All I Want
"Set Down Your Glass" Snow Patrol - A/N I highly suggest listening and/or reading the lyrics to this song. Beautiful.
When Lily arrived back at Gryffindor tower, she knocked on James' door and frowned when she realized he had not yet returned. Despite the fear still lingering in her chest, her talk with Dumbledore and the image she had seen in the mirror finally convinced her that she could no longer deny how she felt. It was pointless, whatever consequences came from her and James deciding to become a couple, she would deal with them. They would deal with them, together.
If it wasn't already too late. The thought had crossed her mind as she walked back. James had been very upset with her earlier, that much had been evident in his expression when he stormed away. Lily frowned as she changed into pyjama pants and t-shirt. She pulled her dressing gown over herself and activated James' map, deciding to wait up for him as she watched various dots roam around their common rooms. Sooner or later, he and Sirius would return and perhaps she could talk with him then.
Finally, after at least hour of waiting, James' dot appeared on the map, walking with Sirius back from the Whomping Willow. Lily smiled, standing up to exit her room and meet them at the entrance to the tower, but then frowned as another dot she hadn't been paying attention to began approaching them from the opposite direction. The label caused her eyes to widen in shock and fear, for she knew this person had only negative intentions on his mind.
"NO!" Lily shouted, throwing the map down before racing out of her room, out the portrait hole, and down the stairs.
James was supporting Sirius as they walked quickly back to the castle. "I'm sure Julia or Lily can mend it, you won't even need the hospital wing," James was saying.
"Yeah…" Sirius replied, wincing in pain and trying to stand up taller.
"I'm sorry, mate… I tried to-"
"Prongs… shut up… we were flying and it's hard to aim spells at moving targets, don't worry about it," Sirius told him shaking his head.
"Still… I should have-"
"SUPPLANTO!" a low voice shouted. The spell hit James and Sirius and they both tumbled onto the grass, pulling out their wands as they fell. Sirius hit the ground and groaned loudly, but James jumped back to his feet and into a defensive stance.
"HOMENUM REVELIO!" he shouted, instantly aiming his next jinx at the illuminated area in which a figure appeared. The person cast a shield charm, reflecting James' spell back at him and forcing him to duck the jet of red light.
"I'm a coward, Potter?" Snape's voice feared. "You and Black ran off from a bigger fight tonight," he said silkily.
"Too bad you're stuck here and not out with your little friends, isn't it Snivellus? You'd have just loved to have a go at us with all your friends to-."
"I don't need anyone to fight my battles," Snape sneered, before flicking his wand at Sirius' who had just gotten to his feet. James cast a shield charm, but Snape was too quick.
Sirius cried out in pain and sank back to the ground, clutching his side and breathing heavily. James growled and aimed his wand again, engaging Snape in a duel of flashing lights and bangs that echoed in the silence around them. James managed to trip Snape once, but was hit by a spell that tore his shirt and gouged a large scratch on his chest. He groaned in pain but continued to battle, shouting at Sirius to stay down as the latter tried to get up and help him.
"SIRIUS," James shouted. "Stay out of it!"
"Yes, stay out of it, Black," Snape shouted. "You're mine, Potter! Mine! CRUCIO!"
Lily was out the castle doors and racing toward the Whomping Willow, her abandoned dressing gown lay in the common room of Gryffindor tower as she raced toward where James and Sirius had been. She didn't care that the cold air was biting at her skin, it didn't matter that her feet were slipping on the dewy grass; she had to get to James. Something was wrong with either him or Sirius; she had sensed it when watching their dots move along so slowly. Lily knew once she saw Snape's dot that he planned to make good on his earlier words, that James "wouldn't be able to speak his own name" when he got through with him. Lily whimpered at the thought and ran faster; her former friend would have no remorse for any damage he caused since he had pledged himself to the Dark Arts.
There was a loud bang from over a small hill, and Lily saw James engaged in a fight with Snape about five meters from her. James was on his knees, screaming in agony while Sirius struggled to get to his feet. Snape removed the curse from James and aimed his wand at Sirius, causing him to cry out and gasp for air; he clutched his side as though he were in intense pain. James raised his wand and leapt to his feet, glaring at Snape with a ferocious expression. Lily raced forward, horrified when she watched Snape fire another spell at James, who unsuccessfully tried to block it.
There was another flash of light and a loud snap and James fell to the ground, wiping blood from his face from a cut on his forehead. His wand had been knocked out of his hand; James scrabbled for it as Snape bore down upon him, his eyes full of malicious intent. The latter kicked the mahogany wand out of James' reach and pointed his own directly into James' face.
"STOP!" Lily shouted. She pushed herself faster, watching as James jumped to his feet and glared at Snape, unafraid of what was about to happen. "No! JAMES!"
She raced forward, waving her wand wildly and trying to think of any spell that would throw Snape away from James. She couldn't let anything happen to him, she hadn't yet gotten the chance to tell him the truth; she wanted to tell him he was right, that the Patronus meant something… it meant she loved him, she loved him more than she ever thought possible.
"NO!" she shouted, racing forward and throwing herself in between him and Snape for the second time. James finally saw her, his wide eyes protested and his mouth opened as though he wanted to shout, but no sound came. He raised his arms, trying to push her out of the way, but she clung to his robes, refusing to step aside. Lily blocked the path to James and was turning to aim her wand at Snape when his voice cried out.
"SECTUMSEMPRA!"
James' eyes widened in horror as Snape whipped his wand violently and shouted an unfamiliar spell. Lily had stepped in between him and Snape, pushing James away as she turned with her wand extended to fight his battle. James grabbed her arms, intending to throw her out of the way by force, but the spell hit her and she cried out in pain, her eyes widening and her expression filling with shock before she fell to the ground.
"NO!" two voices shouted at once. Lily didn't have time to discern whose was whose; pain had shot through her body like a sharp razor blade. She cried out, dropping her wand as her hands hit the grass. James' hands grabbed a hold of her, shaking as he caught her mid fall. Lily heard a grunt and out of the corner of her eye saw Sirius pulling himself to his feet, stumbling over to where she was.
James caught Lily as she fell, wrapping his arms around her but then pulling away and examining his hands. They were covered in her blood, and James leaned over her shoulder to see a large gash across her back. Lily leaned into his chest, gasping softly as she clutched his robes. "Lily? Lily!" he shouted frantically. Sirius raced over and knelt down beside them, but then another shadow was over them as well.
"NO!" Snape's voice shouted, he looked deranged as he stared down at Lily's bleeding figure.
"Oh, God… Lily! You fucking bastard," James shouted, looking up at Snape as Lily collapsed into him. "I'm going to kill you! I'm going to kill you with my bare hands!" James turned his eyes back to Lily, taking her by the shoulders and pulling her close.
"James…" Lily whispered, clutching his robes to support herself. James quickly removed his cloak and wrapped it around her back, pressing firmly to try and stop the flow of blood. Sirius stood and aimed is wand at Snape, snarling a stream of curses as he stepped forward.
"BLACK, STOP… Don't … I…I can fix it," Snape growled, pushing Sirius away from where James and Lily were crouched.
"FIX IT?" James shouted. "You caused it! I'm going to kill you, Snape! I'm going -"
"Shut up, Potter! Take your hands off her; she needs a counter curse, and the hospital . I can-"
"You get your hands off her," James snarled, swatting Snape's hand away angrily. "Look what you've done to her! You and your dark-"
"Potter, she doesn't want you, and if you don't let me help she's going to-"
"James," Lily breathed, mustering up all the strength she could. The effort caused pain to race through her lungs and all across the muscles in her back. James and Snape both fell silent, straining to listen to what she had to say.
His face came swimming into Lily's vision, eyes wide and full of fear as he brushed her hair from her face. "Let him… let him do whatever it is… please…" she begged, clutching his robes tightly.
Snape moved forward, motioning as though he was going to remove James' arms from around Lily; but James pushed his hand away when Lily clutched his robes tightly, groaning and shaking her head as Snape reached for her. "Don't let me go…"
"Shh… it's all right, I won't let you go," James whispered, looking at Snape and holding Lily closer. "Don't touch her."
"James, let him," Sirius said, glaring at Snape with an equal amount of hatred. "She's bleeding really bad…"
"James… please, let him do whatever it is," Lily pleaded, clutching the front of James' shirt in her hands. "But don't let me go… "
"I won't… I won't," James whispered, cradling her head against his chest. "Snape - fix it… but DON'T touch her!" he roared at Snape. "You can do whatever it is from there, don't come any closer!"
James removed his hands from around Lily's waist and brought them under her arms, holding her steady as she leaned into him.
Snape sputtered, he sounded angry and scared as he examined Lily's back, leaning close to the thickest saturation of blood and frowning. "I can't see… there's… there's so much blood… and-"
James snarled and removed the cloak he'd been trying to use as a bandage. He aimed his wand over Lily's shoulder and siphoned the blood away from her wound before tugging the rip in her t-shirt open to expose her back. The curse had left a large wound which ran from her right shoulder all the way to her left hip; it looked as though she'd been slashed by a sword.
Snape stared, his eyes wide as he observed what his curse had done. "Fix it… NOW!" James snarled, his eyes flashing with anger as he glared back at Snape.
Snape knelt down and traced his wand over Lily's wound, muttering a song-like spell as he went. Once… twice… three times; then he stood. The gash had sewn itself together, healing a little but remaining an angry red, and still causing Lily pain. Snape reached for her shoulder, attempting to assist her in any way he could.
"Don't touch me…" Lily hissed, sounding stronger but only by a fraction before she whimpered into James' chest.
"You need the hospital," Snape replied in a low voice. "Dittany… and-"
"I have dittany in my room… Is that all I need?"
"No… I… I don't… you need the hospital; there could be scarring… you need dittany and-"
"I have dittany," Lily snapped, but then winced and leaned back into James' arms. "Take … take me to my room," she whispered, looking at his face, which was still lined with worry.
Snape reached for her, growling when James pushed him away roughly. He reached out again, but Lily turned away from James and glared at Snape over her shoulder. "I said don't touch me," she snarled at him, pulling away from his outstretched hand and reaching her arms up around James' neck.
James picked her up, sliding his arm under her legs and cradling her against him as he walked quickly up to the castle. "I'm taking you to the hospital," he whispered, nodding his head and motioning for Sirius to follow.
Sirius nodded back, still wincing in pain, not even bothering to acknowledge Snape, despite the hatred he felt boiling inside of him.
They raced with Lily to the hospital, explaining quickly what had happened to Madam Pomfrey, though he did not know the exact incantation Snape had used. Madam Pomfrey didn't ask any questions. She noticed Sirius was in pain and quickly mended his broken rib, but then shooed James and him away to tend to Lily.
James paced back and forth anxiously, ignoring Sirius's incessant questions about the spell Snape had used. "What was it? I've never heard anything like that… I-"
"Go see Julia… have her wrap bandages around you or something. I'm going to wait here for Lily; I want to make sure she's okay," James said firmly. "I don't want you to get into any more trouble than we're already in. Just… go, Sirius; I'll see you in the morning," he said when Sirius protested.
Sirius sighed. "All right… let us know how she is. I'll talk to you in the morning," he said, clapping James on the back as he walked quietly toward Gryffindor tower.
James spent the next fifteen minutes pacing until finally Madam Pomfrey opened the door, her face hard as she looked up at him. "I don't want to know what you three were doing out there, but that spell… curse… whatever it was… was bad. She'll need Dittany dabbed onto the wound for the next week or more, along with Ubbly's Oblivious Unction to prevent scarring," Madam Pomfrey told James, watching him nod very seriously.
"All right. Will she-"
"I'm telling you this, Potter, because she's insisting on going back to her room. She doesn't want to stay here, she's adamant. And since she's not losing any blood and she's seventeen, I can't make her stay… but someone is going to have to look out for her," Madam Pomfrey explained again.
"I'll help her... I'll… will she be okay?"
"She'll be all right after some rest… but she needs Dittany applied again tonight, before she sleeps. There could be scarring… we'll just have to see," Madam Pomfrey explained.
James nodded, looking behind Madam Pomfrey as Lily came walking out slowly. She had a dressing gown wrapped around her shoulders, and her torn shirt had been rearranged to hide her torso from view.
"Miss Evans… I'm highly suggesting you stay tonight. I understand that-"
"I don't want to stay here; I want to go to my room," Lily said firmly, her voice much stronger than it had been earlier.
"Very well," Madam Pomfrey said with a shake of her head. "Back to your dorms."
The doors shut and Lily looked at James, who was watching her cautiously. James reached for her and she walked forward, allowing him to put his arm around her waist and support her as they walked slowly toward Gryffindor tower.
They had just reached the staircase when Snape strode out boldly from behind a suit of Armor. James lost his temper, removing his arm from Lily's waist and racing forward.
"You son-of-a-bitch," James shouted, grabbing Snape by the front of his robes and shaking him violently. "You could have killed her!"
Snape swatted James' hands off his robes and pushed him roughly. "You know damn well it was meant for you, Potter. I told you to stay away from her… I'm not going-"
"Shut up, just shut up! All your little mates came after her this summer, Greyback and Rowle… they were going to do something awful, and you knew about it!" James roared. He stepped forward again and seized Snape by the front of his cloak, raising his fist. "You're supposed to hate her, don't act like you care! You could have killed her because of your stupid dark-"
"I do not hate her. I hate you… It was you I was after! She… she doesn't want anything to do with you. Stay away from her, Potter…. I'm warning you," Snape hissed.
"STOP IT!" Lily shouted, moving forward and stepping between them again. She placed her hand on James' chest and looked at him gently, applying just enough pressure that he released Snape and backed away. He seized her hand though, and held onto it as she turned around to face her former friend.
"You're warning him about what, Severus? What will you do if James doesn't stay away from me?" Lily asked, allowing James to keep hold of her hand.
"I… you can't… I told you… I won't –"
"You 'won't' nothing… you have no control over me, you never did. And James is right; you hate me," she said coldly.
"I don't hate you!"
"Yes… you do. I'm not giving you a choice. I told you already, you chose your path with You-Know-Who and the Death Eaters. In choosing that, you made the decision to hate me… so I suggest you get started," she said coldly.
"I … I can't-"
"You'd better," Lily spat. "How do you think You-Know-Who will react if he finds out about all the times we spent together, with you telling me it didn't matter I was Muggle-born?"
Snape quelled and remained silent, his eyes glistening with anger, though James noted a faint echo of sadness within their depths.
"I … I never-"
"You never knew me. You were never my friend. As far as you're concerned, I'm the mudblood who lived in the town near you… nothing more," Lily told him. "Stay away from me… and stay away from everyone I love."
Lily turned away from Snape and pulled James with her as she began to walk away. Snape snorted in protest and called out to Lily, but she just dropped part of the robe off her shoulder to reveal the angry red line running across her back.
Snape gasped, then fell silent. Lily turned over her shoulder. "You've done enough."
"I helped fix it!"
"You caused it," Lily hissed before turning and walking up the stairs to the portrait hole. James followed silently in her wake, covering up her bare shoulder as they walked. Lily didn't release his hand as they walked all the way up the stairs; she pulled James inside her room and shut the door behind herself.
James swallowed as Lily walked forward toward her bed, wincing slightly with each step. "You … she said you need more dittany," he muttered.
"I know… I heard her… but you've got a nasty cut your forehead and chest, so I think you need some too," she replied, walking over to her dresser and pulling a small bottle and a cloth out.
James wiped blood away from his forehead. "This is fine, you need it more," he muttered, sitting her down on the bed and taking the bottle from her hands.
Lily sighed and turned around, dropping her dressing gown to reveal the torn shirt underneath; it wrapped around her neck and hung in tatters over her chest and stomach in an attempt at modesty. The skin of her back was pale and smooth, save for the large red gash running across it. James frowned and began to pour small drops of dittany onto her wound, watching as the liquid smoked and skin began to cover the angry mark. He wiped away the excess, frowning when Lily cringed at the sensation before relaxing. When he had covered the mark three times with the potion, he set the bottle down on the table next to her bed.
"Does it hurt?" James asked quietly, tracing his fingers lightly over the mark and frowning when she inhaled.
"No," Lily whispered.
"You sound like it hurts," he muttered.
"It's… it's better," she replied again. What sounded like pain to James was Lily losing her breath at the feel of his fingers on her skin. The muscles of her back still felt sore, and the cut itself was tender, but his touch was soothing and reminded her of why she went outside in the first place.
"What the hell were you doing?" asked James roughly, breaking the intimate tension of the moment. "How did you know we were out there?"
"I stole your map. I was watching for you… I was waiting-," she replied.
"You stole my map?"
"Yes," she replied sheepishly. "What happened anyway? Sirius looked like he was in a lot of pain, did he break a rib?"
"Snape knew we were coming back… we ran in to a few Death Eaters when we went to pick up his motorcycle," James explained.
"Yes, I know all about motorcycle, but the Death Eaters found you? James, what were you thinking?" she asked, turning around to face him and pulling her dressing gown over her more securely.
James frowned, "We weren't doing anything wrong! They came after us for no reason and-"
"Take off your shirt," Lily interrupted.
"-Bunch of bloody … take off…what?"
"Take off your shirt, James," she repeated, tugging at the blue t-shirt he was wearing. James gave her a quizzical glance; he could tell she was angry with him, but he still felt a little embittered about her continued denial of her own feelings. She had also thrown herself in front of his fight with Snape, resulting in injury when she knew how badly he wanted her safe.
"I asked you to take off your shirt," she reiterated.
"I heard you the first time…why?"
"Because you've got a cut across your chest, look at all the blood there! Just… take off your shirt, James," she sighed, closing her eyes and shaking her head.
James frowned and pulled off his t-shirt, glancing sadly at it when she pulled it out of his hands. "I liked that shirt," he frowned.
"Well… I'm sure we can fix it, or get you a new one," replied Lily, smirking lightly as she moved closer to him. James angled his body toward her, ruffling his hair and sighing heavily. She used her wand to wet the cloth, gently cleaning up the blood that had run all over his chest. James vaguely remembered being hit by a spell that caused the wound, but it wasn't the same as spell Lily had been hit with. He sighed heavily, closing his eyes and allowing the sensation of Lily's touch to soothe his tired mind.
"Can I ask why you're not using magic?" he asked curiously when she finished wiping the blood away.
Lily shrugged. "Some things are better done-"
"The muggle way… yeah, yeah… I've heard you say that," James finished for her, rolling his eyes.
Lily frowned and pulled away from him. "I think you would have been better off to do things the muggle way tonight and just stayed put instead of enchanting a motorcycles and getting into fights and-"
"That wouldn't have stopped the Death Eaters from coming after us," snarled James. "Besides… I don't understand why you care so much about the motorcycle or the fight. We can take care of ourselves; I don't need-"
"Yes, and a fine job you did taking care of yourself tonight… bravo, James," said Lily sarcastically.
"You're one to talk. And what does it matter? I'd rather go down fighting them! I'd-"
"'Go down?' Have you gone mad?" exclaimed Lily. "Your parents, James; think of them! What would it do to them if you were hurt or killed? How do you think they'd feel? All of your friends? What about Julia? How would she feel if Sirius was hurt badly? How do you think she feels now? If something happened to you… do you have any clue what that would do to everyone? Of what it would do to me?" she shouted, her voice cracking as tears welled up in her eyes.
James was about to protest but his voice disappeared when her words hit his ears. He glanced curiously at her, trying to keep his face calm as he randomly recalled a conversation so many months ago when Julia and Mary said Lily didn't cry frequently. James had seen her eyes water up, he'd seen her sob once, but she always had managed to pull herself together; never letting anyone see her actually break down.
But as he watched her, with watery eyes and lips pressed into a tight line, he realized she was breaking down in front of him. The thought of him dying or being hurt was breaking her resolve. She sobbed once, burying her face in her hands and shuddering. James reached forward, pulling her against him and holding her gently. It only lasted a few moments before she pulled herself together, sniffling as she poured a few drops of dittany onto the clothe in her hand and began dabbing the liquid on to the cut that ran across James' chest. He winced sharply and inhaled through his teeth.
"Sorry," she said quietly, slowing her movements and trying to be gentle. James watched her, noting how badly she was shaking and how tears were still flowing openly down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry," said James. "I didn't think … I suppose I shouldn't be so reckless."
Lily sniffed and nodded, not looking him in the eyes as she continued dabbing dittany onto James' wound. They were silent for a few moments. When she finished, Lily turned his face to hers and began to clean off the cut to his forehead. She tried in vain not to lose her train of thought as his hazel eyes met hers and her heart fluttered wildly.
"What would it do to you if something were to happen to me?" asked Lily in an almost inaudible whisper.
James swallowed. "Something did happen to you."
"How did it feel?"
"It felt terrible… I was so scared, Lily. I've never been that scared in my life; I was so sure you were dying," he confessed.
Lily nodded, determinedly keeping her eyes focused on James' cut and not on his expression. "Using that logic… can you understand why I'm upset that you would suggest that dying in a fight with the Death Eaters would be a good thing?"
James gently caught her wrist, calling her attention to his eyes as they scanned her face. "I suppose… but you don't feel anything for me… you told me I was delusional, that you didn't have enough room to feel anything for me," he reminded her, taking his hand and brushing a strand of hair from her face.
She inhaled slowly as James' scent and touch overwhelmed her; her senses went into over drive as she gazed at his soft expression; Lily swallowed and bit her lip, her head involuntarily leaning into his hand. "I … um… I lied," she muttered quietly, shivering as his other hand traced up her arm.
"Are you cold?" James asked, removing his hand from her face and rubbing her shoulders gently to warm her.
"Erm… y-yes… a bit," she replied in a shaky voice.
James slid his hands to her waist, closing her dressing gown around her to protect her from the chill in her room. He had just considered lighting a fire in her fireplace when, to his surprise, Lily slid her whole body closer to him. She crawled delicately, slowly, onto his lap.
Stimulated by her sudden closeness, James pulled her closer until she was seated straddled over his hips. He leaned his forehead against hers and let his hands traveled up to cradle her face. She was shaking violently, her hands trembling as she placed them lightly against his bare chest. James felt he should say something, but the intensity of her gaze and her bright green eyes made his voice vanish the second he opened his mouth. With his ability to speak gone, James tried to communicate through his touch how badly he wanted her. His fingers laced into her hair and he refused to drop his eyes from hers, though butterflies were fluttering wildly in his stomach as she leaned closer.
Mustering up all her courage, knowing she had no experience what-so-ever, Lily silenced the protesting voice in her head for good. She leaned forward and brushed her lips against James' very softly before pulling back. His breathing quickened, she could taste him on her tongue, and she leaned forward again and kissed him very softly.
Lily's lips lingered against his for a moment, causing a burst of heat to rush through his body. James paused in shock, his hands still cupping her face. He opened his eyes and gazed into hers, seeing a mixture of fear and longing inside them as her hands shook like leaves in the breeze. Lily chewed her lip nervously, waiting for James to react.
The realization of what had happened slowly sank in, giving James' frazzled mind time to catch up. He leaned forward quickly, catching her mouth with his and enthusiastically returning her kiss. Her hands slowly moved up over his shoulders and tangled into his hair so she could pull him closer.
James sighed and trailed one hand down to the small of her back, pulling her close to him and relishing the feeling of her warm body against his. He parted her lips to deepen the kiss, losing himself completely in the feeling. The sensation of her kissing him, lips moving against his with the softest pressure, surpassed anything he ever could have imagined; his fantasies may as well have been children's stories for how amazing she felt. James groaned softly when she responded to his passion with more enthusiasm than he had expected. Lily's hands slid down his neck back to his chest, and she sighed into his mouth as he lightly brushed his tongue against her lips.
Overcome with a desire to be still closer to her, James clutched her to him and laid her back, settling himself partly on top of her as they snuggled into the duvet. Lily sighed again, this time it was deeper and James suddenly realized that lying on her back could cause her pain.
"I'm sorry," he said, moving his weight off of her and onto his side, still keeping her close to him. "I don't want to hurt you… I-"
"You're not," Lily breathed, pulling his mouth back to hers and engaging him in another kiss.
James sighed heavily, savoring the feeling of her fingers tangling in his hair. "You… you're brilliant… you're amazing…" he told her in between kisses. "I… I just can't believe… oh God, Lily… I've wanted … you're so … I love… so soft… you-"
"Sh… up" Lily muttered.
"What?"
"James, shut up," she repeated, pulling his lips back to hers desperately.
He smirked and slowed his kisses. "That's not very nice."
"James," she laughed, pulling away from his next kiss and blushing furiously as she attempted to glare at him. "Would you like to have a chat, or would you rather kiss me? Because it doesn't seem like the two are compatible."
James considered her, the half smile she adored gracing his lips. "I'll shut up," he muttered, kissing her forehead once and then returning to her lips with a fervent sigh.
Lily's fingers threaded their way through James' hair, enjoying the soft texture and the scent of him all around her; the feel of his body against hers was more soothing than anything she had ever imagined. His lips were warm, and she moved hers slowly against his, trying to enjoy every single second of the moment she had put off for so long. Lily vaguely wondered if she was overreacting, if she was being too eager, but her whole body felt alive and on alert, and she pulled James closer, sighing as he settled his weight party on top of her, his arms wrapping around her waist and holding her tightly. He gently caressed her lips and tongue with his own, causing her to whimper into his mouth and effectively wiping all thoughts from her head.
He was trying in vain to rein in the intense passion he felt. She had pulled him so he was partly on top of her, one leg wrapping around his, one hand tangled in his hair the other pressed against his chest. He groaned and inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of her skin and her sweet-smelling hair. Each time there was a shift in the kiss, Lily would sigh audibly and it drove him mad with desire.
James pulled away from her lips and kissed across her cheek and down to her neck, smiling when she tipped her head back and arched closer to him, allowing him to move his lips to the pale skin of her throat. He kissed down her neck and over her collar bones before moving his lips higher, nipping her ear lobe softly with his teeth.
"Ah, Lily… I think you've been lying to me about several things," James whispered into the space behind her ear as he nuzzled against her.
"What?" she gasped, closing her eyes and shuddering at the sensation of his breath against her skin.
"You can't be this good of a snog without experience," he whispered, nipping her earlobe with his teeth and grinning as she inhaled sharply. He kissed along her cheek bone back to her lips, groaning again when she pulled his face to hers and kissed him fiercely.
"Perhaps it's natural ability," mused Lily during a brief moment when their lips were apart. "Because I've had… no experience… before now," she muttered shyly.
James murmured something against her lips that she couldn't understand. "What?" she asked.
"Shut up, I'm rather enjoying this," he muttered, causing her to laugh loudly. "I said 'good.' I don't want anyone else kissing you… ever… only me," he said, smiling against her lips and chuckling as she blushed brightly.
Lily sighed and pulled James tighter against her, rolling further onto her back. His hands came up by her face, fingers lacing through her hair as he kissed her softly, enjoying the way she clutched his body to hers. James felt as though he wanted to pull her inside of himself, though he tried to keep his growing arousal hidden for fear she would become flustered and push him away.
Lily tipped her head back, hoping James would move to kiss her neck again. She moaned softly when he grinned and his lips moved across her cheek, pausing in the space behind her ear before moving to her neck and nipping her gently. "What happens now?" she asked breathlessly.
James' breath hitched, the arousal that had been increasing steadily suddenly reached a peak and he shifted against her. "Erm… how… what do you mean, exactly?" he asked, blushing and averting his eyes from hers.
Lily laughed. "I'm not that fast of a mover, James, despite how much I tease you. I meant… since you don't want anyone else kissing me… am I-"
"Do you even have to ask if I want you to be my girlfriend?" James said incredulously, laughing when Lily bit her lip and nodded shyly. "You know… for being so smart you can be incredibly thick."
Lily frowned and gave him a mock pout. James shook his head and brought his mouth back to hers delicately, sighing along with her as they resumed their passionate exploration of each other's lips and tongues. Minutes passed, perhaps hours… neither of them was sure.
They finally lay side by side, James' arm wrapped around Lily's neck, his fingers lightly playing with her hair. Her face was right next to his, their foreheads pressed together as they gazed at the other's eyes. James had loosened the dressing gown and his hand was resting on her back, tracing soft patterns on her skin and carefully avoiding the gash that Snape's curse had caused. One of her hands was pressed against his chest, the other running through his hair and resting against his cheek when she became tired.
"I have never… in my whole life… seen anyone look as happy as you do right now," Lily smiled, shaking her head and examining James' expression.
"There is no one in the wide world as happy as I am right now," he replied, kissing her softly.
"Yes there is," she whispered, causing him to smile broadly and hug her closer to him.
James grinned, wondering if she could hear the way his heart began to pound at the sound of her words. "What changed?" he asked, closing his eyes and kissing her forehead before snuggling against her neck.
"I talked to Dumbledore," she replied.
"That was it?"
Lily blushed. "Well… he caught me sneaking to get food, and I had just overheard Snape and Avery muttering something about you and Sirius being away from Hogwarts tonight. I told him, and he invited me to his office while he sent a message to someone in Dundee to look out for you. While I was waiting, there was this mirror… it reflects what you want most… what your heart wants," she said very quietly.
"What did you see?" James asked curiously, lifting his eyes back to hers.
"My family… my parents, my friends… you," she replied.
James smiled, and kissed her again. "I'd see you."
"You should have… I'm sure Dumbledore thought I was going to faint," she laughed.
"Why?"
"It just… shocked me. I knew it… I just… didn't realize I wanted it that badly," Lily explained sheepishly.
"Hmmm…" James sighed, kissing her deeply. "You need to listen to me more often," he teased, smiling when she chuckled. "I do know what I'm talking about some of the time."
"I guess," she laughed before yawning slowly, closing her eyes and leaning closer to him.
"Am I boring you?" teased James.
"No… no, of course not. It's just been a long night," she replied, kissing him softly.
"You need to rest," he said.
"But then you'd leave… and I'd miss you," she murmured sleepily.
"I don't have to leave… I can stay, who's going to know?" James shrugged.
Lily was about to protest, but then considered his question. "That's true… but I don't want to make you… I mean… if you don't want to-"
"Lils…" James laughed, sitting up and motioning for her to move up on her pillow.
"Well… I mean, I don't want you to think…"
"Think what?"
"Well… think that I'm… I don't know…"
James laughed. "You are the most pure, innocent person I know. I mean that," he said, lying back against the pillows and motioning for her to come into his arms. She smiled and crawled up against him, snuggling her face into his shoulder and kissing his neck softly. "Though you are sleeping with me and we haven't been out on a date," he teased.
"It isn't the first time," she muttered.
"That's right, I forgot about the train. Weren't you concerned about me spontaneously combusting?" he asked.
Lily raised her eyes. "If you'd like, I can help relieve some of the pressure to ensure that doesn't happen," she whispered.
James' eyes went wide then he smiled. "Tease."
Lily kissed him softly, removing his glasses from his face and setting them on the table. "I'll just scoot over then…"
"No no… stay here. I like you here," James whispered, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her forehead.
"Good… I like it here."
James chuckled and pressed his lips to hers again. "I love you, Lily."
"I know," she whispered, kissing him softly. "I love you, James."
James smiled and laid his head back against the pillow, cradling Lily against his chest and falling asleep much faster than he expected.
When he woke, there was only a little sliver of light coming through the window. James breathed in slowly, smiling at the sleeping figure next to him. Lily had moved so her back was to him now, her chest rising and falling slowly. James snuggled closer to her, burying his face into her hair and inhaling deeply as he squeezed her tightly. He glanced lazily at his watch, seeing that it was seven o'clock on Saturday morning and letting the events of last night sink into his head.
He pulled aside her dressing gown gently, frowning at the red slash that extended across her shoulder and down her back. It was much better this morning; the cut itself had almost disappeared, but the fact that it was still an intense scarlet stirred up feelings of anger inside him. Snape.
James was sure he had felt remorseful, even sick over what he'd done; but despite any regret he may have, the act had still happened and Lily bore the scars of Snape's hatred and devotion to the Dark Arts.
Lily had shown no sympathy when she addressed him. Despite his obvious concern, it was clear he disgusted her, and rightly so. Her parting words addressed that their divide was no longer over him calling her the unforgivable name; it had deepened as she realized he was hunting people she loved, and she wouldn't stand for it.
People she loves, James thought. He smiled gently and glanced over her. She had said it… the words had left her lips. Was it the heat of the moment? Was it in response to the intimate tension that had existed between them for so long finally reaching a boiling point? James didn't doubt her, he doubted himself. Arrogant and proud as he may be, he knew that when compared to her, he was nothing.
James sighed, stretching his arms over his head and kissing her lightly on her shoulder before standing. She stirred but did not wake, and he laughed to himself when he remembered Julia always teasing her about sleeping late on the weekends. He grabbed his torn t-shirt and headed out across the hall to his room, leaving her door slightly ajar and thinking of showering quickly and coming back to wake her later.
Having access to a personal bathroom was one of the many advantages of being Head Boy; other advantages included extended curfew hours in the castle, access to the more forbidden corridors, and… and… well, for James, the biggest advantage would be the privilege to work alongside Lily, his girlfriend. How good it felt to describe her that way.
He pulled on a red jumper that she had once commented on and ruffled his hair. It was still wet, but he decided to go ahead and sneak back into Lily's room to see if she was awake. He knew she wouldn't be, but he figured he could snuggle up against her until she did wake up. He'd never seen her as she woke up, and grinned to himself as he thought of her complaining about her hair being a mess or her clothes being sloppy.
James crossed the hall very quietly and pushed open the door to her room, stepping inside and closing the door with a quiet click.
"Did you forget how to knock?" a light voice called, laughing gently as he turned around.
Lily wasn't on the bed, she was standing in the entrance to her bathroom wrapped in her dressing gown. James noticed her hair was wet, and her skin flushed; she looked incredibly sexy.
"That doesn't match," he teased, pointing to the khaki trousers she had on underneath the bathrobe.
"No, it doesn't, does it?" She mused, running her fingers through her hair. "I was having trouble finding a shirt, and this had to suffice since you entered unannounced," she teased back, walking over to him and tracing her finger down his jaw line and under his chin before walking to her closet.
James grinned. "Sorry… would you like me to leave?"
"No, actually; I was hoping you could help me," she replied, her voice growing quiet as she blushed. "I can't reach properly to put this stuff on my back," she said, holding up a vial of lotion that Madam Pomfrey had given her. "And I think I'm probably going to have trouble getting a shirt on…" she explained, trailing off and biting her lip as she looked in her dresser.
"Does it still hurt?" James asked, walking forward and turning her around. He gently pulled her hair out of the way and tugged at the dressing gown, pulling it off her shoulder when she released it. "Maybe you should go back to the hospital," he said in a concerned voice.
"No… no, I want to avoid that if possible," she replied in a shaky voice, taking the robe off her shoulders and wrapping it around her front to hide herself as much as possible. She had put a bra on, but it would have to be undone to completely cover the scar with the healing lotion Madam Pomfrey had given her. "Do you mind? I don't want to make you uncomfortable," she whispered, turning shyly over her shoulder.
James shook his head and guided her over to the bed, taking the lotion from her hand and putting a few drops into his palm. "Never, in a million years, could you make me uncomfortable," he said, smirking as she smiled gently.
James unclasped her bra and spread the thick cream over the skin of her back, slowly and carefully to avoid causing her any discomfort. He was elated to be touching her, her soft skin under his fingers and the clean smell of her all around him again. Valiantly ignoring the other feelings stirring deep within his core, James admonished himself for thinking so boyishly at a time when she needed a gentleman. Still though, the way her back arched when he moved his hands to her slender waist, the long curve of her neck, and line of her shoulders bared for his eyes only was arousing beyond anything he could have imagined. Nothing could be done for it; she was flawless, and he was a seventeen year old boy, desire was an expected part of his job description. But he needn't act on it yet.
When the lotion had been absorbed by her skin, James re-hooked the clasps of her bra together (internally laughing at how ironic it was that he was putting her clothes back on) and sighed before leaning forward and kissing the curve between her neck and shoulder softly.
Lily's breath hitched, sparks trailing over her skin from the spot where James' lips lingered. She turned her head to glance at him shyly, smiling at his boyish smirk. She lifted her hand to his chin, guiding his lips to hers and sighing as she lay back in his arms.
James cradled her against his chest, moving his lips with hers slowly and cupping her face gently with one hand. Every part of him ached to tug the dressing gown she was clutching out of her grasp, so he could feel more of her skin beneath his fingers; but he firmly told himself that such things would have to wait. He would be a gentleman with her.
"Wow, James," she said quietly when they paused for a moment. "I used to think you had no self control."
He laughed once, quirking his eye brow at her and kissing the tip of her nose. "It's developing rapidly," he whispered. "Did you want a shirt?"
"That would probably be appropriate," she whispered, blushing brightly and chewing on her lip.
James nodded, helping her to her feet and over to the closet. She pulled out a grey and red long sleeved shirt and took it off the hanger, glancing coyly at him as she discarded the robe to put it on. Lily had been right; she needed his help. As soon as her arms were overhead, pain raced through her back, though not as intense as it had been in the shower. When she gasped, James quickly pulled the bottom of the shirt down so she would not have to struggle with it.
"Thank you," she whispered.
"Maybe you should go see Madam Pomfrey, just to make sure you're okay," he suggested again, worry apparent in his eyes.
"It's just when I put my arms up," she explained, straightening the shirt around and sighing deeply. "I bet in a few days I'll be fine."
James nodded, and then shook his head. "Stupid prat," he muttered thinking of Snape.
"I'd rather it was me than you," Lily said, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it.
James reached up and cupped her face, smiling when she tilted her head into the palm of his hand. "It seems we have conflicting interests," he said, smiling gently.
"Yes, it does. I bet helping me put a shirt on goes against every seventeen-year-old boy instinct you have," she teased.
James laughed. "I'm trying to be a gentleman," he explained, pulling her into his arms.
"I appreciate that," she said shyly.
James kissed the top of her head. "I'm going to have to be on my guard though, you could very well be the death of me," he teased. "Spontaneous combustion is a serious thing and - hey, where are you going?" he asked when she pulled away from him.
"Keeping you safe," she said, her voice full of mock concern.
James laughed and strode over to her, pulling her into his arms and kissing her soundly on the lips. Instantly her hands came up and tangled in his hair, causing James to sigh and slide his hands to her hips, grabbing the belt loops of her trousers and pulling her close. "I'll live dangerously, thanks."
Lily grinned against his lips, and then kissed him very deeply before laying her head against his chest. "Speaking of living dangerously, we probably should go down and face the music."
"I didn't realize the choir was performing today."
"No, I meant the crowd of people who will surely harass us about last evening," she explained with a laugh.
"Ah yes, I'm sure Padfoot's curiosity is getting the better of him. He would have told Moony and Wormtail, so they're probably discussing it as well. And, of course, he would have told Julia, since I told him to go see her so she could tend to his mended rib… so she's probably concerned… and she would have told everyone who would listen… so yes, this could be dangerous," James mused.
"He did have a broken rib?" Lily asked in a worried voice.
"He's fine, Lils. Madam Pomfrey fixed him right up, and I'm sure Julia made sure he was okay… a little snogging can go a long way," he laughed.
"Yes, I'm sure."
"Let's not tell them."
Lily lifted her head and looked at James curiously. "You've been publically declaring your love for me for over six months, now you're ashamed?" she asked with a pout.
"No, silly girl… you could walk into the Great Hall completely starkers and I wouldn't be ashamed," he said, kissing her softly.
"I would hope not… I don't look terrible naked."
James raised his eyebrows and coughed. "I'm… well, I'm sure you don't. I know you don't… I don't have to see that to know you're…yeah…" he sputtered, laughing as she grinned at him. "Cheeky little thing, you are. But, what I was thinking is … let's not tell them, and see how long until they figure it out," he explained.
"Interesting idea, but they'd figure it out quickly with us walking around together all the time, holding hands, and snogging each other," Lily said thoughtfully.
"You want to walk around holding my hand and snogging me?"
Lily blushed, her coy manner returning as her sudden confidence disappeared. "Er… well, I mean I don't want to overwhelm you… or seem like I'm obsessive or something. But… I guess… I wouldn't mind. Despite my repeated assertions, I'm rather fond of you, James… and … well, I said that I didn't want you to walk around all puffed up, but … truthfully, I wouldn't mind having you be proud I'm your girl…"
She trailed off, staring at her hands and twisting her fingers nervously, berating herself for allowing her explanation to become so lengthy. She opened her mouth to apologize, but James surprised her by striding forward and catching her mouth in his. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off her feet, kissing her hungrily and replaying her disjointed explanation again in his head.
James sighed with joy before setting her down, still keeping her body pressed against his as he decreased the intensity of the kiss. "You have no idea how it feels to hear you say that," he whispered.
Lily smiled. "I love you, James. I do."
James smiled again and kissed her softly. "It was just an idea, I thought it'd be funny to keep it from them just for laughs; they'd be irate when they found out, and it's amusing how they react to things," he explained. "I am proud, I'm so proud… I'm beyond proud, I'm … elated… ecstatic… a whole bunch of other words that I can't think of. You're mine… I want everyone to know that," he said.
Lily smiled. "It would be funny," she mused.
"We'd have the evenings, and free periods to sneak away… all we'd have to do is refrain from kissing or … well, since we flirt rampantly already it's not going to be that odd for me to put my arm around you," he shrugged.
"Yeah, but can you?"
"Can I what?"
"Refrain from kissing me?"
"Can you refrain from kissing me?" James asked with a grin.
"Oh, if it's a contest, you know I'll win," Lily teased, leaning away from him. "I'm the queen of denial, as evidenced over the last few months."
"Yes… but now that you know what you've been missing-"
"And you know what you've been missing; you did say how surprised you were at my kissing abilities, especially since I have no experience."
"Ho, ho! Now who's arrogant?" James laughed, pulling her back to him and moving to kiss her again, smirking as she dodged him.
"I'm just repeating your comment," she teased. "You'll be suffering more if you try to resist me, I wouldn't want that," she said, dodging another kiss, and then breathing very softly against his neck before pressing her lips to his clean smelling skin.
James closed his eyes and smiled, loving the sensation of her breath against his neck; his eyes popped open as she pulled away and he shook his head and looked down at Lily in shock, all his thoughts jumbled from her repeated teasing. When his senses returned, he leaned closer to her, loving her arrogant smile and the feisty look in his eyes. "Yes, but I'm like the treacle tart here… once you've had some, you always want more."
"Oh, is that so?" Lily laughed.
"I think you're underestimating your desire for me," James teased.
"I think you're overestimating yourself," she teased. "I resisted you for over two years… what's another week or two?"
"I don't think you could last two weeks," James whispered, walking behind her and breathing lightly on her neck.
Lily shuddered, but turned over her shoulder and narrowed her eyes. "I don't think you could last a week," she said, turning loftily away from him and swinging her hair over her shoulder.
James stepped quickly around her, holding out his hand for a handshake. "Is this a bet?"
"Five galleons?"
"You're on," James said, taking her outstretched hand and shaking it before pulling her into his arms. He half expected her to push him away, but instead she yielded to his lips and sighed when he ran his hand through her now dry hair.
"You didn't even last five seconds," she teased.
"We haven't started yet, I'm just refilling my patience quota."
Lily laughed and brought her mouth back to his, for the first time taking the initiative to deepen the kiss by tracing her tongue along James' lower lip before catching it lightly between her teeth.
"Mmmmm," James groaned, smiling and shaking his head when she released him. "As long as we're alone, this is fair game?" he asked, before placing his hands on her hips and tugging her close, moving his lips to the smooth skin of her neck.
"As long as we can't be seen… yes… this is game," she breathed, tilting her head back and thinking that her new favorite thing in the world was the feel of James mouth on her throat. She whimpered slightly as he grazed his teeth along her ear lobe before moving his mouth back to hers.
"All right," James whispered, thinking that Lily had forgotten about his invisibility cloak.
"James?"
"Yes?"
"I love you," she whispered, her shyness returning suddenly.
James dropped his teasing demeanor and his gaze became soft. "And I you," he replied, taking the hand that was pressed against his cheek and kissing the inside of her wrist.
A/N: Relieved? I know I was when I wrote this... it felt like a sigh =). Thanks so much for all your support, more is coming =).