Authors Note: I felt that it is time for another Flashback chapter. I can start calling these the "Blanc arc" and I will state this right here, right now to avoid confusion, in these chapters Blanc still has the medallion.
I am going to keep the fighting down in this one, felt like every chapter this far had some serious fighting in them and wanted to not get stuck completely in it. I am going to focus on the characters. Reveal a little more about Blanc, and focus on character development here.
Give me your opinions of what you think about it.
A new story arc will begin after this chapter,
And I thank for the reviews this far.
and if you are reading this story, leave a review with opinions so I know. that includes new readers who hasn´t left a review yet.
Chapter 20
"Human Emotions"
In the town of Tuwain, the local merchants gathered to trade and sell their products once a month to the working class of society and always picked the day when the people had gold on their pockets after honest work. Everything between trinkets, jewelry, cloth and export from the rest of the world they knew could be found on that day. People visited the town from neighboring villages to get a chance to attend to it and Tuwain´s economy got a boost from the increase of potential customers.
"So are you looking for anything special?"
One of the merchants smiled a standard "customer smile" that would encourage people to buy his merchandize. He glanced at the man in the traveler cloak and back at the woman next to him. A bandage wrapped over her eyes and her hair was tucked inside her hood. The potential customer glanced over the scrolls of fabric with a slight interest.
"Well… I would like a roll of the dark Lautrecian cloth, needles, a roll or two of the thread…"
He looked at the woman, who stood with an emotionless face and nodded, he returned to the merchant.
"I would also like to have a small roll of the white Rabonian cloth please."
A pleasant surprised expression took form in the Merchant´s face.
"Rabonian cloth? Are you sure? That don´t come off cheap and I have to see proof that you can affo-" The man put down a small pouch of gold on the table and the merchant gazed wide eyed at it. "…Rabonian cloth it is." He turned to the man´s company. "Maybe the young lady wants something nice as well?"
"No thanks…"
The emotional coldness in the reply advised him to not bother with further questions. The two paid and the man carried off the purchase while the merchant shuddered from her voice.
"One room?"
The inn keeper of the Silver Sheep, one of many taverns in Tuwain, asked with a curious glance at the two that arrived. The man spoke with indifference and a trustworthy tone to it.
"Yes. That would work just fine…"
"And…for how long?"
"I guess three days…"
The inn keeper raised an eyebrow in response but decided to not ask questions, what other people did with their time was not of concern, gold was, especially during market day. But he was not blind to the condition of the woman who arrived with this man.
"Here is a key to the room, and if you wouldn´t mind… what happened to her?"
He points at the woman and the man replied, short, concisely with subtle sadness.
"Animal attack… wolves…"
"Ah… that must have been terrible…"
"The key, please."
Without a second thought and out of empathic sympathy for what tragedy that occurred to the young woman, the Inn´s keeper handed over the key to them and watched as they headed upstairs.
"No wonder why she´s cold…" He muttered and returned to the next visitor.
Once inside and with the door locked behind them, the young woman sighed and unwrapped the bandages from the eyes. She pulled the cloak off and undid the knot that held her ponytail wrapped up like a bun. She moved away from the windows before her warrior uniform got exposed.
"I think we need a better disguise…" She noticed how her company stood and gazed down at the crowded streets below with a heavy gaze, one that worried her."…Blanc?"
He glanced back to her as if brought out from a line of thought and she looked away with her head bowed downwards.
"Just so you know."
Blanc smiled faintly and waved a hand in the air to scatter the serious mood.
"You don´t have to avert your eyes like you did something wrong, just treat me like you would treat your comrades."
Hesitation flashed in Iris´ eyes as she frowned.
"I will consider it…" She said.
Iris had traveled with Blanc after she abandoned the Organization. Remaining incognito was difficult, since claymores were usually unwanted sights for the population. Two of them in nearly the same uniform are suspicious enough. Besides, there was something else that troubled her, the presence of two yoma within the town.
Blanc looked at the things he purchased. He put them down on the table and spoke with an eased face.
"Besides… I have already thought of that…"
He took a chair and sat down by the table while she leant back at a drawer in the room.
"So what did you have in mind?" Iris asked.
"We will have access to this room for three days. There are no hunting parties after me yet and you need new clothes…" Blanc seemed to think for a moment and in a casual tone spoke to her. "So I guess a good start would be removing all your armor…"
Iris frowned in subdued shock as only response.
"What?"
The confusion and uncomfortable feeling she experienced showed and Blanc shook his head over how it would have appeared to her.
"…Since I am going to make you some new clothes, and the uniform is close to figure fitting already, I should be able to make something close to decent from eye measurements. With some luck, I might succeed on the first attempt…" He said.
Iris eased up as the unfamiliar feeling within submerged.
"But you don´t have to…" Iris started to be cut off by him.
"Don´t worry about it Iris, and besides, what other way is there? It is not like we can just walk in and pick some clothes… If even one person sees you and a claymore pass by this town they will point it out and another hunting party will be sent after me, you too…" Iris understood and nodded. "…And besides, it is a pleasant change to spend some time in a town like this one. I mean just look at it…"
Blanc gazed out the window and observed the civil atmosphere outside with its scents of fruit and conversations of the people carried by the breeze. A town without concerns for the threat that lurked among them and lived their lives in peace.
"…it is so stagnant."
Iris remained quiet about the yoma that lurked somewhere in the town. It was not of their concern as she knew from experience that yoma showed up everywhere and where not foolish enough to appear in the open. Even if they made a move, they would not stand a chance against him. She had witnessed a fragment of his yoki and knew the potential and felt assured that no yoma would be able to stand against him.
Blanc turned his face at her again, picking up the cloth and the needle.
"So are you ready to begin?"
Two hours passed by and Iris chuckled faintly over the events that transpired in that time. It had been most amusing to her.
She had removed the armor along with the broadsword. Blanc had then proceeded with tailoring her new attire, even if he accidently stung his fingers on the needle from time to time. To see imagine this man, who with ease dodged the attacks of four claymores, fail to dodge a needle, had lured out one small giggle from her lips.
"Ouch!"
Another blunder with the needle. This had been the seventh time and Iris shook with her head in a small smile that broke her cold appearance.
Blanc held up the creation to compare and it did not take long to see that it was flawed beyond all comprehension. Too long sleeves, wrong form, ill-fitting and failed. He remarked with a sigh.
"Well… so much for eye measurements…"
Iris giggled shortly with a closed mouth and the amused mood spread in the room as Blanc smiled in response.
She stopped once the realization of what she had done came to mind. How she, since the day she deserted, felt something beyond the simple cold demeanor she put up for anyone but her closest comrades, slowly thaw.
Blanc did not notice it and turned to the failed creation with a disappointed glance.
"I guess I have to try again…" He stated and threw the piece in the corner.
"Maybe you should try with accurate measurements this time?" Iris said and Blanc glanced back with a subtle surprised look on his face.
"Is that okay with you?"
Iris considered the idea to pose model for him like people did for tailors when they needed fitting clothes. She never had any need to buy clothes, so this would prove to be a whole new kind of experience for her. But the unfamiliar feeling in her chest made it difficult to accept the idea of Blanc as the tailor, not in an unpleasant way.
She nodded.
Blanc approached with rolls of cloth and remained as civil as usual.
"Now… hold up your arms to your sides…"
Iris followed the suggestion and as he began to wrap the soft materials around her, she began to wonder how things led to this.
Not long ago, this man, "The Barehanded", had only been another enemy in her eyes. Only the trail of blood and destruction had been the source of imagination for her and the hunting team. When they actually faced him, he had not been what she had imagined. Instead of a cruel, brutal, terrifying "monster" that butchered countless of yoma without breaking a sweat, they had found this young polite man that actually had asked them to sit down and have a drink or anything they wished. And what have they done? They attacked him like brutes and he defeated them without much effort. She had only sensed a small fragment of the yoki within him, a strange and unfamiliar source of power, different from common yoma or awakened beings for that matter.
But the person in front of her behaved like a human being, a real human being and not like any of the warriors. He was even more civil than the humans she had encountered and their treacherous way of deception and urges.
"Just make a sound whenever I wrap this too tight…" he said.
Blanc stood at her left side and took measurement for an arm while she felt unknown emotions once more.
The Organization had trained and told the warriors that they were not human, that they were half breed monsters that served a higher cause. They actually treated the warriors like the huge two edged claymores they carried. Weapons, not worthy human luxuries like emotions. Iris had accepted that thought long ago.
Yet this feeling was different.
Iris felt a need to distract them, a compulsive idea from the behavior training she endured back at Staff that she graduated from with brilliant colors. Feelings would set her up for mistakes and she could not afford any of those in this situation.
"Do you mind if I talk?" Iris asked.
Blanc glanced at her while pinned down a pair of the needles into folded materials.
"No, not at all! Just don´t turn your head while I am getting the needles right…" He said in pleased tone and muffled voice, to not accidently swallow a pair of the needles in it.
Iris´s nervous behavior began to slip through from his presence and she kept it simple.
"What is it you are trying to accomplish?" She asked.
"Are we talking long term goals or just this tailor work?"
"Which one are you comfortable talking about?"
"Considering the situation, I would say the clothing…"
"Okay."
"I simply want to make you something nice, and you must feel quite uneasy wearing this uniform every day, after leaving the Organization after all…"
Iris agreed in silence.
It felt like mockery to wear the uniform after her "desertion", an insult to what she believed in.
The first big lie that had been uncovered by Blanc when he whispered the truth in her ears, the true purpose of the "Claymores". She didn´t feel any shame for her decision, in her mind it was justified, the Organization had betrayed her and everyone else from the start.
She grieved for the necessity to kill her former team and wished Lenora had listened to her. Maybe they could have walked the road together if they just known better.
She closed her eyes and thought back at that time.
The broken image of Dinah´s morbid form that slowly took new shapes as she sacrificed her humanity to get the upper hand, how he looked directly at Iris after she delivered the final blow to the monstrous form. Her memory moved to when he approached her, closed in with his head near her ear, his trustworthy eyes, the scent from his hair, free of blood and sweet as a summer breeze. A nice sweet scent that engulfed her senses a little and his warm breath in her ear as he whispered sweetly.
"What are you smiling at?" He asked.
Iris´ fantasy abruptly interrupted itself at the sound of his voice and she opened her eyes in lightning speed.
Blanc stood by her side with a subtly amused face. A new unpleasant emotion stirred up within her, a river called embarrassment. A rush of heat reached her face and the voice stumbled over the words.
"W-w-what do you mean?"
She used all her willpower to not let the unfamiliar heat show on her cheeks. Her intuition told her that it would be unpleasant if he found out.
"You just seemed so happy, actually, this is the first time I seen you smile…"
"Uh…I was just… I just…"
"It´s okay, you don´t have to tell me, you have right to your own privacy…"
An appreciating sigh left her lips as the heat submerged under the surface. She closed her eyes and looked up at the ceiling.
Thank you God…
Blanc spoke while pulling out a needle form his mouth.
"Must have been something pleasant… don´t mind me asking, but what was it?"
She looked down and opened her eyes, only to realize she gazed back into Blanc´s own.
The emotion was on the verge of rushing back out and her voice got stuck in the throat from her scared yet happy feeling. Intuition told her to keep her mouth closed or it might speak without her consent. She did not know how to handle all these new emotions, she had never learnt how to do that and all she could do was to stare with a barely stoic face.
Blanc returned to the work on the clothes and removed the needles from it.
"I guess my tailoring skills gone a little rusty over time… maybe I can get ideas outside… and I have a feeling that you might need to get some time alone…"
He put down the cloth and pulled the hood up.
Iris stayed quiet as she recalled the agreement that they would be able to go as they pleased once they arrived in this town. She wouldn´t be able to stop him either way if she had a problem with it.
Once Blanc closed the door, Iris exhaled a deep breath and felt the warm heat in her face reach out. She doubted that she would be able to hold together for much longer in his presence. Her initial respect for him, based on the part of truth that he told her and the aspect his yoki, kept her submissive like she was a trainee in the presence of a trainer.
But now, his manners, his attributes, the honesty in his face started to affect her. She didn´t know the exact name of the feelings she felt right now, but confusion was one of them. A sword did not have emotion. She knew that and questioned herself if she still was one.
The strange heat in her face did not go away and she picked up the broadsword, using it like a mirror. Her cheeks flustered and she had no name for it, only knew it was something she was not supposed to have. But it did not feel wrong like everyone told her it would…
But exquisite.
Blanc returned once the dusk sun settled and the merchants secured their merchandize for the night. He carried more cloth and thread under the arm. Iris had by that time calmed down, but as soon he walked in, the feelings tingled deep within her mind. To break the silence, she brought up the source of her discomfort upon arrival in this town.
"Blanc… you do know that there are yoma in this town, don´t you?" She said.
"Yes, I am aware of that…"Blanc replied.
"And what are you going to do about it?"
Blanc considered it for a few seconds and replied in non-concerned tone.
"Not a single thing."
Iris frowned.
"But I thought you…" She started and Blanc filled in with the answer.
"Do you really think that just because I deserted, that I turned into some kind of vigilante that kills yoma for free in my spare time?"
"That massacre back there…"
"They did not attack until that novice charged in and forced them out of their disguises. She thought they were my private army and once the bets were off, I had to defend myself from them. And besides, killing yoma just for the sake of it is something I would rather avoid."
"So you are not using your power out of good-will?"
"Nothing good comes from killing the yoma without hesitation. You can cut and cut as much as you want, the problem won´t go away because of that. Sadly…the best thing to do is just…leave them alone." He said and leant back on the wall.
Iris took the time to let it sink in. Such an assumption would have been enough to trigger the former number four to attack. But one thing about it did not made sense. She opened her mouth but he spoke first and scattered the line of thought.
"…And besides, they have already sent the request." He said and closed the eyes.
What?
Iris concealed her concern behind a frozen face and failed to understand how Blanc could remain calm about it, that one of the organization´s warriors would come and investigate.
"But… isn´t that dangerous? I mean…" She started.
"Don´t worry, I have avoided detection for a long time… I know how to hide in plain sight." Blanc interrupted gently.
"But I don´t…have you considered that?"
Blanc sat silent and considered her words. He smiled at her after a while and put down the rolls of cloth on the table.
"Then I will teach you the trick I am using, but the warrior will arrive tomorrow so I guess some improvisation is in place…" He said and left her confused.
"What?"
"You will see for yourself soon enough… I will tell you tomorrow but for now, maybe you should get some sleep…"
Iris glanced back to the bed and pointed out the obvious while fighting back the feelings inside.
"There is just one bed…"
"I know…and you can have the bed…" Blanc said and she frowned.
Iris remembered that as she traveled with him, she had not seen him sleep at all, not even once. He only sat down to meditate and on occasion sparred against the thin air or Iris on her request. She needed to practice her sword skills. But she had never seen him rest or sleep like a warrior did with a sword behind his back.
"Uh… don´t you need to sleep?"
"Why do you wonder?"
"I mean… since I joined you, I have never seen you sleep even once…"
"Ah, that part… I don´t need so much sleep; one night each and every month is enough."
Iris showed hints of surprise through the stoic façade as a warrior needed to sleep once every third day. Some warriors could push beyond it but not without fatigue that affected their performances. What he did was beyond her comprehension.
"How? I mean… it´s just… how?" She said.
"A combination of "THUMA"…"
"What?"
Blanc sighed and explained.
"Just something I have picked up on my travels in the world…"Training, Hardship, Understanding, Meditation, and Ascension" the last part is the hardest to achieve…" Iris remained confused and Blanc continued. "It is a way to utilize and amplify the yoki in one's body, I have figured it out myself, even if it took long time to perfect it… how should I explain it, it is like… awakening, but instead of letting the body awaken in a torrent of despair and ecstasy, it is your mind that awakens while your body is unaffected by it. And when you return, you have slightly higher control over your power while the limit has been raised higher. In other words you can go on for longer without pushing it."
Iris listened like a child would on a fairy tale with honest disbelief and intrigued interest. The idea sounded like magic to her and if there was something she knew, it was that magic did not exist.
"Want to try it?" He asked.
Iris woke up from her thoughts and it took a couple of seconds before the words got put into context. Blanc looked at her with a little smile and insightful eyes.
In a fit of the sudden surprise, she let the feelings within reach out and cloud her cold way of thinking. She fiddled with her fingers as she stuttered.
"Uh…I don´t know… it sounds interesting… but I… oh, I am not so sure…" She said and felt like a fool.
"No reason to be nervous, just calm down and say the first word that comes to mind…"
Iris let a calm wind of cold flow within her thoughts and for a change, let the emotions speak instead.
"Yes. I would like that…" She said with a faint pleased smile.
Blanc sat down on the ground with the legs crossed while removing the blade from his right arm.
"Well then, let me show you how to begin. Come and sit down with your back against mine."
Iris followed and they sat there as reflections in a mirror.
She felt a little nervous, even more so when her back contact with his. Her heart jumped a little like a scared rabbit. Blanc´s voice remained calm and instructed her further.
"Now, the first time is always a mind shaking experience, so don´t be frightened… you are going to see a completely new world once this begins…" He said.
"You won´t leave me there? Right?"
"I won´t since if you make a mistake in this, you might end up awakening, even if the risk is really small. I won´t let it happen either way regardless of the outcome so don´t worry, you won´t be able to be in danger for a premature death…"
Iris felt the idea of losing humanity by accident carve away from her decision. She hesitated to go through with it.
"Now… close your eyes." He said gently.
Right before the world went dark as she put faith in his words, the last thing she saw was her Claymore leaned against the wall.
In the pitch-black darkness, Blanc´s voice turned clearer and calmer to her ears.
"Now, use your yoki perception and instead of going outwards, use it on your own yoki…"
What? She thought before she voiced the question. "That is not possible…"
"Focus your thoughts on your own heartbeats, close everything else out and focus on it…"
Iris followed, put the doubts aside as the idea to use perception inwards was unheard of. She focused all her senses and thoughts on the dark pumping sound in her chest,
Thump, Thump
She found it harmonic and concentrated further. The heart pumped slower as she relaxed her muscles.
Thump…Thumb…
She started to see a faint light radiate from within and before she knew it, the thumping sounds faded away as the light pulled her into the void.
Thump…
Iris looked around at the complete darkness around her. A pressure surrounded her like she was deep under the water, her body floated weightlessly in the void. She held out a hand to reach anything in the dark depths and realized that the contours of her body emitted a weak light that separated her from the darkness.
Something restrained her movements, she could not see it but it felt like something heavy and cold wrapped around her wrists and ankles. Iris noticed that she did not wear the uniform in there.
"How does it feel?"
Blanc´s voice echoed a little and turned distorted in this darkness. Iris turned around for the origin of the voice, without one though of covering herself, not strange at first since the stigmata on her chest was discouraging enough to scare away any man that would try to violate her.
A reminder of the painful process to become a warrior.
She immediately stopped once she realized that he had been through the same process and had probably seen the same thing already. She wrapped her hands around herself out of instinct to preserve her dignity.
"Do not worry Iris, this is your space, not a shared one, and I can sense you, not see you…"
She kept the arms wrapped around and wished she had something to cover herself with. The stigmata were nothing any warrior was proud of showing, but as she glanced around, she realized that the voice had come from above and she reasoned if it was like an ocean. Then nobody would see her down below.
"So how does it feel?" Blanc asked in amusement.
"It… it is just…What is this place?"
Her voice vibrated faintly and Blanc continued.
"This is your world Iris, a place where you will find your wishes, and a place where you yoki can be intergraded with…if you look down, you will find that your stigmata is nonexistent here…" He explained.
"Why can´t I move?"
"It is your past guilt, chains of the Organization that they put in your head through constant harassment embodied by your sense of obligation to them."
"But how would I…?"
"…Remove them? This is what we are going to do here today." Blanc said.
"So what now?"
"You are surprisingly eager, okay, the true nature of yoki, lesson one…"
A light, a small cold ball of thick liquid came out from her chest where the stigmata had been, small, like a lantern and with an irregular form. Pulsated a little and stopped in front of Iris, three meters away. Iris stared at it in stunned surprise and remained speechless.
"What…is…that?"
"That… is your yoki."
The ball of light floated aimlessly through the air like a snowflake in the wind. She stared at it with the confusion intact. It behaved like a living being and Blanc explained further.
"Until now, you have been using yoki like a mad dog on a leash, unleashing it when needed and let it go berserk on anything while you struggle to keep it restrained, and then forcing it back to bind it again once you didn´t needed it anymore. The Organization is training the warriors to use their yoki like personal tools, like the warriors are for the Organization, but what they fail to realize, is that the warriors are not tools, they are living beings, with right to be treated like humans. You warriors are doing the same mistake…Your yoki is no different from you, it is not only a source of power, it is a part of your soul, your undying companion that will remain with you for eternity. It has a personality that is assembled from all the traits you have, it knows your desires, it knows your wishes, it dreams your dreams, it is you and you are it."
"But we were told that all warriors risk becoming awakened beings due to extensive use of yoki…"
"A proof that the Organization clearly did not understand the concept. Think about it. If yoki was just a power source for you to use, then why do you have to restrain it? Why not just turn it on and off? Why all this trouble to stay human if the power has no free will?"
Iris considered it and tried to come up with an answer until it hit her like a cold shower.
"Oh my God…" She said in faint realization.
"Exactly, the reason you warriors lose control against the yoki is because the yoki has a will on its own. If you abuse it, force it, strain it and treat it like a savage beast, it will become a savage beast. When a warrior awakens, then it is her yoki that takes the form it had in the warriors mind, A monster born from your own fear and prejudice. It takes vengeance on you." Blanc declared.
"What can I do?"
"You need to understand it. That is the reason to why you are here on a training ground, and from what I can see, have you abused that yoki of yours quite a lot. It´s like someone that´s holding a very long rope and unleash the hound to bite the neck or the forelegs of the opponent, slowing him down for you. All without you having to move an inch away and then drag the rope closer to you. A pure torture for your yoki, getting restrained and choked by your mind. If you go on like that… It will one day tear your rope apart once it snaps and you will become its first prey. I have seen this in all warriors, and I say it now, you must be one with your yoki…"
"What should I do?"
"First of all, we need to set you free first, and in order to do so you need to catch your yoki. There is no rope of willpower here so it´s moving freely but you yoki hasn´t realized it yet."
"Catch it?" Iris said with doubt over the simplicity of the task at hand. Blanc did not change the tone.
"The goal here is to let it float between your hands, to start a bond between you. To merge with your human soul and get rid of all this prejudice. From there the true training can start."
"Shouldn´t be so hard…"
Blanc chuckled a little.
"Be aware, it is more dangerous than it looks…"
"It is a pulsating light of water, how dangerous can it be?"
"Then good luck." He said before she was left in the dark once more.
Iris floated slowly towards the blue light and cupped her hands around to catch it like a salmon in water. She got a grip of it with both hands in a surprise maneuver.
Before she could smile over the easy victory, it shot out hundreds of thin spikes made from the surface like a sea urchin. The spikes went through her hands, body and arms. She released it and it floated away for a short distance, she looked down on her hands and the pain vanished along with the multiple wounds.
"What… was that!"
"I told you didn´t I? It will defend itself just like you would if someone grabbed you like that…"
"I didn´t expected such harsh treatment from it…"
"That is another mistake you makes…"
"Let me try again."
"As you wish…"
She sneaked weightlessly at it and tried the same trick again, only slower this time. She missed and it floated away, placed itself just out of her reach. Iris looked at it with some frustration.
"Annoying little…" She started and Blanc intervened.
"Calm down Iris, remember, don´t do the same mistake the Organization did…"
"Okay…"
She thought about the meaning of it. The same mistake. She attempted a different approach.
Iris held out one of her hands, tried to lure it closer to her like a cat that wanted a pat on the head.
This is ridiculous…
Apparently so did her yoki thought as well, it just remained in the spot.
Think now Iris, yes this is completely new territory for you, and you have never done this before, must be a lot of emotions involved in this…You can get it under control…Look into them…
She thought about the new emotions she felt when Blanc was around. She wondered what they were, the insecurity, the undetermined joy, the slightly shamed feeling and the one emotion that made her heart jump a little whenever he looked at her.
Her curiosity drove her further and wanted to know more about the human emotions, feelings that she always been told that her kind didn´t deserve.
Iris felt how something bright approached her and noticed the ball of light, her yoki, float right in front of her astral form, just as curious as she was. It waited for her next decision like a hungry pet for a bowl. She slowly raised both hands to catch it and stopped in midair.
Wait… what is this he meant… this is not something different then me…
The yoki imitated her doubts, leant slightly to the left like a bird investigating something on the ground.
This… is my reflection? My mind? My soul?
The yoki in front of her seemed to read her mind and it behaved accordingly as it moved slightly back and forth.
This is me?
The yoki moved closer and mimicked her movements. She kept her gaze on it with big eyes and found herself fascinated by its ever-changing surface of it, all while she reclaimed what been subdued long ago by the Organization, what she believed to be lost.
I am not a monster… I am not a tool… I…I…I am…
It moved closer and she could see herself in it, reflected as a much smaller image of her, like the reflection in an eye. She could see her body, face and every inch of herself reflected within the light, peaceful like a encased fairy. No horrifying stigmata in her chest. A normal human being, separated from the dark by contours of ice-blue yoki.
"…Human."
The yoki started to change again. The light within it pulsated and Iris felt something. She felt how all those foul words she had heard from the Organization, the words of not being worthy emotions, the feeling of being just as despised as the monsters they hunted, erode away. She remembered all those harsh glares that called her a monster, all those negative feelings, all that doubt of her existence, the chains and shackles around her ankles and wrists to weight her down and keep her in place, to doubt her own existence so that she wouldn´t disagree with the Organization and serve it obediently.
These chains of doubt began to break from insight and she slowly put her hands around the yoki in front of her, gently and carefully like a small child. She could feel waves come out from it like heartbeats. Iris focused even further and cracks started to appear in the shackles with light from the weakening links of prejudice.
Her hands nearly touched the surface of the yoki and it felt like a cold fire cupped in her hands. She could hear it, she could hear her heartbeats and how they synchronized with the yoki in her embracement. A flow of harmony spread through her as it came closer to the chest. The water-like surface touched her skin and a slight rush flowed within her body. The dark chain that bound her shivered and the light spread through the cracks in them. She thought as the yoki merged with the body.
I am not a tool.
She had closed her eyes at the embracement of the yoki, felt it spread a warm sensation in the chest.
It had nearly merged with her and the chains barely held together, shaking and nearly cracking from the radiant blue yoki. Her breathing sped up as it combined with her in slight bliss. Their heartbeats sent the sensation of fulfillment for each beat. Two beats in a joined hammer that pounded on the chains over and over again to destroy them.
I am… a human, and my name is…
The chains nearly collapsed and only one last push was required. Iris and her yoki merged together in a moment of unified pain, cold and joy as she declared with enforced conviction.
…Iris.
This thought contained no doubt, causing the chains and shackles to disintegrate from the yoki within them and explode in a silent firework through the depths.
These small fireflies of freedom caused her no harm and filled the void around her with diamond-like stars.
She opened her eyes and looked down on her wrists. The contours had turned more radiant and the light from within her heart shone through. Iris felt free as a snowflake and moved both arms to try out the freedom of the restraints.
The stars around almost invited her to touch them, she moved closer and marveled as the dark depths around her been replaced by a cold winter night and twinkling stars. She looked at one of them and picked it between her fingers, cold and hard like a diamond. Iris let go of it with a little laughter.
"Congratulations… you are now free from the Organization…How was it?" Blanc said with a satisfied amusement in the voice.
Iris looked around and smiled happily, released from the gnawing feeling in the back of her head.
"It feels… wonderful. I can´t believe it…" She said and tried to move around more.
"Enjoy it. There is no such thing as true freedom."
"So what now?"
She felt exalted. This whole experience had been wonderful and she knew that the one she should thank watched over her. She wanted to see more. She wanted to explore and to know more about the mental world.
"You wish to continue?" Blanc asked politely and Iris felt as a trainee on the first day of training.
"Yes, I would like that…where are you?"
"I am in a different place… it is getting late Iris, and I think you should rest for now, after all, you managed to free yourself, and that is not a small feat for a first time…"
"Rest? But I want to see you here…"
"And you will in time, we will continue tomorrow night. But now, I think it is getting late, and you should sleep, and don´t use your yoki until next training session..."
"And where will you be?"
"I will be right here, and I won´t move for the rest of the night. Good night Iris… and sweet dreams."
The stars faded away. She felt how her head got heavier, the rhythmic pulse of her heart turned louder and echoed in the dark sky. Her eyelids soon followed the tired mind and her form faded away.
Brought back from the deep state of consciousness.
Iris woke up with sleepy eyes and found herself back in the room, the broadsword in front of her.
The moon spread its light through the window and its pale light reflected back from the blade. A silent night outside as the citizens turned in for the prayer of an eventless and safe night. She realized after a short moment that she still sat with the back against his and she glanced over her shoulder.
Blanc sat still, meditated and remained unresponsive.
Iris felt exhausted from the experience and headed to bed after a quick reassurance that he was not aware or would wake up from what could be called slumber.
She waved a hand in front of his face without any reaction from it.
Iris removed the uniform and laid down under the sheets, throwing a short look at him. He sat on the floor with his back turned against her.
She looked down on her on chest and the dreadful stigmata there, frowning over how it felt differentand smoother than before. She remembered the cold orb of yoki that merged into it and she touched the disfiguration with one hand.
Iris never liked to touch the gruesome wound, it felt wrong and unnatural even to her touch and if enough pressure was applied, it would bleed.
But now, she didn´t experience those feelings of despise and revolt when her fingers touched it. It felt natural and with a small push from one of her fingers in the center. She looked at the fingertips and blinked in surprise.
There was no blood.
She considered the state of her stigmata for a couple of minutes before she pushed it away to another corner of her mind for later.
For now, she could enjoy her dreams in the state of freedom.
The sunlight shone in and forced her to wake up in a displeased scowl.
Blanc wasn´t there and she could see that he had been busy.
He had worked on the new attire for her while she been asleep. It started to look more respectable and practical. Its length had been cut down slightly, the sleeves were cut off from the shoulders and she spotted them thrown in a corner of the room. She could picture him reach for his claymore and cut them clean off in frustration after untold attempts to get them right.
She wasn´t worried, Blanc could take care of himself and would not need her help. Instead she decided to spend the morning in bed and enjoy the new feeling she woke up to.
A feeling that a heavy burden had been lifted from her shoulders, like a bird free from the cage, freedom that she never truly felt before. A feeling like there was not a single problem in the entire world, a perfect harmony resided around and within her. The gentle birdsong came in from the outside with the fresh air. A sensation of how everything felt bright as nothing could ruin that day.
She could sense two yoki auras in her surroundings, but remembered that it was those two yoma in the town form yesterday and she returned back to sleep.
"Yoma…yoma…they should do something about it… maybe send a request…" She mumbled and closed the eyes. The memory struck her down like lightning and she stared wide-eyed out into the air. "They did… and she is coming here now!"
She could not believe that she had forgotten about it. Maybe the peace of training with Blanc last night made her forgot about more than doubts. She got out from bed with the sheet wrapped around her body and looked out the window.
It seemed normal and calm with people going on as usual, she did not see Blanc anywhere though. But he could easily disappear among the population. He hadn´t brought his blade along and she started to get worried about his well-being incase the claymore found him first or her for that matter.
Iris got dressed in a hurry, wore the bodysuit, not the armor, and the cloak to conceal it from the humans. She wrapped the bandage over her eyes and pulled the hood up to cover her hair, pony-tail wrapped in a bun. She feigned blindness once she left the door, a cautious walk, with one hand on the wall and small steps as to not trip over her feet. She could see a little through the bandages over her eyes and did her best to keep up the blind act. Once she reached the stairs, a familiar voice greeted her from the side.
"Young lady? Where are you going? Oh careful, careful!"
The inn keeper approached her from the floor below and helped her down the stairs. She found herself a little amused over the nice treatment, considering that the same person would probably shun her if she had not covered her eyes.
"You should be more careful…" He said and acted like a gentleman.
"Thank you… but have you seen him?"
"Your husband? Yes he came down an hour ago and left for something on the market…"
That strange feeling of uneasiness reached her when she heard "husband" in her ears. The unknown thoughts came back and along with the heat in her face. She felt lucky over that the bandages covered the cheeks, she really didn´t want to show it in the open.
"Good… I need to find him, it is urgent…"
"I only heard him go to the market, but you should really not go by yourself miss…"
"But I can´t wait… I need to find him now…"
"Okay… okay, but if I let a blind girl wander off and get hurt then the shame would be on me…"
He shouted into the other room with a displeased annoyance.
"Rupert! Wake up you lazy bum! Watch the inn; I will help one of the guests with something!"
"Who is it, and for what?"
"It is the blind girl, I am going to help her find that husband of hers…"
Another strike of heat rose up in Iris´s face and she bowed it downwards to cloak it in shadow.
Oh please stop… She thought and the voice from the other room rose up once more.
"Ah… can you ask if he really is her husband? If you ask me, he looks a little too young to be that…"
"Okay then, maybe she is his fiancée?" the Inn´s keeper speculated.
"Sounds more believable…"
Their conversation didn´t decrease the heat in her face and the embarrassing feelings that awakened within her. She wanted to stop this awkward conversation before she wasted more time as the claymore moved closer to the town.
"Can we go now? I really need to find him…"
"Oh, sorry, my bad… I will be going now. Guard the Inn…and don´t dare fall asleep again!"
"Okay."
They left to find Blanc among the crowd, it went not as fast as she would want too since the blind act got too convincing and he led her with one of the hands on her shoulder. He carefully pushed people away as they moved forward in snail´s pace.
"Stay close, it seems to be a lot of people out here today…" the Inn´s keeper stated and Iris maintained the charade despite increased concern.
"I just need to find him…" She said.
"Do you have any idea of where he would be?"
"No… I just woke up… and he wasn´t there." The Inn keeper turned a glance over the shoulder in a questionable expression she didn´t see. "By the way, what is the time?"
"The sun has been up for five hours already…" He replied in deadpan voice.
If she had seen his facial expression and what it implied, she would have probably died from the heat right on the spot.
When she had worked for the Organization, she would not have cared less about what others thought about her but now, with all those feelings that Blanc stirred up, she wasn´t so sure anymore. The Inn keeper turned his head back at the side and looked around.
"I don´t see him, maybe I should ask someone…"
He approached the merchants and asked after a friendly greeting. Neither of them had seen Blanc. One of them claimed to have spotted someone familiar walk amongst them in the crowd. As he searched around after nothing special, she sighed heavily and the conversation headed in an direction that sent chills of discomfort in her back.
"I heard the mayor requested for a claymore here… when will she arrive?" the Merchant asked and the Inn keeper shrugged with the shoulders.
"Anytime now, we have all paid our share to get rid of our little "problem"…" He said. Iris didn´t like it and wanted to keep searching, she could be found out and she needed Blanc´s help to get away from there, for him to hide her aura. "Ah I see… I am helping her find that man she arrived here with."
"Good luck, and if you see the claymore, then warn me okay… I want to see that freak before she leaves."
That remarked angered Iris and she wanted to tell them off, defend the warriors for their hard work. But she couldn´t do that, not after what Blanc, she had promised to hide until further notice. She kept the anger inside and endured it.
"Oh yeah… I better get going; she said it was urgent…"
"May the Rabonian God guide you." The Merchant said and returned to business.
They left and continued her search for him. They asked more people for help and found no trace of the man among them. He seemed to have just vanished in plain sight. Iris could use perception to find him, or try to do so, but not without exposing herself to the warrior that would be there any minute. The Inn keeper led her through a thick crowd of people and she had to hold the cloak together to not reveal the uniform.
"Why are so many people here?" She asked.
She reached an opening in the wall of people and the Inn keeper stopped. There was an atmosphere of expectation in the air around her and the whispers started from the crowd.
"She is here…"
"Unbelievable…"
"Monster…"
Iris did not even have to see to know what happened. She knew this feeling from countless similar times before and she became a little frightened. The sound of iron boots that trampled the ground ahead of her and the whispers that continued with increased despise and dread in their voices.
"A real silver-eyed witch…"
"Half-breed…"
"Claymore…"
Ten meters from her, a warrior of the Organization stopped in the center of the market and searched for targets, maintaining a standard stoic expression. Iris struggled to control her breath while the bandages absorbed drops of sweat in the forehead.
No…why now? She thought and waited in complete silence.
No one said a word, and Iris kept her eyes closed, praying that she wouldn´t be noticed.
Just kill the yoma and leave, just find it, kill it and leave…don´t report this…
After a while, the mayor stepped forward and talked in a strained nervous tone.
"So you arrived at last…" He said in contempt.
"Considering that the request was sent two days ago, I would say you didn´t have to wait for long." The warrior answered emotionlessly.
"Yeah, yeah… so can you deal with the yoma and leave please." The warrior did nothing and the mayor talked away. "If it is trouble about the payment then it is all in my office, you can pick it up and…"
"Payment will be delivered to a suspicious looking man in black clothes after the deed is done. If I die you won´t have to pay… simple as that." She stated without interest.
It felt strange for Iris to hear what she said multiple times before, but on the other end of the crowd. It sounded like something inhuman, like a child that repeated a sentence as homework. It sounded wrong and she couldn´t believe that she had said the same thing countless times before in just the same manner. She felt sorry for the warrior.
"So what is taking so long?" the Mayor asked with a displeased scowl.
"You are disturbing my concentration…so shut up please." The warrior said with a pleased sound on the last part.
The mayor scoffed and joined the crowd while waiting for something to happen. Iris knew too well of the scene they expected to see with the warrior´s presence. The warrior used perception to track the yoma and then slice them down within seconds, simple as that, but what would happened if she found a fellow warrior here? And without the uniform?
One of the auras circled around in the crowd placed itself behind a row of women and raised up a hand in secret between two of them. Five claws elongated and went straight for the warrior.
It missed as the claymore cleaved it vertically between its eyes and missed the two women it used as shield by inches. They moved away in frightened screams as the yoma´s disguise pulled back and revealed its true nature as it collapsed down, dead on the ground. The warrior pulled her sword out from the skull and wiped it against her cape while humming a melancholic melody.
One left…
The warrior looked through the crowd with golden eyes. The second yoma remained in hiding and would not come out voluntarily. Iris could only see a little and the warrior turned on the spot in circles. She turned her head towards Iris who froze on the spot.
Did she see me?
The broadsword rose up in the air towards her and fear slowly crept up within Iris´s mind.
Could she have mistaken her for a yoma?
No that was impossible. She must have found out and now planned to kill her along with any yoma in the crowd. The people backed away from her and strengthened her suspicions.
She must have been busted, the Inn keeper still held his hand on her shoulder and apparently had not given up on her innocence. He put his other hand on the second shoulder and the warrior gazed in Iris´ direction.
"You can´t hide… I see you over there" the warrior stated openly.
Iris could use her technique to slow her down, but that would only been foolish. Then suddenly the Inn keeper grabbed a stranglehold around her throat. Yoki shone from behind and a distorted voice came up at the side of Iris´s ear.
"Back off claymore! Or I will kill her!"
Everybody in the crowd was surprised and shocked, but Iris felt as the one that got the biggest surprise of them all. She had been so distracted from last night, that she hadn´t noticed that the Inn keeper been replaced by a yoma.
Sharp claws formed right under her throat and they started to cut in the skin. She could freeze its yoki, but that would mark her as a target. The warrior moved quickly and attacked with three swings. The first two cut off the arms by the elbows and the third sliced right into the face of the yoma. The warrior spoke in a smooth voice.
"If you are going to take a hostage…" The body collapsed down on the ground and the warrior finished with a subtle smirk. "… Then don´t pick one shorter then you."
The whole spectacle had played out in two minutes, and Iris now worried that she might be next. Unarmed, unarmored and with only the skill of Ice-eye to defend herself with. The warrior stood so close to her that it would be impossible to act fast enough if she attacked.
"Oh thank heavens!"
A familiar voice from Iris' left side interrupted the tension and someone made a way through the crowd. Before she knew it, Blanc appeared and checked if she was injured or anything, keeping the hood up and the cloak closed.
"When that yoma grabbed you I feared that you wouldn´t make it…"
His voice sounded sincere and behaved like he meant it. The warrior turned her back at them and started to leave without a single look at the town. Iris couldn´t believe it, did this warrior not see them? Blanc turned his head to the warrior and called out.
"Thank you."
The warrior stopped a little and turned her head just a tiny bit, as if to make sure that she had heard right. She scoffed and left without a word.
Later Blanc kept the act up and led her back to the room of the inn. Iris remained speechless over what just happened while Blanc removed the bandages.
"Now we don´t have to worry about that anymore…" He stated with a small smile.
His voice broke through the initial shock and she uttered with restraint to not raise suspicions.
"What just happened!" She asked.
"You became a hostage for a yoma…"
"I know that! But that warrior looked directly at me and didn´t even react."
"Isn´t that a good thing?"
"I am a warrior! I have not even suppressed my yoki, so how is that even possible?"
"I should have told you earlier today, but you slept quite heavily and I didn´t want to disturb your dream…"
"So what was it?"
"You know from before that perception can be used to see yoki auras nonstop right?"
"Yes."
"Do you want to know the reason for that? From what I know about the topic, so is it because of the constant war between the yoki and the mind in the warriors. Yes there are cases where warriors have been able to suppress their yoki to minimum levels and remained undetected, but that is a forced suppression, like stomping on something until it is far deep in the ground. It will still sip through and reveal the true nature once you touch the warrior in question."
"So how did I…?"
"Remember the session last night? When you accepted the yoki and brought it into your soul? What you did then, that was you deciding to not fight it and instead accept it as a part of yourself. Your yoki is now working with you not against you. It is not perfect, and there is still long way to go, but for now, it won´t emit an aura whenever you are not using it. You have still full access to it, and when not using it, you will appear as a human to yoma, warriors and beings alike. Then you are using it for a minute and the true nature of yours is coming up until you rest and you appear human again to them. A voluntarily suppression, do you understand?"
Iris tried to grasp it, and went for the broadsword to confirm something. She lifted it up and checked the reflection.
Her eyes were still silver colored.
"You won´t be affected like that, this is no artificial suppression either."
She put down the sword and looked back at Blanc again. She realized the potential in this and how she felt different since she woke up, more peaceful and slightly at ease.
"Wait… if that was true, then wouldn´t the same go for the awakened beings? I mean…" She tried to voice her doubt and confusion.
"I understand and no, awakened beings will appear as auras since they are still not accepting themselves. Believe it or not, they still have a human soul that they treat like it had been treating the yoki. There is still a struggle for control, just not on the same level. They have still not come to peace with themselves…"
Everything Blanc said had been mind-rattling for her. If she hadn´t tried that meditation last night, she might not have believed him. It was a concept vastly different from what she worked with in the past. But now, when she experienced it firsthand, she would never doubt his words about it. She looked at him in an amazed manner and asked.
"Where did you learn all of this?"
Blanc looked down at the broken blade he used as weapon and his smile died a little.
"That is a story for another day…shall we return to your attire?"
He picked up the half-finished dress off the floor and Iris stood up to repeat yesterday's procedure. Blanc worked fast and she felt grateful for the help earlier. Which reminded her…
"Why did you go out? Where did you go?"
"I said yesterday that I was going for some ideas for this…"
"But where did you go?"
"I went to the market, checked the crowds, and then took a small detour to the mayor´s house…"
"Why?"
Blanc didn´t answer and moved out of sight while humming an unfamiliar melody.
"Just wanted to confirm something, that´s all." He said and dropped the topic.
"Oh… so how long am I supposed to play blind?" Iris asked.
He got a happier mood and replied.
"Once this is done, you won´t have to wear those bandages anymore. And with some more training, you will be able to walk with the hood down without getting unwanted attention."
Iris didn´t know how that even would be possible, a new question came to mind and she asked carefully.
"Why are you doing this? I mean… isn´t your uniform just going to catch even more attention? You could have made something for yourself…"
Blanc appeared in front of her and looked in her eyes with trust.
"Ever tried to make clothes? It is a lot harder than it looks and one person can´t do it alone. I have never been able to make myself new clothes, it takes two people for that…"
It eased the mood before he turned more serious.
"But the main reason…" He started and sighed. "…is that you deserve better than this. The Organization has stolen so much from you… they took your chance to a normal life, they stole your chance to have a family of your own, and they stole your compassion, your empathy, your value, your identity and your soul. They stole your joy, your humanity, and your love. And in return, they gave you suffering, violence and isolation. They made you hated by the world, and made you feel unwanted. You didn´t choose this fate, and the only hope for you was either death or awakening…"
She listened on every word and could actually feel how they touched her very soul. He kept the silver gaze in her eyes and she couldn´t do anything but listen.
"…I will help you find what was stolen from you, piece by piece, and help you achieve what they denied you. I can´t undo it, no one can, you can´t stop fighting, so I will give your life more than that. I will help you. The world you knew was murky and gloomy filled with darkness, solitude and death. I want to change that, you said that you would help me in any way to support me, but I am asking you now if you really meant it."
"I-I…"
"Iris, the road I am walking is one no sane person would take, there will be days of happiness, there will be days of sorrow, and there will be days of regret. The road I walk is going to be filled with corpses in the ditches, covered in blood and reeking of death. You will see more suffering in my way than anyone ever could stand. You will see people die by its sides, people no one can help; I will save those that the Organization left behind to die. And in the end, something far worse than the Organization is waiting for me. But in the end, the rain will wash the road clean and the sun breaking through the clouds will show a world of joy and peace. I am asking you if you really will walk this path with me…"
Iris didn´t knew what to say, her emotions stormed like high waves in her mind. It felt like all this information tried to overwhelm her, drown her in unknown emotions and territory. Blanc waited for an answer, standing there in front of her.
Iris did what came naturally to hide the emotions within her like a wall against the tidal wave.
She slapped the side of his head gently. There was some anger in her face while Blanc turned back to face her again.
"Don´t say things like that Blanc! …"If I am certain"… what is that for a stupid question…" She put her hand on the cheek she slapped and smiled a little. "I told you before and I say it again. I will help you in any way I can and I will never leave your side…"
Her emotions took the best of her and she woke up to the voice of reason once she realized what she done.
She quickly removed her hand from him and turned around on the spot before the heat in her face showed, enforcing the stoic shell she grew accustomed to over the years.
Blanc looked a little confused and then proceeded to continue on the attire. After removed the prototype of it, she leant back on the wall in her uniform, watching Blanc work.
"So do you have any request for your attire? Something you prefer?"
"Well, I would like something like this in it…"
She pointed at the dark cloth around her neck and he nodded with hidden smile.
There was no one left besides him now as she made the govern force of this world into her enemy by desertion. She didn´t regret it.
There were these unnamed feelings in her head that made her feel good and she wanted to find out more. As long as she was with him then nothing else would matter.