========================================
"Good-night my angel, now it's time sleep, and still so many things I want to say." Billy Joel - Lullaby
----------------------------------------
After his discussion with Clay, Conrad returned to the medical facilities, Doc appeared to be waiting. They nodded to each other in an appropriate manly way, then they embraced for a moment. "Is she still out?" Conrad asked softly.
Doc nodded, "She probably has at least a half hour, maybe more."
"Can you explain this to me? I'm going to have to explain it to her, so I need to know and understand."
"Of course. So far, everything point to RH disease. She once received a bad transfusion," Doc began.
"I remember that. Wrong type and she was in bad shape for a while," Conrad nodded thoughtfully as he spoke.
"That sensitized her to the positive blood types. So, when she got pregnant with a child who has a positive blood type, her body knows to treat it like an invader already. Normally it doesn't bother the immune system because mom and baby are the same type. More so, this rarely happens on a first pregnancy because the circulatory systems are separate and so the blood doesn't automatically mix."
"But because of that transfusion,"
"She was already sensitized. The high amount of jaundice and the fact the baby had died prior to birth, that also further implicates RH disease." Doc tried to be thorough, yet gentle and not overwhelming, not exactly an easy balance to maintain.
Conrad walked back to where Shana and his son were. No matter what, this was his son, he was the only man here, taking responsibility now and whoever had fathered the child must have done it using her injury. Shana was still knocked out from the drugs they gave her. IV was there and she had fashioned a crib for the baby, since they didn't have one at the ready at the sickbay. She seemed relieved to see him return.
"Will you excuse us please?" His voice was low and it still threatened to leave him if he tried to say too much. Tenderly, Conrad scooped the little baby into his arms. He was amazed at how small the child was, and yet so utterly human and perfect. He couldn't believe that this perfect little child would never take a breath of air or cry for him.
"Of course, call if you need anything."
"Can you go get Shana's tape from our quarters?" His eyes didn't leave the child as he spoke.
She nodded and scuttled out of the room quickly. Too soon it seemed, she was back and brought in a cart bearing a TV and VCR. Duke barely acknowledged the addition, continuing to talk to the little bundle in his arms. Shana began stirring in her sleep, indicating that she would be waking up soon. He reluctantly put the baby down, going over to her side and holding her hand, stroking her cheek gently.
When she finally was awake, he played her tape, and then she looked over at him with questioning eyes, "Why am I here? Am I sick?"
Conrad opened his mouth and no sounds came out for a few moments, trying to figure out how to tell her. "You just had a baby." His voice was quiet and she could tell from the look on his face that things hadn't turned out well.
"What? No. This can't be right." She shook her head, thinking that she would have remembered being pregnant, and even if she had been, how could something have gone wrong?
"I'm sorry sweetheart," he choked out the words, "The baby's blood type wasn't compatible with yours. We didn't find out until it was too late...there was nothing anyone could have done."
"This is not funny, Conrad." As soon as the words left her mouth though, she knew she couldn't pretend that this was a joke. His eyes were red-lidded and he looked distraught. Plus, she knew he wouldn't do something so cruel to her. She caught a glimpse of the makeshift crib, whispering, "Is that it? Can I hold it?"
"Him. It was a boy. And of course." He stood, taking the baby and laying it in her arms, feeling overwhelmed with emotions, seeing her like that, knowing it is the most natural thing in the world, and at the same time, the most wrong thing because the child was so still and small. He kissed her forehead, whispering, "I'm so sorry honey."
"This...this can't be happening. You...You have B- blood, don't you?" She searched her memory to come up with it, still amazed that she can retain that information but often can't remember what happened yesterday. "I have O-. How could the baby have a problem?" Conrad wouldn't meet her eyes when she mentioned that and she moaned, realization dawning. "Oh God, I'm sorry Conrad." She hesitated, curiosity and confusion overruling her concern for his feelings. "Who is the father?"
She watched his jaw clench tightly before he spoke, "We don't know." He stepped away from her to pace, his whole body tense.
Shana felt sick to her stomach, she had this poor child and she had no idea who fathered it, except that it wasn't the man she was involved with. This was just a nightmare, it had to be, this couldn't actually be happening. She took one of her nails and ran it harshly across her skin, eliciting a small gasp of pain. Conrad looked over at her sharply as she whispered, "This isn't a nightmare." Her voice held dejection and surrender.
"No, it isn't. I'm sorry Shana." He kissed her forehead, and then pulled a chair back up to her bedside to sit. "How do you want to add this to your video?"
"I don't." He frowned at her and she continued, "If I won't remember this on my own, I don't want to. I don't think I can live with this every day being new information. He tried to interrupt but she shook her head firmly, "No. Once I'm out of here, I want to erase it. This never happened." She handed the baby back to Conrad.
He was bewildered by her reaction, although he couldn't blame her, he wished that he could just erase the day from existence too. "What do you want to name him?"
She looked at him, biting her lip uneasily, "I don't know. Maybe...Eric? I know it was your father's middle name."
Conrad smiled at her sadly and nodded, "How about Patrick as his middle name? So both families are recognized." She nodded vaguely, and he said softly, "Eric Patrick Hauser." He kissed the baby's head gently.
She started crying watching him with the baby, knowing he wasn't his but how much he loved Eric anyway. This wasn't fair or right, this wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. She was supposed to be married, the child should be her husband's, and the baby should be crying or cooing instead of being an inanimate bundle. Conrad noted her tears, setting Eric down and encircling Shana with his arms, tears silently falling along with hers.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Later in the day while Shana was sleeping, Duke spoke to Doc, "How many people have you told about this?"
Doc shot him a puzzled look, "No one except Hawk, why?"
"Shana does not want to remember this and I'm going to respect her request." Doc's face was shocked as Duke continued, "It will be easier the fewer people that know about it as possible."
"Are you sure that's a good idea, Duke? I'm not sure just sweeping this under a rug is the healthiest thing to do."
"It's her life, and I can understand not wanting to be told constantly that you had a child and he died."
Doc nodded slowly, "You're right, it's her decision to make."
"Now, if you will excuse me, I need to ask some people some questions." With that Duke stalked out of the room.
"Good-night my angel, now it's time sleep, and still so many things I want to say." Billy Joel - Lullaby
----------------------------------------
After his discussion with Clay, Conrad returned to the medical facilities, Doc appeared to be waiting. They nodded to each other in an appropriate manly way, then they embraced for a moment. "Is she still out?" Conrad asked softly.
Doc nodded, "She probably has at least a half hour, maybe more."
"Can you explain this to me? I'm going to have to explain it to her, so I need to know and understand."
"Of course. So far, everything point to RH disease. She once received a bad transfusion," Doc began.
"I remember that. Wrong type and she was in bad shape for a while," Conrad nodded thoughtfully as he spoke.
"That sensitized her to the positive blood types. So, when she got pregnant with a child who has a positive blood type, her body knows to treat it like an invader already. Normally it doesn't bother the immune system because mom and baby are the same type. More so, this rarely happens on a first pregnancy because the circulatory systems are separate and so the blood doesn't automatically mix."
"But because of that transfusion,"
"She was already sensitized. The high amount of jaundice and the fact the baby had died prior to birth, that also further implicates RH disease." Doc tried to be thorough, yet gentle and not overwhelming, not exactly an easy balance to maintain.
Conrad walked back to where Shana and his son were. No matter what, this was his son, he was the only man here, taking responsibility now and whoever had fathered the child must have done it using her injury. Shana was still knocked out from the drugs they gave her. IV was there and she had fashioned a crib for the baby, since they didn't have one at the ready at the sickbay. She seemed relieved to see him return.
"Will you excuse us please?" His voice was low and it still threatened to leave him if he tried to say too much. Tenderly, Conrad scooped the little baby into his arms. He was amazed at how small the child was, and yet so utterly human and perfect. He couldn't believe that this perfect little child would never take a breath of air or cry for him.
"Of course, call if you need anything."
"Can you go get Shana's tape from our quarters?" His eyes didn't leave the child as he spoke.
She nodded and scuttled out of the room quickly. Too soon it seemed, she was back and brought in a cart bearing a TV and VCR. Duke barely acknowledged the addition, continuing to talk to the little bundle in his arms. Shana began stirring in her sleep, indicating that she would be waking up soon. He reluctantly put the baby down, going over to her side and holding her hand, stroking her cheek gently.
When she finally was awake, he played her tape, and then she looked over at him with questioning eyes, "Why am I here? Am I sick?"
Conrad opened his mouth and no sounds came out for a few moments, trying to figure out how to tell her. "You just had a baby." His voice was quiet and she could tell from the look on his face that things hadn't turned out well.
"What? No. This can't be right." She shook her head, thinking that she would have remembered being pregnant, and even if she had been, how could something have gone wrong?
"I'm sorry sweetheart," he choked out the words, "The baby's blood type wasn't compatible with yours. We didn't find out until it was too late...there was nothing anyone could have done."
"This is not funny, Conrad." As soon as the words left her mouth though, she knew she couldn't pretend that this was a joke. His eyes were red-lidded and he looked distraught. Plus, she knew he wouldn't do something so cruel to her. She caught a glimpse of the makeshift crib, whispering, "Is that it? Can I hold it?"
"Him. It was a boy. And of course." He stood, taking the baby and laying it in her arms, feeling overwhelmed with emotions, seeing her like that, knowing it is the most natural thing in the world, and at the same time, the most wrong thing because the child was so still and small. He kissed her forehead, whispering, "I'm so sorry honey."
"This...this can't be happening. You...You have B- blood, don't you?" She searched her memory to come up with it, still amazed that she can retain that information but often can't remember what happened yesterday. "I have O-. How could the baby have a problem?" Conrad wouldn't meet her eyes when she mentioned that and she moaned, realization dawning. "Oh God, I'm sorry Conrad." She hesitated, curiosity and confusion overruling her concern for his feelings. "Who is the father?"
She watched his jaw clench tightly before he spoke, "We don't know." He stepped away from her to pace, his whole body tense.
Shana felt sick to her stomach, she had this poor child and she had no idea who fathered it, except that it wasn't the man she was involved with. This was just a nightmare, it had to be, this couldn't actually be happening. She took one of her nails and ran it harshly across her skin, eliciting a small gasp of pain. Conrad looked over at her sharply as she whispered, "This isn't a nightmare." Her voice held dejection and surrender.
"No, it isn't. I'm sorry Shana." He kissed her forehead, and then pulled a chair back up to her bedside to sit. "How do you want to add this to your video?"
"I don't." He frowned at her and she continued, "If I won't remember this on my own, I don't want to. I don't think I can live with this every day being new information. He tried to interrupt but she shook her head firmly, "No. Once I'm out of here, I want to erase it. This never happened." She handed the baby back to Conrad.
He was bewildered by her reaction, although he couldn't blame her, he wished that he could just erase the day from existence too. "What do you want to name him?"
She looked at him, biting her lip uneasily, "I don't know. Maybe...Eric? I know it was your father's middle name."
Conrad smiled at her sadly and nodded, "How about Patrick as his middle name? So both families are recognized." She nodded vaguely, and he said softly, "Eric Patrick Hauser." He kissed the baby's head gently.
She started crying watching him with the baby, knowing he wasn't his but how much he loved Eric anyway. This wasn't fair or right, this wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. She was supposed to be married, the child should be her husband's, and the baby should be crying or cooing instead of being an inanimate bundle. Conrad noted her tears, setting Eric down and encircling Shana with his arms, tears silently falling along with hers.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Later in the day while Shana was sleeping, Duke spoke to Doc, "How many people have you told about this?"
Doc shot him a puzzled look, "No one except Hawk, why?"
"Shana does not want to remember this and I'm going to respect her request." Doc's face was shocked as Duke continued, "It will be easier the fewer people that know about it as possible."
"Are you sure that's a good idea, Duke? I'm not sure just sweeping this under a rug is the healthiest thing to do."
"It's her life, and I can understand not wanting to be told constantly that you had a child and he died."
Doc nodded slowly, "You're right, it's her decision to make."
"Now, if you will excuse me, I need to ask some people some questions." With that Duke stalked out of the room.