To Hell and Back-Chapter 21
So this is winding down...I'm a little nostalgic. It's about time for this one to end, don't get me wrong, I'm ready for it to end, but this is my longest story yet and this is also probably one of my favorite stories that I've written. Well you've still got at least one more chapter after this one, probably two, it all depends on how well I transition and how long I make this...well you'll see. Tell me what you think please and remember that I don't own Flashpoint.
Greg had actually enjoyed his time with Wordy and his family. It was a necessary reprieve from not only his mind, but from Ed's demanding nature. He couldn't really blame Ed after everything that he'd disclosed today; Greg knew that Ed had been holding in a lot of anger and a lot of anxiety, it was just an ingrained part of Ed's personality to be very to the point. Though Greg could also sense anxiety from Wordy, his kids and Shelly definitely calmed and distracted them from all the pressing thoughts circling both of their minds. Just being able to sit with them, talk to them and hear the girls recount their day had been comforting and had helped to suppress the beginnings of the urges in his mind.
Ed had called a few times throughout the shift to check in and make sure that they were still doing okay. Though Greg knew that it probably wasn't a great idea to be alone tonight, he still didn't want to impose on anyone. As the hours ticked by and it got closer to the time that Ed would be coming back to get him, he grew more and more anxious. He knew that Ed had talked to Sophie at some point and that she was for the idea of Greg staying (she also knew Greg when he was drinking and she had always been supportive of his recovery) but she still had a newborn to contend with. Ed had told Greg that Izzy usually slept well, only waking up once or twice a night and that she was an easy baby compared to Clark, but Greg still felt his chest growing tighter as he kept his eyes on his watch.
He knew that the anxiety wasn't all from his mind, the withdrawal was starting and he only hoped that it wouldn't be as bad as ten years ago. Somewhere in the back of his mind he rationalized that he'd been drinking for a few weeks and not nearly as heavily as he had back then but the fear and the memories almost made him regret agreeing to this. It had taken him weeks to get completely sober and functioning again last time around, and they hadn't been easy weeks; he'd spent most of his time hovering somewhere between what felt like a terrible hangover and the flu, bouncing between anxiety and fevers, the shakes and depression. The thoughts were only adding to his anxiety and it must have been evident.
"You okay, Sarge?" Wordy asked softly, snapping Greg out of his mind. He looked at him and nodded, trying not to show the chill that ran up his spine. Wordy didn't seem totally convinced but he nodded as well as he checked his phone. "Ed's gonna be here in ten minutes." He said as he read the text message. Greg nodded again before speaking softly.
"I'm sorry Wordy." He shook his head as he listened for any sounds from the other room. Shelly was watching a movie with the girls while Wordy and Greg sat at the kitchen table.
"For what?" Wordy seemed genuinely confused as he watched Greg carefully.
"This isn't the way it's supposed to be." He was frustrated, angry at himself and almost wondering why everyone was being so nice to him, how they were so open and understanding when he couldn't even let himself off the hook.
"The way what's supposed to be?" Wordy asked calmly, wracking his mind to try and figure out what was happening.
"I'm not...I'm not supposed to be falling apart right now." Greg said sadly, an edge of bitterness still present. "Here you are trying to console me when you just heard about your diagnosis," Greg saw Wordy's muscles tense for a moment before he forced himself to relax. "And Ed's on his way to bring me to his house while meanwhile he just recovered from a gunshot wound and he has a newborn at home." Wordy nodded, starting to see the idea, but Greg continued. "It's not supposed to happen this way, I'm supposed to be the one that can wether through this all and hold everyone together." He said half sadly, half angrily before Wordy placed a firm hand on his upper arm.
"Greg," The use of his first name didn't escape him as Wordy continued. "We're all human." He paused for a long moment to let the words sink in. "We know that you're human and we don't expect you to be perfect." He took a breath before making sure that he had eye contact. "I'm okay. I worry about what's going to happen, sure, but I keep my head up and I power through. I take things one day at a time. You taught me that Greg, so follow your own advice and trust the people that care about you...let us help you out for once." Wordy smiled his ever calming smile as the doorbell rang.
"You okay?" He asked again seriously without moving. Greg nodded.
"I'm okay." He assured as Shelly answered the door and gave Ed a hug. The girls all ran and greeted him as he slowly made his way to the kitchen and smiled at Wordy and Greg.
"Sophie's keeping dinner warm for us." Ed said as Greg nodded and stood. Wordy also stood up and looked in, what felt like, both their eyes simultaneously.
"If you guys need anything, anything at all, I'm here." He said seriously as Shelly nodded.
"And you're always welcome." She added as she stepped up and hugged both of them. Though they hadn't told Shelly all the details of what was going on, Wordy had pulled her aside and given her the basic gist of things.
"Thank you, both of you, thank you." Greg said before kneeling down. "I had fun this afternoon girls." He hugged them all and stood up again, stretching his back as he nodded towards Ed and headed to the door.
The drive to Ed's house wasn't far but the awkward quiet made it feel longer. Greg was sweating as he tried to think of something to say. He knew that things were not resolved between he and Ed, there was still a bit of anger and definitely a lot of concern showing in his ruffled brow and tight grip on the steering wheel. Greg bit his lip as he tried to think of the right words but nothing was coming to him. The cravings to drink again were growing stronger and he knew that soon it would be insatiable. He rubbed at his temples, another headache coming on as Ed began to speak, not taking his eyes off the darkened road in front of him.
"I hope you don't mind Greg, but I had to tell Sophie a little bit of what was going on." Ed glanced towards him and saw him nodding.
"I thought so, it's fine Eddie." Greg assured. "And you're sure she's okay with it?"
"She insisted." Ed said firmly.
"What does Clark know?" Greg asked curiously. Clark had matured so much in the past few years, especially with the new responsibilities of being an older brother. Clark was also the same age as Dean, it was one of the reasons that Greg and Ed had bonded so much earlier in their careers, they were both up all night rocking crying babies to sleep. Greg didn't think that Clark remembered much of Dean or Greg before he and Ed were formally on the SRU together, but he'd never directly asked.
"I asked Sophie to tell him that you were pretty sick and I didn't want you to stay alone." Ed glanced towards Greg again. "How are you feeling?" He asked knowingly. Greg shrugged.
"I don't know...kind of anxious, pretty bad headache, but not too bad yet." He said quickly as Ed nodded. "But then again I haven't really slept the past few weeks as much as I've just passed out and I haven't eaten much that's not out of a vending machine or chinese take out, so that probably has something to do with it." Ed couldn't help but smile a bit as Greg let out a chuckle.
"Yeah well hopefully we can fix that." Ed said as he pulled into his driveway and turned off the ignition. "Before we go in there though, there's something I want you to do." Ed pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and started to scroll through contacts. Greg watched him carefully as he held the phone out. "I want you to call her." He said simply as Greg took the phone and looked at the name.
"Luria?" Greg raised his eyebrows in surprise. Though the doctor hadn't worked with them directly in years after budget cuts, she was still considered one of the department psychiatrists and she'd made it very clear that her door was open for any of them at any time. Ed nodded.
"You're taking a big step here Greg and there's only so much the team and I can do for you." Ed shrugged as Greg nodded.
"I was planning on going to meetings." He said softly, knowing what Ed was alluding to.
"I knew you would be." Ed kept his eye contact as he spoke. "But the drinking's only one aspect." Greg nodded again, trying to keep himself calm despite a tightening in his chest.
"Fleeting thoughts Eddie, fleeting thoughts. I never had a plan, I never seriously considered it-"
"While sober." Ed finished his sentence as Greg looked away. "Even if it was while you were drunk, there's some part of you that was thinking about killing yourself and there was some part of you that got your gun and loaded it." Ed took a breath to steady himself before speaking softly. "Even if you don't think you need this, just...do it for me."
"Eddie-" Greg began to speak but Ed cut him off.
"Greg, I know how much you hate this logic but you're going to thank me. Do this so we can both sleep a little better." He spoke passionately as Greg took a breath and looked at the phone again. He nodded and looked towards Ed to see a bit of relief in his face.
"Okay," He pressed the send button and held the phone to his ear. "Okay, Eddie." He left Luria a quick message just asking for her to call him back when she got a chance to set up an appointment. Ed seemed satisfied and a little less tense as Greg handed him the phone back.
"Did you call Hollaran already?" He asked as he slipped the phone into his pocket.
"Yeah, I got the rest of the week and told him that I'd call again on Friday to possibly extend it." Greg nodded as Ed looked impressed.
"Did he ask why?"
"He seemed curious but with all the vacation time I've got stored up I think he was just overjoyed to hear that I was willingly taking days." Greg smiled again before rubbing his temples and trying to get the headache from his eyes.
"Come on, I've got aspirin inside and then we can eat." Ed said as he grabbed his bag out of the backseat and Greg did the same. Ed let himself in and the smell of food cooking hit them both immediately, neither of them realizing how hungry they were until they stepped into the kitchen. Sophie greeted them both from the oven and, after putting down a covered plate, approached them with a smile. She stood on her toes to kiss Ed's cheek and gave Greg a sad smile before hugging him tightly. She ushered them over to the table as she brought over plates of food.
"I wasn't sure what you guys would be in the mood for so I have a little bit of everything." She smiled as Ed uncovered the plates, his eyes wide. "There's some chicken there," She pointed to the plate in front of him. "Some pasta in that one," She uncovered a huge plate of spaghetti. "I have a salad in the refrigerator and I made brownies this afternoon." Both of their eyes were wide as they looked at Sophie. "Well, Clark's home from school and he's hogging Izzy so I had to do something with my time." She explained as Clark came into the room holding his sister.
"What was that mom?" He asked with a huge smile as he spun around and rocked the small infant slowly. "Hey Dad," He leaned over and let Ed hug him as he looked over to Greg. "Hi Mr. Parker." He said with a bit of a blush. Clark was at a stage where he didn't know how to address some of the people in his life. It was always Spike, Sam, and Jules and but Wordy and Greg had tried to encourage him to call them by their first names (or nicknames in Wordy's case). Ed wanted Clark to feel connected to his team, especially in the past few years when things had gotten more tense at home and he found out that Clark had been confiding in Spike and Sam.
"I told you Clark, call me Greg." He said with a smile as he looked toward Izzy. He nodded and pointed Izzy's sleepy face towards Greg.
"That's your Uncle Greg, Izzy. Say hi." He waved her tiny arm as Greg smiled widely at the beautiful infant.
"Let them eat, Clark." Sophie said in a jokingly serious tone. "Anyway, I think Izzy's had enough big brother bonding time. Why don't you put her down for bed and then get to that history project you've been complaining about all day." She smiled as he looked disappointed and started towards the stairs. Sophie turned her attention back to the table as she saw Ed already starting to eat. She rolled her eyes as she went over to the refrigerator.
"What do you guys want to drink?" She popped her head out and Greg thought that he saw her flinch at the words. "Um, we've got water, apple juice, lemonade, Gatorade..." She listed the options as Ed started to speak, quickly chewing his food to get the words out.
"Gatorade, that's good." He looked towards Greg and saw him nod in approval, both of them knowing that his blood sugar was probably low, yet another symptom of the withdrawal. Ed ate quickly, shoveling down food as he told them bits about the patrol.
"...you should have seen the guy's face when he looked over his shoulder and saw that Jules was the one that tackled him." They all laughed a bit as Greg imagined the scene.
"Is the food okay, Greg, you've barely eaten anything..." Sophie asked as she looked towards his mostly untouched plate.
"It's great Sophie, it's really great." He assured her before looking at his bottle of Gatorade. He'd been taking small sips of the blue liquid but hadn't eaten much other than plain pasta. "It's just...my stomach's a little iffy." He said softly as he felt another slight wave of nausea couple with the headache.
"The aspirin kicking in yet?" Ed asked as he looked at Greg carefully.
"I don't know, my head's a little better but I don't think it's helping the nausea." He said quickly. "Clark looks like he's really enjoying being a big brother." He looked at Sophie, hoping to steer the conversation a different direction. She seemed weary but nodded.
"Oh yeah, he's a natural. He loves her so much." She said with pride. Greg nodded as she went on about Clark and Izzy. A few minutes passed before Ed got up and started to clear his plate and clean up. Greg moved to follow but he sat back down quickly as he felt dizziness couple with tremors in his hands.
"Greg?" Sophie asked worriedly as he closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. When he opened his eyes Ed was by his side, a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"You okay, Greg?" He asked as calmly as he could. Greg nodded and took a few more breaths before speaking.
"Just kind of dizzy." He said softly as Ed nodded and picked up his bottle of Gatorade.
"Finish drinking this." He said firmly, only about half the bottle empty. "You're dehydrated and your blood sugar is probably low. It'll help." Greg knew that there was no arguing as he took the bottle in shaky hands and downed it. When he looked up, another bottle had mysteriously appeared in front of him as he looked towards Sophie. "One more." Ed said as he cracked the seal and handed it to Greg. He nodded and drank it quickly, the sugary solution almost feeling sour on his tongue. He finished the bottle and put it on the table before looking back towards Ed.
"Happy now?" He said sarcastically with a smile.
"Very happy." Ed continued as he took a step back and let Greg stand. He was a little shaky but Ed was just near his elbow, ready to steady him if necessary.
"What do you say we set you up in the guest room? I'm sure you're exhausted." Ed said as he stepped a bit further away, making sure Greg was steady on his feet before relaxing his muscles.
"That sounds really good." Greg said sleepily. He was exhausted but he also doubted that sleep would come easily. This is just the beginning. He thought as he followed Ed up the stairs.
Okay, a little on the long side since this was originally just a transition, but that just seems to be the way I roll. I have two more chapters in mind and my goal is to be done by tomorrow. It'll definitely be by this weekend the latest but we'll see about tomorrow. Let me know what you think, and I forgot to mention that fanfictionfan63 helped me out with some of the details of the alcohol stuff that I don't know. Thanks a ton everyone, more to come soon.