"My team, let me tell you about my team. Agent Morgan fought to protect his identity from the very people who could save him. Why, because trust has to be earned, and there are very few people he truly trusts. Reid's intellect is a shield which protects him from his emotions, and at the moment his shield is under repair. Prentiss overcompensates because she doesn't yet feel she's part of the team, she needn't worry. Every day Agent Jareau fields dozens of requests for our team, and every night she goes home hoping she made the right choices. Garcia fills her office with figurines and color, to remind herself to smile as the horror fills her screens. And Agent Gideon in many ways is damned by his profound knowledge of others, which is why he shares so little of himself, yet he pours his heart into every case we handle."

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner

It had been two months. Two whole months that it had taken her to recover and no one, especially her, had thought that it would take her that long. The physical only took a couple of sore weeks to heal, but the mental recovery…that's what had taken her most the time. The fear had been the worst for her because it was so constant. Everywhere she went she saw him. On the news, outside jogging on the sidewalk, even walking to the park with Henry she would turn the corner and see him sitting on a park bench. It got to the point where she didn't want to leave the house anymore. Her mind told her that Shane was in jail… that he was gone, but her gut told her that he was still out there…waiting to get her back. It took over her life. She barely ate anything for a whole week because she was so paranoid, but that weekend when Will was home enough to notice her state he forced her to eat something and encouraged her to go out again. With his help the fear started to subside or at least she learned how to handle it.

The nightmares were just as persistent. Almost every single night she would wake up in a sweat because of a terrifying dream that she'd had. They were completely horrific. For some reason they always seemed to explore what more Shane could have done to her and Susie if they had stayed longer. While she was there all he did was kiss her, but with more time would it have escalated? It was so real that she could almost smell his cigarette filled breath. She found that the only solution was to keep herself awake…and it worked for all of two days until she finally just passed out on the couch. Luckily that long nap that she had didn't include any nightmares, which she was thankful for. With time, they became less steady, she'd only have them maybe one night a week, but somehow…she thought that was worse because it would strike at a random moment when she felt safe only to rip that sense of security away from her.

You'd also think that when a tragedy happens you'd want attention and you'd want people by your side, but for JJ…it was completely different. She wanted isolation so that she could think about, well…everything. It seemed like whenever she got a few seconds alone, Will would come rushing in or one of her friends would call in or drop by to check on her. She knew that because of all her problems that she'd been having that they were all afraid of her trying to do any damage to herself, but that was the last thing on her mind. She just wanted to think, that was it, but apparently that answer wasn't good enough.

Headaches and migraines were also very common and she assumed it was because of the concussion she'd sustained during the attack. It was a recurring thing, but most of the time Will knew that when she was having one that he should leave her alone and keep quiet because the only thing worse than having a migraine is having a migraine when there is a lot of noise around. It makes it so much worse; she'd learned that the hard way. One day, she'd had a terrible headache, but luckily Will and Henry were both out of the house so it was peacefully quiet. That was, until Emily came knocking on the door…loud knocking. JJ tried to cover her ears, but it did nothing to help. Emily called through the door, saying that she knew JJ was in there and that she should come out, but JJ was literally frozen in pain. It felt like someone was pounding down on her forehead. She didn't dare to move…until Emily finally stopped knocking.

"Please…go away." That was all JJ could muster, but it was loud enough for Emily to hear. Her friend left immediately after that and JJ knew that it hurt Emily more than she would ever let on.

That was what made JJ realize just how much she had been pushing people away. She'd been so absorbed in the fear and the pain that she didn't bother to think about the love and warmth that she was surrounded with.

She'd lost herself.

But at least then she knew the problem and she had to get back to the place she had been before it had happened. The recovery process started. Over the course of a week or two she mended bridges, faced fears and got back on her feet. The only thing left for her was the psych evaluation and then she could finally get back to work, doing the thing she loved with the people that she loved.

That was, if she passed.

"It's not like you're crazy, JJ. You'll pass with flying colors." Reid encouraged her over the phone. He sounded overly enthusiastic about all of this, probably because he was ready to have her back on the team already.

JJ let out a sigh, "I know. It's just…well, it hasn't been the same lately. You know that, things got rough there for a while there and I don't want her to know about that because then she'll think that I'm not ready to come back."

"She'll love you."

JJ rolled her eyes without realizing that he couldn't see it and she'd just left a huge amount of awkward silence between them. "Since when were you so good at cheering people up?" She smiled.

"I learned a few tricks from you. I mean, after all the things you did for me, I had to return the favor. You're my best friend, Jayje and you deserve this. I know that, you know that and the person in your evaluation will know that." Reid told her.

"You seem pretty sure." JJ gulped nervously. She held the phone up to her ear as she walked down the sidewalk towards the BAU. She had gotten into walking ever since she'd gotten back because she found the fresh air and peace comforting. By the soft static of the wind she heard on the other end she could tell that he was walking somewhere too.

Reid let out a soft chuckle. "That's because I know you, Jayje."

"You know me? What is that supposed to mean?"

Reid paused, "It means that I know you're charming and charismatic and…everyone who meets you never forgets it. I know that you always get nervous about things like this, but every single time you do everything perfect. Every single time, JJ. You have nothing to worry about, trust me."

"I do trust you, but-"

"But nothing. Get in there and kick ass like you always do." Reid cut her off on an impulse.

JJ paused in surprise, "Did you just-"

"GO!" He hung up.

JJ blinked for a few seconds, taking a moment to process what had just happened. She smiled a little bit at Reid's enthusiasm before continuing to walk. The BAU building was now in her view only a few more streets away. The closer she got the more nervous she became. By the time she was approaching the door she felt nauseas. She stopped in front of the door and just stared blankly at it, wondering if she actually was ready to go through with this. The nightmares were still happening and she wasn't exactly fully recovered, mentally anyway. She reached down and touched the scar on her elbow that had come from the surgery to put the metal plate in. It made her shudder. Shane had physically become a part of her that she could never let go of. Silently, she wondered if that was why she felt so violated and insecure. That was when she realized she was profiling herself and she quickly put an end to it, or at least Reid did.

"JJ! I thought I told you to get in there!" He walked up beside her. This was the first time in three or four weeks that he had seen her because of all the stuff she'd been going through. He couldn't have been happier.

JJ turned to look at him, her blue eyes filled with distress. "Reid…"

"No. JJ you have to do this. We need you…well, I need you back on the team for good…" Reid insisted, giving her an encouraging look.

JJ shook her head slowly, "I just don't think I'm ready, Reid."

"Jennifer Jareau not ready? That's unheard of." Reid gave her an incredulous look, "JJ…listen. The guy that they brought in while you've been gone his name is More, Agent Thomas More. He is the most headstrong person I've ever met. Even more then you and Hotch combined. Strauss brought him in and he's always talking about protocol. He even told Garcia to stop joking around on a phone call once."

"He did?"

"He did and he always tells me that my facts are irrelevant to what we're talking about. I'll have you know that most of the time I have a point when I go into something, but he doesn't care. He's so infuriating. We just need you back…desperately." Reid explained, persuasively.

"Fine." JJ rolled her eyes, "But only because you're so persistent." She let out a quick sigh and then pushed the doors open confidently. It was early so she wasn't surprised to find that no one was in for work yet…except for Hotch. She spotted him on the catwalk and when he made eye contact with her he gave a small nod before retreating back to his office to continue his work.

She glanced back at Reid, who shrugged. "That's more than I ever get."

"Well…it is Hotch." JJ smiled and grabbed both of his hands in hers, "Alright…well thank you, Spence…for everything." She squeezed his hands, "I better go do this before I change my mind again. Wish me luck!" She let go and started walking down the hallway that her evaluation was supposed to be held in.

"Good luck, JJ!" He called behind her.

JJ walked to the small conference room that she was familiar with. It was the room that Strauss had interviewed the team in after Foyet had…the point was that she remembered it and not in a pleasant way. Through the window she saw a woman sitting in the room which made her realize that there really was no way that she could turn back now. She knocked lightly on the door and the woman opened it a few seconds later.

"Hello! You must be Agent Jareau, I'm Dr. Leighton, but don't let the "dr." scare you. I'm just a psychologist, nothing too fancy." The doctor joked lightly, smiling vibrantly at JJ. "Please sit. I'll just grab my clipboard and we can get started." She turned her back to JJ and walked over to get her clipboard.

Without a word, JJ sat down in a chair and crossed her legs. This woman seemed nice; maybe she could actually get through this. As long as she kept her emotions in check she could survive. If she could even manage to do that.

"So…" The doctor started, sitting down in front of JJ, still smiling. "I heard you were quite an agent." She looked down at her clipboard, probably to look at JJ's file. "The first media liaison for the BAU and I've also heard you're very helpful with getting through to a victim's family. Compassion is a good quality to have, Agent Jareau."

"Uh…JJ, please." JJ gave the doctor a bright smile back. This was the first time since she got back that she had used her media smile and she had to admit that it felt good.

Dr. Leighton grinned, "I also heard what you did for those kids. That is incredible, JJ. You saved two lives by putting your own in jeopardy. To be honest, I'm not sure I even see those kinds of qualities in people higher up in the chain."

JJ could tell this woman was empathizing with her and she didn't mind, but it just felt fake…like it wasn't sincere and the woman was just doing this as part of her job. She only nodded in response.

"What were their names again?" She asked.

"Who?"

"The children that you were with."

This woman was sloppy. JJ knew that Dr. Leighton had her file right in front of her so this was obviously a test to see if JJ still remembered everything. "The boy was Luke. I…uhh…never learned his last name. The other was a girl, Susie Costell."

"Oh yes…" Dr. Leighton nodded, "Luke was the first one back, correct?" She continued after JJ gave her a quick nod, "How did he escape?"

JJ flashed back to it. Luke and Susie were running down the long dirt road that lead to god knows where and just as she looked back at her captor, Shane slammed a shovel into the side of her face, breaking her cheekbone. She visibly flinched. "Umm…"

"JJ?"

"Sorry, sorry. Ummm…Luke was barely out of the car with him…" She started, but Dr. Leighton interrupted promptly.

"Who?"

JJ knew this was another test. She wanted JJ to say his name, but the odd thing was that it was actually threatening for her. If she said his name, it made it more real…more personal and she was scared. Reid was the first person that came to her mind, he needed her. "Shane Greene." She answered confidently.

"Alright, continue."

"Well, basically I hit Shane with a shovel. Both kids ran until Shane started winning the fight. He hit me with shovel so many times that I could see straight anymore until…Susie came back. She was so brave to do that." JJ smiled a little bit, "But it only got her caught again."

Dr. Leighton looked confused, "So how did she end up getting out at all?"

"The next day when Shane came in I knocked him out. Susie and I both escaped, but Shane was after us. We thought we could hide from him, or I did anyway, but he found us. He found us by disguising his car as a police car. The moment I heard the siren…I-I thought I was saved, but it was just Shane. So we hid in the bushes until he found us there too so I gave myself up and gave Susie the chance to escape. She ran all the way to one of the houses while I tried to fight Shane again."

"You tried again?" The doctor actually looked genuinely interested. This part of the story had never been filled in because there had been no one to tell it. That was, until now.

JJ nodded with her gaze trained on the ground, "He grabbed a crowbar and threatened to hit me with it, but I didn't back down. I couldn't stand it anymore."

"Stand what anymore?"

"Living."

"Oh." Dr. Leighton gave her a sympathetic look.

"I charged at him, but he hit me somewhere with the crowbar. I don't even know where. After that, everything is just a blur of pain. It was all I felt. I didn't even feel him pull me out of the truck and dump me in the woods because I was so blinded by the pain. The only reason I came out of the daze was because I heard Reid's voice when they finally came. It sounded like an angel to me. That was when I knew that I couldn't give up on them." JJ told the doctor.

"And then they took you to the hospital." Dr. Leighton filled in, ending that portion of the conversation. She moved onto a new topic, "Let me ask you…how constant have the nightmares been?"

"How did you-"

"Sweetie, from what you just told me…I know." She nodded, "How constant?"

JJ shook her head, thinking about them. She wasn't sure if she was ready to open up to a complete stranger. "In the beginning it was all the time. I could eat or sleep, it was what made the fear even worse. I couldn't leave the house for a whole week either. I just felt like he was coming for me…" She couldn't go on. It was too personal.

"You know, JJ…it's okay to open up and let people in. It helps, trust me please." Dr. Leighton touched JJ's hand lightly.

JJ hesitated and then continued, "I couldn't escape it. My husband, Will and my friends were the ones who managed to snap me out of it. I realized that I surrounded with so much love that I didn't have to be scared anymore. I knew that they were there for me and it helped, it really did."

"That's good to hear." Dr. Leighton looked at her.

"But…I still feel like he's a part of me though, like he left his mark." JJ touched her scar and the doctor looked at it, but didn't seem surprised.

"Contrary to what you might think, it's very common for people to feel like that after a traumatic event. All you need to focus on is getting yourself to believe that he's gone. Nightmares end and scars fade, but the love that you feel for your friends and your husband is forever and that is something that you need to remember, okay?" The doctor rubbed her hand.

JJ didn't respond. All she did was stare blankly at one of the off-white walls.

"Okay?" The doctor pushed.

"Alright."

"Earlier," Dr. Leighton started curiously, "you said that you couldn't stand living anymore….how about now?"

JJ smiled a little bit, "I think I can stand it." It was more amusing when she said it out loud, "I mean, the pain is gone now and I'm ready to move on with my life. I'm ready to let go of all the fears that were holding me back , but also hold on to the memories because they make me stronger."

Dr. Leighton leaned back, "Well said JJ…" She held eye contact for a few more seconds and then looked down at the chart. "You do not need a follow up visit. Here is your chart, you are officially cleared. Good luck in the BAU, you deserve it."

JJ looked down at the slip of paper with a smile. "Thank you, Dr. Leighton. Thank you so much." She gave the doctor a quick handshake and then exited the room feeling like she could breathe again. At the end of the hallway she could see Reid waiting for her, sipping his coffee. In his other hand he was holding a second cup.

He smiled brightly, "I knew she'd love you."

"Is that for me?" JJ returned his smile.

Reid nodded and handed it to her. "I'm glad you're finally coming back, JJ."

"I am too. I guess Agent More is just going to have to transfer somewhere else then." JJ shrugged, sipping her coffee quietly.

"Who?"

"Agent Foster."

Reid nodded, "Oh." He sipped his coffee and stared at the floor.

"Spencer Reid." JJ raised an eyebrow, "Who is Thomas More?"

Reid gulped and looked at her, shyly. "An humanistic author from the English Renaissance. He was also sainted if that makes it any better." He smiled a little bit, hoping that she wouldn't be mad. "I only lied because you weren't going to go in. I knew you could do it. You just need a little push, that's all." He expected her to be mad.

"Spence…I missed you so much. You have no idea." JJ gave him a tight hug.

Reid smirked a little bit, "I think I do." He hugged her just as tight.

"They do their jobs with integrity. And most importantly, they honor their oath. "I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic. I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same. That I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion. That I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter, so help me God."

Emily Prentiss

A/N: This next chapter is probably going to take a while for me to write so I tried to make this one pretty long. The next one will probably be the last one...probably. I don't want to say that it will be because if I get another idea, who knows? We'll see.