A/N: New update: Hi everyone, here comes a new chapter! I still have a lot of ideas, now I just need to write them down.
I'm sorry about the way I cut the chapter, but I had to, otherwise it would have been too long.
If you have enough time, you can tell me what you'd like to see happen next. Maybe I'll include some of your ideas! ;)
Thank you to all the followers and reviewers!
Enjoy your reading, and please don't forget to let me know what you think!
Chapter 20
She nodded as she lifted two thumbs up in the air, but her smile instantly disappeared from her face when she turned on her heels. She headed towards the elevator once again, more out of instinct than anything else, lost in her thoughts. She had no idea how their casual conversation had led her there, about to buy flowers that might very well be thrown at her face later. If she was completely honest with herself, she had already decided to see Liara when she had set a foot outside her ship. The flowers could only help her and were a good way to let Liara know she still appreciated her and made the prospect of the meeting a little more bearable. Yet, she couldn't help but feel terribly anxious. A hundred questions were running about her brain, stupid questions that made her worry more than necessary. It wasn't simple stress. It was true fear. She feared that she would look stupid if she came up with a fake smile, a pitiful bunch of flowers in her moist hands and beads of sweat rolling down her temples. She feared that she might stutter and lose herself in a meaningless speech that would bore the hell out of the only person she wanted to seduce. She feared that Liara would laugh at her face – be it by pure amusement or bitter mockery. She feared that Liara would simply say nothing and walk away, as if she were just an invisible ghost.
After all, she hadn't spoken to her in weeks. She didn't know the extent of what Liara had learnt about her, she didn't know if Shepard had been cruel enough to reveal her darkest secrets. Going to see Liara with a bouquet as if nothing had changed after their last meeting was like going in an arena where she was bound to face an enemy she knew nothing about. She would have to adapt immediately once she would finally see what Liara really thought about her, and the worst part was that Willis had not a damn clue on what to do should the Asari spit at her face and ignore her for the rest of her days. Maybe she would plead and beg. Maybe she would try to explain herself before Liara had the chance to get out of ear-reach. Maybe she would shrug it off and simply accept that their relationship had died within the egg. If Liara didn't want her anymore, it wouldn't matter anyways. She simply would get on with her life and live up to her reputation. She still had Viskha in Purgatory and all the other Asaris who were always happy to make her feel better. She still had friends she could count on and enough enemies to keep her hands busy. She had grown used to being alone, a few more years without a girlfriend wouldn't make much of a difference. It would be alright.
Lost in her thoughts, Willis snapped back to reality when she unconsciously stopped in front of a little shop lost in the corner of the Presidium, a hundred different flowers on display. Her eyes were immediately drawn to a bright red flower with enormous petals hanging from a yellow stem. It looked beautiful but the only thing she could feel when looking at it was a nostalgia tinted with bitterness. It was a Thessian tulip that used to grow by dozens in the garden of the house she used to share with her bondmate, and she was quick to enter the shop and leave those flowers behind her. She was greeted by a young Asari with a cheerful smile who asked what she wanted, for what occasion and for whom she'd like to buy flower. Willis didn't answer immediately, letting her eyes travel around the place but unable to decide what she liked the most. The different types of flowers in the shop looked all great, but they lacked the little something that made them unique. She wandered in the alleys for a moment, her gloved fingers trailing shy paths on the multicolored petals, until she remembered the only flower that would be both pretty and original. It was one of the rare flowers whose name she knew and it was the one she had spent thousands of creds on.
It was a flower that, to her, carried a very strong meaning. She had always and would always associate this flower with the feelings of affection and love. With Shora. It was a risky bet to believe she'd be strong enough to buy Liara this precise flower without falling to pieces, but the single fact that she had dared think about it meant that she really felt something for her. It had to. She turned to the Asari, and after thinking about it for a few more seconds she finally went for it.
'Do you happen to have some roses armoricaines?' she asked to the seller, fiddling with the hem of her white jacket.
'We do,' the Asari smiled, motioning for Willis to follow her. 'They're rare and expensive so we keep them in here. They're in perfect condition, these were shipped to us three days ago.'
'How much do you want for them?' Willis asked as her eyes grew wide when they landed on the large, blue flowers shining under the artificial light flowing from a spot.
'Fifty for one,' she informed her as she put a pair of gloved on. 'But they're large and a single one is already a great gift.'
'Give me fifteen,' the Admiral ordered as she reached for her pouch.
'You want these for someone very special, don't you?' the young Asari smiled, looking a bit impressed. 'My boss who's been working here for decades told me this story about someone who bought twenty of these every Sunday. I don't know who that was, but they always made sure to have the flowers shipped whenever they couldn't come to the Citadel. The one who received these flowers must have been truly loved, don't you think?'
'Without a doubt,' she agreed as she tried to ignore that the someone whom the seller was talking about was probably herself. 'I'm giving you a thousand creds chip, you keep the change. Try to make a nice package, please.'
'Of course,' the blue alien immediately nodded, reaching for the many rolls of colored paper below her desk. 'It'll just take a moment.'
Willis waited a few minutes looking at the flowers and plants which packed the little room, throwing worried glances at the ones she had just bought. She wanted them to be perfect and she was scared the florist would not treat them gently enough, but she was reassured when the Asari carefully tied a nice ribbon to hold the bunch in place and sprayed nutrients at the base of the stems. The seller asked Willis if she was happy with the result and thanked her warmly for the tip as the Admiral gave her a smile and finally left with her imposing bunch in her hand. It was heavy and Willis feared that it might bend too much and break at some point, so she used her free hand to support the flowers that were protected by a few layer of bright blue, transparent paper. She headed towards the elevator and punched the button to the docking bay of the Normandy with her elbow. Once she arrived, she sat on a bench and gently put the flowers next to her, unable to decide what to do next. She didn't know where Liara was – if she was on the Citadel at all, as a matter of fact – and she started to wonder if this was a good idea. She had no idea what she would say or do, no idea how Liara would react, no idea if Shepard would be around to kick her ass for disobeying her order. All she could do was hope. Willis took a deep breath and turned her Omnitool on. She scrolled down her contact list and found the name T'Soni lost the sea of Asari names saved on the device. She was unsure whether as to send the message with her name or without it. She didn't want to try her luck too much, so she simply hit the button that would hide her ID and sent a short text. Meet me bay E-21, I'll be in the lounge.
'What, again?' Liara sighed heavily when her Omnitool rang loudly as she was about to pay for a few mods Shepard had sent her fetch.
She handed the creds to the cashier and looked at the message she'd just received with a frown. The sender was unknown and she had no planned meeting, so she couldn't know who wanted to see her. She stuck her packet under her arm and thanked the salesman before heading back into the crowed street. She smiled inwardly when she noticed a few people turning on their heels and pointing excited fingers in her direction, whispering and eyes shining. She had taken the decision to quit wearing her formal dress when she went out and permanently left her armor on – she had realized it was more practical in case something came up unexpected. Of course, an Asari with an armor and pistols attached to her back wasn't extraordinary as there always were dozens of commandos hanging around. An Asari with an armor stamped with the Alliance logo on the chest was unique, however, and that was why people now recognized her more easily in the streets. They all knew that this particular Asari was the one who helped the famous Shepard defeating Saren, and they were as pleasantly surprised when the stumbled upon her on the Citadel as when they stumbled upon Shepard. Liara wasn't necessarily interested in getting some recognition for what she had done, but she had to admit she rather liked the feeling of being acclaimed by perfect strangers without asking for anything. She was contempt doing what she needed to do, and she simple considered the reaction she got from the people she met was just a bonus.
She crossed the path of a young Asari that mustn't have been more than ten with a plush bunny's neck tightly held between her blue pouty fingers. When Liara passed in front of her, she stared at her in complete admiration and dropped her toy on the floor, her mouth agape. Liara smiled and bent to pick up the bunny before giving it back to her.
'Be careful, little one,' she said gently, brushing the fur covering its ears with the back of her hand. 'You wouldn't want to lose it, would you?'
'No Ma'am,' she answered with a frenetic shake of the head as she shied away, pressing her toy to her chest. 'He's my best friend.'
'I hope he takes care of you well,' she winked. 'You be good, sweetie.'
She straightened and finally headed to the elevator to see who was waiting for her in the lounge of the Normandy's docking bay. She was intrigued by the message – and also a bit nervous to find out who wanted to meet her in such an informal way. On the Citadel, she knew no one except for business, and most of her meetings were either arranged directly in shops or any other official locations, not in places where pricking ears and the wrong pairs of eyes could witness anything. The only person she could think of what the exact one she didn't want it to be, but the closer she got to the lounge, the more she started to believe her fears would materialize. She reassured herself as best as she could and decided that even if it was her, the Normandy was just a few steps away and she could easily pretend to be in hurry – or she could say things as they were if she gathered enough courage. When the doors of the elevator opened, she carefully took a few steps out and craned her neck towards the lounge. She felt her stomach twist inside her when her eyes fell on the white uniform and the dirty blond hair tied in a ponytail. The tall figure was pacing back and forth, what seemed to be big blue flowers in her hand. Liara bit her lip when she saw Willis' face, seemingly talking to herself as her mouth moved and her head kept nodding or shaking from time to time. She would have smiled at such a scene in any other circumstances, but in that precise case she could only hold her breath and close her eyes to think clearly about her course of action. She wondered whether it would be better to ignore her and make her way towards the Normandy without being noticed, or if she should face Willis and say what she really thought and what she really wanted.
Her old-self would have probably too shy to even look Willis into the eye, but she had changed. She had decided to act like the grown-up Asari she was and she would face the Admiral without a waver in her voice. She took a deep breath and tightened her hold on her package before she walked with assured steps towards the human. She congratulated herself for her smart choice of clothes – somehow the heavy armor she was wearing had a positive effect on her confidence and she felt more at ease than if she had wore something less practical and lighter. The sounds of her boots on the concrete sounded both loud and reassuring and the pistols in her back reminded her that she could always defend herself should something go wrong. Fuzzy butterflies rose in her stomach when Willis turned on her heels, still lost in what seemed to be a tormented inner monologue, and spotted Liara as she entered the lounge. Liara stopped dead in her tracks and swallowed hard. A ball grew in her throat and tears almost immediately welled in her eyes. She clenched her teeth and released a long, controlled breath between barely parted lips to try and muster some strength. She had no idea what was happening. Willis was here, uncertainty and hope written all over her face, her lips stretched into a shy smile, her eyes going from the tip of her shoes to Liara's eyes like she hesitated to make the first move. This was exactly the Willis Liara didn't want to see. It was the Willis that made her doubt, and she didn't want to doubt anymore.
'Hum, hey,' the Admiral started, rocking back and forth on her heels. 'I, huh, it's been a little while. I've got you flowers. Well, nothing exceptional, they're just flowers, you know, but… I thought you might've liked them. And if you don't, that's alright, I mean, you can always throw them away, or something.'
Willis bit the inside of her cheek when she realized she was doing nothing more but rambling, unaware than Liara wasn't even listening to her. She extended the flowers towards her and Liara took them without noticing. Willis crossed her fingers behind her back and waited for anything to happen – she longed to hear Liara's voice and she longed to get a smile from her. Liara remained silent and kept staring at her, her brains working at a thousand mile per hour to find a solution to this problematic situation. She knew she needed to be strong and she knew she wanted Willis to disappear from her life for good. She didn't want to sound too rude or harsh but she had to react before the trail of thoughts expending in her head would soon lead her to tread undesired paths.
'I know what you are,' she suddenly blurted out, shaking her head and pinching her lips. 'I don't want to see you ever again. And I don't want your flowers. Farewell.'
'Okay, fine,' Willis nodded immediately, running her trembling fingers through her already messy hair. 'I mean, okay. Yeah, bye. I'll just… I'll just…'
Her voice broke into a high-pitched note and she brought a gloved hand to her throat to try and soothe the ache growing there. She bowed her head and closed her eyes forcefully, heavy tears rolling down her nose. She had known this was bound to happen. Why had she tried anyways? Delirious fit of hope or untamable need to have a concrete proof that everything was truly over, she had no idea. She rolled her arms around her waist and suppressed a shiver. There was no wind and it was rather hot but still, she felt cold. On the inside. A chill was coursing through her limbs and she could have bet goosebumps had risen on her arms, as if a freezing breeze was licking her bones. Liara felt her face strain against her desire to show compassion but she kept her emotions in check. It wasn't the time to be blindly compassionate, it was time to be pragmatic and realistic. She knew she was being heartless but Willis had even less heart than her so there was nothing to be ashamed of. She had said what needed to be said and she was glad she had. At least now she could start from scratch and not drag this heavy burden for the rest of her days. She looked for a few more seconds at the pity-inspiring figure and exhaled a short breath before dropping the flowers in front of the Admiral. Willis hoped for a precious moment that the sound she had heard was Liara getting closer to her and reaching to pat her shoulder. She pried her eyes open, only to see the bright blue flowers lying before her and a pair of white boots disappearing from her sight.
'It's fine,' Willis breathed out, slowly bending to pick up the bunch. 'What's a single Asari for me? Nothing. I can get any that I want. No big deal.'
She got back to her feet and brushed the dust on her knees with the back of her hand. She made sure her cheeks were dry, although her eyes were probably still red, and headed towards the elevator. Her finger hovered over the panel, her clear thoughts lost in a deep fog that wouldn't dissipate for a few days, and it eventually hit the button to the Purgatory. A bell rang in the back of her mind that murmured this wasn't a good idea given the wrongs people, Liara included, blamed her for, but she ignored it. She needed a drink and she needed company. Once the doors opened, she slowly made her way to the VIP entrance and was greeted by a large Krogan that was twice as large as the door. She was one of the rare that could enter without a membership card or buying her way in with a pouch of thousand credit chips, and she was welcomed in with a big toothy smile. She closed her eyes briefly when she took the first few steps in. The lights of a hundred different colors flashing and the music blasting through the speakers and echoing through her own body were two of the reasons why she loved the place. The atmosphere felt eerie and every time she came there she felt like she was stepping into another dimension. It was her bubble that protected her from the harsh reality of things. It was as if everything she did and said in that place never happened for real. Out of space, out of time. She took a moment to get used to sudden noise and obscurity ripped by bright light every now and then and followed the carpeted path to her table – or at least the one she always sat at when she came. It was her favorite because it was well isolated and no spying eyes could see what happened. She couldn't deny that more often than not she actually needed the privacy, especially when Viskha was working.