Chapter 21: He Who Remained Nameless

Renesmee's POV

A girl who laughs and talks a lot, who seems very happy, is also a girl who cries herself to sleep.

I probably should of gone home, I probably should of said the hell with this place and left as soon as it happened. But for some reason I had to linger and feel the pain surfing through out my entire body as I walked through the halls that I'd grown to know so well. I felt like I had to even if I didn't want to. I had to know I wouldn't run off crying like a pathetic excuse of a being, although deep down I really was. I was trying to trick myself to thinking it wasn't my fault, that he was the one to take the orders, thinking maybe if I blamed him I would hate myself a little less.

But deep down that's all I was doing; tricking myself.

I had been with him every single day for months. I had felt his kiss, which I could still feel, and I had been with him in ways I'd never been with another. I had known the power cravings and desires of the world he came from, that in the Volturi that's all that mattered. Yet for some reason I singled him out; I let myself believe that he was different from the rest of them, that inside he was not a part of it.

I couldn't even think of his name right now without the hurt washing over my chest and making me want to drop on the floor. I am that pathetic at this point.

I thought maybe the Volturi weren't as heartless as they were made out to be, that once you got through the hatred and cool detachment surrounding them, you would find the person they use to be before, and I thought I was right. I felt that I was right, that everyone couldn't be monsters all the time.

But like most things, I was wrong.

I had never felt a love like the one I thought I shared. I had hugs and kisses from family, yes, but I had never felt whole with another person in my life, and to realize that it was all a plan of some psychopath's? The thought of how every movement that had been made was dedicated to serving someone else didn't sit well with me.

I thought I was smart enough to know the difference between love and what not, but again I was mistaken. I had given myself heart and soul to another, and realized it wasn't him I was actually giving it to. I felt stupid beyond belief, so incredibly foolish, to actually think he was more than them.

I wouldn't make that same mistake twice.

So, I had left him with a simple kiss on the cheek which I could still feel among my lips, and had left the room without second guessing myself. I walked down the hallways, feeling the eyes of others on me, practically burning my skin. It was the walk of shame, and I wanted so much to think it wasn't mine to wear.

I suppose this was the consequences to my idiotic actions. My punishment for leaving my family so naively. With each step I took, I felt as though there was a ripple through my heart. I felt weak, used, unclean, like a whore. There was nothing sacred about any aspect of mine and his relationship, if one could even call it that. There was nothing they didn't know about, the most intimate details were no longer private enough to call mine. It was the most humiliating moment of my short life, and I had never felt more ashamed of myself.

There was really only one person I wanted to say goodbye to in this group of beings, but Felix was nowhere to be found. So, I kept looking through the faces that stared at me, but his was not any of them, which was probably a good thing. I figured maybe he was still in the throne room, picking up the pieces that were left of what happened but I sure as hell didn't want to go back in there, and feel like having salt water thrown at my wounds. I had already made myself look and feel stupid, why would I go back?

So after several moments of searching for Felix, I decided to was time to leave. I had stayed here long enough to the point that it was engraved into my memory forever. I tried to keep my head high as I made my way to the opening that lead to the outside world, making a point not to look back at any of the things I passed. I tried to stay strong, but my body betrayed me, and shook as I parted, tears streaming down my cheeks and my heart feeling as though it wasn't beating at all. I didn't want to cry, but I couldn't stop it from happening. I wasn't made of stone, unlike others.

As I leaped up towards the hole in the ground, I heard voices and yelling from the top. I didn't know why or what was happening but the voices felt and sounded familiar, making my heart pound.

As I entered the alley I was welcomed by rain that hammered against the pavement of the ground, blurring my vision. But, my vision wasn't so blurred that I couldn't see what was right in front of me.

The first thing I saw was him on the ground, looking upwards, his hand gripping on to his jaw, the jaw I was kissing not a few hours prier to this moment. The thought made me slightly sick. My eyes followed his gaze, wondering why he was on the ground at all, only to discover he wasn't alone, Felix was there and three others. My heart stopped as I recognized their faces.

"Dad…" I heard myself say, blinking through the water to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.

I wasn't. He was there, along with my uncles, and before I knew it, I was running without hesitation. I didn't know what was going on, but I was so happy to see them there, my family was here, and I could physically feel their presence.

I called out to them again and saw my Dad's head snapped up at the sound of my voice, his hair drenched and getting in his eyes. He was angry, I could tell, but it didn't seem to be pointed at me. It all seemed to be pointed at him.

"Renesmee." Dad spoke softly, sounding more like a sigh. The sound of his voice saying my name made me want to cry even more, and before I could even blink I felt strong arms wrapped around me, and I buried my face in his shoulder.

He squeezed me so tight that I felt like the life was coming out of me. I didn't think I deserved this much affection after what I'd done. In fact feeling this from him felt strange in a way. I felt as if any minute I was going to break. I didn't encourage anything. I didn't know what to do, so I was weightless in his embrace, and said nothing. My heart still felt motionless in my chest. I tried to hold back the tears that wanted to come. A part of me wanted to push him away and be a grown up about all of this, but the kid in me wanted to let him make it all go away. But I knew better then to be that naïve.

My Dad held me for what felt like forever and for second I forgot everything that surrounded us, well almost everything.

I was very much aware of his eyes watching us from below, and I tried not to pay much attention to the pressure of his gaze but it was unavoidable. I felt vulnerable being watched by him, my heart breaking at the very thought, because he had seen everything that there was to see in me, and the fact that he was witness this made me want to crawl under a rock and never come up. So, unsuccessfully, I imagined he wasn't there. I imaged that I hadn't done anything wrong with him, and that it was all a terrible nightmare. If, however, this was a nightmare, I don't think I was going to be waking up any time soon.

It's just another thing I can't deny, I guess.

I felt my Dad pull away from me and stared me in the eyes, his own gold ones relieved yet furious at the same time. I looked down to my feet, afraid of what he was reading in my mind, and trying to think of what to say but I couldn't come up with anything.

How much did he know?

Did he know about what he had done to me? Probably, I'm sure he'd caught the story of my thoughts by now and had put the pieces together, and knowing that I felt even more mortified under his gaze.

I'm so sorry, Daddy. I thought, and peeked back up at him through my eyelashes to see his mouth in a tight line.

"We'll talk about it later, on the plane." He confirmed, making me want to die. "All that matters now is that you're safe…thank God you're safe." He took my face in his hands, cradling it as if it were china.

I wanted to smile at him, give him a sign of being happy he was here, but it seemed pulling my mouth up to do so was too exhausting.

After staring at me for a few more moments, Dad turned to glare at the figure on the ground, who was currently getting back up onto his feet.

"You." I heard a snarl coming from behind, whom I recognized to be the voice of Uncle Emmett.

I totally forgot he and Jasper were even there.

I turned my head to see that he was pointing at him, speaking through clenched teeth.

"I am going to tear off your balls and throw them in the sunlight to see if they sparkle!"

"Emmett…show some composure. I'm sure the boy knows exactly what's in store for him." Uncle Jasper said, raising his eyebrow warningly.

Something in my chest tightened at the thought of them hurting him, which confused me to no end. I should've wanted them to hurt him, to punish him for what he did, but the image of them doing so made me panic. It infuriated me. After all he'd done, I still didn't want him in harm's way? I tried to reason in my head that him getting hurt was just payback that I didn't care and to let them do whatever they wanted to him. He deserved that and more.

Yet, when Dad started stomping angrily towards him with fury in his posture and his teeth ready for attack, I heard a loud shriek, and realized it was coming from me.

"No, don't!" I cried out, shocked at the words that flew out of my mouth, my body shaking with fear.

My father looked back at me suddenly, and I saw a puzzled and concerned look on his face, I also couldn't help but glance at him, whose eyebrows pulled together in confusion, tilting his head at me.

Please stop looking at me. PLEASE.

I quickly tore my eyes off of him and looked back to Dad. I practically ran to him, placing a hand on his tense arm, trying to calm him down. It didn't phase him at all like I hoped.

"He's not worth it." I whispered, tugging on his arm to pull him away.

Dad continued to send glares, pretending not to hear me. He continued to gaze at me, and there was something soft behind the scarlet eyes I'd grown so fond of. I wished he wouldn't do that. His face then turned conflicted, probably wondering why I had spoken for him at all. In truth, I didn't really even know why I did myself. Perhaps if they hurt him, it'd be too easy for him, maybe I wanted him to think hard about how he'd hurt me. But then again, did he care? Had be been lying to me earlier about being sorry? I couldn't know, I didn't know what to believe anymore. I had most certainly not accomplished on finding out who I was, because as of present? I didn't want to know who I was, because who I'd been for the last two months, well, I was ashamed to call that girl me.

I had fallen right into the hand's of a monster, and I knew what he was all along. I think in a way, I was more disgusted with myself than I was with him. He was expected to do such things, but me? I had gone against everything I knew and believed. I grew up knowing of the Volturi and their selfishness, their hunger for power, and yet I still went to them. How could I be so reckless?

Staring into those scarlet eyes, I wondered if their owner had another gift besides paralyzing your senses. Maybe they cut off your judgment as well, seduced you, manipulated you. I was his victim, and I'd have to remember the feel of his touch forever.

"Lets go, Nessie." I heard my father finally mumble after a moment, no doubt inspecting more of my thoughts. That was one thing I didn't miss while I was away, the feeling of having no privacy.

Dad was beginning to pull me away, but I stopped him, making him even more surprised.

"Wait just a second, okay?" I asked, glancing over to Felix who was standing a few feet away.

Dad stiffened, but gave me a curt nod. I suspected I didn't have long to say my goodbyes, but that was the way I wanted it. The faster I could get away from this place the better.

I walked to Felix, and gave him a pathetic excuse of a smile, trying to be somewhat casual.

"I guess this is g-" I couldn't finish my sentence, for I was being gripped onto by Felix's huge arms. I hugged him back, not really needing to say anything else.

I did, although, hear a whisper coming from him.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry about everything…I know he is too."

His words hit me like a brick and made my chest swell. I didn't reply at first, not knowing how to answer something like that, so I just pulled back from his grasp and patted his back, much like I did on the first day we met.

Thinking about that day, I suddenly felt a tear slide off my face.

"These things just happen, right?" I quoted myself, and watched as he smiled lightly and ruffled up my hair.

"Take care of yourself, Little Nez."

I nodded, pretending not to be effected by the name 'Nez.' Coming from Felix, it wasn't so bad. Though, it was bad when I started walking away, and I felt a familiar, freezing cold hand touch my arm.

I froze, looking up at my uncles and father who tensed, ready for anything that happened next. I turned my face, to see him staring at me with pleading eyes. I quickly snatched my arm free, the feeling of his touch remaining. He had the nerve to touch me now, in front of my family, after everything that'd happened. He must have had balls made of steel after to do something like this, what with Uncle Emmett threatening to make them nonexistent.

"Nez, please don't leave this this…please…" He begged, as he stepped closer to me, only to have me back away. I stared at him for a moment or two, looking into his red eyes and I did the unthinkable. I turned around and started walking towards my family without so much as a word. It hurt, it hurt a lot, but what else was I suppose to do? Run to him and say tell him I forgave him? That'd be a lie, and I was done associating myself with lies. Not anymore.

"You have the necklace, Nez. I know you do, and that has to mean something!" I heard him yell from behind, but I didn't stop walking. I didn't want to hear his voice, his strangely calming and beautiful voice. I didn't want to look at him, up to his face taht reminded me of how much I'd loved him. I couldn't speak to him, because if I spoke it'd just turn into crying soon after. I just needed to get away from him, it was as simple as that.

Dad wrapped his arm around my shoulders, guiding me away as he looked back once more. I could have sworn I heard him mutter something as we all walked away, but I didn't care enough to listen intently.

It was strange, walking away from the place that'd been my home for two months; though it wasn't my home at all. My home was with my family and nowhere else. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to figure that out, but better late than never, I suppose.

As we arrived at the Galileo Galilei Airport, I said nothing. I made no attempt to ease any of my family's worries for me. My father already knew everything that happened, but out of respect for me, he didn't speak of it out loud. I was really grateful for that. Uncle Emmett tried to make me laugh a couple of times in the cab about me being braver than him for hanging out with the mod-squad but laughter never came from my end.

It wasn't physically possible. Uncle Jasper just sat by the window, saying nothing as well and from time to time he grave me a sad smile, as if to say he understood what I felt.

Though I knew that was possibly true, I didn't think he had to slightest I idea as to why I felt this way. But I'm sure if my father and he put their powers together they would figure it all out in no time.

Thank God they couldn't do that.

I wanted to be left alone in this sadness, which was really pathetic of me and made me feel weaker then I was, but I had no control over that. And all this for a boy?

But it wasn't just any boy, was it? He was it for me. I know now that I probably will never love someone like I loved him. Which is saying something considering it wasn't even real for him but I couldn't help it. He was the first person I ever felt that for. Maybe that makes me even more dumb for falling to quickly but he was perfect.

In every possible way he was perfect. We fought, it's true but there was something there. I know it.

Why do you do this to yourself, Renesmee? Trying to convince yourself that it was real? Stop kidding yourself, don't you get it?

IT. WAS. FAKE.

By the time we finally got to the airport, I wanted the plane we'd be boarding to crash. Daddy kept giving me tense glances, and I kept telling him to stop reading my mind if he didn't like what he found it in.

He left me alone after that.

After we arrived at the gate and was waiting for the plane to aboard I found myself sitting alone as my family made their calls to the rest of the Cullen crew. I was surprised at them for letting me have my space, but I guess they figured I'd been through hell today, what could possibly make it worse? I wasn't going anywhere, they knew that and I knew that. So giving me some air might actually help.

So I sat. I waited and contemplated on what to say to the rest of my family when we arrived only to find my mind wondering about the what ifs. For some unknown reason I found myself day-dreaming; imagining it all being real and he being here, kissing me and holding me in his arms. But the day-dreams were cut short, because it just intensified the pain.

What the hell was wrong with me?

Couldn't I go five seconds without thinking about him? Couldn't I go on and live my life as I should have in the beginning?

Couldn't I move on?

I was just about to go look for my dad when suddenly in the corner of my eye I saw a girl about my age staring right at me while bobbing her head up and down, or rather she looked like she was staring at me, when clearly she was in trance with her Ipod which from what I could tell had Stitch on the cover. That's right, she had a freaking Disney character on it.

What the crap?

The girl was no one I knew of course, but she gave the vibe of someone with a lot to say. I don't know it could be the way she was dressed but her whole demeanor just screamed, 'look at me, look at me!'

This girl was definitely someone in her own little world and at this moment I kind of envied her for it. I would do anything to be in my own world and far away from this place. The girl had long black silk hair, and light tan skin. Her eyes were big and brown and she wore a long, snug, blue-green t-shirt with a monster looking thing on it who was holding a heart. She also had on shorts, multicolored bracelets, and bright pink feather earrings that were the same color as the heart on the shirt.

As far as make up went the chick went pretty simple with a light pink shade on the lips and a little bit of black eyeliner.

I never been much of a makeup person, but from what I can tell the girl didn't need any of it.

She was young, pretty and completely oblivious to any of it. Though what she wasn't oblivious to was the male gender. I swear every man that walked past her got a smile or a whistle, along with a sparkle in her eyes that screamed, 'do me now.' She had no shame in it whatsoever.

I shuddered to think what she'd do if she saw my family. Knowing the human race, she'd take notice on how beautiful my dad and uncle's were. It was just their nature to gape at them, not that I can blame them. Vampires were just like that.

How embarrassing.

I tried not to pay much attention to the girl. She's clearly happy and having the time of her life checking out the guys in this place, and me?

I felt suffocated.

I was in my own mind again, wondering where my family is when suddenly I felt slender arms wrapped around me. My eyes widened and I thought about screaming when I looked over and saw it was the Ipod girl whose arms were wrapped around my torso. I flinched and just stared at her like she was insane.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked, trying to push the girl off as 'humanly' without hurting her. I was failing.

"Shhh, I'm doing what I'm told." the Ipod girl said simply, gripping on to me tighter, and I looked around to see if anyone took notice that this strange girl was attacking me.

No one shared a glance.

Ugh.

"That's nice and everything but no one told you to hug me."

"Your jacket practically screamed it!" the girl said, pointing and then turned her head to her seat, scowling at someone. "Hey, Dickhead, can't you see I'm hugging here? Don't touch my shit!"

I looked down to the jacket she was referring to and froze.

I was wearing the 'Free Hugs' jacket again. I closed my eyes and breathed through my nose. I could still see his annoying smirk on the night of our encounter in that unbearably small phone booth.

'The thing about foreplay, Nez, is it tends to lead to sex. Which could, in turn, stop the tension all together.'

My heart began to pound at the memory.

I really was so stupid. There at the time, thinking he was attracted to me and was just trying to get some pleasure out of the deal, when really he was just following orders! The thought of it was making want to cry, which I think the girl beside me noticed because she suddenly let go of me, and sat up straighter then before.

"Aw, Sweet-Cakes, don't cry. I know I got tits and no dick but a hug is a hug!" the girl said, and I couldn't help but crack a smile.

It felt so strange and out of place and it felt like I shouldn't be smiling at all, but how could I not? This complete stranger was thinking I was upset because she had boobs and not a male part and here I was upset because I was a moron who fell for a master plan.

"Oh damn, I'm sorry! I tend to be a little forward, you're not a virgin, are you?"

I gaped at her and she smiled.

"…Oh my gravy, you are aren't you?"

I bit my lip and looked down at my hands because it just felt like the thing to do when you're ashamed. Her words were screaming in my head. I wanted to lie, to say that I was and that he never touched me. But the truth was he did, and the more I thought about it the more I felt sick. I thought I was losing my virginity to someone who cared and that it meant something to him, when really he always intended us to have sex.

So, no. I wasn't a virgin. There was no point in pretending on my part. At least one of us is honest.

All thanks to him.

I tensed instantly. "No….no I'm not."

"I bet he was a hot catch, wasn't he? He's probably better then my de-virginizer. He actually called me someone else's name; the douche." the girl said so causally.

I continued to stare at her, baffled at her serious case of word vomit. Though I got the feeling this wasn't something that happened to her on rare occasions. Whoever this young woman was, she definitely didn't have any problems speaking her mind. In my opinion, losing your virginity was something that shouldn't be rambled to with strangers, but I guess she had a different version of strangers than I did.

My lack of responding to her only made her laugh, and I returned an uneasy chuckle, not knowing what else to do. She reached into her purse and pulled out a pack of Juicy Fruit gum, and offered me a piece. I smiled again, taking the gum and thanked her.

"No problem. I'm a gum addict…among other things." She cocked an eyebrow, a mischievous look in her eyes, one I knew all too well. "My name is Duckie, what's yours?"

Upon sticking the gum in my mouth, I almost spat it back out from the coughing. Her name was what now?

"Duckie?" I repeated, making sure I hadn't heard her wrong. She rolled her eyes playfully, confirming it.

"When I was younger, my grandma made me watch Pretty in Pink with her over and over, and Duckie was like my hero. Sooner or later, everyone started calling me that." Duckie explained, shrugging nonchalantly.

I nodded, and pretended to know what Pretty in Pink was. I assumed it was some movie or tv show, but it was one that I had never heard of nor watched.

Duckie crossed on leg over the other and shoved in a second piece of gum in her mouth, glancing back towards me.

"So, what're you called?"

I hesitated before answering, wondering which ridiculous name I should give her. I decided to give her the honest answer and tell her what I was called.

"Nessie." I said, only it came out more like a confession.

She scrunched up her nose, not hiding the fact that she didn't like the sound of it.

"Ew…"she mumbled, then quickly widened her eyes when she saw my frown.

I was well aware of how stupid my nickname sounded to people, why wouldn't it? I was given the name from Jacob shortly after I was born. However, I was never able to understand why he had chosen that name for me. The Loch Ness Monster? Is that what he thought of me? I thought not; but still, sometimes I took it to heart. Plus, the name 'Nessie' wasn't exactly the most elegant of names.

I chuckled bitterly, glancing over at Duckie who seemed to feel bad. I shrugged, trying to put her at ease.

"Don't worry about it."

"I'm really sorry. I have this thing where I can't stop myself from saying what I'm thinking, and most of the time I really wouldn't give a shit about insulting someone but for some reason I sort of feel bad for you and I don't even know why. But that's not the point, the point is…" she stopped, looking as though she was trying to find the right words. "The point is, you have an ugly ass name, but I'm most certain that doesn't define who you are as a person, correct? So, as long as you don't start babbling about sea creatures, I'm sure we'll get along great!"

She seemed to carefree and bubbly while she said this, and I had to laugh at her sincerity. But as soon as the laughter escaped my lips, I froze, aware of the reason why I shouldn't have been laughing. Him.

Somehow, he always seemed to creep up in my thoughts, no matter what the subject was. I despised him for that. I wasn't even out of Italy yet and I was already starting to miss little things about him. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach, disgusted that I had to admit to myself that I allowed myself to be so vulnerable, even now. It still felt like he had some kind of hold on me, something that was pulling me back, suffocating me.

Duckie noticed how tense I was, and gave me a small, sympathetic smile.

Was I that freaking obvious? Did I have something tattooed on my forehead that screamed I was in misery over some guy? I guess so, because she started shaking her head and sighed.

"I have this theory that some women are lesbians because they're tired of the shit that comes from the male species. I mean, what's up with these slime balls anyways? Damn, if I wasn't so keen on the pleasures that come from a joystick, I would probably be gay… But what can I say? We all have our vices, am I right?"

I grinned, nodding in agreement. Duckie seemed to have a way of saying the most inappropriate things but still made her point quite clear. And as much as I tried not to, I started giggling again after a moment, unable to hide the fact that she was amusing.

"How old are you?" I asked, because she obviously had a lot of experience when it came to sex. She looked old enough to be eighteen or so, but she shocked me when she gave me the answer.

"Sixteen," she shrugged, then smirked at me. "Now, don't look at me that way. You're no innocent nor older than I am, except maybe a year or two. You can't be older than seventeen, am I right?"

I nodded, but the truth of the matter was she was nine years older than me. Of course, I couldn't exactly tell her that, though she would probably just laugh it off as a joke if I did.

I tried to change the subject then, not wanting to discuss age, see as how I never would.

"Where are you headed?" I asked casually, attempting at small talk, but then realized that it really wasn't any of my business. But after hearing about her sex life, there really didn't seem like there was a lot that this girl wouldn't tell me.

"ATL, GA, baby!" Duckie practically sang, and I cocked an eyebrow.

"Atlanta, Georgia? That's where I'm going. I mean, I'm not staying there, we just have a layover on our way to Washington." I explained, perplexed at the odds that we were headed the same place. It was like fate was playing a really sick joke on me.

"Holy moly! I guess that means we're going to be on the same flight, eh? What are the odds that would-" Duckie stopped speaking abruptly. I saw that her mouth was hung open and her eyes were blinking. I followed her gaze, wondering what had made her stop her from talking, and rolled my eyes when I saw it was my dad and uncles.

Figures.

The three of them were walking towards us. Dad raised an eyebrow at me, curious about my newly found friend.

"Oh…my…gravy. Who are those spectacular creatures?" I heard Duckie mutter, and I peeked a glance to see Emmett hiding a smile as they stopped in front of us. It was pretty freaking obvious that he heard her, given his vamp hearing and all. It seemed he was feeling pretty proud of himself, which is kind of expected, yet embarrassing at the same time.

I was used to girls swooning over the men in my family, especially my father, which really disturbed me to an extent. In fact, it was quite gross. And don't even get me started on when I see teenage boys and old men checking out my mother. I always have the urge to beat them up for some reason, because it was just wrong. But call me naïve when I say I was hoping Duckie was different, then again she never gave me a reason to believe otherwise. She liked men, and she showed it with every word she spoke.

Ugh.

I sighed and tried not to express the fact that I was annoyed. I looked at my family, their eyes glancing between the girl and myself. I cringed at what my father could possibly be reading inside her head at the moment.

"Hey guys…" I mumbled, fiddling with my sleeves. Dad quirked a eyebrow at me and shook my head, figuring out what he silently was asking.

I have no clue. She just randomly hugged me.

My father chuckled silently that only a vampire could hear and the corner of his lips curved slightly.

"Nessie, the plane's about to aboard. Do you have your things?" My father asked me, and I just nodded.

Once my family departed from us to find a seat in the area, Duckie's hand was on my arm, gripping and hitting me with excitement.

"YOU. SPILL. NOW." she said, gasping as she fanned herself with her left-hand. I tried to laugh but it didn't come, once again. It was like I wanted to on the outside but, damn it if my insides didn't allow it to happen.

I was such a failure at living.

"They're just my brothers." I answered simply, as I shrugged, giving her the answer that my Dad and Mom practically programmed me to say whenever the question was to be asked. I mean, I couldn't very well tell people that the seventeen looking guy over there with the bronze mess of a hair was my biological father, could I? With me looking sixteen myself? Yeah, I'd be pulled away and into a mental hospital. So brothers they were in the public's eyes. They wouldn't know any differences. Besides, my dad and I looked enough a like to pull it off. The others? Not so much. Adoption was the answer to that problem.

"Your blood-related to sex-on legs over there? You do realize that I just hit the effin' jackpot here right? Give me the deets, is he single? Gay? Womanizer? Does he like it on top, bottom, back or front? I want to know what that sex-god eats for freaking breakfast, okay? Because let me tell you, I'm so wanting to tap that and find out! Shit, I'll tap them all if their offered." Duckie said, practically wiping the drool from her chin.

I really had to wonder in what culture would it be okay for a sister to know those things about her brothers, but I figured that was just Duckie's personality. Ask now, think later? I didn't know her that long but she made it pretty clear that she was blunt about sex, and with that in mind, I had to keep from gagging.

Poor girl doesn't have a clue. I mean hello; she was eye-screwing my father here!

EW!

I tried to regain composure over the ordeal, but I have to say, I was feeling pretty scarred here. Just listening to her ramble about my dad's sex life. As far as I was concerned, it was non-existence. Maybe that was immature of me and I was in denial but really? The only proof of my parents getting it on was them having me, and even that is something I tend to block out from my mind. The only reason I knew sex even existed was because Uncle Emmett said he had to explain the 'birds and the bees.' My mother wasn't too happy about how he described it in detail but I didn't see her jumping at the chance to explain it, when I came of age. Still, I felt dumbfound and obviously grossed out sitting here with Duckie, even when I opened my mouth to speak, no words were coming out and it was getting kind of annoying.

I tried to gain control over my thoughts and tried think of what a sister would say in this situation but the only brother and sister interaction I've ever witness besides my uncles and aunts was the torture twins, and maybe I'm wrong but those two weren't normal siblings to me.

God, why did my mind always come back to him?

Stupid, heartless, unlovable prick!

"You know, I bet you he's nice in size. Probably every girl's orgasmic-dream. Mm. " Duckie just said, sounding as if she tasted something like baked goods or something. I looked away and closed my eyes.

I think I just threw up in my mouth.

"You do realize your talking about my brother right? That it's actually pretty gross-"

"Oh Hun, relax. I'm not asking you to measure his dick here."

Yep. Definitely throwing up later.

"Well, Edward's taken. Very taken. In fact, they're in talks of marriage in the future." I said, matter-of-factly, my voice not skipping a beat. I swear, I might as well be holding a damn sign or getting it tattooed on my forehead, screaming:

'He turned her into a vampire so he could be with her for entirety. How's that for serious?'

I don't know why but I felt like since my Mom's not here and all to defend what's hers I should do my part. Lord knows I would of done the same thing if it was-

Crap.

I closed my eyes and breathed, the ache in my heart swelling as I stopped my train of thought. Is this what it was going to be like now? Everything I did, or thought it would always come back to him? And his stupid red eyes?

I mean, I couldn't even mention his own name now. What the hell is wrong with me? I hadn't thought of his name since the moment I said bye to him. Did that make me a pansy? Weak in any way? Gosh I hope not. I didn't want to be weak. I wanted to scream how happy I was, because then it would seem like he didn't hurt me at all. And he did. He hurt me so freaking much, and I hated myself for it.

"Too bad, he could of be-Oh, my Gosh! Where did you get that!" Duckie said, bringing out of my trance.

I tilted my head in confusion, trying to figure out what the hell she was talking about when suddenly, she reached over and pulled the chain around my neck.

My eyes widened in fear, and my heart stopped completely.

His words playing over and over in my head.

You have the necklace, Nez. I know you do, and that has to mean something!

"It's beautiful! Where did you get it? I was looking at a necklace just like that the other day only, it wasn't engraved or anything…. 'I love you, Nez'…whose Nez?"

My eyes felt like they popped out of my face, as body began to shake. As the nickname came from her mouth, I could feel tears pooling.

What?

I snatched the necklace from her hands quickly, and tilted my head as looked at it closely, my heart breaking at the words.

Sure enough, it had those exact words on the back. The exact words that I wish could be real.

Oh, he was good.

I felt multiple emotions build inside of me now.

Hurt. Betrayal. Hatred.

Every feeling I was having at the moment was fused into me, causing me to be livid.

Did he really buy me a necklace and everything just to please Aro? He probably spent like fifty cents on this piece of shit token. I bet he was laughing when he bought it too, enjoying the sick pleasure in knowing he slept with me. Or maybe he bought it before we even left in the yacht.

Oh God, please make the pain stop. Please just make it go away. PLEASE.

I had to get rid of it. I had to get out of here. I had to…to…

"Nessie?"

I looked up at the sound of my name, my face streaming with tears.

My father standing there with a worried look on his face.

"The plane's boarding. Are you okay?"

I scoffed and stood up, giving Duckie a apologetic smile. She smiled back encouragingly as if she knew exactly what was on my mind, about the damn necklace.

Only no one knew. And those who did, didn't understand any of it. I started walking to the gate's door, my father and my uncle's right behind me, Duckie smiling happy at my uncles' asses, as she stood in line also. With each step I took though, I felt my heart breaking. But I had to be strong. I had to not let him break me entirely. Things like this happened all the time to people. I've seen movies, read books where the girl was tricked and it all ended well for them, why was I so different?

I mean sure, they ended up with the prick at the end but I wasn't like that. I was a one way street. Once you go there with me, you can't turn around and go again. That's the one thing I couldn't understand about the chicks in stories. Why they forgave and so easily forgot. Hell, even if I saw his face now, I'd tell him to go to hell.

At least I think I would.

Walking on the plane was easy enough, I sat in the mid-section and made myself comfortable, or tried to. I glanced out the window a lot. Looking at the sky and I couldn't help but wonder what the Volturi were doing.

Maybe I was being stupid, but I half expected to see his face out this window. Which is so stupid considering I just thought I was going to be different now.

I'm so pathetic.

As I sat there and rested my head against the window, I suddenly realized that my body felt extremely heavy, my arms feeling as though I had just ran a marathon. What did I do to deserve this discomfort?

Oh right, never mind.

I tried not to cry. I really did, but once I looked down and saw the silver sea-shell around my neck, feeling like it weighed more then it actually did, I couldn't contain it anymore.

I just began to sob.

My breathing was coming out in gasps; my heart hurting. And my eyes just couldn't produce enough tears could they?

I felt like someone had came and ripped my heart out of my chest; literally and no one would ever understand any of it.

I felt like I was crying for a long time, when I felt a presence sitting beside me. I turned over and saw my father. His face showed concern, which I hated.

I'm not a baby. You don't have to come and check up on me, Dad. My inner-voice said, the tone loud and stern, which was exactly the opposite of how I actually felt.

I tried to wipe away the tears away, wanting to make it seem like I was strong, when I felt my father's hand reach over and grip the necklace in his hand, his eyes narrowing on it.

"Nez..." He said in a gentle voice. I flinched at him saying the name out loud, wanting so badly to crawl under something and never come up.

But I guess that wasn't a option.

"It's what he called me." I said, pulling the necklace off my neck and shoving it at him.

If he wanted it so bad, he could have it. It meant nothing to me now. It was just a burden I forgot to give back.

I closed my eyes, as I slumped in the seat. My eyes quickly darting out the window in a effort to avoid his judgmental gaze, but of course I could feel pressure regardless.

After a moment I thought he was giving me the silent treatment, but then he shocked the crap out of me when he spoke, his voice calm and endearing.

"How is it possible?" He asked. I turned a look at him, his eyes were looking down the necklace, his thumb brushing against the hidden words.

"How's what possible?"

He narrowed his eyes at me, and motioned to the necklace. My heart dropped in my stomach.

"How is it that a man whose grown to detest all of the human species, finds it within himself to give such a gift as this to you? I've seen what's in his mind, and I still don't understand."

I shrugged.

"There's nothing to understand." I said simply, wiping my nose dry. I thought about when he gave it to me, the night we spent together, the way he kissed me and had me in his arms all night.

My heart bleed at the memory.

"It was fake, you know that. The gift was a prop to get me into his b-"

I suddenly stopped talking, and tried to stop thinking too, completely forgetting that it was dad I was talking to here and not Duckie, who I could see was ogling at Uncle Emmett a couple of seats a way from us. Emmett wasn't even paying the littlest attention. I felt my father's hand on the arm of the chair tighten beside me. His body tense and a hiss breaking out from his lips. I was pissing him off I'm sure, but there was no way to deny it with Edward Cullen.

His daughter wasn't a virgin anymore and he knew all about it.

SHIT!

"Dad, I…uh….the yacht- I mean, what he and I did, it was- I mean-"

Damn it, I couldn't even get the words out. I was practically shaking!

"We'll talk about it when we get home." he said, trying to control himself. I gave him a weak smile, and looked out my window again.

"Renesmee…."

I turned a look at my dad, confused, when suddenly he pulled me into his chest. His arms gripped on to me tight that made it hard for me to stop the tears. I was so tried of fighting them so, I just let them come this time, just wanting this whole nightmare to go away.

I guess I'm not that lucky.

"Don't you ever, and I mean EVER run away like that again. If you didn't want Jacob, all you had to do is say so. He'll live." Dad said as he comforted me, though it did no good.

I nodded, finding it freaking hilarious that out of all people telling me not to run away, it was the guy who left my mom all those years ago broken. It must be genetics or something, because the more I thought it the more I realized I was becoming like my parents. Who in their right would want that though?

I felt my Dad stiffen and I sighed. I really had to control my thoughts around him. I was so use to having my own privacy that I forgot what it's like to have someone always dissecting your brain. After take off, I finally found sleep. It wasn't the best sleep on the planet but I welcomed the darkness that consumed me. It was relaxing. Peaceful. The only complaint I had was the dreams; they all involved his face. His beautiful, angelic face. The lips that I would never feel again and the eyes I will never look into as I made love to him.

In other words the dreams were definitely a problem, and I prayed to God that it wasn't a forever thing, because if that were the case, I'd never be free of him. Every time I closed my eyes I saw him, and every time I saw him, I shed a tear.

It came to the point where I gave up all together. I stayed up, talking some to Duckie, avoiding the subject of guys and to my surprised it was easier then expected. Duckie was full of life and adventure. I learned a lot about her considering how barely knew eachother, like how she liked giving nicknames, and what her family did for a living. I also learned that she hated her real name and when I asked what it was she refused to say. Basically, the girl told me all the details that made Duckie, well….Duckie. She helped a lot when I couldn't sleep, passing the time. My Dad seemed pretty thankful for her presence for the most part, even if he did mention once or twice that she made him uncomfortable. The only reason that probably was, is because Duckie imagined him in the nude a lot. He didn't say that upfront but some things don't need to be said in order to be a fact.

Sadly though as much as I loved talking to this odd girl, my mind always wondering back to Italy, no matter how hard I tried to stop it. I wondered what he was doing and what he must think of me now. Was he laughing?

Well, that would make one of us.

Arriving in Georgia went by fast. It was kind of sad really. I liked Duckie, and the idea of flying the rest of the way home from the south alone made me really depressed, but it perked up when Duckie handed me her cell phone number and told her she could easily come to visit, seeing as how her parents didn't give a shit. As we departed, she smiled brightly and told me from now on I was to be called Cookie and nothing else from her. I smiled in return, liking that idea. I thought about asking her why she wanted to call me that, but thought it best not to bother. She had her reasons.

I was definitely going to call her again, because even though it was a bad idea to get close to a human when your family is a coven of vampires, I needed someone to keep my mind at ease, and that's exactly what Duckie did the whole way to the U.S.

Once we said our goodbyes and I finally found my way home, I'm not going to lie, I was getting kind of scared.

Dealing with my father was one thing, but dealing with the women in my family plus Jake, was totally different. Not that I was worried about Jake too much, seeing as how he was getting busy with his Beta and all but still, he was family. And my family was beyond pissed with me, with good reason of course.

Of course the moment I saw my mother running towards me when we pulled into the driveway away kind of melted all the worry away.

She was just so happy.

"Renesmee! I'm so happy you're home!" she said, practically throwing me on the ground with her hug. I wrapped my arms around her tight, finding it really hard to breathe but I didn't care. I missed her so much! And I didn't realize how much till now, which is stupid but what can I say? I was distracted.

See, there I go again always going back to the habit.

After a moment of not being able to breath my mom finally let me go, her eyes never leaving my face. I studied her, taking it all in. I smiled at her through the tears that were again, falling onto my cheeks. I was just so relieved to be home again.

"How could you leave us like that? What were you thinking?" Mom snapped, gripping on to my arms. I really didn't feel like answering her though so I just shrugged, which she didn't like. But I think deep down she knew what was up, and understood, so she didn't say anything.

"I mean gosh, Nessie. When we found out you were gone, I nearly felt like I was dying again! I understand you want your space but next time give us more warning. I had to keep telling your father to relax and let you make your mistakes and do you understand how hard it was for me to do that? Not just for him, but for me also?"

I nodded, still not talking much.

"Now before we go in there where the party is, do we need to discuss this other problem? What happened with Alec, is he here with you or something?"

I winced and my Dad cut in thankfully.

"Not today, Bella." he said, his voice low and calm, which shocked me considering he was probably still mad at me.

My mom looked at me for just a second before pulling me into a hug, holding me tighter then before. My chest ached. I know I probably should of realized this sooner but it just hit me like a ton of bricks. My Mom was looking at herself in me at this moment, and with that in my mind I wanted to get away as fast as I could, only I couldn't find the strength to fight my mom off. So I just stood there, broken and in need of a repair.

My mother, the bravest woman I knew. Isabella Marie Swan Cullen was no stranger to heartache, I knew this. Perhaps on some level she could relate to me, but I knew it wasn't the same story.. Dad hadn't used her like he used me. I didn't want anyone to compare me to anyone, or say they understood because they didn't. My mom got my dad back, he didn't purposely sleep with her to please his creator. Uncle Emmett and Aunt Rose has been together forever and Uncle Jasper and Aunt Alice?

They were stuck like peanut butter and jelly.

Me?

I was just plain old bread, that not even my so-called imprinter wanted me anymore.

I felt so beyond pathetic.

I was about to start sobbing again when I saw the faces of my family appear over my mom's shoulder on the front porch.

Alice, Rosalie, Esme and Carlisle.

Esme and Carlisle smiled warmly at me, and I couldn't help but feel relieved they weren't too upset with me. Alice was practically bouncing with excitement, and Rose stood with a hard expression on her picture perfect face. I looked around for Jacob, expecting him more than anyone to be here greeting me. I was wrong, because he was nowhere to be seen. I felt a twinge of regret, wondering if I shouldn't have been so harsh with him the other day on the yacht.

I tensed as I remembered his words to me.

'How do you know this guy doesn't have an alternate motive, a master plan up his sleeve? There's a good possibility he's just using you!

For all you know, he's just playing with you for a good lay so he can joke about it later.

Well, I hope you have fun when he sucks the life out of you!'

Jacob always knew, he knew half way around the world without even knowing who he was. Me? Well, I was busy living my harlequin fantasy, just like he said.

I lost my train of thought once my mother let go of me and we started to head inside the house. Once inside, everyone hugged me and told me how much they missed me, well everyone except for Aunt Rose, who was still scowling. I tried to avoid her glares but they seemed to burn my skin, and after a while I couldn't stand it anymore.

I swung around to look at her in the eyes, and sighed.

"If you want to kick me, Aunt Rose, you should probably just do it while I'm still on the ground. I know you're dying to tell me how stupid and irresponsible I've been." I spat, sounding more harsh than I had intented. I didn't have any patience for this crap, so if she wanted to bitch me out, she should just do it and stop sending me death glares.

"Renesmee..." I heard Dad mumble by my side, obviously warning me to keep my cool.

"No. She's right, Edward. I'm not going to sugarcoat it for her and say that everything is alright because it's not." said Rose, speaking for the first time since I arrived. "She has put us through hell worrying about her, and she never even considered that when she ran away to those killers!"

"Rosalie, there is a time and place for this..." Carlisle intervened, putting his hand on her shoulder. "Renesmee must be exhausted right now from her trip and-"

"Stop babying her, Carlisle. You know better than anyone what the Volturi are cabable of!" Rose hissed, fliching away from his touch.

"Rose, please..." Esme pleaded, and only now I realized she had her arm around me. If there was anyone who would defend me with the most sincerity, it would be her. I was comforted by her presence, but still, I couldn't help but feel needles jabbing my skin at Rose's venomous words.

"Carlisle is right, Rose. Just give her some space, alright?" Emmett said.

"No one is willing to say this, so I will. Renesmee was very foolish to go there and fall into the hands of that arrogant bastard, Alec. Did she not remember about how HE was part of the coven that tried to kill her! HE tried to use his ability against her? Did she not heave any of our warnings throughout the years, or was she really that dense!"

I was trembling in Esme's arms, feeling my chin quivering and my eyes stinging. What she said hurt, because it was true. Every word of it. I was dense, and stupid for going to the Volturi of all places. Stupid for trusting him of all the guards, stupid for letting myself get caught up in all of it. He blinded me in every way possible. He took me over, and I was weak for letting him. I should have been stronger and said no. I should have left the minute I got there. I should have never left home in the first place. I was better off with allowing Jacob to express his feelings for me, if he ever had any in the first place.

I felt a lump rise in my throat, and thought I was going to be sick.

I heard a growl and turned to see it was Mom. She was crouched slightly, and she was stiff as a board. I'd seen that posture, that posture meant she was ready to attack. That posture always freaked me out. The way her teeth were visible and prepared; I felt scared for Rose.

"Despite your best efforts, Renesmee is my child. So, I would appreciate it if you kept your mouth shut when it concerns correcting my daughter in the future. Got it?" Mom said in a raised voice through clenched teeth.

Soon after that, everyone started talking at once. Their voices were like a ring in my ears; never ending. They were all talking so fast I couldn't keep up. Once in a while I managed to make out something one of them said.

"Guys, c'mon! Lets just-"

"Everyone calm down-"

"You have NO right to-"

"What she does is her business-"

"You don't think he didn't know what he was-"

"God knows what she was doing-"

"Aro probably loved it-"

"She put her heart on the line and for what-"

"You don't know what you're talking about-"

"I LOVE ALEC!"

Everyone stopped talking then and all turned to look at me, who apparently had screamed out. I blinked, realizing what I'd said, whose name I'd said. His name. I said I loved him, I screamed it. To my family, no less. Was it true? Yes, it was. The next thing I knew, my eyes were fluttering, and blackness seemed to welcome me with open arms. My body began to feel heavy and weak, and before I realized what was happening, I passed out onto the ground, hearing one word in my head before I blacked out completely.

Alec.

And everyday after that, his name haunted me.

Writer's Note: Okay, so we know this took a while...but when doesn't it take a while? LOL. Hope you liked it, it's sad but...it had to be done. The honeymoon phase is over and it's time for them to face reality and crap. So anyways...check out Duckie and Nez's outfits! A link is on our profile! :) Hope you like Duckie, because she isn't going anywhere! :D Love you guys and make sure to review! Muah!

~IITM