Chapter 21
Alex squeezed Olivia's hand tighter as another contraction hit. She was beginning to worry that this wasn't false labor. Their baby wasn't due for another four weeks and while she knew that a baby could be born that early and be fine, she wanted to carry it as long as possible. She managed a small smile at Olivia which earned her a kiss in return Olivia hadn't left her side since they had entered the hospital. "Where's the damn doctor?" Alex groaned out once the pain from the last contraction had passed.
"I don't know do you want me to go check?"
Alex held onto her hand tighter "No don't leave me"
Olivia sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled Alex into her arms "Okay I'll stay right here"
They were still wrapped in each other's arms when Alex's doctor walked in the room "Well Alex I'm a little surprised to see you here" she said as she looked over the chart.
"Yeah well I'm a little surprised to be here myself Dr. Mason"
Dr. Mason went about checking Alex out and asking a few questions "Okay you're not technically in labor but you're getting close"
"So what's that mean?" Olivia asked.
"I'm going to go ahead and give you some medicine through your IV to stop the contractions. Once its run we'll wait a little bit to make sure they stop and if they do then you can be on your way"
"Is there anything that causes this?" Alex asked. She wanted to know if there was something she shouldn't be doing for the remainder of her pregnancy.
"It could be anything, usually the most popular cause is stress" Alex felt her heart drop when she glanced at Olivia and she had a sad look in her eyes.
"I'm a cop so she's stressed every time I leave the house" Olivia said, her tone automatically giving away the fact she blamed herself.
"And I'm not saying it was caused by stress Olivia I'm just saying it could be one factor" Dr. Mason said as she laid a comforting hand on Olivia's shoulder. She left the room promising to return after the medicine had a chance to work.
They sat in silence for several minutes Alex knew what Olivia was thinking she just hoped she wouldn't bring it up. "Alex I'm so sorry it's my fault this happened"
"No it's not" Alex said leaning her head back and closing her eyes, she really didn't want to have an argument now.
Olivia had a few tears in her eyes "Yes it is. It's my fault you're so stressed"
"No Olivia it's not. I've not been sleeping well and with Henry being sick for the last few days I'm not surprised I'm stressed" Alex ran her hand through her hair and stared at the ceiling. She knew part of the reason she was stressed was because she had been so worried about Olivia then add their fight the night before but she would never tell Olivia that.
"See? Right there my fault. You've not been sleeping because you're worried about me. Henry's been sick and out of the entire time he's been sick I've only been home once to help put him to bed. I've not been here for you like I should be" Olivia broke down into tears.
Alex sighed and pulled Olivia's hand to her lips and kissed it "Olivia I worry about you every day you walk out the door, and that's not going to change until you retire. It's something I accepted years ago when I decided I wanted to spend my life with a cop" they both smiled "Now when it comes to you blaming yourself for not being there to help with Henry, I understand when you don't make it home early. I know you're working it's not like you're out running around. I love being home with him, and yes while I would love to have you home more often with us I don't hold it against you or resent you for it" She slid over in the bed a little and motioned for Olivia to get in beside her.
Alex smiled when Olivia ran her thumb over her cheek Olivia then leaned in for a kiss. It was sweet and gentle and Alex couldn't help the few tears that slid down her cheek "I love you" Olivia whispered.
"I love you too" Alex pulled Olivia down till her head was resting on her chest. They stayed quiet for a while, the beeping from the machines the only noise in the room. Alex placed Olivia's hand on her belly "He's moving a lot maybe your hand will calm him down"
Olivia began running her hand over Alex's belly "Calm down little one Mama needs to rest" Olivia sighed "Alex, about the undercover operation"
Alex took a deep breath she really wished Olivia would wait until they got home to bring this up. She steeled her nerves "What about it?"
"I'm not going" Olivia said as she looked up at the blonde.
Alex slowly looked down "What do you mean you're not going?"
"I mean I'm not going"
Alex really wasn't sure how to react. While on one hand she was thrilled Olivia wasn't going undercover in a prison, the other part of her was afraid Olivia would resent her later for it. She lay there thinking for a minute. She had never been a religious person but she had found herself thanking God more often for what she had, every morning she asked him to keep Olivia safe and every evening she thanked God for bringing her home. She offered up a quick thank you for Olivia changing her mind as well as one for hoping Olivia wouldn't resent her. "What changed your mind?"
"You" Olivia said while staring into her eyes.
Alex began to pull back "No way I'm not gonna have you using me as the excuse not to go, because if you do you'll end up resenting me for it.
Olivia sat up and ran her hands over her face "Alex I'm not using you as an excuse. Yes you and Henry and this little guy here" she said as she ran her hand over Alex's belly "You three are my reason not to go" She squeezed Alex's hand "I started thinking today about everything you said last night and then I remembered the last real good ass kicking you gave me"
"When was that?" Alex said with a slight smile.
Olivia chuckled "Do you remember the Gitano case, when I got stabbed?" Alex nodded. "You informed me that I had more to think about now that just myself. I started thinking about that this morning I have you three to think about now. We're a family my decisions affect all of us. Alex please forgive me you have to understand for the majority of my life I only had myself to worry about. I'm not using it as an excuse I'm just saying that it's how my mind still works sometimes. I also should have discussed it with you not just dropped it on you and expected you to accept it" She was crying again and it was breaking Alex's heart "So once again I'm asking your forgiveness" she gave Alex a wide smile "And I'm also giving you permission to kick my ass more often because I apparently still need it from time to time"
Alex held her side as she laughed "Oh God Liv don't make me laugh like that" she looked at the brunette for a minute "Baby are you sure? I mean not that I want you to go I just want you to be sure you're not going to resent me or even Henry or this baby for your decision"
"I'm positive. You three are the most important things in my life, you three are my life. I was sitting there in Huang's office this afternoon listening to him tell me about my cover and that was one thing but when he started explaining what could happen to me I..I..." she trailed off. Alex took both Olivia's hands in hers and laid them on her belly. This seemed to encourage her to continue "I just couldn't do it. I kept hearing your voice in my head saying that you thought something was going to happen and all I could think was what would I do if something did? What if I was hurt, or got sick with some disease or God forbid I died? All I could do was think about you spending the days I was gone worrying about me. Then I thought about what if the baby came? This is something I definitely don't want to miss" Olivia said as she leaned over and placed a kiss on Alex's belly.
Alex placed both hands on Olivia's face and pulled her in for one of the most passionate kisses they had shared in a while. They finally broke apart when their lungs were screaming out for air "I love you" Alex panted out.
"I love you too" Olivia said as she curled back up against Alex. "So" Olivia said with a mischievous grin "Are you still up to the task of kicking my ass when I need it?"
Alex laughed and ran her hand along Olivia's side until it rested on her hip, she gave her wife a light smack causing them both to laugh "I happen to like your ass detective, but yes I'm more than willing to kick when necessary" They both laughed as they settled back down in the bed.
"Don't you two look comfy" Dr. Mason said as she returned to the room.
"We would be more comfy if we were home in our own bed" Alex said with a laugh.
"Well you should be there soon" she smiled at the expectant look on the couple's faces. "Your contractions have stopped and since you haven't started to dilate yet I'm sending you home"
"Thank God" Alex sighed as she dropped her head back on the pillow.
"Is there anything special she should or shouldn't do?" Olivia asked as the doctor handed them the discharge papers.
"Take it easy, also no lifting on your son. Now I know that's probably going to be difficult but I really don't want you lifting on anything. I want you to stay off your feet as much as possible as well" Alex's eyes widened "I know that's going to be difficult with a toddler running around but it will be best for you and the baby"
"She'll do it" Olivia said.
Forty five minutes later they were walking through their front door. Carol, who was asleep on their couch, sat up "No baby I guess?"
Alex chuckled "Nope no baby, at least not yet" she pulled Carol in for a hug "Thank you so much we really appreciate it"
"Don't mention it. Anytime you need me just let me know" she said as she put her coat on to leave.
"I'll walk you home" Olivia said as she put her coat back on.
"Oh you don't have to it's just across the street"
"I know this is a safe neighborhood but I've seen what can happen at two am to women out by themselves" Carol finally agreed to allow Olivia walk her home.
Later as they were curled up in bed together Alex sighed as she pulled Olivia's arms tighter around her belly. She was so grateful Olivia had changed her mind to not go undercover. "How are you feeling?" Olivia whispered against her neck, causing Alex to shiver.
"Better than I've felt in a long time" For the first time in months Alex didn't have that gnawing feeling that something was going to happen. This feeling had been different than the one she has every morning when Olivia leaves. Like anyone married to a cop she wonders; is this the last time I'll ever see her? Will this be the last kiss we share? That was a feeling that she had accepted and knew she wouldn't be rid of until Olivia retires. However the feeling that something bad was going to happen to Olivia had completely disappeared by the time they crawled in bed.
She looked up when she saw Olivia leaning in for a kiss "I love you" Olivia said as she settled back down behind Alex.
"I love you too baby" Alex smiled as she silently thanked God again for Olivia changing her mind. She laced her fingers with Olivia's and rested their hands on her belly as they fell asleep.
Thank you for the reviews I hope this ties up the loose ends from the last chapter. I decided to have Olivia not go undercover mainly because I can't watch the episode Undercover. I've seen it several times and always ended up crying and have even become nauseous by the time Olivia is rescued, so this is my way of avoiding the trauma she suffers. And based on how S14 ended and what I've seen on social media about the season opener I'm not one hundred percent sure I'll be able to watch it either. I know they have to tease us to hype up the show but I just don't know yet. I was just out of high school when SVU began and I've watched since the beginning. It may sound silly but when you watch a show that long you being to feel like you know the characters, they are your friends, and sometimes it's hard to watch some of the things they go through.
Thank you for allowing me to have my little say. Please excuse my lack of knowledge in the medical references in this chapter. I love knowing what you think. Enjoy!