Chapter 21 Realizations

"Holy shit. I cannot believe it finally happened." Elena said excitedly as she and Stefan came out through the sliding glass door and joined Damon and I in the snow and I could see that she was ready to burst out into joyful song at the sight of him and I together. Her eyes kept on flashing from my face and over to Stefan, who was only looking at his brother with a wicked smile on his lips as he shook his head. Elena was just so full of happiness at the sight of Damon and I joined together and she had no problem expressing it. "I never thought you guys would ever get to this point."

"I uh, well...um..." I didn't even know what to say as I stood there, Damon's hand still on my face and my arms still wrapped around him as we hadn't broken apart yet. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks as I looked up and caught his eyes, seeing the familiar smirk already in place and I found myself blushing harder.

"Aww, she's embarrassed." Damon teased before he laughed loudly, the sound coming from deep inside of him as if from a place that he rarely tapped into.

"I'm not embarrassed." I finally found my voice and I dropped my arms away, stepping back so there was distance between us. Because if I didn't move then there was a very good chance that I would grab Damon and pull him in for another kiss, even if Stefan and Elena were standing right there. I shook my head, trying to regain composure before speaking again. "There is nothing for me to be embarrassed about."

"Oh I beg to differ." Damon replied mischievously, holding up his hand before saying. "Don't think I don't know."

"Know what?" I tried to play dumb, but I was never very good at it. But it never stopped me from trying.

"I'm a vampire and my senses are a million times stronger then yours are. And I can tell when I have gotten to someone and that's not being cocky. That's just being observant." He explained, ignoring Stefan's look of annoyance and stepped forward until he was right up against me again, his hands finding their way to my waist and I didn't stop him. His fingers yanked me forward until I was pressed up against him and I could feel everything. And I when I said everything, I meant everything. I looked up at him, the heat returning to my face and that only seemed to thrill him more. His smirk twisted even more tightly and he asked. "Did I turn you Ms. Stackhouse?"

"Oh my god. You are relentless." I snapped, smacking him in the chest and wrestled myself away from him before I did something I would later regret. I quickly ran my hands through my hair, knowing it had gotten messed up and once my fingers ran through it smoothly, I spoke again. "You know what? I'm just going to go. I've had enough excitement for one night."

"I'll walk you out." Elena offered, sending a glare at Damon before she took me by the arm and pulled me back into the house, shutting the glass door behind us. She yanked me across the room towards the door before turning to me and saying "He's a piece of work isn't he?"

"Yes he is." I nodded, keeping the smile at bay from turning into a full blown grin as I reached for my jacket and began pulling it on. "One moment he is being the sweetest that he ever has been, and the next minute he is back to acting like a bastard. It's a whirlwind."

"I don't know how you deal with it." Elena commented, crossing her arms and turning to look back to the patio and her eyes misted over as they landed on Stefan. "Stefan is nothing like that. I got lucky with him. Most vampires are like Damon, but Stefan is just so incredible."

"He got lucky too. You're pretty incredible yourself." I smiled as I pulled my arms through the sleeves and reached for my bag. "And its nice to see a relationship like yours. It makes me want that for myself."

"Maybe you'll have it again someday." Elena suggested hopefully, smiling at me in the way only a true friend can as I opened the door and stepped out into the cold night. "I really hope you do find happiness. If anyone deserves it, its you. And who knows, maybe Damon will be the one to do it. If he ever pulls his head out of his ass long enough."

"Oh there is so nothing serious going on there. But thanks for the thought." I said, waving at her as I walked down the steps to the driveway. But as I was reaching for my keys, I began to wonder if what I had just said to Elena was the truth.

Was there really nothing serious between Damon and I ?

Back inside the house

"Really Damon? Was that absolutely necessary?" His brother asked him the second they both stepped back into the house and Damon had walked right on over to the table and grabbed the bottle of blood he had left, leaving Stefan to shake his head in disbelief. "Do you always have to follow up a nice moment with something inappropriate?"

"Maybe I do." Damon replied back, taking a gulp of the blood and grinned at his brother. "Besides, it wasn't inappropriate. It was an observation. And you know it was right on target. Don't tell me you didn't notice that her heartbeat quickened the moment I grabbed her. Because we both know that I totally turned her on."

"Yea I noticed, but I wasn't stupid enough to comment on it." Stefan shot back, sitting down on the couch across from the fire and tucked his arms around himself. "I mean, do you enjoy ruining every nice thing that comes along?"

"Yea, it's fun for me. You should try it sometime." Damon told him, rolling his eyes at his brother's annoyance. Stefan's constant need to try and pretend to be human and always trying to do the right this annoyed him to no end. They were monsters and they should do what was natural to them and not try and pretend to be anything different. "Why do you care about what I do when I am around Allison? It's my life, not yours."

"You're my brother, I kind of care about your happiness and I don't want to see you screw it up every time you have a shot at it." Stefan pointed out, stretching his arms out across the couch's back and sighed. "I know Damon. I know how much you care for her..."

"I don't." Damon interrupted, his eyes narrowing at Stefan's words and he spun around on his heels to glare across the room. "I don't care about her."

"Yes you do." Stefan insisted, his dark brow furrowing as they stared at each other. "Who are you trying to fool? Because it's not me. I know you care about her, Maybe even love..."

"Stop. Don't even go there." Damon cut him off at the pass, not wanting to hear anymore of this. It wasn't right and it certainly wasn't true. And he wasn't about to let his brother say it was. "There is nothing serious going on between her and I. There's nothing at all there. She means nothing to me."

"Now why do I believe that isn't true?" Stefan asked, standing up and walking over to the fireplace with his hands on his hips. "I know you Damon and I know you don't like to admit that you feel anything, least of all anything that means you care for someone. But I can tell that you feel something for her. You did the moment she showed up Mystic Falls and I knew it again when I saw the way you kissed her. She means something to you. And whether you own up to it or not, we both know that is true. And no matter how much you try and push it away, no matter how much you deny it, she has a hold on you. And you're just too stubborn to face it. You are too stubborn to face that she could possibly be the one to change everything for you. That's what I think."

"You think too much." Damon hissed, turning away from his brother and walking back over to the table where the drinks were and began to fiddle with the bottles. "You invent all this crazy shit in your head and then expect it to be true when you say it out loud. Well it's not true because I'm not like that. I'm not you Stefan. I can't just feel as easily as you do God damn it."

"Can't or won't?' Stefan shot back at him, raising his eyebrows in question. "Because it is possible. You just don't allow yourself that opportunity. You could have it if you wanted to."

"And I could kill you if I wanted to." Damon hissed, his fangs coming out and he gripped the table edges so he wouldn't fly across the room and attack his brother. "Just go away. Leave me in peace."

"Whatever you say Damon." Stefan replied, walking towards the front of the house to the staircase and paused on the first step. "You could have her if you wanted. All you have to do is admit that you feel something."

"I feel nothing." Damon muttered, watching his brother climbed the stairs in the reflection of the mirror and it took all he had not to rush after him and start a fight. He hated it when Stefan called him on crap, especially when it came to Allison. He didn't feel anything for her. He was just physically attracted to her. That was all there was to it. And that's all there ever would be between them

But when Damon looked at himself in the mirror, he was shocked to see a grin of true happiness displayed right on his face.

40 minutes later

"Why does he always do this? Why does he always have to be so incredibly frustrating?" Elena asked Stefan as they lay curled up on his bed with their arms around each other as he finished telling her about the conversation he had with Damon while she was saying goodbye to Allison. "I mean, does he get some sort of perverted pleasure by pushing away everything that could be good for him?"

"Do you not know how Damon operates by now?" Stefan chuckled, tracing a circled on the back of her shoulder with his cold fingertip. "It's how he has been and it's how he always will be. I don't know if he will ever get to the point where he can accept happiness in his life."

"And that's just sad to me. Even though Damon is cocky and arrogant and drives me crazy every single time I am around him, I still believe that deep down, he is not as evil as he makes himself out to be." Elena told her boyfriend, rolling off his chest and sitting up beside him. "And even vampires like him deserve to have happiness. Maybe even more so because he has spent so much time without it."

"I love that you are so willing to see the good in Damon even when he gives no reason for it." Stefan grinned, touching her long hair that had fallen over her shoulder. "But if Damon doesn't have happiness then he has no one to blame but himself. He has the power to grab it but he chooses not to. And no matter how much I want him to change, he has to be willing. I can't do it for him."

"It would be so much easier if you could, then maybe he wouldn't be so annoying if he were happy." Elena sighed, her lips tightly pressed together as she thought of the darker haired vampire lurking somewhere in the house. "Do you think he would ever be able to have a normal relationship? I mean like the one we have?"

"I believe some things are possible and Damon being able to love someone is one of them. So yes, I do think he could have a relationship." Stefan agreed, his hand reaching out slowly to cover hers. "But it don't think its going to happen."

"Why do you say that?" Elena asked, grasping his hand tightly. "Maybe it will just take more time. I mean, he's never been this invested in someone before. Even if he doesn't say it, I know it's there. I see how he looks at her. And it probably just freaks him out. He just needs more time."

"Trust me, I'm all for it if it would get him the chance to be with someone like her. Because I honestly think she would be good for him. But he has to want it to be more." Stefan stated, looking at the open door of the bedroom and Elena knew he was thinking about where his brother was at that moment. "And as long as he keeps saying it is nothing, then its as good as nothing. If he refuses to acknowledge it, then he will never have her as anything more then what he has now. And if he keeps her at a distance, then it feel comfortable to him."

"But I just don't get it. I mean, you have no problem being vulnerable with me or admitting how you feel. You seem to turn your emotions on and off so easily. So why can't he do the same? Why can't he just say that he feels something?" Elena frowned, wondering how it was possible that Damon couldn't do the same. Stefan really did have an open pathway to his more human side. But Damon couldn't even seem to get close. And that baffled her. She looked at Stefan curiously "I just wonder why he keeps on saying that nothing serious is going on when it clearly is."

"I know there is something there as well. And I think deep down, Damon also knows it." Stefan nodded, his hand gripping his hair before he sighed. "Denying his feelings for her is the only way he can be close to her without risking the possibility of pain when he loses her."

"What are you saying?" Elena demanded, feeling a frown take over her face and she pulled further away from him in confusion. "You think that he's going to lose her?"

"I think...that's what he thinks." Stefan answered back with a shrug. "Think about it. Damon has a hard enough time getting close to people who live here all the time. Allison is only going to be here for a while and once she has resurrected Godric, then she'll mostly likely be going home. So he's probably thinking, why even bother."

"He should still try." Elena mumbled, more to herself then to Stefan. "He should still give himself the chance to love her. I know he could. I just know it."

Back at Allison's apartment

"Oh my god, that was not what I was thinking was going to happen tonight." I said to myself as I shot around my bed room, picking up the things I had left out before I had gone to the Salvatore house and began to put them back in their place. I could have left it until morning, but I didn't. I needed to do this. I need to keep busy or else the thoughts I had been keeping at bay were going to come rushing back into my head and I couldn't have that. I didn't want think about what u had felt when Damon and I kissed. Sure I had acted all calm and collected when I walked out of there, but the second I was here alone, I was freaking out and doing everything in my power to ignore the throbbing in my chest of my frantic heartbeat.

I ignored the ache in my body that Damon had picked up on and just went about my room, picking up shoes and slamming drawers shut in my haste to forget about the way I was feeling. I stopped in the middle of the carpet once everything was put away and began changing for bed, only pausing long enough to pull on a tank top and shorts before throwing my clothes in the hamper. But even after that I didn't stop pacing. I had to keep moving because the moment I stopped, I would feel everything that I had been trying to run from. And I didn't want to admit it.

I didn't want to face it.

"I do not like him." I said out loud in my pacing in an attempt to convince myself that I could just order this away. I could do that, I could pretend like this was nothing more then just a physical attraction. I had enough control over myself that I could force my mind to believe what I wanted to believe. It could happen. At least that's what I told myself as I kept walking back and forth across my carpet. "You don't like him. You cannot like him."

But it wasn't my thoughts that paused me in my place the second after I said that. It was my eyes catching my reflection in the mirror above my dresser and I was shocked by what I saw. I was smiling. And not just a little smile, it was a full on grin that I had even realized I had been wearing since I got home and had been trying to avoid thinking about Damon. But now it was impossible to ignore. The proof was right there in front of me and I couldn't deny it anymore. It had been a long time since I had truly smiled like this. A very long time and I barely remembered what it felt like to know how happiness felt. But tonight I did remember. And it was all because of Damon. It seemed like kissing him had brought this out of me and no matter how much I wished it weren't true, I couldn't just pretend that he didn't have some part in it anymore. When i arrived here in Mystic Falls, I was a broken and destroyed mess and I didn't think I could ever be put back together. But Damon was doing just that, in his own way. Without me even realizing it, he had begun to heal my shattered heart and was making me feel whole again. It was all him, and as I looked at myself in the mirror for a minute longer, the truth came to me and I gasped out loud.

"Oh my god. I'm falling for him."

A/N: so things are starting to set in for Damon and Allison. They are beginning to realize that they can't keep avoiding how they truely feel for one another. But only time will tell if they will admit it to each other instead of just to themselves. So please review and maybe i will update fairly quickly