AN: I forgot to mention in my last AN, thank you so much for all of the positive feedback from Prom. I struggled with what exactly to do, and when that finally hit me, it seemed… right. I like it anyway and I am glad you seem to too.
Oh and I did research Chris Colfer's range, so that is fairly accurate. Let me know what you think!
Blaine walked Kurt out to his car, "Do you want to do something?" he asked as they approached the Navigator.
Kurt frowned at him, "I can't, I'm sorry Finn and I promised Coach Sylvester we would meet her at the nursing home today to start cleaning out Jean's things. Then I have to go to the funeral home to start with the arrangements."
"Oh," Blaine said, taken aback by this, "I didn't think about that, I'm sorry."
Kurt gave him sad smile, "Don't be sorry, I'm sorry that you are here and I have to run." He gave Blaine a quick kiss then hopped into his car. Blaine was left in the parking lot wondering what had happened.
Kurt arrived before Finn, who was going by a grocery store to pick up boxes and trash bags. He started sorting through what amounted to Jean's life. His thoughts began to wander to what this must have been like for his dad to do when his mother died. He quickly pushed the thought away, putting all of his focus on the task at hand. Soon he had three piles well underway, one for trash, one for donation and one Sue might want to keep. A fourth pile lay to the side, this held things that he just couldn't make his mind up on. He tossed a pair of pompoms in that pile, almost imagining Sue giving them to her sister, they were Titan colors after all. When Finn came in lugging a few boxes, Kurt set him to work filling them up with his piles.
When they were almost finished, Sue came in. It hurt seeing the walls she put up, trying to keep them out, trying not to show how much this stuff meant to her. After Sue stormed out, Kurt, took the pictures and placed them in his bag, and told Finn to donate the rest.
As Kurt drove to the Lima Forever Funeral home, ideas forming in his head, spun from their conversation with Sue. Sitting across from the director, Kurt told him all of his ideas. "I have been in this business for thirty years," the man told him bluntly, "I have never heard of a funeral like that."
"And you have probably never met anyone like Jean Sylvester either. I will take full responsibility for this funeral. I want something as special as Coach Sylvester's sister was." Kurt said, in a tone that challenged the man to cross him.
After picking out a simple oak coffin and casket spray, Kurt left to make the other arrangements he would need. First, he called Artie asking him to make a slide show with the pictures he had found in Jean's room. Once he dropped those off, he ran to A Taste of Lima. A small red head greeted him as he walked through the door.
"Can I help you?" She asked with a sweet smile.
"Yes, my name is Kurt Hummel, and I am planning a funeral for a very special person…" he explained his idea and asked her if she would mind donating a chocolate fountain. He was hopeful when he saw tears spring to her eyes.
"My daughter has Down's," she said with a small smile, "you have given me hope that she may outlive me yet. I would be honored to help you." Then she brought him into a hug. Kurt tried to control his emotions, which had been sitting on edge all day, but a tear trickled down his face.
After arranging for the delivery, Kurt left and called Tina and Quinn, he enlisted them to help make decorations for the funeral. They agreed to meet him at Quinn's house after dinner to go over the exact details.
Over dinner at home, Kurt told Finn about his plan, their parents watched on unsure what to think of their undertaking, but proud of the enthusiasm that each put into it. While they ate, both boys began working on an arrangement for the song. Once a rough idea was decided upon, Kurt left the final details of the arrangement to Finn and rushed out to Quinn's house with a sketch pad in hand.
Both girls were excited to help and Kurt helped them come up with ideas and promised to come help after school the next day, if one of them would pick up the supplies they needed. He left Quinn with a detailed list of everything they would need.
It was late by the time Kurt made it home, but his day was still not over yet, he had yet to pick out a song for his audition the next day. He was so absorbed with selecting and perfecting a number, and doing his moisturizing routine, he completely forgot to text Blaine. His phone lay, still on silent from school, in his bag, long forgotten.
Blaine sat in his room, after sending the fourth text of the night. It wasn't like Kurt not to respond, but he had seemed distracted today after rehearsal. Blaine just wanted to talk to him, to tell him how amazing he was, to hear his voice and tell him he loved him. But Kurt wasn't answering his phone or his texts. It was late when he fell into a fitful sleep.
Kurt kept himself distracted during school the next day, thinking about the things that still needed to be done for the funeral, his audition that afternoon, and the song they had to rehearse for the funeral. He kept his mind on the productive things he should be doing, trying to keep memories and the tears away. He wouldn't let himself succumb to thoughts of his mother, he couldn't, not right now.
As he entered the choir room, Blaine approached him cautiously, "Is everything alright? You didn't answer any of my texts or calls?"
"Oh, god Blaine, I'm sorry."Kurt said feeling awful. "I haven't even pulled out my phone since last night, I have been so busy with the funeral and the audition today, I didn't even think about it." Hurt flashed across Blaine's face, "It's not you I forgot about," Kurt tried to explain, he then pulled Blaine away from the group and spoke in low tones so only he could hear. "I need to keep myself busy right now. If I am going to do this…" his voice caught, "I have to stay focused. Once everything is done, I can let it all go… just please try and understand it's not you… it's what I have to do right now."
Blaine didn't really understand what Kurt was talking about, but felt better knowing that something else was going on. "Alright, just remember I am here if you need me, I love you." He told him.
"I love you too." Almost as soon as Kurt's lips met his, Rachel screeched out, "Not fair, fraternizing with the judges!" Kurt rolled his eyes at her and made his way to his seat.
"Okay it looks like we have five people auditioning for soloist. We will call you back one at a time. Any questions?" Mr. Shue said to the group.
Kurt raised his hand, then stood up facing the rest of the glee club, "Finn and I have arranged a song to sing for the funeral, so while the auditions are going on we can work on that." He nodded to Finn who got up and began passing out sheet music to everyone, who seemed a little hesitant about the song selection, but no one questioned it.
Santana went into the auditorium first, with the Dalton boys and Mr. Shue, leaving everyone else to practice the number. Kurt was surprised, when Santana reentered telling him it was his turn. Kurt grabbed his music to give to the band members, thankful that they were so good and he didn't need to practice with them.
He walked out on stage with an air of confidence that each of the 'judges' had to admire. He spoke clearly and proudly when he announce, "I will be singing 'Some People' from Gypsy," before motioning to the band.
Kurt put everything into his performance, all of his bottled up emotions was released the flurry of the song. He owned the stage, and the five men watching him couldn't have denied him that. There was power in his movements and power in his voice. Blaine sat mesmerized by the performer that his boyfriend was. He knew that he could sit and watch Kurt on stage for the rest of his life and never grow tired of it. He wanted to shout to his friends sitting next to him, and to Kurt's teacher, that he loved that man up there. Luckily he refrained because if he had interrupted he would have missed the end of the song. His mouth hung open when he saw his boyfriend rush to the front of the stage and fall into a back bend on the floor.
Kurt stood up slowly as his audience clapped their approval. "Great job, Kurt. Nice song selection." Mr. Shuester told him.
"That was wonderful!" Blaine exclaimed causing Kurt to blush a little at the look on his boyfriends face.
"Yes, well done, Kurt," Wes added, "now if you wouldn't mind sending in Tina."
Kurt bowed before heading back to the choir room with his head held high, knowing that he had nailed it.
Once Tina, Rachel and Mercedes were done with their auditions, they rehearsed the song for the funeral to perfection while the group in the auditorium came to a decision.
Blaine was beginning to lose his temper, they had been discussing the solos for the last twenty minutes and it was not going the way he thought it should. Of course, Blaine thought clearly that Kurt should get the solo, but Wes and David were trying to decide between Santana and Rachel. Nick was adamant that Mercedes did the best job.
"I think Rachel should get the solo, and we should choose someone else to front the group number." Mr. Shue interjected.
"Why not Kurt?" Blaine asked for what seemed like the hundredth time.
"Kurt is great, but I think we could use him to better effect in the background." David told him, "With his range we can use him best there." Blaine sighed in defeat. "And before you say it Nick, the same thing goes with Mercedes. The whole reason they asked us here was to help flush out their back up, they know they have great vocalists, we need to help put those vocals to good use."
Nick and Blaine, knowing they wouldn't be able to change their minds, started petitioning for Tina. She had sung with sincerity and both new that they could find a song to fit her easily. In the end, the decision was made and they just had to announce it.
The choir room went silent as the group walked in. Mr. Shue stood before the group and cleared his throat. "The auditions were outstanding, and it was really hard for us to come to a decision. Rachel," said girl perked up expectantly. "You will be our main soloist. And Tina you will be leading the group number." Tina blanched at this.
"Are you sure, I mean, this is nationals." Tina said clearly surprised by the announcement.
"We think that we can come up with a number to best showcase all of you with Tina leading. We will have something for you tomorrow." Wes said with a smile.
Once Glee was dismissed, Kurt hopped up to make his way to the door. Blaine ran to catch up with him."Hey Kurt, where are you going?" he called.
"I'm sorry Blaine, I was already ten steps ahead of myself." Kurt said distractedly.
"Are you upset you didn't get the lead?" Blaine asked gently.
"What… oh no, like I said I have a lot going on. One missed solo is not going to kill me. I am happy for Tina, she hasn't sung a lot this year." Kurt began walking again, with Blaine trying to keep up.
"Where are you going?" he asked. Blaine was not trying to show it, but he was still worried about Kurt, there was something going on.
"I have some things to do before I meet Quinn and Tina at Quinn's house. Walk with me to my car?"
It was another quick goodbye before Kurt was off. He finalized all of the details for the funeral on Friday, before heading over to make decorations. He at least remembered to check his messages and to call Blaine before he went to bed. The call was short, but at least an effort was made.
Thursday ran about the same way. Kurt kept his mind going a million miles an hour. Blaine still felt alienated from his boyfriend. Kurt did ask Blaine to come to the funeral the next day, so he figured things couldn't be that bad.
The morning of the funeral, Kurt and Finn didn't go to school, instead they headed to the funeral home to start setting up. While he was working Kurt kept running through both the song for the funeral and the song for nationals in his head, anything to keep the thoughts that threatened to invade his mind from taking over. By the time the other guest started arriving, Kurt began to scan the crowd for his boyfriend.
Blaine walked into the funeral home and was grabbed almost instantly by Kurt. He took a deep breath before releasing it saying, "Thank you so much for being here, I don't know if I could do this alone anymore." Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Kurt led him into the room and Blaine stared bewildered at the scene that greeted him. In front of the casket, giant mushrooms and lollipops littered the ground. A chocolate fountain stood to one side, while a photo of a woman, Blaine assumed to be Jean Sylvester stood on the other. Kurt led him down the aisle and gestured to a row for Blaine to slide into, Kurt followed sitting on the end.
"How are you?" Blaine asked quietly, hoping that he would get an honest answer.
Kurt took a deep breath, "Hanging in there…" Kurt wanted to say more, but couldn't without popping the seams to his emotions which were already frayed. Before Blaine could ask another question though, Kurt saw Mr. Shuester leading Coach Sylvester into the room. Kurt caught Finn's eye and they stood to greet here.
Finn looked behind him and asked, "What do you think Coach Sylvester?"
"You told us that Willy Wonka was Jean's favorite movie." Kurt said, trying to keep his voice even.
Finn continued Kurt's thought, "The way you described Jean made her sound so special, so we wanted he funeral to be special also."
Kurt wanted to make sure that the coach understood exactly why they did it, "Something to capture and express the joy of her life, rather than the sadness of her death" Blaine sat and listened to the words and sat in wonder of just how special Kurt was to do this for someone he didn't know.
Kurt stood with bated breath, hoping that Sue liked what they had tried to do. And with two words, he knew he had succeeded in honoring Jean's memory, "It's lovely." Coach Sylvester said. A true compliment from a woman who was so hard to please. Will told them all to sit and Kurt rejoined Blaine who quickly took his hand in his, in silent support.
Kurt sat listening to the minister's introduction trying to keep his mind occupied, but the Sue was approaching the podium.
"I miss my sister. Every night at 10 or so, she used to call me on the phone, and when I asked her why...she'd tell me her body told her...she wanted to hear my voice." Began the ever strong Coach Sylvester, but her voice caught and tears began coursing her face. Blaine looked over at Kurt, he saw a single tear escape his ocean eyes, before he could almost see walls go up around him, blocking out any other emotions that could come in.
Mr. Schue stood up and takes Sue's paper saying, "Here, I'll read it. …I miss my sister. The smell of her shampoo. The way she could always convince me to read her another book. When you love some like I loved her they're a part of you it's like you're attached by this invisible tether and no matter how far away you are you can always feel them and now every time I reach for that tether I know there's no one on the other end and I feel like I'm falling into nothingness and then I remember Jean. I remember a life lead with no enemies, no resentments, no regrets and I'm inspired to get up out of bed and go on. I miss my sister so much it feels like piece of me has been ripped off. Just one more time I want to hold her. Just ten more seconds— is that too much to ask? For ten more seconds to hold her? But I can't and I won't and the only thing keeping me from being swallowed whole by sadness is that Jean would kill me if I did. So for now I'm just going to miss her. I love you, Jeannie. Rest in peace."
Kurt listened to the speech, filing the thoughts away but refusing to let the words effect him, he still had to sing. Just a few more minutes, and he could release all that he had been holding in.
As soon as Shue and Sue returned to their seats, the glee club made their way to the front to sing. Sam and Mike went to roll out the TV for the slide show. And Finn told the crowd that this was Jean's favorite song.
As the music started, Tina said, "Hold your breath, make a wish count to three."
Kurt voice drifted beautifully over the room,
Come with me, and you'll be
In a world of pure imagination
Finn took the next line,
Take a look and you'll see
Into your imagination
Tina continued singing like the breath of the same voice.
We'll begin, with a spin
Traveling in a world of my creation
Artie sings a line.
What we'll see will defy explanation
The group sings together, but Blaine focuses on Kurt, he can see the sadness in his eyes, but his face his dry. Blaine just wants to hold him.
If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Want to change the world?
There's nothing to it
Blaine's throat catches as Kurt's voice breaks out of the rest, it feels like flying.
There is no life I know
To compare with pure imagination
Finn takes over again.
Living there, you'll be free
Then the two brother's voices blend in such a way that they sound almost like one voice.
If you truly wish to be
The club sings together once more, and Blaine can feel tears stinging his eyes, the emotion, the sentiment of the song along with the beauty of it draws the wetness from his eyes. And Blaine lets the tears come.
If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
.com/pure_imagination_lyrics_
Want to change the world?
There's nothing to it
Tina takes the number over again for a moment.
There is no life I know
To compare with pure imagination
Kurt's voice is like an angel, and Blaine's heart feels like it wants to burst.
Living there, you'll be free
If you truly
If other voice's join Kurt's, Blaine doesn't hear them all he can hear is that angel.
Wish to be
Once the song ends, Kurt instinctively looks over to Coach Sylvester, wanting to see her reaction, after all he did this not just for Jean but for her as well. When Sue nodded to him with a silent 'thank you', Kurt felt all the pent up emotions and stress were worth it knowing that he had helped even just a tiny bit.
Shue led Sue to stand up in front of the Glee club, as the rest of the mourners filed past. When Blaine's row was asked to stand, he took Coach Sylvester's hand in his and gave her a watery smile before making his way to the back of the funeral home to wait for Kurt.
Kurt stood in the group, watching all of the people pass by for what seemed like hours, he couldn't let his emotions loose yet, not with all of these people here, not until he was alone, alone with Blaine. He knew Blaine had to have felt alienated this week, and Kurt desperately wanted to explain to him why it had to be that way. He smiled politely to the compliments and the kind words. Soon the last mourner shuffled past leaving the Glee Club alone with Sue. The soon started drifting off in small groups but Kurt was left rooted to the spot, by a look the coach gave him.
When the two of them were finally alone, she turned to him. "Thank you porcelain, I know that as much as you will give the credit to everyone else, that you did this. I am only going to say this once, and I will deny it until the day I die, but I have always have a soft spot for you. Maybe it is your no nonsense attitude, maybe it is your impeccable grooming, who am I kidding, you are special. No one else would have done this… especially for me, even if it was for my Jeanie. I have your back. Now get out of here."
Kurt slowly approached Sue and gave her a tentative hug, before quietly walking away.
When Blaine saw Kurt approaching, he rushed to him seeing the tears welling in his eyes. Kurt whispered, it seeming to be the sound he could muster, "Please get take me home."
Blaine grabbed Kurt around the waist and ushered him to his car. He could see Kurt's façade crumbling before his eyes and it damn near broke his own heart.
Kurt tried valiantly to keep his thoughts at bay as Blaine drove through the streets of Lima taking him home. He repeated his part of the nationals song over and over again in his head, he pictured the choreography they had begun piecing together yesterday anything to keep himself together just a little bit longer.
As Blaine pulled in front of the Hummel house, Kurt felt the last of his resistance cracking, crumbling around him. He fumbled with his keys for a moment, before Blaine's gentle hand plucked them from his grasp letting them in the door. Kurt whispered again, knowing the battle was almost over, he could let loose soon, "My room, take me to my room."
Once safely in his room Kurt collapsed on his bed, sobs over taking his body, almost a week's worth of grief, and memories flooding through his mind. The dam broken inside, he let the thoughts he kept at bay for so long, after countless hours loose. Blaine instinctively took Kurt in his arms, engulfing him in his presence, trying to let him know that he was there for Kurt.
They lay on Kurt's bed, intertwined, until the sobs lessened and Kurt could speak once more. He pushed himself up so he was leaning against his headboard, Blaine followed suit and wrapped his arms once again around his boyfriend.
"I'm sorry, I have been so distant and busy… I had to focus on getting the funeral done, so that I didn't focus on all the feelings that it brought back." Blaine gave him a sympathetic but slightly confused look. "All week I have been thinking about my mom, and losing her and her funeral. I know what Coach Sylvester feels like. I know what it is like to feel like you have lost the best, most important person in your life. I mean my dad has always been great, but my mom was ALWAYS there, when my dad was at work, it was just the two of us. And one minute she was here and she was smiling and loving me and the next she was just gone. I felt like part of me was gone too."
Blaine sat holding Kurt, not knowing what to say, not knowing what to do to help Kurt. He didn't understand he was doing exactly what Kurt needed, he was listening and holding him.
"Things started changing, first her clothes were gone, then the tiara, each time something else disappeared, I felt like I was losing her again. Now… I can't imagine how my dad did it, how hard it must have been for him. Planning a funeral for the person who means the most to you in the world, going through their things, judging what is important enough to keep, when it all feels so special because it was theirs. That is why I had to do it. I had to make this awful thing so much easier for her." Kurt's voice trailed off, he hadn't said, exactly what he wanted to say, it all came out jumbled and wrong, but he couldn't think of a better way to say all that he was feeling.
"You are the most amazing, caring, person I have ever known." Blaine told him kissing his head.
"You know what Coach Sylvester wrote about feeling tethered to someone." Blaine nodded, "I felt that way with my mom. Once I lost that, I just knew that I would never feel the same way ever again. Then I met you…" another sob escaped from Kurt's lips.
Tears coursed down Blaine's face, as he turned Kurt so they were facing each other. "Kurt… when Mr. Shuester red those words, I felt like he was talking about us. I love you more than I could ever say."
Tears, kisses, and shared stories lingered throughout the rest of the afternoon. Kurt texted Mercedes to let Shue know they wouldn't make that afternoon's practice. Kurt knew he was not up for it, and Blaine knew Kurt needed him here.
As evening started rolling in, Blaine fixed them sandwiches and their talk move away from the past and into the future. They talked about moving to New York and all the things they would see and what they would do. Tears ran dry and laughter rang throughout the room.