"Are you sure you'll be ok?" the woman's voice asked softly. Nanao sat in the other room and played with the new fan she'd just been given. It had a branch of pink cherry blossoms spreading across the fabric, and she ran her finger over the illustration again. She couldn't remember why she'd been given it, but she knew that it made her both happy and sad at the same time.

"It's for the best," Mamoru's voice said confidently. "Nao-chan and I will find work in the city and you'll be well here under Date-sama's care. When we make enough we'll send some back and after a few years we should be able to return."

"You must be careful on the way," the woman said softly, and Nanao heard the tears in her voice, "and look after your little sister. She's really too young to be going."

"We can't afford to keep her here, kaa-san" Mamoru said gently. "Nao-chan will be safe with me, I promise." There was silence for a moment and a shuffling of cloth before Nanao heard her mother call out for her.

She entered the room to find the hazy outline of a sickly woman lying in a futon and her brother, barely more than a child himself, standing next to her. Her mother said something to her, but she couldn't hear it over a buzz rising in her ears and slowly the world around her seemed to fade out and then back in until she was aware of being on horseback holding on to her brother's waist.

Lifting a hand to touch her cheeks she realized she'd been crying and wondered why, as she heard Mamoru say, "No more crying, you have to be brave. I'll be with you so everything will be fine." The world twisted again, and Nanao closed her eyes.

"It's fine, take whatever you want," Mamoru said. Nanao found herself wrapped up in a blanket next to a low burning fire. She rose to see who he was talking to and shivered in the cold breeze whipping through the pitch black forest. Moving forward quietly she saw two men talking to her brother. "It's fine, I don't want a fight," he said again as if soothing them.

Stepping forward a twig snapped under her foot. A split second later she saw an explosion of light in the darkness and her brother's horrified face in the ghostly illumination. She was knocked off her feet and felt the breath rush out of her as her back hit the dirt. A stone dug into her shoulder, and had she the air, she'd have cried out in pain. She heard a scuffle and what sounded like her brother's yell as she started to feel the burning ache spreading out from her stomach. Trying to get up, she realized her legs weren't responding to her and she wondered if she should be more afraid then she was.

The two men ran past her and started hurrying around their makeshift camp yelling things to each other she couldn't comprehend. The world started to wobble around her, and she vaguely wondered where Mamoru was. Those men were going to take their horse and their food, and then how would they finish the journey? She heard the horse whinny, and then suddenly there was silence again except for the wind in the trees and the sound of something being dragged across the ground.

"Nanao?" Mamoru called in a strained wheezing voice.

"Nii-san, something really hurts," she said suddenly fully feeling the hurt playing across her nerves.

"It's ok, Nao-chan, just stay there," he said releasing a wet cough, and the dragging noise came closer.

"Nii-san, it really really hurts," she whined feeling the uncontrollable tears leap to her eyes. She knew she shouldn't be crying, Mamoru had told her not to earlier, but she couldn't seem to help it. "And I can't get up. I want to get up."

"Stay where you are," he said again and she turned her head to see him crawling towards her in the dim firelight. There was blood dripping down from his body as he came, and Nanao started to cry harder. Lifting her hand to reach for him she found it covered in blood too, and she wondered detachedly where it had come from. "I'm coming," he gasped out.

In what felt like an eternity he finally reached her side, but everything was starting to go fuzzy and Nanao couldn't make out his face anymore. Feeling him grab her hand and collapse next to her she whimpered.

"It hurts, Nii-san," she cried lacing her fingers, sticky with blood, through his.

"I know it does, Nao-chan," he said seeming to struggle with his words. "But it's not going to for much longer." He moved, and for a moment it felt like he was going to go away from her.

"Stay with me!" Nanao called out in panic. It was dark and everything hurt and her head was spinning. She wanted her mother and she wanted to go home.

"Always, Nao-chan," he gasped out settling next to her. She felt warm liquid running against her side and wondered groggily where it was coming from. "I'll keep you safe. We'll go together."

"Promise?" she whimpered, as she started to feel like there was a weight on her chest making it harder to breath.

"Promise," he croaked. The fire went out and Nanao suddenly felt cold and alone. She tried to bring in a breath of air and found that she couldn't. Panic rose up inside her like a bubble floating to the surface of a dark pond. She suddenly regained control of her body, and she kicked and flailed at the darkness engulfing her.

Nanao shot up in her futon gasping for breath and found the blankets wrapped around her legs. She felt for her Taicho's reiatsu and quickly realized she wouldn't find it. Taking control of her own reiatsu once more she pulled it back under control and carefully hid it's signature as she heard feet pounding down the hallway.

The door slammed open and her brother stood with sword drawn looking wild-eyed. "What's going on?"

"I'm sorry," Nanao said getting a better handle on the situation. "I had a bad dream, that's all."

Her brother let out a huff of air, but turned back to, what she presumed were reinforcements, and motioned them away. He entered the room and shut the door behind him. "Do you always lose control of your reiatsu like that when you have a bad dream?"

"Not since I was a child," Nanao admitted starting to untangle herself from the blankets. "I'm sorry I worried you."

"Nao-chan," he said sadly, but didn't add anything else.

"I'm really ok, onii-chan," she said standing up once she'd freed herself. "There's no need to worry so much."

"If you say so," he replied looking torn as to whether or not he should say more.

"I should clean up and get dressed," she said smiling slightly at him. There was nothing he could do to help, so she could at least reassure him that she wasn't going crazy.

"Of course," he said straightening his posture. "Come down for breakfast when you're ready." He didn't wait for a response as he exited the room.

Nanao sighed when she was sure he had gone and sat back down on the ruffled futon hugging her knees to her chest. She hadn't had that particular dream in a very long time. She was never quite sure if it was a memory or a nightmare, but the one and only time she'd brought it up with Mamoru when they were young, he'd confirmed that he'd had dreams like it as well. He'd been very terse on the subject, and she hadn't pressed it, but she had always wondered if that was where some of his protectiveness stemmed from. Either way, if that was the way they had died, it was no wonder that souls forgot much of their previous lives. She'd give quite a bit to never see that, even in her mind, ever again.

Finally forcing herself to get up and fold up her futon, Nanao wondered if she could get someone to fetch her a medicinal tea from the neighboring shops to help put her to sleep. She'd had fits of nightmares when she was younger, but had quickly learned either to train until she was so physically and mentally exhausted that she'd slept dreamlessly, or else to go to her fukutaicho's house to read into the late hours of the evening. The fits had faded until Lisa left soul society and then had started up again. After that, Nanao had discovered she could get a sleeping aid from the 4th or make occasional trips to stay in her Taicho's guest room. Something about Kyouraku's presence had always warded off her bad dreams. In fact, a few of the times she'd retrieved him from bars and stayed at his home, under the pretense of making sure he didn't die in his sleep, had actually been due to her wanting relief from the nightmares keeping her awake.

Nanao sighed again and shook her head trying to dislodge thoughts of her Taicho as she knew they would lead nowhere good. She'd only been gone from Soul Society and in hiding for a week, and she'd already found herself worrying about the man more than was all together healthy. He was more than likely taking longer naps than ever and drinking more than a liver should be able to take. The 8th probably hadn't turned in a single piece of paperwork since she'd left. Nanao mentally slapped herself for continuing to think about it and decided to instead focus on getting ready for breakfast.

The Higurashi family had been kind to them and had helped her find sanctuary with a retired "friend" of the family in the countryside outside Rukongai. Her brother had stayed with the main Higurashi family in Rukongai to ward off their father discovering her hiding place, but had come to see how she was doing late the night before. Really the worst part of being in hiding was how bored she was. The family she was staying with had two little girls who had taken an instant liking to her, but other than playing games of otokoyo on the family's estate and helping their mother with meals, Nanao's days had been largely empty. Luckily the family had a small number of books for her to read, but she found herself getting distracted by wandering thoughts more than was usual.

Mamoru had reassured her again last night that the Higurashi family was in preparation to break up their father's syndicate, but it might take some time to rally enough support. Tanaka was a powerful man within the Rukongai and it was difficult finding people to stand against him. It helped that his protégé Oshiro had apparently taken daughters of some families that would notice, and had put a public black stain on his mentor's operations, but Tanaka himself had always been a careful man. Nanao had no delusions that the only way they'd ever be completely out of his grasp was through his imprisonment or death.

Going down to breakfast, Nanao thanked the family for the food and quickly tuned out as the children recounted what they'd learned in lessons the other day and Mamoru and the head of the family discussed business in quiet tones. Nanao watched the discussion uninterestedly and wondered with detachment how it had all come to this.

Her earliest memories of Soul Society had been running the streets of Rukongai with her brother. Much like most of the other children they were scavengers trying to stay out of violent adult's paths and scrapping enough together to get by. In a way they had been happy times. There were no rules except don't get caught, and her and Mamoru drifted between packs of children running wild. Her brother had always had a sort of quiet leadership to him that the other's flocked to and Nanao had been fearless knowing her brother would always be there to save the day should she get in over her head. With scratched knees and rags for clothes they'd had nothing to their name, but no matter what they had always had each other.

That was until their reiatsu started to develop. Suddenly stealing food became a necessity as opposed to a game, and they became more and more isolated as the people around them started to notice their differences and avoid or attack them. Rukongai had become an even more dangerous place, and Mamoru and she had found all the small places a child could hide that an adult was unlikely to find.

It was one defining moment that changed everything though. Mamoru and she had been crossing an open field when a hollow had attacked. Years later she would find out that the terrifying monster that came rampaging towards them had been only one of the lowest level hollow around, but at the time it hadn't seemed that way. Neither her nor Mamoru had had any training, but through trial and error they had learned to control some of their reiatsu. It had happened so fast that Nanao had barely processed it all before it was done. Mamoru had slammed a crude fireball of reiatsu into the creature and it had been destroyed, but both of them were shaking in the aftereffects of fear even once it was gone.

That was when Tanaka Orochi had walked into their lives. Having overseen the exchange from up the road, he had approached them and offered them a home. It had seemed like a dream come true at first, to be living in the second district and have real food and possessions. Shortly after they had come, Tanaka started to train Mamoru in swordplay, reiatsu control, and business matters. He had legally adopted them and named Mamoru his heir. Of course, at that point Mamoru had only been introduced to the more innocuous side of their father's business.

Everything had gone well until Nanao had gotten sick and Mamoru had refused to leave her side to tend to business. It was then, that Tanaka had realized where her brother's loyalties lay. She was a liability and needed to be gotten rid of quickly. Nanao had always wondered why he hadn't thought to gain her loyalty and trust as well, thus doubly binding her brother, as opposed to simply disposing of her. She supposed he couldn't have foreseen Mamoru figuring out what he'd tried to do, taking her back, and fleeing. Tanaka probably also knew that she was becoming a threat in her own right as her reiatsu grew and he left her untrained. Selling her tied up loose ends quicker than winning her heart.

Nanao was snapped out of her thoughts as one of the little girls let out a squeal of 'ojisan' and took off though the open door leading out to the patio. Her sister was not far behind and Nanao turned her head to see a man with short brown hair and warm brown eyes striding towards them. The man scooped both of the children up into his arms and spun around with them garnering squeals of delight from the girls.

"Oh good, Shin-san is here," her host said climbing to his feet.

Her brother moved beside her as the rest of the family went out to meet the newcomer. "One of our fellow members of the Higurashi family. He's going to help us move you to the next safe house. It's not good to stay in one place for too long."

"Of course," Nanao said absently, watching the man greet everyone.

Her brother watched her out of the corner of his eyes and then started grinning. "Something interesting Nao-chan?"

"Hmm?" she asked distractedly, tearing her eyes away from the stranger.

"You were staring pretty hard there," her brother teased. "See something you like? I can personally vouch for Shin-kun's personality and honor. He also happens to be single."

Nanao gave him a disparaging look and said, "What is with you trying to hook me up with people?"

"All the better to move on from old romances," her brother replied looking unconcerned at her annoyance.

"Well, I'm not interested," she replied firmly.

"You were staring," he shot back.

She glared at him and gave the final blow. "I was only staring because he looked a bit like Kyouraku-Taciho." She then strode away from him to greet the new visitor. She smiled to herself imagining the look on Mamoru's face when she had said that. The smile quickly faded though as she came closer to the group and had to further admit she hadn't been lying. She had been staring because he looked a tad like her Taicho.

"You must be Egami-san," Shin said easily placing one of the little girls back on her feet. "It's nice to finally meet you."

Nanao stood confused for a moment before nodding her head and greeting him back. It had been a long time since she'd used the last name Egami and it was still difficult for her to get used to.

Once the pleasantries were over they had a brief discussion about the move and then settled in to wait till nightfall. The girls and Shin started up a game of hollows and princesses, which basically consisted of Shin chasing after them making roaring sounds as the girls shrieked in happiness. Nanao watched this from the back porch, a book lying forgotten in her lap, and thought about how much her Taicho would like this place. He'd probably insist they join in on the game and force her to be the damsel in distress that he got to save, which would of course result in him demanding his well earned kiss.

"What are you thinking about?" Mamoru asked, handing her a cup of tea.

"You don't want to know," she answered honestly.

Mamoru took her advice and didn't question her further watching the game unfold around the estate's large pond. "You're still wearing the glasses," he commented suddenly.

"Oh?" Nanao said reaching her hand up unconsciously to touch the frames. "I suppose its just force of habit." She removed them and looked down, holding them loosely in her lap above her book. Another silence passed between them and Nanao contemplated how naked she felt with the glasses missing.

"Eh, Nao-chan, do you remember when we were young in Rukongai and started making up our own kido spells?" he asked randomly, leaning back on his hands next to her on the porch.

"Yes," she said smiling slightly. "We were quite inventive. I already knew many modified versions of the official spells by the time I went to the academy."

"I'm sure many of them weren't very helpful," he said chuckling. "Remember that spell we made up for that heat wave? The one where it'd form a bubble that you could fill up with water and throw?" Nanao nodded her smile growing at the memory. "What was that spell anyway? I doubt it helped you much at school."

Nanao said the spell shaking her head at how carefree they'd been as children. Mamoru stood up with a smile and wandered away. She glanced down again at the glasses in her hands and wondered if all the parts of the child she had once been were gone forever. She gasped and snapped her head back up when she felt cold wetness splatter down the neck of her yukata.

Her brother stood halfway between her and the pond grinning as he bounced a kido bubble of water in his hand. "Those shinigami didn't train you very well," he said tauntingly. "What have you been doing for the past hundred or so years Nao-chan?"

"Paperwork," she replied stoically, standing up calmly and placing the book and glasses aside.

"Ah, well, then you've got no chance," he said cockily. With that he chucked the next water bubble at her head. Nanao shifted sideways and dodged it at the last moment.

Nanao shunpoed past him to the lake before he could even register her movement, and hit him in the face with her own water bubble when he turned around to find her. "You'd be surprised what you learn chasing after an irresponsible Taicho for years. Bring it on."

"How do you do that?" one of the little girls cried distracted from their previous game.

"Like this," Nanao answered, quickly throwing another one at her brother's face. This time he avoided it and grabbed one of the little girls holding her up as a shield.

"You wouldn't hit a child would you Nao-chan?" Mamoru asked as the girl laughed delightedly.

From there the rest of the day degenerated into quickly teaching Shin the spell and having a giant water bubble fight. The three of them would pass water bubbles to the children to join in on the fight, and as dusk crept up on them all five were drenched and happy. The children's parents called them in for bathes and Nanao, Shin, and Mamoru plopped down on the grass watching as the fireflies started to emerge.

Nanao reached up to her hair, which had been divested of its clip somewhere in the middle of the fight, and started to squeeze water out of it. She smiled easily and wondered why she hadn't played games like that in years. She supposed, like she'd thought before, that it had to do with the fact that her Taicho would have seen it as an excuse to grope her, and had she ever suggested it, there really would have been no work done in the 8th. Nanao took a deep breath of the fresh night air and mentally berated herself for going back to thoughts of the Seireitei.

"You have impressive aim, Egami-san," Shin said grinning over at her.

"I've had a lot of target practice since I joined the 8th," Nanao responded as she returned his smile. Really, she should just give up on the hopeless endeavor of trying to avoid thinking about her Taicho.

"Is that part of shinigami training?" Shin asked looking interested.

Nanao let out a genuine laugh and said, "No, it just comes along with having a touchy feely Taicho."

"Subordinates are allowed to fire kido off at superiors?" Shin questioned cocking his head to the side.

"Not in general no," Nanao admitted finally giving up on her hair and letting it fall wetly against her neck and the back of her drenched yukata. "It depends on your relationship with your Taicho."

"Did you have a bad one then?"

Mamoru snorted next to her, but she ignored him completely. "No, we were rather close actually. I don't think he'd have let anyone he didn't like abuse him quite as much as I did," she confessed. "Although more often then not he quite deserved it, and he knew it."

"I'm going to go in and see if they need any help with dinner," Mamoru said nudging her shoulder. She sent him a glare, letting him know she knew exactly what he was doing, but stayed put not seeing a way to excuse herself politely.

"Did you enjoy being a shinigami?" Shin asked drawing her attention back.

"Quite a bit. Do you enjoy working for the Higurashi family?" she asked trying to get the conversation away from talk of the Gotei 13.

"It has its upsides," he said with a shrug. "I have such a low reiatsu level that it was better for me than being a low ranking nothing in the Seireitei."

"All of the shinigami are useful no matter what their power level," Nanao defended.

Shin let out a laugh and smiled at her. "You're a very strange shinigami," he said.

"How many shinigami do you know?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"Besides the ones I've gotten into bar fights with? You'd be the first," he divulged.

"Well then, I hardly think you can judge what a normal shinigami is," she said with a huff.

"You don't treat us like dirt," he replied seriously. "Most of them do when they enter the Rukongai. It's funny, because generally the shinigami that treat us the worst are the ones with just barely enough reiatsu to become a shinigami. I suppose they feel like they have something to prove."

"It's really a pity that that is the way we are perceived out here," she said sadly. "I suppose it's fair enough considering the Gotei 13 doesn't offer much in the way of help to the Rukongai." She shivered as the breeze picked up and wrapped her arms around her torso.

"Are you cold?"

"I'm fine," she said, but he'd already retrieved his haori from where he discarded it before the water fight and come back to drape it around her shoulders. "Thank you," she said uncomfortably.

"No problem. So do you think you'll go back if you get the chance?"

"I'd like to, though I suppose that depends on if there are any open fukutaicho positions by the time that comes around. I don't think I'd enjoy working my way back up through the ranks again."

"I'm sure your brother would be happy to see you stay with the Higurashi family," he commented lightly looking out over the pond.

Nanao sighed and shook her head. "If we ever get out from under Tanaka's thumb, then Mamoru deserves to finally have his own life. He won't need to protect me anymore."

Shin looked shocked for a moment and then said, "You're brother genuinely enjoys having you around. You aren't a burden to him."

"I know," she said pulling the haori closer. It was made of a coarse dark grey material and it didn't smell like grass and the spring wind, but at least it was warm. "It's just that if I'm nearby he can't help worrying. I want him to meet someone he loves, and have numerous children, and grow old surrounded by family and friends. If I'm somewhere else he can do all that with less stress, and we'd still be able to see each other."

"And what do you want?" Shin asked looking her in the eyes.

"What do you mean, I just told you what I want," she said confused.

"No, I mean what do you want for yourself in the future?" he clarified.

"Oh, I don't really know. I've never thought about it much. I was always just the fukutaicho of the 8th and that was all there was to it," she answered surprising even herself at the lack of thought she'd put into her future. She'd worked hard to get where she was, but overall she'd been content to stay there. It'd been a long time since she'd even considered trying to become a Taicho, and she was pretty sure she wouldn't be happy in any division other than the 8th anyway.

"Well, now you have choice don't you?" Shin pointed out logically.

"I suppose a family would be nice," Nanao admitted trying not to think of her Taicho at the end of that sentence. She had reluctantly crossed that possibility of her list years ago when walking in on a particularly drunken bar night. He'd thought it was an excellent idea to drunkenly propose to her, and then inform her that she was cruel when she'd said no while pointing to the five giggling girls behind him who had already apparently said yes to him that evening. "But it's pointless to think about anyway. As long as Tanaka is free, anyone my brother and I care for is put at risk."

"Mmm," Shin said noncommittally glancing towards the house. "I think the person that truly loves you would be willing to take that risk. Should we see if they need extra hands setting the table?"

"Sure," Nanao replied a bit discombobulated by the sudden switch in topic. She got up to follow him and thought about his words. It was the same silly romantic notion she imagined her Taicho would have had. Yet another reason she'd kept him at bay. He may have been willing to take that risk, but she wasn't willing to allow him. As far as she was concerned, if you really loved someone you did whatever it took to keep them safe, even if that meant walking out of their lives forever.

A/N: First off, don't worry, there will be no Nanao falling in love with Shin creating awkward love triangle. I just have to make characters for her to interact with while she's away from the Gotei 13. This story would suck if she just sat in a dark corner and didn't talk to anyone :) But I know the fear of crappy OC love triangles popping up in stories, and I'm setting the record straight here.

mauralucky7 it would be super easy for Nanao to pass the academy tests. The problem was not the passing, but the time it takes to actually take the tests. They knew Tanaka would be back before she could finish a week of testing. Plus I figure she'd need sometime to review. I used to be a rockstar at Geometry. Give me a geometry test now and I'd fail 9 out of 10 problems, haha. For asdf I set this long after Winter War to make my life easier and just assumed most important characters will live through it, but I figured they'd probably remake Central 46 or something similar to it hence them still being the ruling party. Hope these explanations make sense.

Please review as this is my longest chapter to date! Hopefully this week won't suck and I'll get another chapter up shortly!