mela16: where isn't he?

this hiatus is killing me. lets see if anyone can find the reference to the prologue in this chapter.

Also Happy Holidays!

Chapter Twenty

Killian stood up, his face twisted in a face Emma had never seen before. Hope walked toward her brothers now huddling in a corner, Henry was soothing them, Emma felt like a horrible mother. Nothing came before her children, but right now she was letting her son parent her children. Emma stood unsure of where she was needed.

"What do you mean we did the spell wrong?" Killian demanded his voice shaking with anger, the soft blue of his eyes Emma has grown to love has darkened with anger they were glassy too as if he was close to crying.

"I mean there was a mistake made," Regina said nodding her head and looking at the floor ashamed of herself, she should've known. Her daughter needed her and she let her down. Killian stood in Regina's face, and Emma resisted telling him to calm down because frankly, she was scared of how he feels. If roles were reversed and Liam was Snow how would Emma react?

"Aren't you supposed to know magic?" Killian demanded and he looked like he was going to hurt her, Henry noticed. Henry hoped that his Dad didn't, Henry didn't know how he felt for Regina but he doesn't think that she deserves to die for her mistake. Henry looked his Dad in the eyes and all he could see was the angry expression on his face and it startled him.

"Well its impossible to know everything about magic, but even Emma agreed to the spell, it's a life for a life right darling," Regina looked at her daughter waiting for her to stand up for her like she always does. Killian spun around, his eyes filled with anger and betrayal and Emma wanted to hug him to tell her that she would make it better, but Emma knew she couldn't.

"Killian," Emma took a step towards her True Love and placed her hand on his arm and squeezed gently trying to transfer some of her love to him. Emma wanted him to understand. "For every spell there is a counterspell, we can figure it out and help Liam," Emma smiled at Killian, searching for an ounce of understanding lining his features.

"True Love's kiss won't work if he doesn't remember who he is," Regina stated nose already inside a book. Emma turned around and looked at Liam, who was sitting on a treasure chest filled with magic potions. He looked lost, Emma willed herself to remember the man who was a good friend to her.

All she could see was the pain in her lover's eyes.

When Killian sat down Emma sat beside him, placing her arms around him she pulled his head into her chest and let him cry. She pressed light kisses on his head and rubbed his back in obscure shapes. After awhile Hope and Jones walked over and sat beside them.

"Mommy what's wrong with Daddy?" Hope asked pulling on Emma's sleeve.

"He's just sad it's okay baby," Emma said moving her hand from Killian's back to her daughters face for a fraction of a second and quickly put it back. Killian moved positions so that he sat on Emma's lap face buried on the crook of her neck, and he let himself be taken care of. Jones sat beside his mommy and placed his head on her legs and closed his eyes, Emma could tell that he was exhausted. Hope curled up on her mother's side and closed her eyes too.

"Emma i'm scared that i'm going to lose him," Killian whispered once he couldn't cry anymore. Emma placed a hand on the back of his head.

"Me too," Emma kissed his ear. "I think we're just going to have to work through the fear and bring him back," Emma twirled a strand of his raven hair on her fingers. Emma loved this man. Her chest was bursting with adoration for him.

"Emma I killed someone today," Killian said and Emma heard him suppress a sob.

"It gets better," Emma said not entirely sure that she was saying the right thing.

"What does?"

"Killing,"

Killian shivered and Emma knew it wasn't because she was touching him. He was scared.

"That's horrifying, Emma,"

"It's life," Emma snuggled her head into his trying to feel him.

"I feel horrible,"

"The first person I killed was a really close friend of my mothers. Actually they were dating, sort of, anyways she forced me to kill him. I have never stopped regretting it, but then later on I was grateful I knew how to do something because it helped me," Emma tried explaining. "At first the guilt was horrible and I didn't want to live with myself, but I learned to accept that murder was just apart of who I was, i'm not beneath it,"

"Emma," Killian sighed sounding devastated his lips tickling her neck. "You don't sound like yourself,"

Emma smiled bitterly, he was right. She didn't believe any of the crap that she was selling either. She just told herself that so that she could breathe, so that she could live her life.

"To kill another person, you live with that guilt through every action you do, everytime I breathe I remember all the faces of who i've killed," Emma closed her eyes.

"You have to learn something to tell yourself that justifies it," Emma placed her head on her husbands and sat there in silence.

…

Lacing their fingers together Emma and Killian listened to what Regina had to say.

"I say we knock him out until we can figure it out," Regina suggested her voice dropping into a low whisper.

"No," both Emma and Killian object.

"Fine," Regina huffs and sits down on a chest. "Did either of you think to bring food?" Regina demands, after getting a look at their faces she conjures up somethings to eat.

"Henry, Hope, Jones," Regina calls and hands Henry and Hope a cookie and a juice box. Regina scoops Jones up and gives him a bottle filled with milk.

Killian and Emma flash each other a guilty look, they completely forgot.

"Regina, i'm still hungry," Hope says and Regina flashes her a smile and conjures up toasted bread on a plate.

Emma looks away from the very touching scene when she notices Liam sitting staring at the wall, Emma walks over to him and asks him if he'd like to talk to her.

"Not really, you want me to be someone that i'm not, you don't want to talk to me you want Liam," He pointed out and Emma flinched, he was right.

"Okay, fine, but that doesn't make me care for you less, I don't want to see you sulk in here,"

"Then let me leave," Liam snapped and Emma left the conversation not knowing how to continue it. So they just sat there. After a while Killian joined them in there silent sitting, hoping that things could be different.

Emma wished they would change, if not for her then for him.