"We never said this would be easy."
"Yea, no shit, Rosalie." I exclaimed, feeling frustrated. We were all sitting in the living room. I was in Edward's lap, trying to calm down. Rose didn't deserve the way I treated her so I shot her an apologizing look. She nodded, forgiving me.
It's been a whole month and I've made minimal progress. Every day we would do the same thing over and over again. One of the Cullens would run into the woods and mark a tree with human blood (the perks of having a doctor in the family). My job was to find the said tree and not attack it. So far, the forest was losing trees every day. Everything would go smoothly until I was a few meters away from the tree. Once the smell would get stronger, the monster took over without a warning. I've tried so many times to stop but it hasn't worked so far. To say I was frustrated would be an understatement. Alice once had the nerve to say that at least it wasn't a real human. Oh, if looks could kill, she'd be on the ground.
"Bella, it took us years to get to the point where you're at." Alice tried to pacify me. "Some longer than others." Her eyes shot to Jasper.
"I know. I guess I just expected this to be a bit easier. I still don't understand how I did it the first time."
"Look at the bright side, love. At least the tree was still standing when you were done with it." He shot me a mischievous grin. I couldn't help laughing. Edward's been extremely supportive of my attempts. He knew how to calm me down after each unsuccessful attempt. I didn't know how it was possible but I loved him more and more each day. And I made sure I reminded him of that every day.
"I might have a theory as to why you stopped on the first day." All eyes shot to Carlisle. "I think it was because your memories were still strong. You remembered your parent and your human life more clearly."
I nodded, processing his theory. It was true. My memories have been fading. My strongest were of my time in Forks. Carlisle thought it was because of my strong emotions toward Edward and his presence in my memories. That made sense. I remembered Charlie better than Renee, which made me uneasy in the beginning. After all, I only spoke to her while in Forks. Her face was a bit distorted in my memoires. Sadly, I still remembered Lauren and her little minions. Mike Newtown still gave me the creeps.
It was last week when I asked Alice to peak at my parents' future. I wanted to make sure they were okay even though I couldn't see them. Alice promised they were going to fine. She even said that Renee moved back to Forks. That surprised me. For some reason, I clearly remembered that she disliked that town. I guess everyone grieves in their own way.
My way was to go deeply into the forest and just sit for hours. I would shut everything out and just remember. Most of my childhood memories were extremely fuzzy and sporadic, while some faded away. I still could picture Renee braiding my hair on my first day of school. I remembered the fishing trip Charlie talked about. That was one was clearer. I could see my mother's second wedding. She and Phil were so happy. I still couldn't believe he was gone. But what frustrated me the most was the fact that I remembered my last day of human life perfectly. I memorized every word James said, every cut he made, and every bruise he left on my body. I was happy that during my transformation, all of my imperfections disappeared. I didn't need a constant reminder of what James had done to me-I had my memories.
Between my training and grieving my emotions were all over the place. Sometimes I would snap at my family for no apparent reason. I felt so bad about my episodes. They did nothing but support me and I was acting like a crazy person. The only person who could calm me down was my Edward. He could read my moods perfectly and all it took was his touch to make it all better. He has been my rock through this time.
"They'll be arriving shortly." Alice announced.
The Denalis were visiting us today. I was still in a sour mood so I excused myself. Rose volunteered to go with me. I ran through the forest. It had a somewhat calming effect on me. I decided to turn back after about twenty minutes. I knew that our guests had arrived since I could smell them. Rose entered the house first and I followed.
"Why would you do that? The blood is more potent. No wonder she's unable to stop herself. At least when she sees the actual humans, she can fight the monster." I heard Tanya argue. "Carlisle, you of all people should have caught on to that."
"It could be true." Jasper said. "She didn't fight you when we took her into town, Edward. You remember what happened the first day we tried the experiment with blood? She threw Emmett off like he was nothing."
"So you haven't attempted to take her into town again?" Tanya exclaimed.
"No. The way she was reacting to blood made me believe she wouldn't be able to control herself." Edward answered. I walked into the room, making myself known. That didn't stop the conversation.
"Well, no wonder her control isn't getting better." Kate cut in. I greeted everyone and took my seat by Edward. I had to give it to Tanya-she proved true to her word. She took a seat that was as far away from Edward as possible. She even smiled at me. I figured it wouldn't hurt if I returned the gesture.
"We just thought she was able to stop in the beginning because her memories were clearer." Carlisle explained.
"I can't believe how blind and stupid I've been." Edward sounded ashamed. I squeezed his hand, reassuring him. He was not to blame.
"You weren't the only one." Jasper said. "We all should have realized this sooner. I guess it pays to have a fresh perspective on this situation."
"So does that mean you'll be taking her into town?" Laurent spoke up.
"I think we should try. Maybe Tanya's right." Edward said. I looked at him, shocked by this.
"Do you think that's such a great idea?" I voiced my fears.
"I think we should give it a try."
"What if I can't control myself?"
"You'll have all of us there to keep an eye on you." Irina said. "Yes, all of us will come for support."
"Alice?"
"I think it will work, Edward."
"You think?"
"It's Bella. She keeps changing her mind." All eyes turned to me.
"I just don't know about this. What if…"
"Love, you'll be fine." Edward said, looking into my eyes. "Trust me."
"Okay."
"Alright, we will wait until it gets dark and then all of us will go." Alice bounced out of her seat. "And you," She pointed at me. "you're going hunting."
"You need to calm down, love. It's going to be fine." Edward tried to calm me down. We were on our way into town and I was feeling worse than the first time. At least then I thought I could do it. Now, I wasn't so sure. I took a deep breath, taking in Edward's scent. It always helped me relax and right now I took any help I could get. Jasper was in the other car and I didn't want to bother him. I felt the car come to a stop and waited for Edward to get me. He took my hand in his, smiling reassuringly. Well, at least he was confident.
"So what's the plan?" A very excited Emmett asked. I couldn't help smiling at him. I was still holding my breath, afraid of my reaction. There weren't that many people out this evening which was fine by me.
"We're all going to stay close to Bella, just in case. Garrett, Kate, Laurent, and Irina-you will be in front of the group." They nodded and took their places. "Now, Jasper and Emmett on both sides of Bella."
"What about you?" I asked.
"I'll be right by your side, don't worry."
"The rest will be in the back." He turned to the remaining members of our group.
True to his word, Edward kept to my side. He put his arm around my waist, both reassuring and restraining me. I was flanked by the rest of my family and friends on other sides. Yes, I said it, friends. If everything would go well, I would be forever grateful to Tanya.
We saw some people up ahead and I was instructed to breathe. I took one small breath in, testing my reaction. I felt fine so I took a bigger breath. That's when the scent hit me. There were three of them, of that I was sure. The monster came to life instantly. I heard its snarls, begging for blood, and stiffened. Edward, sensing my hesitation, positioned himself behind me, securing both of his arms around me. I nodded that I was okay. I had to get this right. The rest of the group stood around me, ready at any moment to restrain me. I took another deep breath. I could feel the back of my throat start to burn. I swallowed hard, willing it to go away. I could feel my body starting to lean towards the humans.
"Everyone in the front, I need you to move out of the way." When no one moved, Edward continued. "She needs to see their faces." Understanding dawned on them and they moved. I now had a clear view of my prey.
They were three teenagers, kids really. I looked at them and saw my old friends. The monster in me kept pushing me to make my move but I stood still. I would not be the one to take their lives away because mine was taken away from me. I would not become a monster like James. I kept breathing in and out, letting my throat burn. Before long, those kids passed me by and I didn't even flinch. I heard a collective sigh of relief.
"You did it, love." I felt his breath tickle my neck and turned to face him, a blinding smile on my face. He lifted me off the ground and I buried my face in his neck. I still couldn't believe I just did that. After a month of failure, I successfully kept my monster in check.
"Okay, that's enough for one day." Alice said, bringing me out of my happy bubble. "It's best we head back home. She needs to feed again."
I was about to protest but Edward agreed. "It's true. Your eyes are a lot darker even though you've hunted earlier." Without another word, I headed in the direction of our cars. I felt extremely good about tonight's events. I reminded myself to thank Tanya. If it wasn't for her, this would not have happened. When we arrived at the house, I walked over to Tanya. Everyone else went inside, giving us privacy.
"Could I speak to you for a moment?" I saw her surprised reaction.
"Sure." We started walking into the woods. I think she understood that I didn't want others overhearing our conversation.
"Tanya, I wanted to thank you for today. If it wasn't for you, we probably wouldn't have figured it out this quick."
"Not a problem, Bella. I'm glad I could help out."
"And I also wanted to apologize for the way I've treated you."
"There's nothing to apologize for." She reassured me. "Trust me, I was in your shoes, I'd act the same way."
"I know but it still doesn't excuse my behavior."
"Well, I forgive you so you have nothing to feel bad about." She smiled at me.
"Friends?" I asked, extending my hand.
"Friends." She agreed, shaking it. We smiled at each other and made our way back to the house. "I have to say, that was pretty impressive. How were you able to control yourself?"
"Honestly, it wasn't easy. I've struggled in the beginning. The constant battle takes out a lot. I was ready to give in but then Edward realized that I needed to see them. It's a lot easier for me to win over the monster when I can humanize them. Those kids reminded me of my friends in school. I could never hurt them after that."
"That's amazing, Bella. It truly is. And to think you're only what, a five week old vampire? You have exceptional self-control."
"Thank you, Tanya."
"Sure thing."
Both of us entered the house at the same time to be greeted by surprised faces. Tanya snickered and took her seat. I kept staring at them, trying to figure out why they were reacting like that. Then it hit me.
"Wait, did they expect us…" I trailed off, looking at Tanya.
"I believe so." She confirmed my suspicions. We looked at each other and burst out laughing. I'm sure they were looking at us like we were crazy but I couldn't help myself. I felt Edward embrace me but I kept laughing. Soon, I heard the rest of them join in.
"Gosh, I haven't laughed like that in a while." I said once I was able to talk.
"I'm glad we could amuse you." I heard Garrett say, laughter still evident in his voice.
"I think we should head home." Laurent said. "Carmen and Eleazar should be getting home soon."
The rest of the Denalis got up and we walked them out. The girls promised to visit more often. I even heard something about a spa day. I cringed at those words. Once they left, Carlisle called for a family meeting in the living room.
"First of all, Bella congratulations on a job well done. You were amazing today."
"Thank you, Carlisle. I couldn't have done it without everyone's help."
"Secondly, I think this should be the focus of her training from now on. Let's keep working on getting her used to the human scent. And maybe after she gets better, we can go back to the blood on the trees to see how well it would work." He concluded.
"I think it's a good plan." Edward agreed. "We have to make sure we have at least four of us to restrain her."
"Good idea, Edward." Carlisle nodded. "Also, let's stick to nighttime." He looked around the room. "It seems we have our work cut out for us. What do you say, Bella. You're ready for this?"
"Yes." I said with eagerness. I couldn't wait to improve on my control.
The next month was exhausting. During daytime I would hunt. This was a precaution for the evening activities. No one wants to put a hungry vampire in the middle of the town. And my evenings consisted of spending time among humans. At first, Edward made sure to go to less populated areas. Emmett, Jasper, Rose, and Alice were always with us. Sometimes Esme would come along.
It always started out with two or three humans around. Edward stayed by my side, restraining me. After every time I'd do well, he would loosen his hold on me a little bit. We limited our encounters to one per evening but increased to two during the second week. The big breakthrough came during the middle of that week when I was able to enter a coffee shop with six people in it. The visit was short lived since I felt my control slip and let Edward know. Still, it was a huge step up from how I used to be. By the end of the week, the experiment with human blood was resumed. It was a bit difficult at first but by week three, I was able to restrain myself. Let's just say, there was an extremely grateful tree in our backyard.
"So Edward's birthday is next week." Alice said, while we were out hunting. They decided to do an all girls hunt and even invited the three sisters and Carmen.
"Oh?" I was a horrible person because I didn't even know my boyfriend's birthday. Well, he was more than a boyfriend but I wasn't sure what the correct title would be.
"Are you planning anything special?" Kate asked.
"Well, you know how Edward gets." That seemed to make sense to everyone but me.
"What do you mean?"
"He doesn't really like celebrating it. He always said how he had nothing special to celebrate. I think he was feeling left out a bit, since all of us had mates."
"Well, that won't do this year." I was set on making his birthday a very memorable occasion. "Alice, got any ideas?"
"Oh, this is going to be great!" She squealed. "Bella, he's going to love your present."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes!"
"Care to share with the rest of us?" Rose irritated voice came through.
"I was thinking how Edward doesn't have his piano here. So I thought I'd find one and have it delivered for his birthday."
"That's a wonderful idea, Bella." Esme agreed.
"Alice, will you take care of decorations?" She nodded. "Great, now I need someone to go with me to find a piano. Anyone know anything about the instrument?"
"Actually, I do." Rose spoke up. "What, don't look at me like that. I used to play."
"I guess it's you and me then. Well, I'm going to need more reinforcements, in case of control issues."
"We'll go with you." Tanya answered, Kate and Irina nodding in agreement.
"Esme, would you like to come along?" I asked, not wanting her to feel left out.
"That's alright, dear. I think I'll stay with Alice to keep an eye on her." She winked.
"Hey!" Alice exclaimed in mock hurt. I shook my head at her.
"When are you planning on having the party, Alice?" I looked over to her.
"Friday. So you have plenty of time. Trust me."
"I do, pixie, I do." I turned to the rest of my partners in crime. "So tomorrow then?" They nodded in agreement. "And, please, make sure Edward doesn't find out." I pleaded.
"Explain to me again why you're going shopping?"
"Edward, the girls wanted to spend a day together and who am I to say no."
"But you're going voluntarily. That's strange." He was still suspicious. "And Alice is staying behind."
"That's because the pixie lost a bet." Rose stepped in, helping me out. Alice huffed for the effect.
"Alright, love. Have fun." He kissed me sweetly and then turned to the girls. "Ladies, I'm trusting you with her."
"Yea, yea, yeah. We get it, Edward. Keep an eye on her. Make sure she doesn't kill anyone." Tanya said, pulling me along. "Don't worry about anything."
"Love you!" I yelled while being dragged outside. I heard him say love you in reply.
"You guys are making me sick!" Rose exclaimed. "So lovey-dovey."
"Whatever, Rose." I mumbled, getting into the car. "Alright, ladies. Let's hit the road!"
It took us some time to find the correct store. Girls kept trying to drag me into Victoria's Secret, saying that would be a better present for Edward. I voted against it. We finally made it into the store which specialized in pianos.
"Hello, ladies. How may I help you today?" A friendly salesman asked. I gave a silent sign that I was okay to the girls before speaking.
"Hello. I'm looking for a baby grand piano. A black one preferably."
"I have just what you are looking for. If you would follow me." I walked after him. "Ah, here it is."
It was perfect. I knew right away Edward would love it. I carefully ran my fingers across the keys. I looked over at Rosalie and she nodded, letting me know it was a good choice.
"Do you play?" Salesman asked.
"No, but my boyfriend does. This is a birthday present for him." I explained.
"He must be one lucky man to have such a wonderful girlfriend."
"Thank you. Do you think you'll be able to deliver it on Friday? Around five in the evening?"
"Of course. Let me write down the address. We could also put a big bow on it, if you want?" I pictured it for a moment. I thought it would be a fun addition so I said yes. I handed him the credit card Esme had given me for my personal use. One of the perks of being a Cullen, I guess. I tried to argue against it but she would hear none of it.
Once the sale was finalized, we stepped out of the store.
"So, what do you want to do now?" Kate asked.
"This was it. So I'm at your mercy, ladies." Their squeals of delight made me nearly deaf.
"Hey, at least you don't have any permanent scars." Edward tried to sooth me. We were lying on our bed while I recounted the horrors of today.
"Not physical." I grumbled. "You should have seen it. I didn't think I'd make it out alive."
"Love, I'm sorry to break it to you but you're already dead." I shot him a glare. "Plus, I did see it. You're just lucky Alice wasn't there. It could have been much worse." I gulped, realizing the truth in his words.
"At least I had enough sense to play the "my control is slipping" card." I bragged.
"Bella! That was so not fair!" I heard Rose shout from downstairs.
"So you were fine throughout the whole day?" Edward asked.
"Yes! It was an amazing feeling." I was beaming with pride.
"I'm very happy for you, love. You're an amazing woman." He leaned in to give me a short kiss but I had different ideas. We broke apart several minutes later, panting. "As much as I would love to continue this but Alice is screaming in my head for me to let you go. Something about a fashion show?"
"Ugh, don't ask." I planted a chaste kiss and made my way to Alice's room. I agreed to show off the clothes girls bought for me today for Alice. I knew she's seen them already but since she was helping me out, I decided to humor her. Things you do for love.