I Remember Love

A Becoming Jane-story

By: jakeline

Summary: The story begins after the opera, the year is 1814, Jane and Tom have met again. They begin questioning their actions and choices in the past (i.e. from the time they met in 1795 and forward).This is what could have happened if the movie had not ended.

Disclaimer: I do not own Jane Austen, Tom Lefroy or any other character in this story. Facts are taken from the Becoming Jane Fansite.

Author's note: Thank you for all your encouragement. I hope you like this chapter. They are starting to wear down...

Part 21: In which Jane Lefroy turns twelve

Jane Lefroy could hardly sleep that night. She was too exited about her birthday. Although she had already gotten the best gift of all she wondered what her friends were going to bring her. She was also going to visit her mother, she had longed to be with her and talk to her. Her mother was constantly getting worse. Her father wanted the children to have happier memories of their mother other than laying ill in her bed. She was going to bring her some treats from the birthday tea, especially the lovely strawberries. They were her mother's favourite.

-xxx-

Jane Austen's sleep was disturbed by Tom's final words.

"By the way, you do look quite becoming in flour." Her cheeks grew red as she lay in her bed. She had indeed looked like a maid with flour from top to bottom and he had just stood there making polite conversation without as much as a word regarding her appearance. She also thought of the gazes they had shared at the tea table. She tried her best not to read too much into them. But there was something in them, something that spoke to her, a faint whisper of him loving her still.

She rose early to help Millie and Mrs Jones with the final preparations and the birthday breakfast which was to be had in bed. Jane took it upon herself to pick fresh flowers for every room. The night's dreaming and Tom-centred thoughts needed clearing out with sweet June-air. She went out with a basked on her arm and scissors in hand in search of suitable flowers.

She drew in a deep breath of crisp air filled with the sweet smell of roses sprinkled with dew. Once again she was struck by the beauty of this garden. It must have been made by the tenderest care and a loving hand. She let the sun warm her face as she turned it to the sky as Tom had done the first morning she had been there. It was a truly delicious feeling.

-xxx-

The two Janes were not the only ones with sleeping troubles. Tom had lain awake replaying the kitchen scene followed by tea in the garden for hours. He was beginning to see that Jane's feelings were as strong as his. The way she helped out with the preparations for his daughter's birthday and taking an interest in his children's welfare told him that she did care at least. She must soon realise that her leaving was not an option. He had seen the way she was with the children and how she sometimes gazed at them with very sad eyes, as if she felt utterly sorry for them.

He dressed and went down to see his wife before Jane's birthday breakfast. It was still very early and he thought no one was up, but he caught glimpse of Jane Austen's pale blue muslin as she exited the house. He wanted to follow her, but he restrained himself and continued on to his wife's chamber.

"Mary, dearest?" he whispered in her ear as he sat down on the bed. She was sleeping quite calmly. "Oh, Mary, what am I to do without you?" He took in her pale face, the long lashes that rested against her cheek, the curly golden hair, and the small soft hands that rested on the cover. He took hold of her hands, lifting them up to his mouth and kissed them gently. She stirred slightly but did not wake up. He brushed her hair out of her face and felt her forehead. She was hot from fever. He hoped for his daughter's sake that she would be conscious later that day when she came to visit.

-xxx-

Jane walked slowly back to the house when the basket was full of a nice blend of flowers that she had found in the garden. She was truly satisfied. Her head was filled with images from the day before and as she deep in thought rounded a corner without looking she stepped right into Tom's chest. She was so startled she almost lost her balance for a second, but Tom's strong arms scooped her up before she fell.

"You really need to work on your balance, Miss Austen," he remarked with a sly smile. She stared up into his blue eyes and lost herself in them for a moment. She could feel his heart beating under her hand that rested on his chest. Her mouth went dry and her knees utterly weak.

"My knees are not what they used to," she breathed with pounding heart.

"Perhaps Mr Barrington could be persuaded into examine them," Tom said and his smile widened. She was still captive in his arms, his eyes gazing into hers. She was dangerously close to him. The musky scent of his cologne intermingled with the sweet scent of newly picked roses and the mix made Jane dizzy. Jane was completely lost in the moment, her head was spinning and she lost track of time. His hold around her waist tightened as his face drew nearer. She could not move, but then again, she did not want to move. She swallowed, he was too close. Her eyelids slipped down as she titled her head upwards to meet his lips. She could feel his breath on her face.

Somewhere behind her she could hear a door open. She broke free, twirled around to see Millie coming from her mistress' room. Her face grew hot as she realised how close it had been that they had actually kissed and being caught doing just that.

Jane hoped Millie had not seen how close her master and she had been to each other. It was very, very inappropriate to stand in a dark hallway, captive in another woman's husband's arms. Even if it was because she had almost fallen and he had rescued her. Again.

-xxx-

Tom cursed under his breath as he heard the door open and Jane broke free from his embrace. Just a few more seconds and their lips had brushed against each other in a soft kiss. Now the moment was lost and they went their separate ways to go on with the preparations. Tom could not concentrate on the task he had planned to finish before breakfast but just thought of the almost kiss. He was deep in thought when Millie knocked on his study door to announce that Jane's breakfast was ready and everybody was waiting for him.

"I will be right there," he answered distractedly. To be close to Jane Austen again was an exhilarating thought. He hurried up to his daughter's room and found Jane standing with the tray in her hands waiting for the rest of his family. Her cheeks were red and she did not meet his eyes. Tom opened the door to his daughter's room and they started singing. Her siblings ran in and jumped up in her bed and Jane Austen followed with the tray and put it down by on the table by Jane's bed.

-xxx-

Jane Lefroy feigned sleeping as she heard hushed voiced outside her door. She had been awake for hours already. The door slowly opened and her sister and brothers ran in and jumped up in her bed while singing on the top of their lungs. She smiled and hugged them all. Anthony had brought her puppy as well and Anne gave her a drawing of the meadow outside her window. Miss Austen followed with the breakfast tray in her hands and put it down on her table by the bed. She smiled happily at Jane and her father who came and sat down next to her.

"Happy birthday, Jane," he said and handed her a small parcel. She opened it hastily and found a small box which contained a beautiful necklace.

"Oh, papa, it is beautiful!" she squealed and threw herself around his neck. Her brothers brought her Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing. She had not yet read it and she was looking forward to it. But this instant it was the breakfast that drew her attention. She felt famished. She glanced at Miss Austen who was standing a bit to the side. She thought the authoress had an almost bewildered look about her today. Miss Austen caught her eye and smiled at her.

As she had finished her breakfast Millie helped her into her favourite white laced muslin and put her hair up. She wanted to look her best. She longed to see her mother again. She also realised that it was going to be the last time. She quickly pushed the sad thoughts away and focused on the present.

"Are you ready to meet your mother, Jane?" her father asked as she exited her room.

"Yes, papa," she smiled up at him.

"I have just been with her and she is expecting you now," he said. "You look remarkable pretty, you know Jane? Very much like your mother." She noticed the sadness in his eyes and took his hand and squeezed it.

"And she thinks I look like you," she smiled brightly and let him escort her to her mother's chamber.

"I will leave you two ladies alone," he said and opened the door for her. She tiptoed in and sat down at her mother's side. She noticed the vase of fresh flowers on her nightstand and wondered if Miss Austen had been into see her also.

"Mamma?" she whispered. Her mother's eyelids fluttered and opened. Her blue eyes focused on Jane's face.

"Jane, my dear child!" she whispered and took her hands. "I am so happy that I get to spend another birthday with you."

"So am I, mamma," Jane replied and kissed her mother's hands.

"Now tell me everything! What have you gotten so far?" her mother asked.

"Well, you know I got the puppy, Anne has made a very nice drawing for me, the boys gave me Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing, and papa gave me this necklace." Jane brought her hand up to her neck to show her mother.

"Lovely," her mother said. "It suits you very well, my dear."

"I am so sorry that you cannot celebrate with us all," Jane said with tears in her eyes.

"I know, but you are here now," her mother said.

"Yes, I am," Jane smiled and hugged her mother. She did not want to lose her, but fate had another plan.

"So, tell me about your father rescuing Miss Austen!" her mother mused.

"Not much to tell, really," she answered. "But it looked very romantic when he came up towards the house with her in his arms, wet all over. Quite like Willoughby carrying Marianne."

"It is delightful," her mother said with glittering eyes. "Is Miss Austen still set on going home?"

"I do not know. I did not know she was leaving."

"Hopefully she will not, but do try to say something about you wanting her to stay. She needs a bit of persuasion, I think."

-xxx-

Jane Austen held herself in the background for most of the day until Jane Lefroy's friends came. They attacked her with lots of questions, wanting to know everything about her. She had never realised what kind of impact her novels had on other people's lives. The girls adored her books and swore never to marry without affection.

"I am so glad that you are here to celebrate my birthday, Miss Austen," Jane Lefroy whispered as they said goodbye to her friends. "My friends really liked you."

"I am glad too, Jane."

"I never want you to leave, Miss Austen," Jane said and put her arms around her in a tight hug. Jane did not know how to respond. She patted her on the back.

"I am not leaving just yet," she said evasively.

"I do not know what we would do without you."

"Jane, I must leave sometime," Jane said. "I cannot stay here forever. I have a sister and mother too that misses me."

"Could not they come here too?" Jane asked with the logic thinking of a twelve year old, looking up at her with pleading blue eyes that looked so much like her father's.

"It is not that simple, my dear. I wish it was, but it is not," Jane said and kissed her on the head.

-xxx-

Tom heard Jane's last words and they gave him some hope. She did not sound as set on leaving anymore. If she had been she would have said so as not to keep his daughter's hopes up. His head was still filled with his encounter with Jane in the hallway that morning. He knew she had been as caught up in the moment as he had and he silently cursed Millie for showing up like she had.

"How has your day been, dearest?" Mary asked him as he came to say goodnight.

"It has been very good indeed," he smiled and thought of Jane in his arms.

"Jane was very happy for the gift she had gotten."

"Yes, the necklace was perfect."

"She told me all about you rescuing Miss Austen. She found it quite heroic," smiled his wife.

"I am no hero, dear."

"Is she still set on going home?"

"I do not know, I have not asked her again. But Jane asked her earlier and she did not say a definite 'no' and that must count for something. She would not want to lead Jane on, right?"

"It is a step forward, my dear. I think she is a bit embarrassed to come see me again after her last visit. She did say some pretty harsh words."

"I am trying to convince her about how much she is wanted and needed here," Tom said. "And you should see her with the children, so sweet tempered and patient." Tom smiled lovingly when he thought of Jane with little George by her side at the tea table.

"Thomas Langlois Lefroy, I do believe you are in love."

-TBC-

I've done my job, now it is your turn! ;)