A/N: one more cause I love this a little too much right now…..

Enjoy!

Still don't own anything….unfortunately….

Seattle 2017 - April

I had a friend in high school who had a two-month cliff superstition…if you could make it to two months, and then make it through the three month fight, you could get through anything. I used to laugh, probably because I never had a break up after two months. Then again, I'm not so sure I had a boyfriend for two months in high school.

It had been two months since Derek and Halle had pulled up in front of the house in Seattle. Two months since we had decided to leave the past behind and look forward to a future together. Two months since I finally felt like I was home.

As I sit on our bench watching the ferryboats, I can't even remember what the fight was about. Twenty minutes ago, I could have told you who started it and who's fault it was. Now, I just want it to be over. I want to go home, curl up with him, and forget this ever happened. But, life just doesn't work that way, and right now, I just don't know how to go home.

So I sit, on our bench in the rain, and watch the ferryboats. And wait. For what, I'm not sure, an absolution maybe.

"I thought I would find you here." Says a familiar voice behind me.

"I'm a creature of habit." I respond. "wh…" I begin to inquire about the girls as he sits down on the other side of the bench.

"Izzie," he says before I even get the words out. I love that. The fact that he can answer my questions before I get the chance to ask them, is just one reason why I love him so much.

I nod my head in response, unsure of what to say next. We both just sit in silence for a while, watching the ferryboats from our bench.

"Why is this so hard?" I ask, breaking the silence first.

"Because love isn't easy Mer. It's not supposed to be. That's what makes it so hard to find, so wonderful to have, and so easy to lose. And what makes it so important to fight for." He answers, sliding a little closer to me.

"But we just seem…."

"We're hanging on to the past." He tells me.

"We are hanging on to the past," I repeat in confirmation. "How do we make it stop?" I ask him after a few seconds, as I slide a little closer to him.

"I don't know that we can," He answers, "I think we just have to go with it. Take things on faith. Learn to trust each other again. It'll be hard…" he said, moving closer again, "but, Mer," he began, taking my hand in his, "I love you so much, and without you…I…I don't think I would be able to breathe."

I slide closer to him and squeeze his hand as I begin to respond. "I…I love you. But, I'm afraid. And, I try not to be, because I want to trust you, I need to trust you, because, I need you. But I was so broken. The broken I was when Addison showed up didn't compare to the broken I was once you left. I was a mess, Derek, a pregnant mess. But honestly, I think the pregnancy was the best thing for me, made me get up, get my life on track, with our without you."

He opened his mouth to say something, but I stopped him, "Please…let me finish. I…I need to say this. And I know that if I told you, you would have been at my side in an instant…and you never would have left. But…I couldn't do it. I couldn't let them be the reason you chose me, because deep down, I would always wonder if they were the reason you chose me. I thought about coming to find you, when I found out, and then again when I found out it was twins….and then after they were born, that first father's day…"

"I…I would have been there."

"I know…but I just couldn't get the pregnant dirty mistress out of my head. I…I needed to grow up. And I…I kept hoping. Hoping that you would magically walk back into my life. You would somehow find out, and you would be here, holding my hand, telling me it was all going to be ok and that you wouldn't ever leave me."

"Mer.." he said softly, sliding closer and wiping a tear I didn't realize was there. "I love you. It was always you, since day one. But…I had to try. I was too stubborn to admit failure and now, God I wish I would have. I…I missed out on getting to see you pregnant, going out in the middle of the night answering food cravings, the birth of my children, and the first ten years of their lives. Those are times I'll never get back. I love you Meredith Grey, have since the day I met you and will for the rest of my life."

"You didn't come back…"

"huh?"

"You got divorced…but you didn't come back…until now…until the girls..."

"I was afraid. I was afraid to come back. Afraid to see you happy with someone else. Afraid to come crawling back. Afraid that happiness might just be able to be a reality. I wish that I could turn back time. Because if I could, I would have never left you. I would have held you and never let you go and given you the white picket fences you deserve years ago."

I slide the rest of the way down the bench until we're touching. I squeeze his hand and lay my head on his shoulder.

"I…I love you Derek."

"I love you too Mer. We can do this. We both just need to have a little faith."

"We can do this." I repeat back to him.

We sit in silence for a little longer, just watching the ferryboats on the water, illuminated by the moon. Soon, my breathing begins to even out as I drift in and out of sleep.

"Mer?" He says, gently nudging me. "Baby, come on, let's get home. I'll take you in my car."

"No," I tell him, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, "I'm fine…"

"Ok," he tells me, "Then I'll follow you."

"Ok." I tell him as we stand and make our way toward our cars, hands and fingers still entwined. We reach our vehicles, hands still together. I didn't think I would ever be so reluctant to let go of someone's hand.

"Mer?" he said as he pulled me against him, "are…are we ok? Can we do this?"

I can feel my pulse increase with his close proximity, "Yeah…I wouldn't have it any other way."

He responds by placing a soft kiss to my lips. I reach a hand behind his head and deepen it as I pull him towards me. I feel his hands running through my hair, and I pull back.

"We should get home…" I say, breathless.

"Yeah…" He says, flashing his McDreamy smile and opening my car door. "Drive safe," he says, kissing my forehead and then shutting the door.

I pull out on to the road and catch Derek's eyes in my rear view mirror. What I don't see is the car to my left run the red light at the next intersection until it's too late. The last things I see are the faces of Derek and my girls, then, the world fades to black.