"I'm sinking slowly"

Clary

"Jace?" I ask as I feel his body quiver slightly.

He doesn't reply and I look to see his face buried in my shoulder. He just came to my house and as soon as I saw him, I hugged him. He looked so broken when he arrived, I couldn't think of anything else to do. I'm still not sure what to do because I don't know what's wrong.

"Whatever it is, it'll be okay." I promise, feeling my heart rip as a cold breeze hits us and Jace's shaking increases.

Jace doesn't respond to my words. He just hugs me a little tighter.

I try to pull away but a small noise escapes his throat and he clings to me.

"No. Please." He whispers in a shaky voice.

"I'm not going anywhere." I tell him in what I hope is a gentle voice. "Let's both get inside; okay? It's cold and I think it's about to rain."

He nods and slowly pulls away. I hold his hand and we walk inside. Thunder booms as I close the door and I say, "It's a good thing we came inside; huh?"

I try to smile at Jace but the look on his face makes it feel more like a grimace. He looks haunted. His face is pale and his eyes look shattered. The worst part is that he's silent. I've never seen him so quiet outside of a tide.

"Let's sit down; okay? Do you want some hot chocolate?" I ask, leading him to the couch.

He shakes his head and I sit beside him, pulling a blanket around the both of us. I hug him and he pulls me to him, hugging me tightly.

He starts saying something. His words are hard to make out at first, but then I hear him. "He's back Clary, Clary, he's back." He whispers, over and over and over and over. It's as if that's all he's able to force himself to say.

"Who's back?" I whisper, my heart jammed in my throat from his strange behavior. What happened to him?

"My father." Jace whispers.

I can feel his heart pounding and mine begins to catch up to his. How is his father back? Is Jace imagining things or is the man alive? What did he do to Jace?

"What did he do to you?" I whisper.

He looks at me with a broken expression and then pulls away. He jumps up and takes a couple of steps away from me.

"I can't-" his voice cuts off.

"You can't what?" I stand in front of him and take his hand.

"This," he chokes, his golden eyes shining brightly with the beginnings of tears.

"Why?" I whisper, holding back a gasp as my heart drops.

"To love is to destroy and to be loved is to be the one destroyed." He whispers as a solitary tear slips down his face. "I don't want to destroy you Clary."

Then he separates our hands and runs out of the house, faster than I've ever seen him go. I try to follow but he quickly outdistances me. Tears fill my eyes. Why'd he do that? Why does he think love destroys people? Did his father teach him that? What sort of monster teaches their son that?

I remember that Izzy called Jace to their house earlier so she must know what happened. I call Izzy.

"Have you seen Jace?" She asks nervously.

"He just left." I answer.

"Is he coming home?" She sounds relieved.

"I don't know." I admit.

"How was he?"

"Bad; what happened before he came to my house?"

"A guy started banging on the door, claiming to know Jace, I called the cops, and then I called Jace. Jace came, the guy kept yelling and then he started using Jace's first and middle names which made Jace go pale. Then the creep broke in through the window and started threatening us. Jace stood between the guy who produced a knife and me and then the cops showed up. The guy said Jace would seek him out. That wasn't even the weirdest part."

"What was it?"

"He said he was Jace's dad."

I nearly drop the phone. Jace's dad, who's supposed to be dead, is alive and breaking into the Lightwoods' house. No wonder Jace's so upset.

"Hey, Iz?" I whisper as dread builds in my throat.

"Yeah?" she replies.

"Did his dad say anything about love?"

"Yeah, he said that to love is to destroy and-"

"To be loved is to be the one destroyed," I choke.

"How did you,"

"Jace just said it and then he ran. I gotta go." I hang up before she can reply.

I call Jace and hear something from inside my house. I walk in and see and hear, "I Know" by Throw The Fight playing in the living room. Walking to the source, I see something flashing under the blanket Jace and I were just using. I lift the blanket and realize it's his phone ringing on my couch. Jace, where are you?

Jace

I feel myself sinking slowly into silence. Words won't form, my thoughts are becoming sluggish, shapes look surreal, like they shouldn't be the way they are. My steps are frantic, as is my heart but I try to make sense of my surroundings and it's processed as a blur. Colors swirl and I feel raindrops running down my face. Each step away from Clary sends another blow to my chest, breaking my heart at a painstakingly slow pace. My throat feels tight and it's like I can't get enough air. Cars pass me, splashing cold water at me. Shivers run up and down my entire body and I feel like giving up. Max is dead because of me. He's dead because I didn't listen to my father. Izzy nearly died because I didn't listen to my father. I left Clary to walk home alone because I didn't listen to my father. To love is to destroy. It seems all I'm capable of is destruction.