(A/N: I am going to Singapore, so there won't be any updates until Saturday! Hope you enjoy.)
Minho led us to the familiar double doors where I met Jansen for the first time, I am afraid of what's behind it at first, but when Minho opened the door to reveal a stack of food on the metal table, I grabbed as many as I can and ate as many as I could.
Newt didn't eat much, he ate enough, he has such a stabilized life I wish I would be like that, but no, I am grateful for this stack of food and yes, I am going to eat as much as I can.
While Minho on the other hand, delivered some of the food to Thomas, he told me that Thomas was laying in bed groaning and sighing, he kept on saying that he's hungry, also now and then he would take long showers, probably to get the hunger away.
Some of the others eventually went up from their beds to grab food, Frypan grabbed a lot of them and ate right in front of the stack, I asked him why did he sat there at first, but then he answered that he didn't want to move to much to grab more food if he needed to.
Also, Aris came in, he grabbed two apples but before he could walk away from the room, he nodded at me, and of course I nodded back whatever that meant, I hope that Aris would turn out to be nicer, or to be a good guy. Because, I would kill the shit out of him if he messes around and turning out to be a slick-evil little "partner"
And then I realized that I'm not in the mood to take care of Aris, I'm so done. I am having troubles with myself, and Newt's getting it also, I hope he's not going crazy, because I think I am.
Honestly? I really think I am.
Newt and I ate together in the corner of the room, with my mouth full, I tried to talk but then I ended up mumbling nonsense, Newt just laughed at me. I waited until I swallowed to repeat myself.
"I said, do you think we're crazy?" I asked before taking another of piece of bread into my mouth and chewed it, careful not to speak while I chew.
Newt shrugged at first, and then he swallowed his food before he talked, "I honestly don't know."
"I don't mind actually." I said softly after I swallowed my food, suddenly I lost my appetite so I put the bread back to my hands, "If I'm going crazy, and I'm completely fine with it."
"If I'm going crazy, I would love to know why."
"True, but I'm too tired to figure out, everything's kind of confusing now, I would love some answers, but lucky for us, WICKED won't answer them."
Newt laughed, "That is in fact true."
And then there was silence, we ate again in silence, only the sound of people coming in and out of the room, the sound of us eating, and also in that moment, I wondered about something that I couldn't help but to talk about it with Newt.
"Have you ever gained curiosity in our previous lives?" I asked.
"We have no previous lives." He said before he paused, "We have our lives, right now, we just gotten a part of it erased from us, that's all."
I sighed, "Yeah, but maybe, don't you think we must have been someone or something, before this all started."
"Of course we are someone, maybe it's better off not to remember." Newt said before he ate again, he clearly didn't want to answer in the moment.
I looked at him, "You know what?"
Newt just looked at me as he chewed.
"The only thing worst than remembering your memories are not remembering them." I said, "Memories are somehow a part of us, because no matter how hurtful or embarrassing that moment was, I would love to remember them."
He chuckled, "You are always right, love."
I smiled and tucked a hair behind my head, "Thank you, Newt." I sighed again, "Don't you think that we might have had parents before? Don't you want to know how they looked like? And, how they…."
Newt looked at me straight into my eyes, "Died?" He paused, "I have been thinking about that, but I don't think we'll get to meet them."
"Why would you say that?"
"You heard what the people at WICKED said before they got shot in the head! They said that we are important, and unique. There has got to be a reason that we are still alive until this very moment, and they are well, not really alive."
Not really alive.
It hurts how much that could have been true.
But the Flare? All the boys have it, and maybe I have it already, how could WICKED put it in us if they wanted us to survive? It's stupid, this is all stupid, "Do you think that this is forever?" I asked.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, are we forever?" I asked him.
I know the answer must be a no, but I'll try to convince myself and Newt to believe it. Newt of course didn't answer, he just sat there and smiled. I sighed, knowing what he would say and how the words would slice my heart, I'll take his silence as a no, then.
"I could guarantee you're going to be alright though." Newt said, his voice shaky.
"You don't know that." I shrugged and looked down to the ground as I played with my hands.
"Yes, I do know that, I will make sure that you'll be safe, I'll guarantee it." He held my hand which made me stop playing with it in an instant.
"Newt you don't have to—" I looked up when I realized that his eyes was searching for mine.
"I promise you." He said, softly, tenderly, he wasn't lying, and I believe him, or I think that's what I wanted to believe.
...
After we ate, we made our way to find Thomas, he seemed to be suffering from this hunger so we decided to check up on him. When we arrived in the front of the boy's room Newt quickly opened the door to the boy's room, we found Thomas sitting up on his bed, eating his apple quite too eagerly.
"You seem hungry." Newt chuckled and came down to sit next to him. Newt's eyes darted to the apple and then back at Thomas.
"This is the best apple I have ever tasted." Thomas said as he chewed and swallowed.
"It's just because of you being hungry." I rolled my eyes at Thomas as I leaned my back to the cold metal wall. I averted my eyes around the room, there were a couple of other people there, talking and all, but I didn't see Minho anywhere.
"He came here to give me food, and he just took off afterwards, wherever he went." Thomas said.
"I have no idea what's bloody coming up next man, first, the hunger, and next could be anything." Newt said slowly as he lay himself down to the bed.
"I know that it's going to be shucking harder than the Maze." Thomas said, his voice cold, yet full of fear as well.
"Don't say it like that, you know that—"
"We have no hope, Atlee." Thomas said as he finished eating and wiped his hands on his jeans.
"What do you mean? We are here because we are the hope!" I said back at him.
"Well, our existence here in the trials didn't really effect it that much now, did it?" Thomas said as he lifted his eyebrow at me.
I hated to admit that he is right, we have no hope, we never had hope.
"I'm sorry." I said, suddenly aware of the amount of time that Jansen is going to come soon, I hope he'll change his mind and I could think more about the offer.
"What for?" Newt and Thomas asked at the same time.
I smiled, "For coming here." I paused, "I don't have a tattoo, I didn't get my memories swiped away, I wasn't meant to be here. Instead, I chose this, God." I put my hands on my face.
"We wouldn't be here without you, Atlee. We are glad you came here." Newt said as he gave me a smile.
"I'm probably in the same situation as you, Atlee. We used to be shucking Creators, but we came here." Thomas said gesturing to his surroundings.
"It's all meant to be? Is that what you're saying?" I asked.
"Probably, yeah."
I chuckled, "We'll see. Hopefully you're right." I paused, "Have you ever regretted it?"
Thomas shook his head, "When I saw you going for the struggle to get yourself in the box, I realized that's what I wanted to do as well, you know? To do the right thing, and that's why I looked up to you."
I wanted to squeal at his words, but instead, I blushed and smiled, "Thank you for looking up at me, you must be crazy to do so."
Thomas just nodded and smirked, I know that he is right, I know that we are doing the right thing, and besides he looked up to me, if I didn't went inside the Box, I wouldn't be here, and Thomas would also be back at the head quarters.
Suddenly someone tapped my shoulder, I jerked knowing the last time someone tapped me on my shoulders, that person turned out to be a nightmare. As I turned around and squealed, I realized that it was Minho.
"The shuck you want?" I asked him.
"You have to see this!" Minho shouted at us, and all of the others inside the room.
"What is it? And where have you been?" Thomas asked as he stood up, his actions was followed by Newt.
"I went around the bunker to tell everyone that food's here, but then as I stumbled across the huge room again, I saw something….Odd." Minho said, his voice in the end sounded weird, I gain curiosity in it by the second.
"Something odd?" I asked again, afraid of what Minho is about to tell me.
"It's not something to be quite exact, it's someone." He said.
Oh Shuck.
…
All of us ran into the familiar metal double doors again, behind the stack of food on the huge metal table, there was another desk, I couldn't help but to notice someone was also behind the desk, apparently he was sitting, thankfully the huge pile must have blocked me from Jansen's view, (well, I think it is Jansen.)
Suddenly, all of the other started to move forward, I quietly followed them but I didn't leave my gaze from the floor, afraid of whom I might see behind the desk, even if I knew it was Jansen, I still had bits of hope that there was no one there and I'm just plain crazy.
My head turned forward as I saw who it was behind the desk, it was Jansen. He was looking straight at me with a smirk, I thought it was a smirk, hopefully it didn't mean anything bad so I just nodded at him and cleared my throat.
And then I kept on staring at Jansen, he's still wearing his fine suit, his leg propped up and crossed at the ankles while he was reading a book.
I stood there for a full minute, staring at Jansen casually sitting at the desk, reading. It was as if he'd been reading that way and in that very spot every day for his whole life. Thin black hair combed across a pale, bald head; a long nose, twisted slightly to the right; and shifty brown eyes darting back and forth as he read, I could notice that Thomas has been noticing the same features, Jansen seemed a bit nervous now, or uncomfortable.
"Who is that guy?" Thomas called out to no one in particular.
I wanted to answer but, I couldn't, I should keep this as a secret until Jansen reveals it himself, Jansen looked at me straight into my eyes, as if saying, don't tell them, into me. I nodded slightly and kept my mouth shut.
One of the boys looked up, stopped chewing for a second. Then he quickly finished off his mouthful and swallowed. "He won't tell us anything. Told us we had to wait till he's ready." The boy shrugged as if that wasn't a big deal and took another bite of a peeled orange.
Just ten feet in front of the desk, Thomas slammed into an invisible wall. His nose hit first, smashing against what felt like a cold sheet of glass. The rest of his body followed suit, bumping against the unseen wall and making him stumble backward. He instinctively reached up to rub his nose as he squinted to see how he could've possibly missed a glass barrier.
I wanted to laugh but it would be rude, I bit my lip hard and smirked, it was hilarious to actually witness, Jansen actually smiled at his foolishness. I decided to also take a look at the glass barrier, I stepped closer but I could feel everyone's eyes on me as I walked, I could feel Jansen's smile at my actions.
At first, I couldn't see anything. Not the slightest glare or reflection, not a smudge anywhere. I could sense Jansen trying not to notice but he clearly noticed me.
More slowly this time, I approached the spot, holding my hands out. Soon I made contact with the wall of completely invisible.. It felt like glass. Just glass, like normal glass, I used to feel this kind of glass back at the lab and the head quarters, this is definitely a barrier they kept so we won't attack Jansen.
Or, we won't affect him with the Flare.
Suddenly, I heard a sound of a thump. I looked to my side to see Thomas finally pounded on it, making a series of dull thumps, but nothing else happened. Some of the Gladers behind him, Aris included, remarked how they'd already tried that.
Jansen on the other hand just a dozen or so feet in front of him, let out an exaggerated sigh as he pulled his crossed feet from the desk and let them drop to the floor.
He placed a finger in his book to mark his place and looked up at Thomas, making no effort to hide his annoyance, as he walked closer his eyes looked and locked to mine for a moment, I gulped.
"How many times do I have to repeat this?" Jansen said, his nasally voice a perfect match for his pale skin, thin hair and skinny body. And that suit. That stupid white suit. Oddly, his words weren't muffled at all by the barrier. "We still have forty-seven minutes before I've been authorized to implement Phase Two of the Trials. Please show your patience and leave me alone. You've been given this time to eat and replenish yourselves, and I strongly suggest you take advantage of it, young man. Now, if you don't mind …"
Without waiting for a response, he leaned back in his chair and returned his feet to the desktop. Then, opening his book to the spot he'd marked, he resumed reading.
I didn't spoke a word, I looked at him without a word, everyone else seemed to be as speechless as I am. Thomas turned away from the man and the desk and leaned against the invisible wall, its hard surface pressing against his back. Then I noticed Minho at the door to the dorm room, leaning against its frame with his arms folded.
Suddenly, Thomas jabbed a thumb over his shoulder and raised his eyebrows at Minho.
"You met our new friend?" Minho responded, a smirk flashing across his face.
"Real piece of work, this guy. I gotta get me one of those shuck suits. Fancy stuff."
"Am I awake?" Thomas asked.
"You're awake. Now eat—you look horrible. Almost as bad as Rat Man over there, reading his book." Thomas said.
As I was hearing out the conversation, I realized someone noticed my silence, I knew who it was, he was looking straight at me but when he wanted to step closer, he hesitated, knowing that there's a someone from WICKED here, Newt wasn't an idiot, he knew who this guy must have been working for, and he thought they didn't know about Newt and I, they knew everything. Newt just gave me a reassuring smile from a distance.
Again that numbness that had become so familiar. After the initial shock, nothing was strange anymore. Anything could become normal. Pushing it all away, I walked towards Newt and gave him a hug, I sighed to his chest Newt cringed at first, he tried to pull me off, but then he realized how much I wanted him here.
I could feel Jansen's eyes on me, I didn't care, they are taking away my Newt, and I would like to do the hell I want with him, I didn't want him to go, but he doesn't know it yet that he should and most definitely would have to go.
I remembered that I have to stay, I have to stay here for him, but hopefully I'll be seeing him again soon, or they would just give me a choice.
A half hour later, I sat on the floor with the rest of the Gladers, I noticed Newt wasn't sitting next to him, he was on Thomas's left. All of us are facing the invisible wall and Jansen sitting at the desk behind it. His feet were still propped up, his eyes still flickering down the pages of his book.
Minho was the first to break the silence. "I think we've all gone psycho like those … what'd they call themselves again? Cranks. The Cranks at the windows. We're all sitting here waiting for a lecture from Rat Man like this is totally normal. Like we're at some kind of school. I can tell you this much—if he had anything good to say, he wouldn't need a freaking magic wall to protect him from us, now, would he?"
Rat Man? I chuckled, that's funny.
"Just slim it and listen," Newt said. "Maybe it's all gonna be over."
"Yeah, right," Minho said. "And Frypan's gonna start having little babies, Winston'll get rid of his monster acne, and Thomas here'll actually smile for once." Thomas turned to Minho and exaggerated a fake smile.
I laughed.
"There, you happy?"
"Dude," he responded. "You are one ugly shank."
"If you say so."
"Shut your bloody holes," Newt whispered. "I think it's time."
I sat up straight and sighed slowly, Minho was sitting on my left while Frypan was on my right, I noticed that Jansen had put his feet on the floor and placed the book on the desk. He scooted his chair back to get a better view of one of the drawers, then pulled it out and rummaged through things Thomas couldn't see. Finally, he pulled out a densely packed manila folder full of messy papers, many of them bent and sticking out at odd angles.
"Ah, here it is," Jansen said in his nasally voice, then he placed the folder on the desk, opened it up and looked at the boys in front of him. "Thank you for gathering in an orderly manner so I can tell you what I've been … instructed to tell you. Please listen carefully."
"Why do you need that wall!" Minho shouted.
Newt reached around Thomas and punched Minho in the arm. "Shut it!"
Jansen continued as if he hadn't heard the outburst.
"You're all still here because of an uncanny will to survive despite the odds, among … other reasons. About sixty people were sent to live in the Glade. Well, your Glade, anyway. Another sixty in Group B, but for now we'll forget them. But one of you were never supposed to be here"
The man's eyes flickered to Aris, then went back to slowly scanning the crowd for mine. I didn't know if anyone else had noticed, but I had no doubt that there'd been a hint of familiarity in that quick look. I really hoped that no one noticed that.
"Out of all those people, only a fraction survived to be here today. I'm assuming you've figured this out by now, but many of the things that happen to you are solely for the purpose of judging and analyzing your responses.
And yet it's not really an experiment as much as it is … constructing a blueprint. Stimulating the killzone and collecting the resultant patterns. Putting them all together to achieve the greatest breakthrough in the history of science and medicine These situations inflicted upon you are called the Variables, and each one has been meticulously thought out. I'll explain more soon. And though I can't tell you everything at this time, it's vital that you know this much: these trials you're going through are for a very important cause. Continue to respond well to the Variables, continue to survive, and you'll be rewarded with the knowledge that you've played a part in saving the human race. And yourselves, of course." Jansen paused, apparently for effect. Thomas looked over at Minho and raised his eyebrows.
"This dude's shucked in the head," Minho whispered.
"How would escaping a freaking maze save the human race?" Thomas asked.
"I represent a group called WICKED," Jansen continued. Everyone freaking knew already. "I know it sounds menacing, but it stands for World In Catastrophe, Killzone Experiment Department. Nothing menacing about it, despite what you may think. We exist for one purpose and one purpose only: to save the world from catastrophe. You here in this room are a vital part of what we plan to do. We have resources never known to any group of any kind in the history of civilization. Nearly unlimited money, unlimited human capital and technology advanced beyond even the most clever man's wants and wishes. As you make your way through the Trials, you have seen and will continue to see evidence of this technology and the resources behind it. If I can tell you anything today, it is that you should never, ever believe your eyes.
Or your mind, for that matter. This is why we did the demonstration with the hanging bodies and the bricked-up windows. All I will say is that sometimes what you see is not real, and sometimes what you do not see is real. We can manipulate your brains and nerve receptacles when necessary. I know this all sounds confusing and a little scary, perhaps."
Everyone's eyes landed on mine, I could see everyone's eyes flickering, I knew that I am the one who had been having those psycho visions, I started to lower my gaze down to the floor and played with my nails.
I thought the Jansen couldn't have possibly made a greater understatement.
The man slowly passed his eyes over every Glader in the room. His upper lip shone with sweat. "The Maze was a part of the Trials. Not one Variable was thrown at you that didn't serve a purpose for our collection of killzone patterns. Your escape was part of the Trials. Your battle against the Grievers. The murder of the boy Chuck. The supposed rescue and subsequent trip in the bus. All of it. Part of the Trials."
I knew all of this already, I knew that all of this was a freaking plan, I remembered all of these before, but I just realized it now. Suddenly, from the corner of my eye, Thomas has half risen to his feet before he knew what had come over him; Newt pulled him back down to the floor. As if spurred by this, Jansen quickly stood up from his chair, sending it back against the wall behind him. Then he placed his hands on the desk and leaned toward the Gladers.
"All of it has been part of the Trials, you understand? Phase One, to be exact. And we are still dangerously short of what we need. So we've had to up the ante, and now it's time for Phase Two. It's time for things to get difficult." Then he paused, his eyes are now locked on mine as he pointed at me "But not for you, you're coming with us."
Everyone's eyes locked towards me, I sighed and looked up at Jansen, but before I could do that, Newt looked at me, but I couldn't look at him for a long amount of time, I knew he has a lot of questions flowing in his mind, but even I can't answer them, I can't even answer my own questions.
"I'm sorry." I whispered to everyone.
I didn't have a choice anymore.