how it was holding up in those pants, but Deidara lifted his blouse up to show that it was still there and intact. "I guess… your hair looks nice?"
"That's all?" Deidara said, grinning at him.
Itachi frowned and held his hand up, sputtering as he attempted to find words to use. "You don't look like you," he finally said, letting the hand drop. "You look nice for a girl, I guess, but as a Deidara, I give a thumbs down."
"Well, how about as the foreign exchange student at your school who you're currently dating?" Deidara asked, holding his hands out in display.
"You kinda look familiar," Itachi mused to himself, watching the blond flip his blond hair over his shoulder. He had given it large wavy curls and piled it up so it fell elegantly down one side.
"Hm… Is it some really awesome intelligent guy named Deidara? Cause that'd be weird," he replied.
"Doesn't he look pretty?" Mikoto said as she came into the room. "You're very good at make-up, Deidara."
"Thanks," he said, grinning deviously.
"This is very kind of you, Deidara," she said, adjusting the necklace around his neck. "I told Itachi you didn't have to, but I do appreciate you doing this. Our family can be a bit…old fashioned."
"No worries," Deidara said, shifting his weight to balance on his heels. "Seemed like fun, un."
The doorbell rang downstairs again and she went out again, leaving the two of them in the room alone. Itachi's nerves shot up again and he looked at the blond in utter panic. "I can't do this," he whispered. "I don't like being around them like this. What if they find out?"
Deidara took a step up to him and smiled, taking his hand and shaking his hand. "Don't worry about it Itachi," he said. "Who cares if they find out, un?"
"I… I don't want them to," Itachi said, swallowing hard. "I'm not embarrassed or ashamed, I just… they can be horrible."
"They won't find out. You're the newbie here, un."
"What? You've done this before?" Itachi asked, staring down at him.
"Sure," the blond said with a grin. "Come on, let's go. See a pro in action, un."
When the two of them got downstairs, several other members of the Uchiha extended family had already arrived. All of them smiled and bowed to each other in greetings, all sickeningly polite. Itachi knew it was all fake. Their eyes were taking in the house and his family and each other. They fluttered around his house like royalty while bragging and gossiping among themselves. The 'Fugaku Incident' was a popular topic they were hounding his mother over. It spread across the room like a muttered plague. None of them believed Fugaku was guilty. Mikoto was the oldest of the main family, which didn't want a female heading it, so Fugaku had taken the title when he married her. The Head of the Uchiha family wouldn't do something that disgraced the Uchiha name. Many eyes fell on Itachi, scrutinizing him from afar as though searching for proof of the heinous act his father had been accused of doing. He felt himself shriveling under their stares, wanting it to stop. More than anything, the eyes locked on the blond at Itachi's side, holding his hand tight. The brunette hated how they were evaluating him before they even had the courage to talk to him. They wanted to know if this outsider was good enough to be with someone with the Uchiha name, even though they thought little of Itachi. An Uchiha, however disgraced, was still better than an outsider.
Deidara was a much better actor than Itachi took him for. The wide, toothy, ear to ear smile Deidara normally had was just a shy upturn of his lips. He stood with Itachi like a protector, keeping him safe from these horrible people, listening and smiling, concealing his opinions of them. Itachi wanted to hide in his room and was close to bolting away, but that comforting hand in his own helped him stay. Sasuke's strategy was to play with small children and avoid the adults all together. He wished he liked children enough to do that.
"Hello," a brave great aunt said, breaking from the crowd to come over to them. "I am Uchiha Yasuko."
"Nice to meet you," Deidara said, his voice slightly altered to match his appearance. Itachi resisted sulking. He preferred Deidara's real voice. "I'm Dei."
"Please," she said, holding her arm out in an elderly gesture. Deidara let go of Itachi's hand and took her arm. "We would like to meet you."
Itachi swallowed nervously, watching Deidara go off with his indomitable great-aunts and grandmothers. Trying his best not to look like a poor lost puppy, Itachi shrunk back into the corner to make himself invisible, but not fast enough.
"Takun!"
Itachi watched his cousin and childhood friend hurry over to him. "Hey, Shisui," he greeted, keeping his voice neutral. Shisui was his friend, but he was also the family members most didn't talk about. He was a year older than Itachi and was the one Fugaku had pushed him to be better than. Shisui was very smart and excelled in everything he did. He was kindhearted, artistic, and very creative. He was also the reason why Itachi was afraid of introducing Deidara as his boyfriend. Shisui was the perfect, hardworking genius the family wanted except that he was very open about being bisexual. In addition, he was particularly open about liking one specific boy who was currently wishing his boyfriend-pretending-to-be-girlfriend would return. When Shisui had announced several years ago, boldly to the whole family that he was in love with Itachi and wanted to be his boyfriend when they were older, the entire family was in a ferocious uproar. Shisui had all but been disowned after that.
"I missed you," Shisui continued. "Last time I saw you was at your graduation, but you left before I could talk to you."
"Sorry," Itachi grunted, not really sorry since that had been the night Deidara had taken him for a ride on his motorcycle and to the club. If his memory served him – which it always did – that night had absolutely nothing to be sorry for.
"So how do you like your school?" he was asked as his cousin took his arm to peel him out of the corner to where Mikoto had set up snacks, small things to nibble on before dinner.
"Very well," Itachi told him, taking up a plate and placing several items on it. "I like it a lot more than high school. How are your classes?"
"Great, but I got an internship at the design center, so I switched to part time," Shisui told him. "I'd ask about your classes, but I don't think I could stand it."
"That's alright, I'm not that interested in 'History of Polka dots'," Itachi commented. His grin faltered as he glanced over at him and realized that not only did Shisui not get the reference, but he was shocked that someone wasn't interested in history of polka dots. Deidara, who had brought the movie on one of his visits for them to watch one night – "It's like if I decided to go to your school, un", would have gotten the reference and would have been impressed by his joke. He sighed and looked around for his fake girlfriend.
When he spotted the blond across the room, he had to purse his lips together to keep from laughing. Those pretty blue eyes were giving incinerating 'back off' looks at Shisui while still speaking politely to the older women behind him. Deidara had been right when he told Itachi not to worry, but as he watched the blond excuse himself from the group to come over, he felt a growing sense of dread. This might not end well. Deidara might be coming to kill Shisui for standing so obviously next to him. When the blond reached them, he wedged himself between the two cousins, nudging Shisui away as he smiled up affectionately at Itachi.
"Hi," he said brightly, ignoring the expression on Shisui's face. "Can I have some?" he asked in his soft, feminine voice that made Itachi's skin crawl. He'd been so confused by his voice when they first met, so much deeper than his looks suggested. Now it matched and it seemed even more wrong. Deidara took one of the snacks from Itachi's plate and took a bite, then held it up for Itachi to eat. Itachi gave a soft groan, aware of the expression on Shisui's face behind Deidara as he obliged. "Hi, I'm Dei," the blond said, turning to his cousin.
Shisui was frozen in his silent anger over being pushed away. His dark eyes took in the blond just as the other Uchihas had. "Shisui," he said shortly.
"Oh, Itachi's cousin," he replied, bowing his head a little. "Nice to meet people from Takun's family finally."
Deidara was so sharp and clever it was terrifying. He must have over heard Shisui calling him that and was using it to piss him off. It seemed to be working well, his cousin was bristling angrily, fists clenched at his sides. Despite the shunning, Shisui was still an Uchiha. Polite even when angry. "Nice to meet you too," he said tightly. "Are you a friend from Takun's school?"
"Oh," Deidara giggled, slipping his arm around Itachi's waist. "Maybe more than a friend." He looked up at Itachi with a warm, affectionate smile that Itachi could only halfheartedly return. He was half horrified, half afraid he would start laughing. Deidara stood up on his toes, kissing the corners of his lips and a small place in hell broke loose.
"What?!" Shisui cried, dropping his plate loudly to the floor. It shattered and Deidara scampered away from it. "You have a girlfriend?! But—what—!"
"Shisui!" a woman's sharp voice silenced him, Shisui's mother was standing with his grandmother, staring at the three of them. Itachi realized the whole house had gone silent and was staring at them. A glance at the blond with his back to the room showed the real Deidara, that deviously cruel intentions that hid behind his good girl mask. It lasted only a second before his face returned to his girl face, looking slightly worried in Shisui's direction as if startled by his actions.
"Takun, you said you don't date," Shisui said in a much softer voice.
"I guess the right person hadn't come alone yet, un," Deidara suggested, leaning against Itachi.
Shisui looked both hurt and angrier. "Takun, you told me you like b—"
"You're being awfully rude, un," Deidara snapped, interrupting him. "Wanna go outside?" he asked Itachi, taking his hand and pulling him away from his enraged cousin.
"That was mean," Itachi told him after the backdoor closed behind them. They walked across the backyard, passed the children and the few teenage Uchihas smart enough to volunteer to babysit to sit on the swing hanging from the backyard tree.
"He was drooling all over you, un," Deidara said in his real voice. "Your cousin has the hots for you?"
"Uh…yeah. When I was eleven, he asked if I wanted to date boys or girls, then said he'd be my boyfriend when we were older," Itachi told him in a mutter, sitting down on the swing and let the blond climb up on his lap before he began rocking it back and forth. "I'm sure you can imagine how well my family took that."
"Your family is a bunch of egotistical shitheads, un," Deidara told him. "I thought I was going to die with all those old bats. I'm glad you and your mom aren't like them."
Placing his hand on the small of his back to keep him from falling, Itachi smiled. "Are you sure I'm not?" he asked softly.
"I think you used to pretend you were, un," Deidara replied, stretching a little. "Like at school. You were such a pain in the ass."
"Luckily you knocked some sense into me," he said, giving him a half smile. "Is it hard to speak so differently?"
"It'd be less hard if you didn't keep making faces when I do, un," Deidara laughed.
"Sorry," Itachi smiled, then glanced back at the house. "Every time I hear it I think of you…working," he muttered, feeling a bit ashamed. "Then I wonder…if you've ever entertained someone from my family like this before… or something."
Deidara was silent for a moment, but it wasn't an angry one. "That'd be a load of worms, wouldn't it, un," he commented.
"…Is…there someone here who…" Itachi was almost afraid to get the words out.
"Curiosity killed the cat, you know, un," Deidara grinned at him, giving his bangs a tug.
"But satisfaction brought it back," Itachi countered.
"What?"
"That's the other half of that proverb," explained Itachi.
"What?!" Deidara cried, sitting upright. "Daichi's been using that on me for years. I had no idea there was more to it, un."
Itachi laughed as someone opened the back door and called that dinner was ready. He then stepped aside to let the stampeding children go by and Deidara slid off his lap. He gave Deidara's hair a gentle tug and they walked back to the house together, Itachi feeling a little disconcerted to know that Deidara hadn't really answered his question.
The dinner was split into two sections, one for kids another for adults. Several of the adults were trying to weasel their way into the kids table. For good reason. Sitting with the kids meant you didn't have to work so hard to be fake, you got to play with your food and listen to the kids talk and play. Sasuke sat happily with his plate there, but Itachi never got to sit at the table. Fugaku had insisted that Itachi sat at the adult table since he was very young, learning to be an adult. Sitting at the kids table was fun, but sitting with the adults was only entertaining if you were five feet, one inch, blond and had the sickest sense of humor in the world.
"So, Dei, you go to school with Itachi?" his great-uncle asked as he regally ate his meal. "Are you in the same year?"
"We met in a joint class project," Deidara said, setting his glass down. He smiled as if the story was a little embarrassing, Itachi continuing to be shocked at the blonds acting abilities. "I'm studying forensic investigation and photography; we met at a crime scene." He gave Itachi a sideways smile as several people chuckled.
"That's an interesting field to study," someone commented. "You're an exchange student, correct? What made you want to study so far from home?"
"Oh, Akira, you don't know where she's from. There are many foreigners in Japan now," another chided softly, almost playfully.
Deidara smiled and took a bite of his food, chewing carefully before replying. "Head Mistress Michaels is a famous lawyer from my hometown in Germany, I've always wanted to study law under her," he told the family. Oh, he was loving this, Itachi could see that plain and simple. He'd done a lot of research for this too, Itachi was impressed.
"Well, you seem to be a good match for Itachi, even though you are a foreign," one of the older women said with a tone that showed she had been harshly judging Deidara all night. Itachi looked down at Deidara, smiling at him. She was right. Deidara was a good match for him, but not for the reasons she'd been looking for. This might just be entertainment for the blond, but it meant a lot to Itachi.
"Thank god! They're gone!" Sasuke cried, throwing himself down on the sofa a few hours later. "Mom, can it never be at our house again? Please?"
"We'll see, sweetie," Mikoto said with a smile, picking up a few glasses to take them in the kitchen. "Deidara, you are an incredibly good actor."
"Yes, you are," Itachi murmured from his position on the overstuffed chair, cuddled up with the blond. He rubbed the back of his finger against Deidara's cheek softly. "I can't believe you convinced them. You're amazing."
"Why, thank you," Deidara said, hanging his stockinged feet over the side of the chair.
"Where'd you learn all that stuff about Itachi's school?" Sasuke asked, pulling off the nice button down shirt he'd been wearing to leave himself in the tshirt he wore underneath.
"Oh, you know, research and stuff," Deidara said, nibbling on a piece of cheese left over from the snack table. "I told you, un. I'm a pro. I used the computer in Daichi's office and all."
"You knew about my school before this, though," Itachi said softly. "You recommended it to me."
"I told you, I know some things, un," Deidara insisted, pouting at him. "Why do you always doubt me? Not knowing shit wont do any good for you out on the streets, un."
Itachi gave a small nod and laid his head down against Deidara's shoulder. "I really appreciate what you did today," he murmured. "I don't like hiding, but… they…"
"Can let the shitheads make stuff hard on your mom," Deidara told him, swallowing the rest of the cheese whole.
Mikoto came over and knelt in front of their chair, placing a hand on Itachi's knee and arm. "I wouldn't have cared," she informed him. "Whether you are comfortable telling them or not, I support you."
"Thanks Mom," Itachi said softly, smiling at her. He had never really thought about hiding necessarily, he never really had much interest in dating people before. His father was the only person he ever felt threatened by, but he really didn't want to cause problems for his mother. They already believed his family embarrassed them with Fugaku.
"So you don't like fashionable Lady Dei?" the blond asked, stretching himself into a pose on his lap.
"I prefer rolled out of a garbage bin Deidara," Itachi joked, poking his ticklish side, to make him jerk out of the pose with a giggle.
"You know what?" Deidara said, sitting up in Itachi's lap and leaning up to whisper in his ear. "This isn't the only outfit I have hidden away in my place, un. Wanna go see a fashion show?"
"Uh—"
"What are you whispering about?" Sasuke asked, looking at them suspiciously.
"Sex," Deidara said before Itachi could say 'nothing'.
Sasuke visibly cringed and pulled his shirt over his head. "You really should have a code word or something," Sasuke grumbled. "I don't want to think about my brother having sex."
"It's very natural, Sasuke, you should try it sometime," Deidara teased, smirking at him. "But I'm claiming Itachi, just so you know, un. You can't have him. Even though he's really fucking good at—"
"NO!" Sasuke screeched, covering his ears and making random noises. "I don't want to hear this!"
Deidara fell back laughing hysterically as Itachi told him, chuckling softly, to leave his brother alone. After helping Mikoto with the dishes and cleaning up, Itachi and Deidara climbed into his car and drove off to Deidara's apartment for some well needed stress relief and fun.