Chapter 21

Location: Home

Day & Time: Monday, 19.32

The drive home had been quite, JJ had looked out of the window her mind wandering slightly. Things hadn't improved much once they had gotten home, Henry had stayed close to them both, but he was still withdrawn.

Amy was sat curled up into JJ's side as they watched TV. Emily had tried small talk with JJ but her wife had closed herself off as though she was not fully there with them.

"I will just go and put little man to bed" Emily said softly as she scooped him up into her arms, not one of them seemed to acknowledge her as she made her way out of the room.

"Mama?" Henry said quietly, "Yes," Emily said as she took him upstairs, "Mommy staying?" Emily could not help the tears that pricked her eyes. "Yes darling, she is staying" Henry nodded slightly, "You staying?" Henry asked as he looked at Emily, she gave a weak smile not answering him as she placed a kiss on his cheek, "I love you so much Henry" Emily whispered as he nodded against her.

Emily made her way back down stairs, she looked sadly at JJ as she made her way into the kitchen turning the coffee machine on. Emily would admit she would have loved a glass of wine, just something to take her mind away for just a little while.

JJ made her way into the kitchen without Emily noticing, "Emily?" JJ said softly, she was so unsure of herself, she felt dirty and part of her worried about what Emily thought of her. Emily turned around looking JJ straight in the eyes as she spoke. "Hey darling, would you like a drink?" Emily asked, JJ nodded as she studied Emily for a moment, deep chocolate eyes swirled with love and understanding as she made her way over.

She wanted to scream the hurt and pain she felt inside was like a volcano waiting to erupt, emotions she had held in for so long, she had missed so much, and yet here she was the safety of her home with a woman she knew would go to hell and back for her.

"How much trouble are you in?" JJ asked sadly, she felt guilty, JJ knew on some level Emily had abandoned her undercover job, part of her was grateful and the other part of her worried about what laid in store for her wife.

Emily shrugged in truth she just wasn't sure, she knew she had to do a write up and report what she had found out but in truth all she cared about right now was JJ. She came first like she always had done, but she knew her family needed her and she knew no matter what happened to her they would be fine. "I don't know Jennifer, Hotch is calling around at some point tomorrow to talk to me, so we will just take it from there" Emily smiled softly at her before turning to pour the coffee.

JJ took the coffee mug, "I am so sorry" JJ said as she looked sadly at Emily, Emily gave a loving smile though her face was serious as she made her way around the small island in the kitchen, so she was facing JJ, she placed her hand lovingly on her cheek. JJ could not help the action as she flinched slightly.

"I want you to listen to me Jennifer; none of this was your fault, none of it. I will deal with anything they throw at me as long as you are safe that is all that matters to me. I am just so sorry I didn't know or find you sooner darling," Emily said honestly. "And I would and will do it again," Emily said, causing JJ to smile for the first time since she had been found. "I love you so much Jennifer."

JJ nodded slightly, as Emily moved giving JJ her space, she had yet to tell Emily she loved her, but right now she just didn't know what she felt, dirty and lost came to mind but she knew she needed Emily more now than she ever had done and with Emily's soft smile she knew that Emily understood, though she could tell it hurt her slightly.

Amy bid them goodnight though JJ had insisted on following her upstairs and checking her window making sure no one would be able to come in, "Amy please keep it shut," JJ pleaded she knew that sometimes Amy would open the window if she got too hot or wanted to look out at the sky. "I promise Mom" Amy said softly as she got into her bed.

JJ pulled the covers over her as she had done so many times when she was younger and Amy right now did not protest. Her Mom was scared right now, and deep down Amy wondered whom she was more scared for or of. JJ placed a kiss on her forehead "Night princess" JJ whispered softly "Night Mom" Amy said as she watched her leave her room.

Emily had made her way upstairs as she met JJ on the landing. "Is the alarm on?" JJ asked, Emily could see the panic and worry which laced her eyes. "Yes darling it is" Emily smiled softly "I have brought our phones up as well" JJ frowned slightly. Emily ignored it slightly as she made her way into their bedroom knowing that JJ would not be far behind her.

"Emily, can you hold me?" JJ asked as she looked down at the floor, "You never need to ask that Jen" Emily said as she started to undress pulling out her sleepwear. JJ swallowed slightly as she watched her wife, for some reason she did not feel comfortable she was so unsure, as she grabbed her sleepwear before walking into the bathroom closing the door behind her.

Emily's heart broke slightly it was in this moment Emily realised just how scared and uncomfortable her wife was, she just hoped it would improve in time and Emily was in no rush.

Time: 02.13

Emily had finally managed to drift off into a light sleep, she had spent the few hours they had gone to bed just watching JJ praying that no nightmares came, the soft whimpers could be heard as her body shook slightly, and her eyes slowly opened as the big red light told her the time.

The soft whimpers could be heard again. JJ's body trembled beside her, "Jennifer," Emily said softly as she leaned up on her elbow so she was able to look at her.

JJ's face showed she was in the mists of a nightmare as her face screwed up in pain, "Jen, darling wake up" Emily said a little louder hoping to wake her, she flinched away from the voice.

Emily looked on sadly as she went to rest her hand on JJ's shoulder in a hope to wake her, the last thing Emily wanted to do was scare her. "Your safe darling," Emily whispered, "Your safe darling, I need you to wake up baby" Emily said again.

The sweat rolled off JJ's face as she flinched again her body shaking more at her touch, she waited for the pain to start, and she could hear their voices as though they were right in front of her, but their faces were burly as she struggled to focus on them.

"Where are you" JJ let out in a whimper the tears now flowing down her face. She could feel the soft touch on her skin but her eyes still tried to focus on the people, which were in front of her they seemed to move further away though the soft firm hand on her skin never altered. "I've got you darling, come back to me" the voice pulled her mind slightly as she began to stir slightly, JJ flinched again as she began to wake.

Loving brown eyes watched her as hazy blue orbs looked at her, "I've got you darling it is just a nightmare they can't hurt you anymore," Emily said softly as she held JJ's eyes in her own.

"Emily?" JJ questioned her mind could not remember if Emily was truly here or was her mind now playing a cruel trick on her. The smell, which she knew, hit her senses, "It's me baby," Emily whispered as she could see the look of confusion and fear swirling inside.

Emily lifted her hand resting it softly on JJ's cheek, she gave a soft smile as JJ flinched slightly "It's just me darling" she whispered again, JJ nodded as she leaned into the soft touch of her wife.

Her skin was sticky with sweat as she shivered, feeling the cool chill against her. "Let me go and put the shower on for you" Emily said firmly as she looked at JJ. JJ nodded as the soft and secure touch of Emily left her body.

The fear of being alone over took her as she followed Emily on shaky legs, "Don't leave me" JJ said her dull eyes filled with tears as Emily turned to look at her. "I am not going anywhere Jennifer I promise." JJ nodded as the water reached up to the correct temperature so it would warm JJ's cold body.

Emily smiled as she backed away from the shower cubical "Do you want me to go while you have a shower?" Emily asked. JJ shook her head as she began to remove her clothes, Emily for her part gave the blonde as much space as she could as her eyes drifted over her golden skin.

JJ let the water wash over her though her eyes never left Emily's form, part of her was making sure Emily was still there and the other was part of her was making sure she didn't come near her.

She needed Emily so badly but her mind was still telling her it was a cruel trick that this was a dream, that this was all a dream and she would wake up back in the hell she had known for seven weeks.

However, she would take the comfort that was being offered. JJ could only pray it was not a dream; the haze of the nightmare was still playing in her mind as she turned the taps off before stepping out of the shower.

Emily pulled the warmed towel off the heater handing it to her as JJ wrapped it around herself, she could smell the scent of her wife and the warmth, as she looked at her numbly. "Is this a dream?" JJ asked her voice held unshed tears and fear.

Emily smiled softly at her, she knew JJ was still trapped in her mind, but she was safe and all Emily could do right now was reassure her that she was safe. "No darling, it is not a dream, you are home I promise." JJ nodded as she walked over to Emily allowing her strong safe arms to wrap around her. "Let's get you back in bed darling," Emily said as she pulled a very withdrawn JJ close to her body hoping the heat of her body would give some comfort.