Well, as difficult as it was I managed to take a break from Brawl to bring you this chapter!
Monday October 5th: Week 5, Day 21
"CLASS IS IN SESSION!" Ganondorf roared, blowing Mario's chair backwards before he could cry. "So did everyone have good weekend?"
"Oh yeah, amazing," Link said sarcastically. "But you know what would've made it even better, probably YOU NOT KIDNAPPING UP TO TEACH US FUCKING DOWN AND UP-BS!"
"STOP SWEARING YOU FUCK-HEAD!"
-Saturday October 3rd-
"Mario, door's for you," Mario's father called.
"Who is it?" Mario asked from the third story.
"A green guy who says he's your teacher!" Mario paled considerably. "How nice, he says he's here to give you a lesson that will keep you ahead of the rest of the class, and your brother too!"
"Blah?" Luigi popped up from behind a table.
The two trudged down the stairs to see Ganondorf talking with their father. "Oh, hello my quiet students!" Ganondorf greeted. "So are you ready for the lesson?"
"One moment," Mario said, turning to his father. "Dad, you've been a good parent all these years. And Luigi, you've been a good brother."
"Yes yes, very touching but no one cares," Ganondorf said as he picked them up by their mustaches and walked out the door. Ganondorf tracked down everyone, picking them out of whatever they were doing and bringing them to a large field. He kind of stopped DK from defusing a bomb which took out half the city, but no one cares about it.
"My bath will flood my house!" Peach yelled. 'The water will wreck my written plans!'
"There's a lawnmower rampaging around the city by now," Giga Bowser stated. "And because it's mine, it's VERY big!"
"I was on a date!" Roy screamed, eye twitching.
"I was ordering the last Landmaster in stock, now Wolf'll probably get it first!" Fox growled.
"Why would he need a Landmaster?" Kirby asked.
-Elsewhere-
"We're gonna have fun with this…"
-With Ganon & crew-
"Your personal lives are irrelevant compared to what I plan to do today," Ganondorf said. "DOWN-BS! Mario, demonstration time, get over here now." Mario began looking for an opening and he saw it, between Bowser and Marth. The plumber made a run for it, knowing he was faster then Ganondorf. "Oh, you didn't!" Ganondorf growled. Mario was faster, but…
…when your legs are taken off by a wizard's kick, it's kind of difficult to run.
"Now that you see how to do it, START PRACTICING BITCHES!"
"Hey, Marth," Roy said. "I have an idea!" He performed a fully charged B attack which Marth countered, followed by Roy countering, and the cycle repeated. "This is awesome!"
Ganondorf threw Ness at Marth just as Roy countered making him screw up and the two were obliterated by Roy's attack. Roy stared blankly at the two scorch marks.
Nice…
"I haven't heard from you a lot recently," Roy said, making everyone stare at him. "Where've you been?"
I… um… I tripped.
-Sunday October 3th-
"UP BS!"
"Ganondorf, I swear that if you kidnap me from my living room again then you will suffer, slowly and painfully!" Fox growled. Ganondorf used dark dive on him making the animal go flying through the air.
"START NOW, OR I WILL TEAR YOUR RIBS OUT AND USE THEM TO IMPALE YOUR BRAIN, through your ASS!"
"Aren't most of ours just us spinning around and getting dizzy?" Young Link asked.
"No, like rest of specials, Jigglypuff's is useless," Ganondorf said.
"This is coming from the guy who can barely speak correct English," Jigglypuff stated dully.
"Wow, I was just insulted by the GUY who's a pink ball of fluff!" Ganondorf retaliated. Everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at Jigglypuff.
"Oh don't look so surprised," the fluff snapped.
-Current time-
Ganondorf laughed. "That was the best weekend I've ever had, how could you hate it?"
"Um, who's the new guy?" Kirby asked before Ganondorf cut him in half with his axe-blade.
"NO QUESTIONS!" he roared. "Our floating friend over there is someone new, he's the co-op student who is here to learn from me in hopes of creating more teachers like me."
"Y-you mean more Ganondorfs?!" Pichu whimpered.
"What wrong with me?" Ganondorf growled, holding his sword to the mouse's throat. "You have a problem with the great Ganondorf? I am the most successful teacher in this school!"
"The only other teachers are Samus, who we haven't even been taught by; Zelda, who is too busy healing our wounds; and Giga Bowser, who you have here!" Marth said before jumping as the axe-blade went right where his most sensitive spot was. "That nearly hit my surgery wound!" Marth screamed, shielding his knee.
"Um, is this normal teaching patterns?"
"Why yes Mewtwo, everything I do fits perfectly under regulation," Ganondorf explained as Mewtwo floated beside his desk, arms crossed.
"That's… not what I learned where I come from," the Pokemon telepathically said to the room.
"LESSON ONE, forget absolutely EVERYTHING you previously learned, it help in no way here," Ganondorf ordered.
"But I learned how to properly encourage the students to help them accomplish-"
"BULLSHIT, that helps NO ONE!" Ganondorf snorted. "Encouraging is USELESS! Connecting is USELESS! The only thing NOT USELESS is PAIN, and RAGE! Write that down."
Mewtwo sighed. "Don't you have a class to teach instead of talking to me?" he asked.
They looked back only to see Crazy Hand sitting in the middle of the room, licking his fingers. "Thosechickenfingerstastedgood!" he said.
"Nope," Ganondorf stated. "ZELDA! WE NEED SURGERY!"
Zelda walked into the room. "Did Crazy Hand eat them all again?" she asked dully.
"Again? Is this a daily routine or something?" Mewtwo asked.
"Less daily, more so every once and a while," Ganondorf explained. "Get used to weird things, and don't be afraid of killing students, Zelda fix them back up." She flipped him off.
-20 minutes later-
Ganondorf shoved Crazy Hand in the closet and put down his tranquilizer gun. "How come he gets shot with darts while we get shot with bullets?" Mario asked.
"You want dart? FINE!" He shot Mario in the eye with one of the tranquilizer darts. "Who else wants special treatments?"
"It would make us so much happier!" Popo exclaimed in happiness, Nana nodding in agreement.
"Okay, you get shot with this… um… Cake Gun," Ganondorf said as he took out a rocket launcher and fired. A cake blasted out and landed in front of the extremely happy Ice Climbers. "Who the fuck replaced my missile with a cake?!"
-7:00 pm-
Fox was staying at Mario's home until Ganondorf gave back the Arwing. He was currently at the kitchen table making a sandwich. He finished and picked it up to eat it.
"I can't let you do that Star Fox…"
Fox froze, looking around. "Wolf, what the hell are you doing? Where are you?" He turned to see a phone off the hook. "Wolf, leave me alone so I can eat my sandwich."
"I said I can't let you do that."
"Fine, I'll put the sandwich down, and-"
"What's the matter, scared?"
Fox sighed. "Wolf, seriously, leave me alone."
"We're gonna have fun with this…"
A red Landmaster crashed through the roof, crushing Fox beneath it. Said animal laughed dryly. "Ha ha, real mature," came the muffled statement from below the vehicle.