September 2015
Maybe we shouldn't have come. This is private and you might upset her even more than she already is. I want to be there for her, but she has him and she doesn't need you, thought Bucky. Wanda looked up him and frowned.
"She won't be mad I promise. I can help her and she needs this. She's always helping us and we should be here for her," said Wanda. Bucky looked around the hospital and tried fighting his own unease about being here. The walls were so white when he woke up and he kept hearing a faint beeping noise. Zola looking down at him with a smile.
"I don't like being here," said Bucky and Wanda's frown deepened.
"I don't like it either, but this is for Alison, Not us," she hissed. "If you really do care about her and...I'm sorry your thoughts are very loud sometimes when it comes to her," said Wanda and her face turned red as Bucky's eyes narrowed. He wondered what thoughts were the loudest when he thought about Alison.
"She has a boyfriend...I'm just her patient...I can't be here," said Bucky and he pulled away from Wanda. Wanda didn't try to stop him and he walked outside to wait for Wanda. Coward. You're a jealous coward who can't be there for a friend when she needs it, thought Bucky. He leaned againstthe wall and sighed. He had only met Alison's grandfather once about two months ago when he was reunited with Becca. It had been a rather memorable meeting and he could see how much Alison loved him.
July 2015
Alison took a huge pull from the coffee cup and Bucky eyed her. She had been up half the night trying to calm Wanda down. It had been the fireworks that set her off. One went off that sounded like a rocket and Wanda ran back inside screaming. Everyone stood there stunned for a few seconds before Alison went inside and spent two hours talking with Wanda through a locked door and sometimes Steve, Natasha or Vision would chime in, but it was Alison that spent another four hours talking with her after she unlocked the door about what she had gone through before joining the Avengers. Alison got Wanda to go to sleep, but it was clear she needed someone to talk to on a regular basis.
"We'll have to cut some of our sessions back so I have time to work with Wanda. We'll make it work somehow," said Alison. He was sitting in the backseat next to Alison while Steve drove to the nursing home to see Becca.
"I'll be fine. She's been through a lot and needs the help," said Bucky. Alison sent him a small smile before finishing her coffee.
"Are you alright this morning?" asked Alison.
"Nervous," said Bucky and he forced his knee to be still and Alison took his left hand.
"It's going to be fine. She's probably going to be really shocked to see you, but she'll be really happy," said Alison. So few people touched his left hand and Alison was one of the few people he allowed to touch him. Bucky gripped her hand careful in his; he knew how easily he could break every bone in her hand. They pulled into the parking lot and Steve turned the car off before looking at Bucky.
"It might take a bit to explain everything to her. I'm still trying to figure out how to say it. I'll text Alison when she's ready," said Steve. The moment they were out of the car Bucky put his left hand in his pocket. He was wearing a long sleeved gray shirt to hide his arm. He didn't really trust the hologram watch. Alison signed them in, well she signed Bucky in as John Bates and he sort of smirked. They had been watching Downton Abbey and he was slightly amused with how into the Bates and Anna story Alison was.
"Come on you can meet my old man," said Alison leading him towards another wing of the home. It was a bit surreal to him to be in this place when he was in his nineties and looked to be Alison's age. It smelled stale and like cleaner all at once. Staff and a few patients called out greetings to Alison and waved back politely. She tapped lightly on a door before poking her head in.
"Can I come in?" asked Alison and Bucky heard a faint yes call back. He watched Alison square her shoulders before going into the room. The man in the bed looked smaller than her and was being propped up by pillows. His hair was pure white and was cut close to his head. Alison leaned down and kissed his forehead.
"I like to meet my friend James," said Alison motioning her head towards him. "Well it's technically Sergeant James Barnes. Sergeant Barnes this is my grandfather-Gunnery Sergeant Robert Conley," said Alison. Bucky was a little surprised that she had used his real name and rank with her grandfather. Than Bucky remembered her grandfather had memory issues and might not even remember him once he left. Bucky saluted the man and Robert gave a little salute of his own and Bucky could see his hand was shaking. Alison took a seat and Robert eyed him.
"Air Force?" asked Robert.
"Army. I did some time overseas," said Bucky. No sense in freaking out two people today, thought Bucky.
"He's a friend of Sam's," said Alison. Robert looked over at Bucky again and back to Alison.
"Honey could you go get me a soda?" asked Robert.
"I'll see what I can round up. Do you want anything?" asked Alison.
"I'm fine," said Bucky. She left the room and Robert gave him a hard look.
"Are you sleeping with my granddaughter?" Bucky thought it was a good thing he didn't have a drink he might have spit it out.
"No. God no...we're...we're friends," said Bucky and he felt himself flush like he was sixteen again.
""Those are my son's tags. Ally wouldn't let just anyone have those," said Robert and Bucky kicked himself. He forgot he was wearing them. He took a deep breath and looked the man in the eyes.
"I lost mine over there and Alison has been helping me get over some stuff that happened to me. She's nice and I'm lucky to know her," said Bucky and Robert sighed. He looked off into the distance and Bucky knew that look. He had seen guys come back from the first war and they would just look off into space. Is that how I look when I zone out? thought Bucky.
"She's a good girl. It's been hard for her...since Matt left. No one really knew how to help her...I didn't want to put her in the hospital, but she just wasn't her anymore. I...what...where did she go?" asked Robert seeming to snap out of it.
"She went to get you a soda," said Bucky and Robert nodded.
"One of the first things I did after coming home for Japan was get a soda...no it was a root beer float. There was this soda shop near the apartment and I think I ordered seven of them. What did you do when you came home?" asked Robert.
"I took a shower. I missed hot water," said Bucky. It wasn't that much of a lie. Alison came back and she poured soda into a cup with a straw for him. They chatted for a while before Robert told Alison he was tired. Bucky watched her as she fussed with the blinds, adjusted Robert's bed and pillows and she turned on a small cd player so he could listen to music.
"I'll see you next Sunday," said Alison and she kissed his forehead again. "Love you." He patted her hand before slipping off. They eased out of the room and Alison shut the door.
"So that's my grandpa," said Alison as they walked down the hall.
"He doesn't seem to have the mouth on him that you did the other day," said Bucky and Alison grinned.
"Turn on a Giants game and he'll let loose a string that will make anyone blush," said Alison. Her phone chimed and it was from Steve. "You ready?" asked Alison and he took her hand for support as they walked down the hall to the wing where Becca was.
"Just take deep breaths and it's going to be fine," said Alison. She knocked on the door and Steve let them in. Alison gently pulled him into the room and he suddenly felt the urge to run. There was an old woman sitting in a chair with her hair braided back and her blue eyes locked on him and Bucky could see her how she had been when she saw him off to London. Her hair was pulled back in a braid and her blue eyes seemed torn between worry and fear. You better come home or so help me. He hugged her tightly and promised her he would be back.
"Bucky?" asked Becca and Steve helped her out of her chair. She went over to him and touched his face. Her hand was soft and he swore he could see all the veins in it. She looked up at him near tears and it was almost the same worried look she had all those years ago.
"You told me I had to come home," said Bucky and he tried to smile. She simply wrapped her arms around him and started sobbing into his chest. "Please don't cry...please...I'm sorry Becky. I'm so sorry," said Bucky and he felt his own tears coming on. Alison took Steve by the arm.
"We'll just be outside," said Alison and she gently nudged Steve out of the room.
"I missed you," said Becca and she hugged him as hard as she could. He had to remind himself that he couldn't hug her back as hard. I hate them for keeping me alive, but at least I get to hug you again. Becca looked up at him and she still had that same smile.
"I have so much I need to tell you," said Becca. He wanted to know everything and she tried to tell him everything. He was a little annoyed that she had gone off and modeled for all those risqué magazines the guys would send away for. Becca simply shrugged and told him he was jealous. He was proud of her of though, she made a life for herself and it sounded like a good one. She had gone out west like they had always talked about. That Dugan had walked her down the aisle and cried like a baby during her vows. Falsworth and Peggy had toasted her and that a little girl claiming to be his sweetheart caught her bouquet.
"I'm so sorry for what they did to you," said Becca taking his face in her hands and she kissed his forehead.
"I did a lot of bad things and I'm not sure if I can ever make it right," said Bucky and Becca just shook her head.
"You're still my big brother and nothing will ever change that," said Becca and Bucky felt a lump in his throat. I sorry I missed your life, thought Bucky and he hugged her. Becca looked up at him and grinned.
"You sent her to check on me didn't you?" asked Becca and Bucky gave a little shrug.
"Someone had to keep tabs on my girl," said Bucky.
"She's a sweet person and she's good for you. Well at least she has a good head on her shoulders," said Becca and Bucky felt his face flush a little.
"It's not like that between us," said Bucky. "It can't be that way between us," said Bucky and he looked at the door where he could hear Alison and Steve talking softly.
"She cares a lot about you. She didn't talk a lot about you, but when she did there was just something in voice Jimmy. Just give it time...you have your whole life back. Try to live it," said Becca. Bucky kissed her forehead and shook his head.
"We'll see," said Bucky and there was a tapping at the door.
"Come in," said Becca and Alison poked her head in.
"They want to know if you want lunch?" asked Alison.
"I guess. You and Steve can come in, I think we're done with the waterworks for now," said Becca wiping her eyes. Alison and Steve came back in. An aide came in with a tray for Becca and left quickly. Becca looked over at Alison.
"Any chance you can break me out again for a burger?" asked Becca poking at her soup.
"We'll see," said Alison. "I'm going to be in town Wednesday afternoon so I could drop something horrible off that your doctors will hate me for," said Alison.
"We could come into together," said Bucky and Alison's face turned a little pink.
"Um yeah. I could drop you off and pick you up later if you want to visit," said Alison. She looked like someone about to jump off a cliff. "I sort of have a date in the afternoon. The guy Sophia and Renee kept pestering me about. We'll see how it goes," said Alison and Bucky forced himself to smile and wished her the best.
….
August 2015
Bucky didn't think it was possible to hate someone he never laid eyes on, but he hated Alison's boyfriend. Hated him with every fiber of his being. He knew it wasn't fair or right to hate the guy; he hadn't done anything wrong personally to him. It was the fact he got to be with Alison. He got to take out to movies, to dinners, that he was a normal guy who was living a rather boring life and seemed to make her happy.
It was little things that had changed and it bothered him. She left the grounds on Wednesdays with the other medical staff and came back with a dorky grin on her face. On nights she wasn't teaching him how to play guitar, she would be on her computer chatting with Him. Bucky missed hearing her play at night before she went to bed. She still left on Sundays, but was coming back later and later in the evenings and she had a hint of that dorky grin.
She came back this evening with a thing of roses and Sam mocked her as she put them in a vase.
"Oh someone has her groove back," teased Sam and Alison gave him a little shove.
"It's a one month anniversary thing. I honestly forgot people did that," said Alison and her face was a little pink. Bucky left the kitchen and ran the track for almost two hours. He wanted to physically be exhausted so maybe he could avoid talking to her. She wasn't trying to hurt him on purpose; he knew that on some level. He was still mad though and he was little mad at Alison. Rubs it your face that you can't have that with her. You might never have that with anyone and do you really want anyone else?
He decided to start sleeping in his own room that night and Alison looked stunned, but proud of him.
"We can leave the door open if you want," said Alison and Bucky shook his head.
"No. I can do this. See you in the morning," said Bucky. He went to his room and closed the door to their shared rooms. He dreamed about her though and could barely look Alison in the eye the next morning since they were so damn vivid. He was happy they weren't doing touch exercises this morning; he didn't think he could keep himself in check if he had to touch her.
…
Two days ago
"Look grown folks can do whatever grown folks wanna do. I just took issue with it when they came in during my hours lying their asses off about how they hurt themselves. You can only 'fall' on something so many times and have in land where the sun don't shine," said Adair and everyone started laughing. Classes for the med staff were going to start next week and they were having a small party in the T.V. room. It was open to everyone, but it was mostly the med staff in attendance. Bruce was sitting there and Bucky was sitting next to him at a table with David and Adair. Adair used to work at a hospital in New Orleans and her southern drawl was getting more pronounced as she drank. So of course they wanted her to tell stories about working during Mardi Gras.
"So one night they bring this guy in and he can't be a day over twenty one and he's just sobbing on the stretcher. Holding on his bits like his life depends on them. Turns out he broke it," said Adair. A few of the guys winced while the women on staff were laughing their asses off. Bucky looked at Bruce.
"He broke it?" asked Bucky a little stunned and Bruce shook his head.
"Penile fracture. Um...happens when you're too rough during sex," said Bruce.
"Or in the case of the poor dumbass a solo activity with a blow up doll," said Adair. Jenny fell off her chair from laughing and two of the guys went to help. Bucky shook his head and eyed Bruce.
"We do mock patients who inflict their own injuries due to stupid behavior," said Bruce. Bucky looked around and didn't see Alison in the room. Bucky had noticed she seemed a little stressed out the last two weeks, but he didn't want to ask her what was going on. Let her talk her boyfriend about it, thought Bucky. He wondered if he was adding to her stress and felt a tinge of guilt.
He had been pushing away from her last few weeks. He needed some space from her. It was just too much. He felt too much for her and he wanted it to stop. He had started skipping sessions; he had missed three in the past two weeks. If he had nightmares and she tried to talk to him he pushed her away. The door to his side of the room didn't lock so he put a chair under the knob so she couldn't come in. He told her he wasn't interested in learning the guitar anymore and that he was going to be spending more time with Bruce building stuff. She nodded in understanding, but he could sort of see he had hurt her. Today he had skipped his fourth session. Alison had come down to the garage and had tried talking to him this morning and he had taken off on his bike.
"I don't need a god damn babysitter," snapped Bucky and she looked at him stunned.
"Is that what you think I am?" asked Alison and she sort snapped at him and he felt a sort of bitter joy at the fact he was finally getting under her skin.
"It's what Steve and Tony pay you do," said Bucky getting on the bike. He wanted her to scream at him, say something biting back; he just wanted a reason to finally get her out of his head. She simply sighed and shook her head.
"Drive safe," said Alison and she turned and left the garage. Bucky stood there stunned at how quickly the tide of battle had turned. He finally thought she was going to tell him off and he wouldn't feel so sick over her and instead she turned it back on him. I don't want to feel this for her anymore. I need it to go away.
Bruce had suggested Bucky come to the get together tonight and Bucky came, but he didn't feel like staying. Bucky sipped his beer and decided to head back to his room. He said goodbye and Bruce gave him a look before saying good night.
Bucky was just about to go into his room when Alison came slamming out of her room in tears and pounded on Sam's door. What the hell? thought Bucky. Sam opened his door and looked at Alison.
"What's wrong?" asked Sam.
"I need you to drive...the old man...they took him to the hospital...they said…" She couldn't seem to get words out and Sam pulled her into his room. Bucky felt frozen to the spot. Sam and Alison came out his room and went into her room and she came out with her purse and a jacket. She still seemed on the verge of all out panic and she simply walked past him. Bucky moved to stop her and Sam shook his head.
Later, mouthed Sam and they went down the stairs. Sam came back the next morning and explained that Robert had a heart attack and it didn't look good for him. Sam tossed clothes for himself and Alison in a bag. Bucky didn't say anything as Steve told Sam to tell Alison to take all the time she need.
"The same goes for you," said Steve and Sam shook his head.
"She told me he was getting bad...I saw him a few weeks ago and he seemed alright to me. Maybe I just didn't want to see it," said Sam.
"Don't beat yourself up. Just tell Alison we're thinking about her," said Steve. Sam nodded and headed out. Steve had to go to a meeting with Tony and he asked Bucky if he would be alright.
"I'll be fine," said Bucky. Steve eyed him.
"She's going to need a bit of space from everything for a while," said Steve and Bucky nodded.
"I'm going to go for a run," said Bucky leaving Steve. Bucky ran for hours and when he came back in he fell into his bed and slept for hours. When he woke up it was night and for a moment he couldn't understand why it was so damn quiet. He remembered a second later why and he let himself into Alison's room. It was pitch black, but he could make out that she had made her bed, the open patio door and the open guitar case on the bed. She must have been planning to go outside and play. He really hadn't notice the state of her room when he been watching Sam pack for her. Bucky went out and sat on her patio. She was gone and the silence was almost overwhelming to him.
…..
Alison felt her hands go numb and she forced herself to swallow hard before going on stage. She always had a small case of stage fright before she sat down at the drum set. She picked up the sticks and had second to look out into the crowd. It was a little hard to make people out because of the lights on the stage. She knew her grandfather was there though. He always came to hear her play. He hadn't missed a performance since she was ten and this wouldn't be any different. It took her a second to make him out in the second row, center seat. He gave her a small nod when she caught his eye.
She started playing Caravan and everything felt so right in that moment. She knew every note. Every move she should make. Her hands and arms were starting to hurt and she could feel the sweat soaking her shirt and she didn't care. He loved this piece and she swore he looked almost near tears when she told him she had this solo. They spent hours working on it and watching old Buddy Rich performances to see his work.
When she finished she was barely aware of how sore her hands felt. It took her a second to realize the audience was giving her a standing ovation. She looked in the crowd and the old man wasn't standing up. He was seated with a look of smug pride on his face. He gave her a small nod which she returned.
On the way home she carried a small thing of tulips from Matt and Robert just shook his head.
"I think the last time I was this proud was when I saw your daddy after he finished Basic. You make me proud Ally-cat," said Robert.
"Alison. Ally...Ally wake up," said Sam and Alison jerked awake. Sam kicked himself mentally. Maybe he should have just let her sleep; she hadn't really slept in the last two days. However she had hardly eaten in those two days and she hadn't showered either so maybe waking her up was the best option so he could try to get her to eat... She only left the room when the nurses asked her too. Even that was a struggle for her since she knew what they were doing and would have done it herself if she had been allowed too.
"What time is it?" asked Alison rubbing her face.
"A little after five," said Sam sitting down. Alison sighed and looked over at Robert and felt her heart sink again. She had made the choice and it was the only one she really had considering his condition. He had gone into cardiac arrest and he had fallen out of bed which is what alerted the staff. He had managed to break his hip during his fall out of bed. Alison could have handled that. It would have meant bedrest, more physical therapy and his complaining the whole time, but that would be welcome compared to what she had to do now.
The last round of testing showed he barely had a functioning heart and that without the aid of the further life support he wasn't going to last long. If by some miracle he came out, he would be in even worse shape than he was now. He would barely be able to function and he had trouble functioning now. His skin looked gray and he felt cool to her despite her turning up the heat and covering him with another blanket. There was a tube helping him breath and he had told her more than once if he needed a tube to be alive he didn't want it. She knew the odds of him coming out we're almost next to none and that he wouldn't want to come out of it considering the state he would be in. He wouldn't be living really, not the way he's gotten used too.
"I can't let him live like this. He wouldn't want it...it's why he wanted the DNR. It seemed really simple at the time. I told myself it would make things easier when it came time. That I wouldn't have to fight with doctors for once about patient care. Now that I have to use it," said Alison and she broke off and started crying. Sam leaned over and hugged her tightly.
"You knew him best and you know what he would have wanted. It's alright...shush...it's alright," said Sam. Alison wiped her eyes and pulled away.
"Sophia, Renee and Sarah came this morning before the last report came in. Could you call them? I think they said goodbye already, but they told me to keep them in the loop. The doctor comes back on at six and I don't know how long it will take...I don't think it will take long. Plus he's on a really high dosage of painkillers so he shouldn't really feel anything." said Alison. I don't think it's going to hurt...they'll make him comfortable and...god how many times have I told a family someone was comfortable? thought Alison.
"I got to get a priest here. He'll want Last Rites...he'll come back to haunt me if he doesn't get them," said Alison
"I'll have Renee or Sarah call Father Detwiller for you. Do you want us here when it's time?" asked Sam and Alison shook her head.
"He wouldn't want a crowd," said Alison and Sam took her hand.
"I'm not going to pretend to know how hard this is. Just know you aren't alone in this," said Sam. Alison hugged him tightly and he hugged her back just has hard.
"Thank you," said Alison. There was a light tapping at the door and Alison looked over to see Wanda standing nervously in the doorway.
"I'm sorry to bother you...I just...I can help," said Wanda. Alison quickly wiped her eyes.
"I don't...you shouldn't have come...I mean…"said Alison and Wanda gave her a small smile.
"You don't want me to go through any trouble for you. I want to do this. I'll take my lumps later from Steve for leaving without checking first," said Wanda. Sam shook his head.
"You are so going to be grounded," said Sam and Alison gave her a ghost of a smile.
"I'll make sure you don't get in any trouble," said Alison. She looked back to her grandfather and touched his hand. "It's not going to hurt...you or him is it?" asked Alison. She understood some of Wanda's psychic powers, how she could bring out old memories or implant them in people's minds. Wanda herself was still learning how to use them. She had used it against the team when she first met them and needless to say it had hurt a lot of them. Alison wanted to talk to her grandfather, but she didn't want him to be in any pain.
"I promise it won't hurt him at all," said Wanda. "I can help you talk to him," said Wanda. Alison had to think and she took his hand that felt too cool for her liking.
"I'll watch the door," said Sam and he left the room and shut the door behind him. Wanda sat across from her and put her hand over Alison's hand.
"Just close your eyes and breath," said Wanda. Alison did how she was told and felt like she was slipping away. It smelled like gin and perfume and she could hear the band tuning up...
…..
Sam stood outside the door and hoped that whatever the littlest witch was doing was going to help Alison. It had been a rough couple of weeks. She had told him Robert wasn't doing well; she just really hadn't gone into how bad it was. He wished she would have told him. Then again he wondered if it was his mom how open he would be with her health issues. She had been open with him about some of the stuff going. It was a bit weird how they could live in such close quarters and still not know what was going on in each other's lives. She had been sort of alright with the breakup from Justin. Maybe it was a good thing he went back to his wife, thought Sam.
…..
Two weeks ago
Alison sat down with a pint of ice cream and looked at Sam.
"People still do this right after a breakup?" asked Alison. Sam sat down with his own pint and shrugged.
"It's what I heard you ladies do after having your heartbroken," said Sam and she rolled her eyes.
"We dated for about a month. I'm not that heartbroken. I'm a little annoyed," said Alison.
"Oh I know you and that's even worse," said Sam and she shrugged.
"I liked him and I mean all he could talk about was how he couldn't wait for his divorce to be over with. I guess going back to his wife is one way for the divorce to be over with," said Alison digging into brownie batter ice cream. Sam took the lid off his toffee ice cream and took a few bites before Alison spoke up again.
"At least I didn't sleep with him," said Alison and Sam looked at her. "What...he was still technically married and that Catholic guilt kicked up in me...we made out a few times okay. It's not like I forgot how that worked," said Alison and Sam laughed a little.
"You are so damn adorable sometimes. At least you put yourself out there again. I know that wasn't easy for you," said Sam.
"I think I would have ended it with him sooner or later," said Alison. "I thought I could make myself feel...feel that thing again and it wasn't happening. Justin was a really nice guy, but it just wasn't there," said Alison.
"You're going to find it again. Just give it time," said Sam. Alison poked at her ice cream and Sam looked at her. She had this look like there was something she wanted to say and she wasn't ready to spit it out yet.
…..
Alison sat on balcony and wondered if she was going crazy. She had liked Justin, but when it came down too it her feelings for Bucky were what she had felt for Matt and she wasn't sure what the hell she was supposed to do. She had tried to shut them off and it hadn't worked. Maybe Justin had sensed she wasn't in it for the long haul and decided to see if anything could be salvaged from his marriage. Alison heard Bucky go into his room and she found she couldn't move. He had been pulling away from her and she had told herself it was for the best. She needed to focus on Robert. She needed to focus on her work with Wanda and the upcoming classes she needed to take. It would be for the best if she shut her own feelings off for the time being.
…..
Bucky took a deep breath and walked back in the hospital. If Becca were ill and he needed someone she would be there for him. He had told himself he wanted her to be happy and he had been unfair and nasty to her because she was happy. Just let her go Barnes...be her friend and be thankful you have that in your life, thought Bucky. He remembered the room number Wanda had told him and headed up. He spotted Sam standing outside the door on the phone. and Bucky went up to him. Sam looked up and nodded, he held up a finger before going back to the phone call.
"No. No I'll wait here to drive her back to apartment," said Sam. He paused and Bucky could hear a woman on the other end but he really couldn't make out what she was saying. "You know she wouldn't want to impose on you guys that way. Besides no one is staying there right now. The guy she was renting it too went back to school. We'll be fine...yeah...yeah...I don't know what he told Alison about a service. Shit...listen. Could you call Father Detwiller? Yeah Alison wants Robert to have his Last Rites. Okay. Thanks. Love you too," said Sam ending the call.
"I wasn't sure people still did that. Last Rites," said Bucky. He thought of Steve's mother who almost died before she could get them. Few people wanted to go near since she had tuberculosis. They were able to get one of the very old priests to come and give Sarah her Last Rites.
"So did anyone else sneak out?" asked Sam.
"Just me and Wanda. It's not good is?" asked Bucky.
"It shouldn't be long now. She's saying good bye. Waiting for the doctor so she can sign the paperwork to stop additional treatment. He wouldn't want to linger like he is and she won't let him," said Sam. Bucky nodded and leaned against the wall.
"Do you want me to call Steve or do you want do it?" asked Sam.
"I'll take my lumps now," said Bucky. He hated being here and he might as well get Steve's lettuce out of the way. Sam handed him the phone.
"If you get a call I'll need it back," said Sam. Bucky nodded and pushed the icon that would call Steve. It rang twice before Steve picked up.
"How's it going?" asked Steve.
"It's not Sam," said Bucky and he heard Steve sigh.
"Are you at the hospital?" asked Steve.
"Wanda wanted to help Alison," said Bucky.
"So you both left...I told you she was going to need space…" Bucky cut him off.
"She would be here if it was Becca," said Bucky and he could see Steve counting in his head.
"Yes she would be. Buck, I know you mean well...just be patience with her," said Steve.
"I will," said Bucky.
"And tell Wanda when she gets back she's only in a little trouble. She should have told me she was leaving first," said Steve. Wanda was still in a bit of trouble due to her role in the Ultron incident. Tony's lawyers were still clearing that up.
"Understood. Thanks Steve," said Bucky. Steve ended the call and Bucky gave the phone back to Sam. About twenty minutes later Wanda came out and her eyes were a little pink.
"She wants to know if you got the priest yet?" asked Wanda.
"Getting one," said Sam. He let himself back into the room and Wanda looked up at Bucky.
"I'm glad you decided to try," said Wanda and Bucky shrugged.
"What are friends for?" asked Bucky. "How did it go?" Wanda smiled.
"We should all be so lucky to know how much someone loves us," said Wanda
…..
When Alison opened her eyes she couldn't help but smile and look around in amazement. It was the old dance hall that she had seen her grandfather play in. It was a weekend job and for a few years she had watched his band play old standards while couples danced. The bartender always made her Shirley Temples and added extra cherries when no one was looking.
"This place burnt down when I was fourteen," said Alison. Wanda stood next her taking in the old and polished wooden floor, the dimly lit hanging glasses and the stage where the band was setting up.
"This place meant a lot to him," said Wanda and Alison nodded trying not to cry.
"He and my grandmother had their wedding reception here...actually they met here. He was in the band and she watched him play all night. Wouldn't dance with anyone because she didn't want to miss a second of his playing," said Alison.
"Go on," said Wanda. Alison took a deep breath and walked towards the stage. She had known these people and had gone to all their funerals. Yet here they were setting up like it just another weekend. Robert looked up from his drum set and just smiled at her.
"You know it's rude to be late to practice," he scolded and Alison climbed up the steps to stage. She had always sat in the wings while they played their sets, she had only been allowed on stage during sound checks.
"A drummer is never late, they'll show up when they're damn good and ready," said Alison. The guys laughed and Robert shook his head.
"I did say that didn't I," said Robert and Alison touched one of the cymbals.
"You taught me how to play on this set until you got me own. We had to lug this heavy thing up the stairs and into a rickety old panel van almost every weekend," said Alison and Robert smiled.
"It was good for you. Built character. Soon enough we had to lug your set around in that rickety old van. You hated the set the school had you use," said Robert.
"The snare was old. You bought a set just for school. I had to go into the girl's bathroom and cry for joy," said Alison. Robert looked at her and shook his head.
"Is this a dream?" asked Robert. He held out his hands and they were steady. "I haven't been this steady in years."
"A little bit," said Alison. "It's a good dream at any rate." Robert took her hand and squeezed it.
"You know we haven't done a piece together in years. I always thought you should sing more. Think you could work those rusty pipes out?" asked Robert.
"I don't think anyone ears are going to bleed," said Alison trying to laugh.
"Think you could do Nancy justice?" asked Robert and Alison had to wipe her eyes. He meant Nancy Sinatra. The old man had a weakness for the Sinatra family.
"I don't think I can do These Boots justice," said Alison. Robert just looked at her.
"You always doubt yourself and wish you wouldn't. Besides that's not what I had in mind. Think you can say Something Stupid?" asked Robert and Alison nodded. Robert looked at the rest of the band and told them to get ready. They started playing and Alison hovered near the drums to sing with her grandfather one last time.
I know I stand in line until you think you have the time
To spend an evening with me
And if we go someplace to dance, I know that there's a chance
You won't be leaving with me
And afterwards we drop into a quiet little place and have a drink or two
And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like "I love you"
I can see it in your eyes
That you despise the same old lies you heard the night before
And though it's just a line to you, for me it's true
And never seemed so right before
I practice every day to find some clever lines to say
To make the meaning come through
But then I think I'll wait until the evening gets late and I'm alone with you
The time is right, your perfume fills my head, the stars get red and, oh, the night's so blue
And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like "I love you"
The time is right, your perfume fills my head, the stars get red and, oh, the night's so blue
And then I go and spoil it all by sayin' something stupid like "I love you"
I love you
I love you
I love you
"I do really love you," said Alison and Robert looked at her. "I'm sorry for being such a pain in the ass the last few years," said Alison. He sat his drumsticks down and took her face in his hands.
"Alison Jude Conley. You were one of the very best things to ever happen to me. Don't ever doubt that. I love you more than you will ever know. Take care of yourself honey," said Robert.
"I'm going to miss you so much," said Alison and she was near tears. Robert hugged her tightly.
"I had a decent life honey. You still have time to have one too," said Robert.
"That's a rather scary thought," said Alison.
"If it doesn't scare you it's not worth it," said Robert and Alison let out a small laugh. "I'll see you again someday sweetheart. Just don't sit around waiting for it," said Robert. Alison hugged him so hard it hurt a little. Robert kissed her forehead and stepped away.
"Have a good set," said Alison.
"I plan on it," said Robert. He went back to his drum set and Alison left the stage.
Somewhere beyond the sea
Somewhere waiting for me
My lover stands on golden sands
And watches the ships that go sailin'
"It's pretty," said Wanda coming up to her. A woman was on stage singing
"It was their song," said Alison. She looked to see her grandfather watching her grandmother sing.
"It's time to go," said Wanda and Alison nodded. It was time to let him go.
…
"You gonna be okay?" asked Sam and Alison wiped her eyes.
"In a bit," said Alison. His phone dinged and it was Sophia.
"Detwiller will be here in twenty minutes," said Sam. Alison took Robert's hand and squeezed. He didn't squeeze back.
"He's ready to go. We'll wait though," said Alison. "Is Wanda going back to Headquarters? I just want to thank her again," said Alison.
"I think her and Barnes need to go back to Headquarters or Steve might give them the workout from hell," said Sam and Alison blinked.
"Bucky's here?" asked Alison.
"Yeah. Do you want to talk to him?" asked Sam and Alison shook her head. She wasn't in the right frame of mind to talk to him. Besides considering how moody he had been the last few weeks she wasn't sure who she would be dealing with. She was so damn tired all of a sudden.
"I just need a little break right now," said Alison. Sam gave her another hug and stepped out of the room. She held her grandfather's hand and spoke softly.
"You'll see her soon...you'll see them all soon," said Alison.
…
The funeral was three days later and Bucky stayed next to Steve and Becca.
"You look nice. Even with all that hair," teased Becca. They had managed to find him a suit jacket that felt decent on his left arm. He still refused to cut his hair and Becca did tease him a bit about how long it was. Steve pulled up to the front of the funeral home so Bucky could help Becca out.
"I'll see you inside," said Steve. Bucky helped Becca inside and she looked up at him.
"You know it's not your funeral," said Becca and Bucky looked at her.
"I just...large crowds still make me a little jumpy," said Bucky.
"Anytime you want to come up with a better lie I'm happy to hear it," said Becca. Bucky bit back a sigh. She was ninety one years old and still annoying. He pulled her into one of the side rooms.
"I haven't been on the best terms with Alison lately. I'm not sure she'll want to see me right now," said Bucky.
"James Barnes. We'll go into the why you aren't on good terms later, but right now we're going to go in there and show her some respect. It might put you back on good terms," said Becca.
"I know," said Bucky. They headed into one of the main rooms and jazz was playing softly. A small silver urn was on a table surrounded by flowers and next to the urn was an old and faded picture of Alison's grandfather from his time in the Marines. Another table had a collection of photos and a few odds and ends. Drumsticks, medals from his service, and teaching awards. Alison had her hair pulled back in a low bun and was wearing a green sweater dress and black leggings. She was talking to a small group of people. She spotted them and excused herself from the group.
"Thank you for coming," said Alison and she hugged Becca carefully and she paused for a second before hugging him.
"It's the least we could do," said Becca. "How are holding up?" Alison shrugged.
"Alright. It's been a lot of cleaning out old stuff. I got rid of one storage unit and now I'm getting a new one," said Alison with a bit of dry humor. Bucky went to say something when someone else caught Alison's eye.
"Could you excuse me for a minute," said Alison. She went over to a young woman with dark hair with an older man with thinning brown hair. Bucky watched the young woman pull Alison into a bear hug and Alison looked a little happier to see them than she had been to see him. The older man hugged her lightly and they moved over to talk. Sam, Sophia and Sharon came over to join them.
"So does anyone else really want a drink right now?" asked Sophia.
"Do you have anything?" asked Sharon. Sophia pulled a small silver flask out of her purse and Sam just rolled his eyes.
"Geez woman really?" asked Sam.
"I was a Girl Scout and we're always prepared," said Sophia taking a small nip. "I hate funerals," said Sophia.
"I think something is wrong with anyone who likes them," said Sam.
"Alison asked that we leave her the arrangement from the school and from Nick and Rachel, but everything else could go. I personally plan on taking the arrangement Justin sent her and tossing it in the trash," said Sophia and Sam rolled his eyes.
"They parted on good terms," said Sam and Sharon patted his arm.
"We just say that to hid our revenge fueled thoughts," said Sharon.
"They broke up?" asked Bucky feeling very confused.
"A few weeks ago. He wanted to work things out with his wife. I shouldn't hate him, but I still want to punch him in the face when I see him," said Sophia. Bucky felt that tinge of guilt increase. She wasn't seeing anyone and had probably been upset about that and he just heaped on stress for good reason. God you are an asshole, thought Bucky.
"I wish she would let us come with her. It's a long drive to Niagara," said Sophia.
"She's only dumping part of the ashes and she wants to do it her way," said Sam. Alison joined their group and nudged Sophia.
"Tell me you have more booze," said Alison. Sophia handed her the flask and Alison took a sip.
"You only have to get through a few more hours," said Sophia putting an arm around her.
"Excuse me," said a small older woman. "We'll start the service whenever you're ready."
"Thank you," said Alison. She squared her shoulders and took Sophia's hand.
"You can do this," said Sophia.
"I can do this," said Alison. She and Sophia went to take their seats and Sam looked at Sharon.
"Think you can sit by yourself for a bit?" asked Sam.
"I'll be fine," said Sharon.
"We should get a seat," said Becca and Bucky helped her sit down. Steve joined them and Bucky noticed that a few people from the Med Staff were here along with Natasha and Bruce. Alison, Sam, Renee, Sophia and Sarah sat in the front row. I owe her an apology and a lot more than that, thought Bucky.
The prayers were said and the older woman who had approached Alison rattled off the list of things Alison's grandfather had done before turning the mike over to Alison. She looked to be shaking a bit as she went up to the podium.
"I wish I had time to really go into to how much Robert meant to me and I have thought over and over what I should say about him. One story really sticks and it happened when I was about ten. We could finally join the orchestra at school and I was the only girl who wanted to play drums. Of course kids are sort of a bunch of jerks and a few decided to take issue with my drum playing and a bunch of rather uncreative and nasty things were said. I came home in tears and told myself I wasn't going to even try out since everyone was so nasty about it. I told the old man I wasn't going to play anymore. He looked at me and said 'Sweetie they're just jealous you can handle a stick better than they ever will' and something about not being a tramp like those flute hussies.
A few people started snickering and Alison nodded.
"I get the subtle jokes now...I didn't get them at ten and I really didn't get until them until I was fourteen and yeah he was a little right about those wind instrument girls being a little trampy, He believed in me though. No matter how much I would doubt myself he always believed in me. He did that for his students, the people he commanded and so many people I can't even think of right now. I think that's going to be the hardest thing going forward is trying to believe. We have to believe in ourselves and in each other now. Help someone believe in themselves and it never goes away. Even when they do. Thank you," said Alison and she took her seat. A few more people got up to speak and Bucky only had eyes for Alison. She had helped him believe and now maybe he had to help her believe in something.
…..
They went to a small bar in Brooklyn for the wake and he couldn't seem to get her alone for second. He had to be patience and just try to wait out everyone who wanted to talk to her. She was talking to Franklin when a loud crash happened. He looked over to see that an older woman had fallen coming down a small flight of stairs and the cake she was carrying had somehow fallen on her head. A few people rushed to the woman's aid and he heard a huge snicker and before Alison burst out laughing and ran out of the bar. Bucky followed her out and she was leaning against the wall of the building and was laughing so hard she was crying.
"Are you alright?" asked Bucky and Alison looked up a little stunned.
"I'm fine I just needed some air," said Alison. It took her a minute to compose herself. It was quiet between them and Bucky took a step towards her and she looked a little nervous.
"I um...I know I've been sort of an ass lately and I'm sorry. You didn't deserve how I acted. I just...I was jealous," admitted Bucky and Alison looked puzzled.
"What?" asked Alison and Bucky tired putting his thoughts in order.
"I was jealous that you were dating and I know I don't have any right to be but...I thought I wasn't going to matter to you anymore," said Bucky and Alison's expression went from shocked to stunned.
"If I ever made you feel that way I'm so sorry. It wasn't my intention to upset you. I know we've been really close the last few months and honestly we've been more friends than nurse and patient in a lot of ways. I guess I did sort of get wrapped up in the dating and all the stuff with Robert," said Alison.
"Sophia said he broke up with you," said Bucky.
"I really haven't told a lot of people. I didn't want to deal with people trying to set me up again just yet," said Alison and she looked at Bucky and smiled. "You should know that no matter who comes into my life that you matter to me," said Alison. She stood on her toes and gave him a hug. It stunned Bucky for a second before he found thought to hug her back. She had hugged him lightly at the funeral home, but this was the first time she had really hugged him without him making the first move. His grip on her tighten and Alison looked up and she seemed a little confused.
"Bucky I…" that was all she got out before he lowered his head and kissed her. I don't want to guess anymore and I'll take all the blame. I just have to know once what it would be like between us, thought Bucky. She froze for a second before she started kissing him back.
…
He had that look in his eyes that she had seen when they were at the baseball museum and he seemed to be on the edge of something Alison wasn't sure of.
"Bucky I…" The movement was so quick it reminded her of when she had watched him spar with Steve. His mouth was on hers before she could take in another breath. She knew she should stop this right now and she moved her arms up to push him away and instead she wraps them around his neck and kisses him back. She was so tired of fighting all her feelings for him. I just so tired of pretending and trying to not feel it thought Alison.
His lips were softer than she had thought they would be and for someone who hadn't kissed anyone in seventy some years he's very good at it. His tongue runs across her lower lip and she can't help but open her mouth for him and she isn't shocked when his tongue slips into her mouth. Alison feels her back digging into the rough bricks and feels his right hand cup her face. He tilts her head slightly and it's a new angle for him to simply devour her. Damn she hasn't been kissed like this in years and she can barely keep up with Bucky. He eases away from her and she's having trouble trying to ground herself.
"I've wanted to do for a long time," said Bucky softly. He's barely an inch from her mouth and he leans in and kisses her again on the lips lightly. "I didn't think you would want me." His right hand has settled on her waist and they're so close it's hard to tell if she's feeling her heart hammer in her chest or if it's his.
"I'm not supposed too," muttered Alison her mind still trying to wrap around what just happened.
"You do though. I don't think I've had anyone kiss me like that," said Bucky. He kisses her forehead and something about how lightly he does it sets off a whole new want in her. "I won't tell anyone...no one has to know," said Bucky and Alison feels her stomach clench. He's a patient and she's not supposed to be making out with her patient in an alley during her grandfather's wake. What the hell are you doing? It feels like her heart is going to pound out of her chest and she can't seem to breath.
"Alison?" calls out a voice and Alison isn't sure if she wants to laugh or cry. Dr. Louna was standing in the doorway. Alison had gone to see her a few times the last couple of weeks and she had mentioned possibly coming to the wake this afternoon. Alison could only imagine how this looked right now.
"Are you alright?" asked Louna. Alison went to ease away from Bucky when he grabbed her arm.
"Don't," hissed Bucky and Alison looked at him confused. His face had gone white and his eyes narrowed looking at Louna.
"She's a friend," said Alison and she went to pull away and his grip got tighter.
"No...no she's not," said Bucky and he looked at the older woman. She had aged a few years since he seen her last.
Just listen to the sound of my voice….compliance will be rewarded.
"She's Hydra," said Bucky.
Before Bobby Darin made it famous Benny Goodhill had a slow jazz version of Beyond the Sea.
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