Monday December 31st 2007 – Hogmanay
Lexie and I have had a good few days, its great being on our own in the flat. We're going out tonight for Hogmanay, she taught me that nice new word, it's great. I always knew the Scots called New Year's Eve something weird but it's cool I know what it is now.
We didn't plan on it, but we've ended up together every night since that first night. Sometimes we fall asleep together on the sofa, sometimes we go to bed separately and I wake up in the middle of the night to find her sitting in the living room looking out the windows, cradling a cup of hot chocolate. I asked her why she does that, she told me part of the bi-polar means she doesn't sleep much and she likes the peace and calm of looking out to a street that is usually bustling with people and it being totally empty, she loves seeing just one or two people wandering aimlessly down the street, or watching a cat sneak around, looking for something to eat, it's all just so relaxed and peaceful, it helps her stay calm. I'd never thought about things that calm me before but I guess watching simple little things like that is quite peaceful, that and having John Paul's arms around me, the only other thing that has ever calmed me down.
I've still thought about him every day, but I think it's getting better. I'm sad that it's really over but I've accepted that I need to move on. It's not going to be easy but I am going to do it, no matter what.
Tuesday January 1st 2008
So, moving on maybe slightly easier than I thought, met this girl last night, Melinda, she was really sweet and totally HOT, we kissed at midnight to bring in the New Year, and she gave me her number and went home with her friends. I kinda like that she didn't come home with me, I think I'd actually like to get to know her before starting anything serious with her. I felt bad for Lexie, we went to the party together but cause I met Melinda she was left on her own for a little while. I wanna be there for her and want her to talk to me when she has a problem, but I can't stop living my life in case it might hurt her can I? On the way home I apologized for leaving her for a while and she told me I was being stupid, she told me I can't give up something I want to spare her feelings, I gotta just be me and she'll deal with whatever that entails, I just hope she doesn't get too attached and get possessive if I get a girlfriend, guess I'll just need to wait and see what happens.
Friday January 3rd 2008
I called Melinda today, figured best to wait a few days from New Year, but do it before we're back at uni and we're starting to stress about exams. We talked for a little while and agreed to go out for a drink tomorrow. I'm really nervous, I haven't been out on a proper date in over a year, not since I got with Sarah, I hope I don't screw it up. She seems really nice, I just don't know if I should tell her I think I'm bi and I've had a boyfriend, I think I'll ask Lexie what she thinks.
Friday January 3rd 2008 – Entry 2
So, Lexie said to see how I feel, how much I like her, if I want to be totally honest with her or not. She also asked if I really thought I was bi and might consider having other boyfriend's in the future or if I was a straight guy who just happened to fall for a guy. She said she's known plenty of people who've been totally straight but fallen for someone of the same sex only once and as soon as that was over, although they fully admitted they were probably bi, they never had a same sex relationship again. She told me she's bi, she actually thought she'd told me before but I don't remember and she said she never had the guts to come out to her family, she said it was just one more thing for them to not understand about her. I want to ask her more about her family but I don't want to push too hard too soon, will just need to play it by ear.
Saturday January 4th 2008
Oh my god, I can't believe how nervous I am, I hope it goes okay.