Chapter 21

I know he tried several times to speak. Mouth open, then closed, then open again. Sweaty palms wiped against his pants. Throat cleared, turn toward me then lose the courage.

I stared into the flames and watched the colours of the driftwood flame. Every now and then, there would be a streak of blue and purple instead of orange. Beautiful.

He would not speak, so it seemed I must.

"Why is the flame different?"

He jerked his head to me. "Sorry?"

"The colours in the fire," I said, pointing at the flame.

"Oh..." He turned his head back to concentrate on the fire. "It's the chemicals in the ocean. Not salt because that burns yellow... but more the reaction the wood has to it, what it absorbs from the water... in this case... probably zinc. Strictly speaking, we shouldn't burn it."

"Oh? Why is that?"

"Because the salt in it releases chlorine. Bad to breath in. We should be okay though."

"Oh. I see." I waited for him to continue, but he did not, so I busied myself with taking off my sandals, leaving them at the corner of the blanket. He still did not speak so I readjusted the top of the dress.

"Um... are you cold?" he asked. "Do you want my jacket?"

I gave him a withering look. "No."

He cleared his throat. "Um... Star?"

"Yes?"

"Can we talk?"

"That is why you brought me here," I retorted, barely able to keep my tone civil.

"Yeah..." He ducked his head down and dropped into silence.

"So talk," I prompted.

"I really didn't mean for you to get that upset over this," he said meekly. "But I can see why you are."

"Good. Although, you started with a 'Do not hate me' request. You must have known my reaction would have been bad."

"Can I get a do over?" he asked.

I frowned. "A do over?"

"Can I start again? Try and do it properly?"

"If it would make you feel better," I said, tart.

Dick sighed, most likely from my tone, but pressed on anyway. "So. Um... Bruce and I have been talking and I'd really like your opinion on the matter-"

I frowned at him. "You have already made up your mind. Why ask now?"

"It's a do over," he explained. "The whole fight, the whole conversation. I want to start again."

I was completely confused. "You wish to fight again?"

He lifted his hands to indicate I should stop. "No." Both his hands dropped down to his lap. "I didn't explain that very well... okay... I want to pretend the fight never happened at all. Pretend all the things we said to each other didn't happen. I want to tell you properly, the way I should have done it before."

That did not many any sense. "Oh."

"Do you understand?"

"It is not going to go away if we pretend it did not happen."

"I know. But if we start again, we might be able to talk things through more rationally. I'll explain it properly and you won't... "

I lifted an eyebrow at him.

"Um... get the wrong idea. So, Bruce and I were talking."

I nodded again.

"About Jason and his aggression and how it could be channelled. And it was suggested to me, by Bruce, that it would help him and Jason if I could be around a lot more during the next few months. Since there really can't be two Robins and Red X is supposed to be a criminal and I want to use him in the future when I need to something more... seedy, I thought maybe I could switch to Nightwing while I was here. Assuming I stayed. It would be beneficial in a couple of ways. Since Bludhaven's pretty close and I do want to end up there eventually, Nightwing being associated with Batman might not be bad. Plus, I'm going to be tested, I'm sure of that. Criminals are going to want to try out the new suit and I thought it would be better and safer for our friends and you if I had Batman back me up instead. That way I could help Bruce with Jason. Obviously since I may be here for a while, I don't expect you to stay the whole time. You know my civilian identity, you're quite welcome to visit anytime you want, but there will be times where I need to focus completely on other things and I mightn't be able to be there with you the whole time. You wouldn't be be able to help as Starfire, because I don't want the Titans to be seen at Batman's beck and call, but you could help us train Jason if you want in the Manor. Thoughts?"

I was even more confused and a smidgen angry. "I do not see what this will accomplish. You have already made up your mind."

"I'm trying to ask your opinion," he said, a little exasperated.

"My opinion apparently does not matter."

"God," he moaned, throwing up his hands. "Star, do you want to fight?"

"I simply do not see the purpose of the 'do over'. You have made up your mind. Why pretend you have not?"

"Because if me staying in Gotham is going to cost us our relationship, then I won't. But I need- we need to talk about it first. See if we can't come to a compromise. So... everything's a what if. A maybe."

I remained silent, considering.

Dick sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I don't like to allow people close, but I let you in. I hold you very, very dear. You matter. But if you force me to chose right now without discussing it and trying to come to an agreement we both approve of, I'm going to make an emotional choice and not the right choice. Then I'll resent you for it. And we both know what I'll do."

"Why should I give you the benefit of discussing things when you would not extend the same courtesy to me?"

"Please Star," he begged. "I'm trying. Give me something. Talk. Tell me what you're thinking."

I sighed and flicked one of the sequins on my dress as I considered my words. "Nightwing... forgive me for being selfish. He is mine. We have discussed him in length, weapons I saw, equipment I saw. Hair. Costume design, what changes we could make, design flaws, technological updates. You always spoke of him as though he was my creation. I assumed I would be a part of you becoming him, especially now we were a couple. I thought it would be something we could do together, as part of the Titans. And in one sentence, you took all my hopes and dreams away."

Dick swallowed as he watched me. "I... never realised."

I bit back the scathing remarks and pressed on. "You have always said Robin linked to Batman and you hated it. You cherished the thought of Nightwing not being so. What changed?"

"Honestly... I don't know." He sighed and leant forward, wrapping his arms around his legs. "Maybe you're right and Bruce's manipulating me. It... just seemed so plausible when he suggested it. I have to... think about that... Okay... Nightwing aside, about me staying in Gotham? What's your take on that?"

"Would you not miss me?" I asked in a small voice.

He straightened and looked at me in surprise. "Of course I would."

"And you are not worried that our relationship would be reduced to scattered video calls and occasional visits? Because you scarcely called last time."

"Last time whenever I called I was just making you more worried about things because I couldn't tell you what was really going on. I can tell you everything. Believe me, I'll call you more. I really missed you."

"You called me a distraction," I pointed out.

He closed his eyes briefly. "I meant in a good way and I completely said it wrong."

I frowned. "How can being a distraction be in a good way?"

"You're beautiful, sexy, wonderful and I want to spend time with you when you're around. You are distracting, but let's face it, I want to be distracted by you. You're sitting there right now looking absolutely gorgeous in that number and all I can think about is seeing you grinding with Selina in the club. God, I almost blew my load right there, watching you dance."

That astounded me, but truly I should not have been surprised. "You were there?"

He nodded. "I wanted to talk. I knew if you didn't go back to Jump, you'd call Raven. You wouldn't head to Tamaran without calling her at least and when her signal appeared in Gotham... I just had to. Just to talk... Then you started to dance and I couldn't look away."

My eyes widened. X'hal... "The whole time?"

He nodded again. "You have to know how hot you look in that. Every guy there was panting over you... and that kiss... um..." He cleared his throat. "Um...why...?"

"Language transfer," I said as matter of fact as I could. "Selina speaks German."

"Oh." He sounded disappointed. He shifted, a little uncomfortable. Trying to be subtle and failing, he adjusted himself. "Still...fucking hot."

I narrowed my eyes. "You are having threesome thoughts."

"Do you blame me?" he asked, flashing me a boyish smile.

I did not approve.

His smile faded. "Actually, Selina's... the closest thing I have to a mother anymore. Yeah, she's hot, but... that'd just be awkward."

"Oh."

"Still... you dancing... and kissing another girl... wow..."

"You could have come and danced with me."

He snorted. "There'd be a Dick sized hole in the wall if I did that."

I do not know why, but I found that incredibly funny. Giggles bubbled up from my belly and I covered my mouth to hide them but it was no good. They burst free anyway. The look on his face just made me laugh even harder.

"What'd I say?" he asked, completely puzzled.

I was breathless with laughter. "Dick sized hole."

He snorted and covered his face as he chuckled. "Oh. Wow. I did say that."

"So, it would be akin to the 'glory hole', yes?"

His eyes grew incredibly wide. "Oh... God... wait... how do you even know about those!"

I sat back, placed my hands behind me and stretched out my legs so I could cross my ankles. "I spent much time with Beast Boy in your absence, and will do so again if you stay in Gotham. He has deemed my education to be most lacking. I suspect he will relish the opportunity to further my knowledge."

The look of horror on his face was divine and I could not contain my humour. The laughter continued for some time until I was quite giddy. When it was finally done I smiled at Dick and held out my hand, offering it to him to hold. He scooted a little closer so we did not have to reach as far and our joined hands rested on the blanket between us.

"You truly want to be there for Jason," I said.

"And Bruce. We... have a lot of catching up to do. Jason's still pissed about the test, he's claiming it was the only reason I spent so long here this time and it wasn't to spend time with him. I only really spend a little time with him, I would like to get to know him better."

I nodded, remembering my conversations with Jason saying similar things.

"But I don't want to let you down either. I feel... very stretched right now."

"I do not mean to compound that. You caught me by surprise."

"I know. I'm sorry, there's a million ways I could have done it better."

"I am worried about Jason's influence on you."

He squeezed my hand. "I'd never put myself in the situation you described."

I lifted an eyebrow. "Just like you would never put yourself in a situation to be dragged into the strip club?"

Dick sighed. "Yeah. Okay," he conceded. "But drinking, Star-"

"You smoke, something I never thought you would do. And you lied about it."

"Socially. Only with Jason. Only occasionally. It was something we could bond over. Bruce suggested I try it. I... thought you wouldn't understand."

"You did not try," I rebuked. "If you had simply said 'Jason and I had a cigarette together as part of ritualistic male bonding', I would have been fine. But instead you chose to lie. After everything else, I thought you would have known better."

"I'm sorry."

"It would only take one drink. Then you would have loose enough inhibitions for him to coerce you to have another."

He sighed. "You're just going to have to trust me. He's family. Besides, he knows you know. He knows you'll kick his ass if he tries anything. And I'm betting I'm going to be warding off requests to take you to the strip club. Hell... I'll take you clubbing, I want to see you dance again."

I had to smile at that. Briefly. "Dick... why have you changed in Gotham? Lying to me. Smoking. The calling of the names. I am most confused."

"I... dunno..." He frowned at his feet, deep in thought. "I'm... really bad, aren't I?" he asked, his tone suggesting he only just realised that.

"I miss the old you," I murmured.

"I'm sorry. I never realised how bad I was. I..."

"It is Jason, yes?"

"I'm... I don't know. Trying to impress him, maybe?" He really did not seem to have an answer to it and I wondered if there was an answer.

"It is a human thing?"

"Sort of... I mean, around Cyborg and Beast Boy, I'm different too. Aren't I?" He seemed to want affirmation of that.

I nodded. "You contain more bravado, confidence and relish the challenge. I might get brief cuddles and kisses, but we have never made out in front of them. You have never placed your hand inside my shirt while we were with them."

He cringed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"Not uncomfortable. Only concerned."

"I'm still sorry."

I squeezed his hand. "Be secure in who you are, Dick. If Jason does not like you for who you are, then that is not your fault."

"What if the Dick I am around Jason is the real one?" he asked, sounding lost.

"Then, he would be a bobsnar."

Dick chuckled.

"And the last three years around the Titans would be a lie."

Dick nodded and said nothing. He sighed and lifted his head up to watch the stars.

I watching him closely, trying to follow his train of thought. It is difficult, he never gives anything away when he thinks, so stoic and void of expression. I did not wish to interrupt his thinking either, I just hoped he would see what I saw in Gotham.

"Is it a lie?" I asked, after giving him some time to think.

"No... I'm... myself around you. Comfortable. Happy. I never feel that anywhere else."

"I know."

"You do?"

I smiled at him. "I have seen the real Dick enough to know what I see in Gotham is not you. I just wished for you to realise that."

He smiled back. "Thanks, Star. I promise, I won't let him influence me anymore."

I nodded.

"So? What do you think?"

I considered. "I cannot see a compromise to this, Dick. I would prefer that you not spend six months in Gotham. I do not appreciate what it does to you. And I wish that you would become Nightwing in Jump. With me. But I do not want you to chose between your family and me."

"You're my family too."

I smiled briefly. "Even so... I cannot see a way in which we will both be satisfied.'

"Actually, I've been thinking of a possible solution... what if I do both?"

"Both?"

"Well, there can't be two Robins, at the same time. But who's to say Nightwing can't make his debut in Gotham and Jump. What if I come back to the Tower for two weeks out of each month and spend the other two in Gotham? That's not as much time apart and its broken up into little bits. Nightwing would appear in Jump first, of course. I want that tie above everything else."

"He would still be tied to Batman."

"Honestly, I think once people make the connection Robin became Nightwing, I'll be tied to him anyway. A black suit, they're gonna associate. Might as well be open about it."

"And you would be okay with that?"

"Probably. I'd have to be. Yeah, it'd be hard for us, and I'd miss you like crazy, but we could do it." He hesitated, considering our joined hands, then released mine. "Assuming we're still together... Star... you broke up with me."

A quepado lodged its spiky thorns in my throat. "I did not mean to," I whispered, blinking back tears. "I was emotional and not thinking and... I am most sorry."

"That hurt. More than anything else you said." He leant back a bit, reaching into his pocket and drew out my bracelet. "You gave this back and you wouldn't listen. Wouldn't even give me a chance."

I sniffled, wiping at the tear that slipped down my cheek. "Dick... I..."

He twirled the bracelet in his fingers. "I know you're an emotional being and sometimes its hard being in love with someone who feels everything and has to express it. I bottle so much and you just let it flow. I get that. I understand. I'm okay with that."

"But?"

He gave me a very tiny smile. "But... you leaving like that, it made me take notice. A very large wake up call. There are issues that I never realised, that I didn't see. I let myself... I made a decision which affected you, affected us, and I didn't even bother to ask your opinion. I've never done that before. I took it for granted you'd just do whatever I wanted and that was wrong of me."

I nodded.

"So... I'm gonna ask you something and I want you to really think about it before you answer, okay?"

I nodded.

"Do you want to be with me?" he asked.

I hesitated. "Truthfully?"

"Truthfully. Even if you don't want to hurt me, I need the truth, Star."

I turned my gaze to the fire as I made an attempt to sort out my feelings. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Dick twirl the bracelet, round and round and round, it glinted in the firelight. "There are things I have seen that I do not like," I said slowly. "Just as there are things you have shown me that I like very much. It is... most difficult to be in a relationship with you."

"I get that."

"I know my emotions are part of the problem. It must be difficult for you as well."

"Sometimes."

"Yet, you still wish to be with me?"

"If I didn't, I wouldn't have chased you."

"And if I did not wish to be with you, you never would have caught me."

Dick grinned happily, looking thoroughly relieved. "I know we still have a lot to discuss but-" He held up my bracelet. "If I give this back, you have to promise not to break up with me again on a whim. Promise me we'll always try to talk things through first. You can get as emotional as you like, but we won't make any life changing decisions like that. And I'll promise to always consider your side of things, how my actions and decisions affect you and include you. And never take you for granted again."

I nodded. "I promise."

He reached for my hand and slipped my bracelet back on my wrist. He looked up at me and smiled, the firelight flickering against his face making him more handsome than I have ever known him to be. "I love you."

I stretched out my hand and brushed my fingertips against his face. "I love you too."

He reached out and placed his palm against my neck, then curled his fingers to grip me and pulled me to him. His lips caught mine and I dove into his embrace. Arms and hands, I held him tight and pushed toward him with such force he toppled backward and I followed. Somehow, I ended up straddling him, my knees on either side of his hips as we kissed and Dick ran his hands up the back of my thighs to my buttocks.

It was a little bit of a frenzy, I suppose, I was as anxious as he was. Emotions were still peaked, we were aware that we had almost broken what we had and were most keen to reaffirm.

I only got his shirt half unbuttoned, the tails pulled from his pants before Dick pulled away, lifting his hips so he could get his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans. "Wait, wait, condom."

He retrieved the one from his wallet, courtesy of Jason, while I hurried to undo his belt buckle and yank down his jeans, leaving them around his knees. As I floated off him just enough so he could put the protection on and I could remove my clothing, he asked, "Can we leave the dress on?"

Giggling, I complied, just removing my thong and lowered myself back down to him.

We had not tried this position before and I was most eager to explore it. The control it gave me, the sensations and the pleasure of his position inside, the control he relinquished to allow me to set the pace was most gratifying. Dick seemed to enjoy the way I rose above him, he gripped my hips most earnestly.

Too earnestly, it appeared.

All too soon he was crying out, his hands gripping me hard as he pushed upward with his hips.

"Shit. I'm sorry," he panted as he descended from his orgasmic high. "It's the dress. It looks really, really fucking awesome on you."

I was both disappointed and pleased and was fairly certain it was not just the dress alone.

"Is it yours?" he asked.

"Selina's. Although I do love it."

"Me too. Can I buy you a hundred?"

I laughed.

He winced as he eased me off him, tied a knot in the condom and tossed it to the corner of the blanket. "Bruce's probably got more in the plane. I'll make it up to you."

He did. Many times over.

Author's note:

Kry's sexual awareness: Today on the whacky world of adventure we're going to cover premature ejaculation which occurs when a guy finishes earlier than he or his partner wanted to, sometimes without penetration even occurring. It happens to EVERY guy at some point. Combined with a new position and a very sexy dress (sexy dance, sexy kiss), Dick finished earlier than he wanted to. Especially since they are early in their sexual relationship, he's unskilled, its not surprising. Girls, if this happens to a guy he will be incredibly self conscious. Don't laugh. Don't giggle or make fun, even if he makes a halfhearted witty attempt to make light of the situation. Be understanding, it happens, but don't be overly sympathetic either, he won't like that. Instead of thinking, "Gee, he doesn't last long," think, "Omg, I'm so sexy he couldn't wait." Most guys will be embarrassed and then make it up to you. Good news is, if he's already come, he can keep it up longer second time around, plus more foreplay for you. Yay. Clean it up, go back to kissing, try again. It's only really a problem if it continues to happen.

This message has been brought you to by Kryalla Orchid, and received the Katergator stamp of approval (TM).

A glory hole is a hole in a wall, usually a bathroom or in an adult video shop in which guys can insert themselves and recieve anonymous sex from whoever is on the other side (male or female). Usually oral, but it can be others.

Also, contrary to popular belief (Twilighters I'm looking at you), driftwood does not burn blue because of salt. Salt burns bright yellow. If it has blue sparks through it, (I've yet to see ANY sort of driftwood naturally burn blue and only blue), its not because of the salt. Technically its a character mistake by Mike, trying to impress a chick, but there's so many facts wrong in Twilight its not funny. Burning driftwood is actually quite bad, it can make you very sick.