**Characters and some story lines are owned by Veronica Roth**
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE - RED LIGHT ROOM TALK
Tris is standing in her photo studio back at the homestead staring out the window worrying the thumbnail. Having returned back from Adelaide a few weeks ago both her and Four are still on light duties until given the all clear from the doctor. With all this extra time she has finally been able to spend some time organising her studio and sorting through her photos. Max is still excited about using her pictures in their promotional ads and in a new website that Cara and Linda are working on, as well as, the upcoming photo competition at the Adelaide Show in a few months.
Things with Tobias have been progressing well also, in fact, really really well she admits to herself feeling her cheeks blush. Since the accident and hospital confessions of love they have been closer than she would of ever thought possible. She has spent every night since their return with him in his unit, sharing his bed. They haven't progressed to 'that' yet, but it certainly didn't mean that there wasn't some definite fooling around going on between the sheets. Well as much as you could expect with a broken leg and two wounded hands between them. However; each time as soon as it did increase in intensity for some reason she panics, pure fear. Tobias has been very understanding and patient with her as he normally is but it still doesn't stop that distant dark mummer that happens in the back of her mind every time. Yes, it seemed a little bit more of her modesty and embarrassment did melt that tiny bit further each time, and, even though she wasn't really confident her body seemed to know exactly what it wanted and responded to him as such. But it just wasn't enough and didn't stop those dark thoughts that kept making her pull away. The same dark thoughts that are running through her mind now. How is it possible for something that feels so deliciously like heaven be wrong? Is it possible that maybe her parents were wrong? It went against all of their teachings and the more she tried to succumb to her mind and fight the natural urges the more she can't help but want to be close to him, breath him, feel him. That was just the beginning, there was also the hidden thought that maybe he was going to be disappointed.
"OW," she mumbles to herself after giving an unintentional extra hard nibble on some of the raw skin and looks down to her hands. Rotating them around she can see the scared redness on her palms, new pink skin shining through but still sore. Muttering a silent curse she walks over to her bag and pulls out a band aid to cover the new wound that her anxious mouth just caused.
Looking back up through the window she sees the object of her current dilemma hobble past. No longer on crutches his leg is now encased in a sturdy boot brace and uses the assistance of a walking cane to manoeuvre around. A small smile appears as she marvels at his distinctly hard bodied good looking male form. Everything about him screams that he was all man; from his big calloused hands to the sun kissed golden skin. Definitely a far cry from the pale soft bodied men that had surrounded her back home, nope not a metrosexual geek boy. Her man was a God-given naturally sexy male specimen. Suddenly another thought enter her already turbulent mind. What was someone like him doing with a small and unattractive girl like her? Her chest did show some girlie swell but not nearly as much as the other girls here. Her skinny body was more blunt curves than soft ones. Any money they didn't share the same fear of sex that she did, she was certain that they were confident and strong women in the bed.
"Hey," Christina says as she walks in startling her out of where this other sudden revelation was leading her. Carrying some bottles of soda wedged in one arm and balancing a small tray of sandwiches with the other Tris watches as her hips glided with confident swishes just proving this last point.
"Hey," she replies, with a small huff. This little gesture doesn't go unnoticed by Christina and as she is about to ask what's wrong Shauna and Marlene follow carrying in their arms chips, candy, fruit, dips, cheese and crackers.
Clearing some room on the bench they place the feast down and Marlene turns to Tris, "we thought you'd be in here so we brought some munchies," she says with a smile and moves in to give her a hug. Tris loves Marlene's smiles they always seem so easy and light all the way through to her eyes with her hugs reminding her of the colour yellow. "A girlie only afternoon, this is exciting," she finishes with an extra hard squeeze that seemed to force the air out of Tris's lungs.
"Great, sounds like fun," Tris replies forcing a smile before her frown takes over and she looks down at the hands again, repressing the new band aid in place.
Again Christina notices and in one quick motion she walks back to the door and pushes it shut before turning back to her.
"OK Spill. What's the matter?"
Looking up she sees the girls standing there looking at her, concerned puzzled looks on their faces.
"Nothing, I'm just tired I guess."
"Crap!" Christina replies bluntly.
Trust Christina, she always seemed to know.
"I don't know, I'm just a little confused."
"With Four?" asks Marlene as she moves a little closer to her, placing her little petit hand on her shoulder.
"Kind of. I don't really know."
Christina is still standing at the door and crosses her arms while squinting her eyes. It's as though she is scanning every inch of Tris's mind trying to figure it out. Shifting on her feet she turns to the light switch next to the door and flicks the one indicating a red light outside of the room on. The red light of course indicating that Tris is developing and no one is allowed to enter until it's turned off.
"Right, now, nobody is going to interrupt us. Girls, I think our Tris is definitely in need of a little girl advice this afternoon," she moves away from the door still scanning.
Suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable she turns around and busies herself with the plastic wrap covering the sandwiches ignoring the 3 pairs of eyes that are boring into her back.
"Tris?" Shauna asks her softly "is there something wrong? Are you feeling ok? It's not your head is it?"
Unable to contain herself a small giggle escapes her mouth as a single drop tear forms in her eye. Yes her head was giving her grief but not the way that Shauna was thinking. Scrunching up the plastic into a tiny ball she leans down onto the table and closes her eyes in an effort to fend of the impending waterworks.
"Tris?" she asks again and moves in closer and with a slight tug of her arm turns her around to face them.
Letting out a little sigh she gives in, maybe a little advice from her friends will help.
"Yes, with Four. Well it's not really him more me."
"Wait, food first," Christina says holding up her hand in a stop motion "I think we'll need some sustenance to tackle this."
They each grab a plate and stack it up with some sandwiches and fruit and as they settle in Marlene pours them each a drink handing them out before jumping onto the end of the table.
"Alright," Shauna says as she takes a bite out of her sandwich "what's happening in that head of yours?"
Looking down at her plate she picks at the crust of her bread and with a deep breath she confesses. She tells them everything, from the doubts of her parents teachings and how she was raised all the way through to her self-doubts with her body, the hidden jealousy of their curves, bumps and swishy hips and finally her fear that Tobias would be disappointed. They all listen in silence, not interrupting and not once does she look up at them.
When she finally finishes she continues to look down at the sandwich still sitting uneaten on her plate but now picked clean of its crust the crumbs sitting in a neat pile on the side. There is nothing but silence surrounding her and it's not until she feels a slimy ping hitting her forehead does she looks up in shock watching a small grape bounce along the floor.
Turning her stare to Christina who is sitting across from her wearing a stern frown that creases her face "idiot," she says before picking up another grape and flinging it at her again leaving a juice dribble slowly running down her nose.
"Hey! What was that for?" she asks picking up the grape and flinging it back at her hitting her square in the throat.
Not skipping a beat she picks another of her dish and tosses at Tris who ducks her head trying to dodge the tiny fruit.
"I'm trying to knock some sense into you," she says picking up another grape and throwing it at her, "you," thrown grape, "are," thrown grape, "a," thrown grape, "beautiful," thrown grape, "wonderful," thrown grape, "smart," thrown grape, "sexy," thrown grape, "woman," thrown grape, "Tris," thrown grape.
Tris is doing her best to keep out of the way of the small fruit that is being thrown mercilessly peppering her face and the top of her head. When the last one makes contact she stares back at Christina to Shauna to Marlene who all seem to be stifling smiles as she feels the juice run down her neck, face and back.
This isn't what she was expecting from her friends. She was expecting some sympathy, maybe a little hugging, coddling, shared tears or even a little bit of friendly agreement while being gently patted on the back. She certainly wasn't expecting to be bombarded by fruit and called an idiot.
Finally Shauna gains her control "Oh Tris, do you seriously think that you are the only one in this room with all of these insecurities?" she asks.
She looks from girl to girl again before slightly nodding her head, this causes another grape to be swung at her.
"Will you stop throwing grapes at me please."
With a huff and a final throw Christina says "fine."
"We all have them you know."
"What?" Tris asks with her eyes wide as she sees them all nod in agreement.
"Yep, I hate this part right here on me," Shauna says indicating to the underneath of her arm, "see when I do this it wobbles like the comb of a rooster," she continues and as if to prove a point swings her arm back and forth "see."
"And I hate my boobs," Christina says "I wish I had yours Tris, they are just the right amount of perky for me," Tris can feel the heat in her cheeks as Christina sits up straighter and tightens her top around her bumpy chest.
Marlene reaches over and grabs a red lollipop out of the candy dish and as she unwraps it adds "I have this beauty mark right here," she pops the candy in her mouth the stick poking out before pointing down to a spot just inside her thighs, "I absolutely hate it. For the first few months that Uriah and I were together I refused to have the lights on because of it."
Well this was all news to Tris, her friends who she had considered to be strong and confident all also seemed to wrestle with their own insecurities with their bodies. And for everything that she seemed to hate about herself they seemed to wish it for themselves.
"Trust me Tris, Four just loves everything about you."
"And he does love you. You should off seen him when he regained consciousness after you were rescued when we were driving you back to the homestead."
"God I know."
"You know his real name too don't you?"
She thinks this over and gives a slight nod.
"I knew it. Tris he hasn't told anyone that. Ever. Except you."
"He love you, he trusts you and would move heaven and earth just to be with you so don't think for a second that he is thinking these same things about you."
"Don't stress about the sex either. Just let it happen naturally, he'll understand if you're not ready."
"Are you on any birth control?"
She shakes her head, she has never thought about that before.
"Well the Doc's flying in today to give you a check-up so ask her."
"I'll come with you so you don't chicken out. Besides I need to get some myself."
Marlene who is still perched on top of the table and is casually sucking on a red lollypop, the candy die slightly staining her lips red randomly says "I remember my first time with Uri," as she casually flicks through a magazine at the same time "He was so nervous he tripped on his undies and knocked himself out," she finishes as she replaces the candy back into her mouth and the girls break out in laughter. She looks up from the magazine and smiles "seriously, he didn't quite get them off all the way and as he tried to get to the bed they were still around his ankles," she holds her arm up and in a slow motions swoops it down in front of her clearly indicating him falling flat on his face. "Knocked himself out on the step leading up to the bed and the next thing you know I'm running to get Four and Zeke in my bra and knickers to drag him off to sick bay."
"I remember that," laughs Shauna holding her stomach "Poor Four didn't know where to look because you were running around in your unmentionables, his cheek were so red" she forces herself to take a breath "and Zeke couldn't stop laughing, he kept dropping him, Will had to come help."
By this time they are all laughing in hysterics at this scenario "poor thing had a headache for two days," Marlene continues "and a nasty big bump here," she indicates to her forehead, "anyway a week later we finally did it. That time he made sure they were completely off before he even took one step towards the bed."
Christina who is struggling to breathe looks to Tris "I think what Marlene is trying to say is that don't get your hopes up if the first time is not perfect," Shauna scoffs and continues with another round of laughter "all relationships are bumpy," her face turns red from holding in her laughter at use of this pun before finally relenting and releasing the bottled up laugh.
They are all so consumed in this revelation from Marlene that they are startled by the knocking at the door.
"Tris," Four calls out from the other side "the doctor's here for our check-up. Can I come in?"
"Sure come on in," she calls and as he enters the room he sees the girls bent over holding their tummies lying on the floor, their stomach muscles sore from the laughter and surrounded by grapes on the floor.
He just simply shakes his head at the scene, women.
Finally they settle down enough to lift themselves up off the floor, Shauna turns to Christina "you take her Chris, Mars and I will clean up."
Four immediately creases he brow in concern "are you ok?" he asks her as he takes her hand.
"Yeah, Chris just needs to see the doc too so she's just going to come in with me."
"Alright, are you sure? You don't have a headache do you?"
She leans up and gives him a quick peck on the cheek "promise."
Still a little unsure he raises her hand to his mouth placing a small kiss before they continue down the hall to the first aid room for their check-up. Sitting down on the chairs outside the room he continues to hold her hand, brushing small strokes across the palm with his thumb.
Suddenly the door opens and a tall woman with long dark hair is standing there smiling at them "Hi, I'm Doctor Hartford," she looks down at her file that she is holding "Four?"
Tobias stands up and hobbles his way through the doorway.
A few minutes pass before Tris asks Christina, almost inaudibly "does it hurt Chris?"
Christina who is tapping out a song with her feet on the floor turns to her "hmmm? What hurt?"
"You know, that. The first time?"
Suddenly she realises what Tris is asking and places a friendly arm around her shoulders "Tris," she says just as quietly "only for a minute and only ever the first time. Once you get through that, trust me, it's better than an exhale," she gives a tight squeeze of reassurance, "Four isn't the kind of guy that is going to force you into doing anything that you don't want to do. He loves you Tris so just relax, you'll know when it feels right."
Tris nods her head and stares down at the floor thinking about everything that they talked about this afternoon. Yes the dark thoughts where still there but not nearly as bad as what they were this morning.
She is suddenly jolted as the door opens and Tobias hobbles out, she stands up and gives him a hug "is everything OK?" she asks muffled by his shirt.
Placing a soft kiss on the top of his head he mumbles "yeah, still need to wear the boot and take it easy for at least another month but it seems to be healing fine."
"Tris?" Doctor Hartford calls from the door.
"Do you want me to stay?" he asks as she pulls back.
"No Christina is going to come in with me. You go and I'll see you later."
He gives a little cheeky grin "can't wait."
"Come on you," Christina say pulling her out of Fours arms and in through the door.
Doctor Hartford indicates for her to sit down in a chair and pulls the other in close to her with a smile.
"So, you had a little drama according to your file."
Tris nods and feels the doctor take her hands in hers, giving little encouraging nods as she examines them.
"Still a little raw, nothing a few more weeks won't fix so still on light duties."
She reaches over and pulls a small torch out of her medical bag.
"So how are you feeling?" Doctor Hartford asks with a smile as she leans in flashing the light into Tris's eyes.
"Good, I still get a few headaches but nothing major."
"Ah huh, well they should start easing off a little," she says as she flicks off the small light and stands up straight "I'll leave you something for them just in case you need it."
She moves back over to her open medical case tossing the torch back inside with one hand and pulling out a small packet of tablets with the other. "Was there anything else?" she asks as she hands them over to Tris.
Nervously Tris gives Christina a quick glance before looking down to the ground "no, noth.."
"Yes," Christina buts in with an eye roll.
The doctor raises her eyebrow in question.
"Well it's just I wanted to ask you see," Tris mumbles her cheeks clearly burning.
"Birth control," Christina finishes for her.
"Ahh, are you on any at the moment?"
"No."
"First time?"
Tris nods her head still looking at the floor unable to look the Doctor in the eye but still sending a silent prayer of thanks that it's a woman and not a man. She feels a hand placed gently on her shoulder.
"It's nothing to be embarrassed about Tris. Lots of girls go on it. It's quite normal."
Tris just nods her head again still not able to look at her.
"Alright so I think that we'll start you off on this one," she stands up and walks over to another larger case and pulls out a small box "one a day in the morning," she hands her the box, "I'll be back in a month before it runs out and we'll see how you're doing with them. You'll need to wait at least a month before it works so make sure you use some other form of protection."
"I need some too Doctor Hartford," Christina says and as her and the Doctor talk Tris continues to look at the small white box sitting in her hand.
She is still staring at the little box as they walk out the door on their way back to their units.
SNEAK PEAK AT THE NEXT CHAPTER….
Tobias lies casually on his side leaning up on his elbow and his long legs stretching out crossing over at the ankles to help keep his balance. Even though his body language is speaking comfort and ease inside his heart is racing a million miles a second and it is taking all of his inner strength not to just embrace her now and kiss her until she can no longer breathe, but he doesn't.