A/N: wow an on-schedule update? what is this?-?-?
also in case u didnt pick it up, Sunny, Indigo, and Lia from last chap are Yellow, Blue, and Pink Pearl/cough Lion
i'm moving on friday, so no saturday update! but hopefully next wednesday !

Popcorn: happy belated birthday!-! i was really worried it was a sloppy chapter, so thank u for your insight!
Little Snuggle: i was also leaving a lot of hints about the diamonds playing a bigger part and?-? no one picked up on it and i was v surprised. and i wouldnt kill Lapis :C she needs Peri love!-!
and OF COURSE Pinky D was the one to die... bc i'm totally following canon with everything else cough
but thank u so much for the review! i'm stoked that this a fave fic for some people like u! so here's your cuddles and cuteness in the middle of chaos
MONOCHROME SORROW: i probably shouldn't have been smiling that u blamed me for Pinky D's death but hey it was fun killing off a character : ))))

Losing Your Halo

School was bleaker than usual. With the final weeks of the term playing out, it should've been hectic, several tests a day and panicking to finish owed assignments. But everything felt so… dull. The looks people gave, their steps of avoidance, it was heavy. Some dared to offer their condolences and comfort, but it passed over.

Of course everyone had heard the news. It was the biggest local news in years. One of the heads of a growing virtual reality corporation had died. Locally. The first few days were filled with reports on the accident, planning interviews with willing people involved with the incident. They attempted to interview the other three heads of Diamond Interactive, and two of them avoided the media, but White Diamond was persuaded.

Peridot ignored the news reports. Her mother turned off the television whenever they popped up too.

Pearl and Rose disappeared frequently at school. Whenever Peridot snuck a glance at them, the former was quietly comforting the sorrowful and grieving latter. They even skipped the first day of school; something that was unheard of from Pearl.

Garnet and Amethyst heard the news late in the afternoon after the accident. Unfortunately, they weren't able to travel to the city to see Lapis in the hospital, or hear the deathly news firsthand, but they offered their sympathy when school was back on Monday. Of course, Pearl and Rose weren't there to hear their sorries.

Strangely enough, Lapis regularly sat with Peridot after what happened. Peridot could only guess she didn't like being alone anymore, or people were bothering her about the accident. With her and Garnet around to intimidate onlookers, not many people let their curiosity devour them enough to ask questions. Lapis wouldn't've given them answers anyway.

Peridot's days were blander. Death wasn't something easy for her to deal with, even if she barely knew the person who passed away. Interactions between her friends seemed trivial, Lapis holding her felt off, her hobbies were boring and dull. And then there was Daisy.

She was broken. Sometimes gazing off at the kitchen wall for minutes on end, completely unresponsive to Peridot's pleas, other times fretting around the house, trying to do five jobs at once. Most of the time she'd end in some sort of violent outlet, throwing whatever was in her hands at the ground, or kicking the closest thing to her feet. Once, Peridot saw her openly sob into her hands, unmoving for at least an hour.

Peridot had no idea what to do about her mother. Fighting her own swirling thoughts, she left her mother to her own devices most of the time. Occasionally she'd rub Daisy's arm or back, or rarely, hug her. Their relationship was more delicate than ever.

One particular afternoon, four days after the accident, Peridot met one of the girls from the original interview. The one with the short blonde hair and prim posture; Sunny. Apparently her mother's assistant or something rather. Peridot didn't bother introducing herself and stalked off to her bedroom. At least her mother had someone else to help her.

The day after, Friday, school felt the same. Dreary, tiring, blank. Her friends were beginning to recover, save for Rose, but Peridot… just couldn't. It was like her body was in lockdown, or like a scratched disk stuck on the same moment repeating over and over. Amethyst's chirpy attitude wasn't entirely back, but she was cracking jokes here and there, and offering the odd smile. Garnet was being as comforting as she could be, which wasn't entirely, but she was trying her best. Pearl had to worry more about Rose's distraught than her own, and so put on a spirited charm, but it did little.

And then there was Lapis. Peridot wasn't sure how she did it; she was involved in the damn accident, but Lapis acted like everything was getting better. Her odd optimistic attitude really threw Peridot. It was unnatural for her. Out of everyone, Lapis was the closest to Pink Diamond; shouldn't she have been grieving the most?

Peridot didn't understand at first, but after observing the similarities, it slowly clicked in place. Like Pearl trying her best to be the happiness that Rose needed, Lapis was trying to be the colour in her dull week.

After the last period came to a halt, Peridot shrugged her bag onto her shoulders and aimlessly wandered to the front of the school. A hand on her shoulder halted her.

"Hey," Lapis softly greeted, "I'm heading to town to grab a new phone, you coming?"

That's right; Lapis' phone smashed during the accident.

Peridot shrugged and kept making her way through the front doors, desperately searching for some fresh air. "Sure, I'll come with."

Hurt briefly flashed across Lapis' face, but she hid it well. "What happened to your happy-go-lucky attitude?"

"You know exactly what happened."

Lapis remained silent, but took hold of Peridot's hand with her good hand once they left the school grounds. Everything felt numb.

"I was hoping you'd help me choose a phone," Lapis murmured, staring at the area right in front of Peridot's eyes. "Yanno, nerd out and tell me which specs are best."

Honestly, Peridot appreciated that Lapis was making an effort. It wasn't like Lapis to make an effort at all usually, but the past few weeks had been… progress. Progress that happened partially because of her. So Peridot took the bait.

"Well, what phones do you have in mind?" she asked, hinting the smallest smile. Fake or genuine, she didn't know.

Lapis' smile was genuine though. "Well, the whole Apple vs Android war is hideous, and I would've gone with the Google Pixel if it weren't for the pricetag. Mum might have a big income but I don't wanna suck it out of her. So I'm settling with a second hand phone."

"What about insurance?"

Lapis' smile temporarily twitched into a frown. "Insurance is kinda iffy at the moment. I don't really understand it. But if I had a phone right now, I could show you the two I'm considering."

Peridot fished her phone out of her pocket and held it out for Lapis. "Here."

"Sweet. Do you mind if I log onto my Facebook to find the posts?"

"Knock yourself out."

Lapis tapped at Peridot's phone for a few minutes, then shoved the screen into Peridot's nose. "Okay, this is the first phone."

"Alright, and what's the second?"

Lapis tapped at the phone for another minute. "This one."

Peridot raised an eyebrow. "Do you want a biased or unbiased opinion?"

"Whatever suits you."

"I'd go with the first choice. Not only are iPhones superior to Galaxies in almost all ways, but the price is cheaper."

"Yeah, but there's less storage on the iPhone."

"Well, you've got a laptop. As long as you can store all your shit on your phone on there, then it doesn't really matter."

"What about camera specs?"

"Wouldn't know, I haven't researched Galaxies."

Lapis sighed, but she wore a mischievous smile. "You really are heavily biased."

"You should've known that when we binged Camp Pining Hearts."

"I still don't understand why you dislike Paulette so much."

Peridot stuck up her hand, pouting. "Conversation for another time."

Playfully bickering with Lapis was doing wonders on her mood. She missed doing it, staying up late on school nights to uselessly argue with Pearl for the fun of it. It brought back memories from a less complicated time, like when they spent the day swimming at Lapis', or the first party she attended (and strangely enough, where her first kiss was too). Lapis had simultaneously been in her life for a year, and two months, and Peridot couldn't imagine her life without her. They had only been dating for a month, but it already felt like forever to Peridot.

Peridot quickly enveloped Lapis in a tight hug, despite being in the middle of the street. "Thank you for being you. And for putting the effort in. You're great."

"Just doing my job." Lapis returned the hug, even lifted Peridot off the ground and spun them around (despite her arm in a cast - how did she do that?). Peridot squeaked, and Lapis couldn't help snorting at the cute sound. "I love you, and I just want you to feel better."

"I love you too. I… I'm sorry about the past week."

"It's okay. Let's just grab me a phone and then we can do fun stuff to keep your spirits up."

"I was really concerned you were going to get the Android. Thank the stars that you didn't."

Peridot and Lapis were on their way back to the latter's, both of them cradling a box of hot chips to their chest.

"Well, I wouldn't want my girlfriend leaving me for her iPad if I did," Lapis joked through a mouthful of chips.

Peridot smiled, proud that Lapis was getting better with her eating habits. Even with the bleak times she'd gone through, and more the come, Lapis' improvement didn't hinder. And that really lit something within her, despite the bad joke.

"An iPad can't kiss me," Peridot admitted, then blushed at her words. Over a month ago, she wouldn't of even thought of kissing someone. But things change, she supposed.

"That's the only reason you keep me 'round? Kissing?"

Peridot spluttered. "N-no! You're good at cuddling too. And moral support."

"Riiight. Sure. Totally not just because I'm a good kisser."

"W-well, you do have experience…"

Lapis raised an eyebrow, her mouth twitching cockily. "I was joking, but who am I to deny being called a good kisser."

Peridot shoved Lapis in the shoulder, both of them breaking out into light-hearted chuckles (and snorts from Lapis).

"Don't need to embarrass me furthermore!" Peridot exclaimed, picking up a quicker pace. "Maybe if we get to yours fast enough, we can double-check if you really are a good kisser."

Shock plastered across Lapis' face, her jaw dropping comically. "Are you flirting? What is happening in that Peri-dorky brain of yours?"

"Thought I'd, uh, try it," Peridot confessed, clearing her throat. "Okay, I'm trying t-to repay the favour of you being super nice the p-past five days!"

Lapis snorted. "You don't have to repay me. It's just the benefits of being my girlfriend."

"So is kissing."

"You were being serious, huh?" Lapis grinned. "Can't turn down an offer like that."

"Ugh, you're impossible!"

Lapis hummed, stuffing another chip into her mouth. "Never been called that before."

Peridot rolled her eyes and turned down a street ahead of her, disappearing around a corner.

"Hey, wait up! You don't have to rush," Lapis called out, jogging slightly after Peridot, eager to catch up.

"I don't really want to be outside any more," Peridot replied, spotting Lapis' house in the distance.

"Really?" Lapis asked incredulously. "Because a moment ago you were just flirting with me and that makes me think you're rushing for a different reason."

"Stop pointing out awkward things, it's making me uncomfortable."

The harshness of Peridot's words stung a little, but Lapis knew that Peridot wasn't her best lately, nor was she great with words or a liar.

Lapis rubbed her arm. "Sorry."

Peridot groaned at herself. "No, I'm sorry, ugh. It's just…"

Lapis' house loomed over them as they walked up the driveway. Peridot noticed the lack of a car in the garage, and her mind unintentionally thought about how Iris was coping. Where was she? Was she wallowing in grief and regret? Was Daisy with her? Peridot shook her head as Lapis unlocked the front door.

"It's just that everything has been so crap lately, and it's becoming harder to control myself, and—and…" Peridot trailed off, gazing at the carpet under her feet. "This whole week I've just wanted to be with you. So yes, honestly, I just want to kiss you right now and forget about everything else."

Lapis' cheeks flushed slightly at the forwardness. "It's alright Peridot. Things have been hard and they won't be going away soon. But if you just wanted to be with me, why didn't you say anything?"

"For starters, school is a pain in my ass. But it's been so… bland. Multiple times I've wanted to break down and cry for no reason. I mean, I know the reason, but I shouldn't still be crying over someone I didn't know!"

"Oh, Peridot… if I knew things were this bad for you, I would've taken days off with you." Lapis coaxed Peridot inside onto the lounge. She brought her in for a warm, one-handed hug. It was hard getting used to the cast.

Peridot pushed away. "No, I don't want us to be angsty right now! Things are shit, but I want to forget about that. I want to be happy because you've tried so hard for me. We can postpone our grief until… it."

"Are you sure?" Lapis hesitantly questioned. "I don't want to toy with your emotions."

"You're not toying with my emotions, I swear." Peridot leaned back into Lapis' arms, but uprighted herself and pressed her lips against the corner of Lapis'. "I've needed this all week."

Lapis wrapped her arm around Peridot once again, fiddling with her shirt with her bandaged hand as she crawled into her lap. Peridot brought her hands to cup Lapis' cheeks, gently meeting Lapis's lips halfway. They were soft against her dry lips, but soon the dryness ebbed away as saltwater ran across them.

"Peridot?" Lapis whispered, pulling away and staring into her eyes.

Peridot blinked, realising the saltwater on her lips was her tears. She wiped at her eyes with a knuckle, wondering when her eyes betrayed her wishes.

"I-I'm sorry! I don't know what's wrong with me, ugh. I'm a mess," Peridot hissed, cowering into her hands and into Lapis' chest.

"Hey, hey, nothing's wrong with you. Grief messes with people sometimes." She tucked Peridot under her chin and breathed in the scent of her hair conditioner. "Remember when I called myself a mess a few weeks back? When it was super rainy and you came here to comfort me? You called me a perfect imperfection. You're my perfect imperfection too."

Peridot sniffed. "Heh, I wouldn't say 'perfect'."

"Well, of course you're a perfect imperfection. The best people and characters aren't the ones that always save the day with no faults. They're the ones that make progress on themselves and strive to be better despite the hiccups. They're the ones with a personality and uniqueness and problems, and it makes them the quirky highlight. You're my quirky highlight and perfect imperfection."

Peridot broke out into giggles by the end of Lapis' monologue and pushed away from her cuddles. "Okay, you can stop with the sappy poetry now. You're making it sound like we're in an average rom-com."

"If it gets you smiling, I'll be in a rom-com with you any day," Lapis replied, sticking her tongue out.

Peridot amusedly rolled her eyes and smiled genuinely. "Shall we continue where we left off?"

"Y'know, flirting both suits you and is the weirdest thing. It's like when a stranger is flirting with you, but they're hot."

"That's… something I never thought I'd be compared to. Anyways—" Peridot crawled back into Lapis' lap and reconnected their lips, willing with all her might for her emotions to stay intact. Lapis hummed into the kiss, tangling her good hand into Peridot's wild hair and curling strands around her fingers. Peridot pulled away briefly.

"I think I'm ready for the next step."

"The next step?"

"W-well…" Peridot fidgeted, glancing away from eye contact. "You know when you took it to the next step on our first kiss?"

"Oh, you mean making out?" Lapis grinned deviously.

"Yes! But I was trying to use better wording." Peridot growled lowly at her cheeks heating up.

"Are you sure you want to try it? Because it can get heated, and I know you're asexual, so I don't want to push anything."

"I-I think I'll be okay."

"Wait, first," Lapis interrupted before Peridot got any ideas, "I want to check out my new phone!"

She reached to her side and pulled out the box from her bag, and a ziplock with a sim card in it. The phone was slim and in great condition, and both her and Peridot stared at it for a minute in excitement. Both of them being tech nerds, any new technology was captivating.

After connecting the phone to the wifi and downloading her previous backup, Lapis installed her old sim card and waited for everything to load. When a bunch of messages were sent to her inbox, she raised an eyebrow.

"I told you iPhones are superior," Peridot gloated as she examined the phone, then noticed Lapis opening her messages. Her previous blush returned. "Oh…"

"You sent me messages when I was in the hospital?"

Peridot sheepishly gazed away. "Yeah, they're just… little cute and worrisome messages, I guess."

"From 'smol' - 'Get well soon, I need hugs'. 'I just dropped some fried rice on you whoops'. 'I'm scared… things are scary Lapis, and you're not around to help me'." She frowned at the last one.

"Yeah, just little messages…" Peridot commented on Lapis' silent wonderings. "And I'm 'smol' in your contacts? Thanks."

Lapis flashed her a smile. "Don't worry, Amethyst is 'smol 2' and Garnet and Pearl are 'tol' and 'tol 2' respectively. Here, I'll fix it."

Peridot peered at the phone squinting as Lapis change her name to 'smol bae'. "Fine, I'll accept that."

"Hmm, well now that I'm done with my phone for now, do you want to continue what we were doing?"

"What?" Peridot frowned in confusion but quickly remembered. "Oh, s-sure!"

"You can follow my lead," Lapis suggested, then wrapped her arms around Peridot's midsection. She slowly met Peridot's lips, lightly kissing her until she parted her lips enough. Gently, as to not spook her, Lapis explored Peridot's mouth, lingering for a while before parting.

Peridot felt fizzy. Her nerves were alight, her mind spinning like a whirlpool, her lips tingling. God, she needed that. Something good new to erase the bad new temporarily.

"… I liked that," she declared, eyeing Lapis with curiosity. "Much less scary than when you first tried to pull that move."

"Do you want to try reciprocating?" Lapis asked, adding a small purr to the end of her words for good measure. Peridot flushed and nodded. She pressed against Lapis in an attempt, but the latter fell onto her back purposefully. Peridot rolled her eyes and played along, crawling on top of Lapis to kiss her. As she deepened the kiss, a noise erupted from nearby.

Peridot froze. The door. That was the door. She bolted upright, fearing Iris finding them making out on her couch.

It wasn't Iris.

Hanging off the door frame, her large hand gripping onto it like she was going to stumble and fall any minute, was Jasper. Her dishevelled blonde hair shrouded her face, but her body was shaking and her knuckles were red and torn. As she tried to upright herself, her other hand moved into vision, exposing the half-empty six-pack of beers.

"Jasper!?" Peridot cried out, almost falling off the couch as she shrank back and Lapis sat upright.

She lifted her head, gazing at Peridot with surprise. "You're here?"

"Jasper, what are you doing here!?" Lapis exclaimed, slitting her eyes at the alcohol. "Have you been drinking?"

The intruder hesitated, slowly gazing at the bottles in her hand. She eyed Lapis. "Don't you remember the old times? Drinking away our worries with Malachite? Because everything was fucked up?" Jasper took a few brisk steps towards the couch. "Drink with me, Lapis. Let's forget about everything."

Lapis launched off the couch. "Don't you dare mention Malachite." She peered at Jasper's grazed knuckles, and gently grabbed her free hand with her good hand to study them. "What have you done to yourself? Peri, can you grab me the first aid kit from the kitchen cupboard?"

Peridot nodded and hastily moved to the kitchen. Who the heck is Malachite?

"S'nothing, just a few scrapes," Jasper drawled, clenching her fist and yanking it from Lapis' grip. Lapis stubbornly grabbed it again.

"A boxing bag shouldn't leave your hands bloody. What - or who - have you been fighting?"

Jasper grumbled. "Dad and I were arguing. I punched the walls and stole his alcohol."

Peridot dug around in the cupboard and dragged out a box of medical supplies. She brought them to Lapis and stared at Jasper's wounds. Lapis thanked her and pulled Jasper onto the couch and began disinfecting her wounds.

"Why were you and Dad fighting?" she asked, dabbing at the grazes with tissues and disinfectant.

"Home isn't anything like what it used to be with… Mum." Jasper's fists clenched again and Lapis wrapped a bandage around her hand with the help of Peridot. "Can I stay here with you?"

"What about Dad? Is he okay?" Lapis asked instead, attending to Jasper's other hand.

"I don't know."

Lapis sighed. "I'll give him a call later. You can stay as long as you don't drink anymore."

"Don't you want to drink too?"

"No Jasper, I don't."

"You just don't understand," Jasper growled, going to grab for another beer but Lapis swatted her hand away. "It's so fucking hard going home and realising Mum is never going to be there again!"

"I already told you, you can stay here!" Lapis snapped, grabbing the six-pack and moving it to the kitchen before Jasper took another swipe at it.

"Yes, but that doesn't bring Mum back! She's getting fucking buried next week, and that Rose Quartz isn't even going to court for it!" Jasper leapt to her feet, knocking into the coffee table. "It's all that fucking Rose's fault that she's dead!"

Something primal snapped in Peridot, and she lunged in front of Jasper. "Don't you fucking dare blame Rose! It was a car accident; she didn't purposely drive her car into yours!"

Jasper roared and swung around, slugging her bandaged fist into the arm of the couch. Lapis sent a desperate pleading look at Peridot, silently begging for her to back down. Peridot's heart thudded hard in her chest, but seeing Jasper's power and Lapis' look, she cowered back into her seat on the couch.

"I can't do this alone. I just fucking can't," Jasper snarled hoarsely, sagging defeatedly. She side-eyed Lapis, tears welling in her eyes.

"C'mon, let's get you some rest," Lapis suggested softly, gently grabbing Jasper's hand and leading her down the hallway.

Peridot was left to her own, seething at Jasper's ignorant comment. She got up and paced around the couch, eager to let off her steam in a less violent way. Digging her nails into the palms of her hands, she walked to kitchen and shakily poured herself a cup of water. She gulped it down and then sunk into the countertop.

A minute later, and Lapis' one soft hand and the other bandaged one were on her shoulders. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Who is Malachite?" Peridot spontaneously asked, lifting her head out of her arms and sending a frown at Lapis.

"My ex." Lapis poured a glass of water and grabbed a loaf of bread from the pantry.

"The one that took you to all the parties?"

"Yeah." Lapis sighed as she made a ham and cheese sandwich. "I think I told you before, but she wasn't a good person. She's basically the reason why I'm so messed up."

Peridot watched Lapis finish making the sandwich, before grabbing it and the cup of water, and walking out of the kitchen. "Why do you handle her shit? Jasper's, I mean."

"She's my half-sister, and she used to be my friend. And her mum died. She needs me," Lapis replied, smiling sadly.

"But she has the nerve to blame Rose!" Peridot snapped, crossing her arms.

"Yeah? Imagine what it's like from her perspective."

Peridot scowled. "That doesn't excuse it! Rose would never purposely hurt someone, you should know that!"

"Look, I'm going to give Jasper food and water, but when I'm back we can talk about something else," Lapis replied, sighing irritably.

"No need." Peridot grabbed her bag and shrugged it to her shoulders. "I'm leaving."

"You don't have to go," Lapis stated, frowning at Peridot's decision.

"No, you're right. Jasper needs you. See you at school Monday." Before Lapis could reply, Peridot slammed the door shut after her.

She growled into her hands, rubbing away the excess tears. Rose didn't deserve the blame. At all. The police investigation would show that.

Peridot made her way home, digging her fingernails into her wrist the entire time.