A/N: Hello lovely readers :) Iiiiiiiii'm baaaaaaaaack! (Hopefully) I'll explain later I hope you enjoy this chapter though!
Groaning to myself, I opened my door and ran after Dimitri, dashing down the stairs in hopes of catching him as he got off the elevator. Technically I succeeded, but I was so out of breathe that when I stopped in front of him I had to take some time to catch my breath. Part of me expected him to keep walking, but part of me knew he would stop and wait to hear what I had to say.
"I'm…sorry…" I got out, my voice hoarse.
"Roza, I…You can't just keep saying sorry. It doesn't fix anything," he said, his tone exhausted and his shoulders slump. I bit my lip unsure of how to answer him.
"I want to tell you, but I don't know how or what to say. It's just so…so…" I said, struggling to explain myself.
"Just talk to me, don't try explaining, don't try to make me understand. Just tell me. I'll figure it out," he explained, grabbing my hands in his.
Looking up at him, I nodded my head.
"Adrian's death anniversary is this weekend and I just saw the invitation in the mail today." I saw his eyes darken and drop, almost like his life leaving his body. Neither of us said anything for a while.
"I didn't say anything and made you leave because I just hate that look you get," I finally said.
"What look?"
"That pitied, jealous, understanding but hurt look," I explained. "Anytime Adrian is mentioned, you tense up and I don't know why because you have no reason to be jealous or threatened by him."
"Roza…" he whispered, not really trying to cut me off.
"He's dead," I whispered, something inside me breaking. "He's dead and for the last few months I forgot he was shot in front of me and died in my arms."
"Roza…" he said a little louder, taking a step towards me.
"I moved on, but I feel like I'm just lying to myself about that. I feel like I have let go, and that I have fallen wholeheartedly in love with you, but there's a part of me that feels like I'm forcing myself to think I moved, and in reality I'm still in that dark, abysmal hole you pulled me from."
"Roza, I think…" He tried interjecting, but I cut him off.
"And then you act like he's just going to pop up from his grave and come whisk me away and like I'm this frail doll that will break if you say the wrong thing."
"Roza, I never meant…"
"I know you probably never meant to, but you do and I understand. No guy likes to be constantly reminded about his girlfriend's ex. And I'm sorry. It's why I didn't want you around when I opened the memorial service invitation."
"Roza…I never meant for you to feel like you couldn't be honest with me about your emotions," he said in a low voice, wrapping me in his arms.
"Comrade, I've never been honest with anyone about my feelings. But you're the only person I want to be honest with. I want to tell you that it killed me to get Daniella's call and be reminded that Adrian died a year ago. Yeah I always have him in the back of my mind, but it's like my subconscious blocked out the fact that he died in front me. Who forgets their fiancé of like an hour got shot and died in their arms? Who, Dimitri?"
"You need to calm down, love," he said softly, pulling me into his arms and stroking my back. "I'm not going to say the trite comments like it's normal to forget or that everyone grieves differently. But I'll tell you this…This past year has been a crazy, bumpy roller coaster. When he died, it felt like part of you died too, like you had completely shut down your emotions. And then it wasn't until his funeral that that door flew open and you completely broke down. And it wasn't easy bringing you back up, but I got you back. And then we started dating, and maybe it's my fault for letting you jump into a relationship so quickly, but Rose you have to understand that there is no formula, no timeline you're suppose to follow when it comes to this kind of situation."
"And what situation is that?" I ask, my voice a little rough. "You dating someone that's so emotional damaged she still has her dead fiancee's art studio?"
"You're not emotionally damaged," he began to say before pulling way and looking at me with a confused look. "What art studio?"
Not bothering with a response, I slipped out of his embrace and led him back to my apartment, straight to the mostly bare room.
"Wooooow," he let out after a solid ten minutes of silence as he took in the room. He kept walking from paining to painting. "He painted all of these?"
"Yup. Nothing relaxed him more than getting lost in a painting."
"So many of these are of you!" he said, looking at me a little awestruck. Laughing, I felt a small blush creep along me as I nodded my head.
"What's with this one?" he asked, pointing to one with a purple background and gold intricate design really popping out.
"I have no idea," I murmured. "I just remember him coming back from a trip and a couple hours later he had that added in his collection. But my favorite one is the rose vines crawling across the wall."
"Yeah those are strangely beautiful," Dimitri said, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist as we admired the almost finished product.
"I wish I knew why he was drawing them."
"Maybe to create a nursery," Dimitri whispered, a smile spreading against my ear.
"That's not funny," I said, faking an attempt to get away. "Kids were the last thing on his mind."
"Well thank God I'm not him."
Pulling away to turn back and look at him, I asked, "You want kids? With me? Now?"
"Eventually I would love for us to have kids, and this would be the perfect room for a princess."
Laughing, I turned around to face him and wrap my arms around his neck. "Let's get through this memorial first, and then we can think about filling the apartment with princesses and princes."
"I like the way you think, Ms. Hathaway," he said, leaning in to press his lips against mine.
Kissing him back, I murmured, "That's Dr. Hathway."
"Mmm, well Dr. Hathaway, I think you'll agree that practice makes perfect," he growled as he dropped his hand down to hoist me up, making me laugh. Instinctively, I wrapped my legs around him as he walked us to my room.
Laying me down, one of Dimitri's hand stayed hips while the other one nestled in my hair, neither of us breaking our lips apart. While our legs were intertwined, my outer leg ran along the length of his leg. His lips finally broke apart and start trailing down to my jaw and neck. When they got to my collarbone, he pulled away and took off his shirt while I beat him to the punch and took my shirt off. After taking a quick minute to admire my "bra," he picked up where he left off and continued his trail of kisses, lightly nipping my breast along the way. I could feel his lips curl into a smirk when a small moan escaped my lips. Although he took his time there, he didn't stop and soon continued down towards my belly button. The mix of his light kisses and slow breathing were tickling my entire upper body, making me giggle and moan as my body curves up to his lips. All too soon, his reached the hem of my pants and quickly gets them off, along with his own pants, and we're left in our undergarments.
Before he has a chance to get back to his sensual kissing, I pull him back up to me and press my lips to his, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling his body tight against mine. I feel his hands roam down the side of my body, and his erection pressed in between my legs. Slightly shivering to his touch, I gently suck on his bottom lip as I shake my head "no."
"Not tonight, please," I whisper, loosing my hold on his neck.
"Of course," he said, his voice husky, as he rolled off me and pulled me into his arms. "Do you want to get dressed?"
Again, I shake my head. "I just want to cuddle under the blankets, if that's ok."
"There's nothing I love more than having you in my arms, love," he says as he pulls the blankets over us and brings me into his arms.
Messing with one of his hair strands, I say, "I was scared that when you left, you were walking out of my life."
"I would never do that. I knew you were trying to deal with thing on your own, and it infuriated me that there was nothing I could do to make you feel better. I figured it would have been best to just listen to you and go tend to my apartment and give you the space you needed, and that when you were ready you would come to me."
"I know. And it's because I knew that you knew I was hiding something that made me run down the stairs. I realized I was putting my grief on top of my happiness and that wasn't good for me, or you. You're right when you said that part of me died with Adrian, although it felt like all of me was gone, but you brought the other part of me back to life, and you were what you caused something new inside me to grow. I thought keeping all of this a secret would have saved you from hurt, but I ended up hurting you more, and I was scared that you had had enough and wanted to move on to something more simple and easy. And that's why I ran down to ask for another chance."
"Roza, my crazy, delusional Roza, when are you going to realize that I'm in this for the long haul. Nothing you say, or do, is going to ever make me stop loving you, and it sure as hell won't make me leave. I spent the last two years having to see you love someone else, while I had this unrequited love for you. If I was able to survive that and still give myself the chance to be with you, nothing is going to take me away."
Smiling, I looked up and said, "I love you, Dimitri."
"I love you more, Rose," he responded before kissing me. And the rest of the night was filled with kissing and cuddling before I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore and I fell asleep in Dimitri's arms.
A few days later….
Taking a deep breath, I fix my curls one last time, placing a few strands in front perfectly, and then run my hands down my the skirt of my dress. As I took in a deep breath, Dimitri slides one of his arms around my waist and pulls me in close, placing a soft kiss on my forehead. I felt thinking of him as my rock was so cliché, but honestly I couldn't find a better way to describe him. I don't know how I planned to survive this service without him. Just knowing he's next to me, just having him hold my hand, was enough for me to feel like I could handle this.
Giving his hand a slight squeeze, I pushed open the door, my heart swelling when I saw the room covered with Adrian's artwork. After amending things with Dimitri, I talked to Daniella about possibly honoring Adrian's memory by sharing with others what he loved doing. She was over the moon, rambling about how this works perfectly, and told me not to worry about anything, just to be home for when people came to pick it up. I don't know how she did but in just a matter of days she was able to change whatever she had planned and she set up the room into the most exquisite art gallery. The walls were the purest white, making each painting really pop on their own wall. I had just found Lisa and Christian when my attention was called somewhere else.
"Oh, Rose! You're here!" I heard Daniella say before seeing a flurry of blonde and green run to me and wrap me up in a hug. "I can't thank you enough for giving me these artwork. In all the years Adrian's been painting, I never got to see any of his work. It feels as if it's his last gift to me."
"Don't think he shared it with me so quickly either," I joked. "He had the room under lock and I had luck one day."
She gave a light laughter, and I could tell that it must have been one of the few, if not the first, she's let out since he passed away. Taking a good look at her, I could see how much this affected her. How could it not? But she did a spectacular job at covering it, no one would be able to tell she's changed from the socialite she was a year ago. No, you had to look really closely to see the bags that had developed under her eyes, and the way her body doesn't have the same glowing, thin frame, but instead a gauntly thinness, her natural shine diminished. But seeing how her eyes sparkled, especially when she caught glimpse of the paintings, I could tell it was still inside her.
"I want you to have them," I said, firmly.
"Oh I couldn't! He left them at your apartment for a reason."
"Even so, you should have them. The only I couldn't live without is the rose one. And I'm sure you'll have more space for them either way."
"Why? Are you doing something with the room?" she inquired.
Biting my lip, I wasn't sure how to respond. These past few days have been life changing in a way. The night I had told Dimitri everything, I had the strangest dream. I don't know how I got to that point, but I was in a park chasing this little girl, her hair long, dark, and in tangled waves, like how mine was when I was little. She had the purest, most contagious giggle I've ever heard. When I finally caught her, she embraced me tightly and I got a good look at her. She had Dimitri's fine features, her eyes wide like mine, but with Adrian's emerald color. It was the weirdest thing ever. She was literally my dream child, having every one of my favorite and most desired feature. As if that wasn't weird enough, when we made it back to our picnic location there was a little boy, either the same age or a bit younger than her, that looked almost identical except he had Adrian's hair, Dimitri's eye color, and my facial features. When I woke up the next morning, I had no idea what to make of it. I knew it was impossible to have that type of perfect child but I realized I wanted a child that was a perfect blend of Dimitri and me. I haven't told Dimitri anything yet, but when I looked at the rose paininting on the wall in Adrian's studio all I saw was a nursery.
"I just…I…" I didn't know what to say. It's not that I felt I was being unfaithful to Adrian, but I wasn't sure if this was something Daniella would want to hear.
"Rose, you're like the daughter I never had, and I know you must feel weird being open with me about your relationship with another man, so I want you to know that you have my blessing. I know you don't need it, and this must be weird, but I can see how much he loves you. I knew that the moment I saw him holding you in the hospital. And I know you love him too, no two loves are the same, and I'll admit this is weird for me too, but I want you to be happy and you're too young to commit yourself to a dead man. If you want to start a family with Dimitri, then do it. The only thing I ask is you let me be a great-aunt to him or her."
Giving her a tight hug I whispered a thank you. "I didn't know it was something I wanted until I realized I couldn't have with Adrian. And now when I see his studio and this painting he was doing the wall, I just picture this perfect nursery. I-I watch so many women become mothers, I see the pure love and happiness they have when they hold their baby for the first time, no matter how difficult their delivery was, and I want it. I want to be all sweaty and ready to pass out, with my baby in my arms. Am I a bad person for wanting it so soon?"
"So soon? If anything you're a little late," she joked. Laughing, I hug her one more time.
"You'll be the greatest great-aunt in history," I said, feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder. In response, she gives me a warm smile before kissing the top of my forehead and walking to the center of the gallery.
Perfectly timed, Dimitri steps next to me, handing a glass of champagne and slipping his arm around my waist. Leaning into his loose embrace, I look around and see that a lot of people had come without me noticing. Taking a quick glance at my phone, I realize the service is going to start soon. While we waited, Dimitri and I walked around talking about work and his family while we looked at the artwork. All too soon, the clink of a glass rung throughout the room and everyone started converging to the middle of the gallery. Joining up with Lissa, we watched Daniella and Nathan approach the microphone.
Composed as ever, Daniella welcomed everyone and thanked us for coming out. You could see the sadness, the emptiness, the loss in her eyes. Even Nathan's usual stoic, emotionless stance held grief and remorse as he held a supporting arm around his wife.
"Originally I had rented out this space to hold a casino night with an open bar in honor of Adrian, but a lovely angel gave me the best gift. She gave me a living memory of my son, a side that he hid behind the parties and the gambling and the booze. A side only she brought out in him." I couldn't help it, I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and no matter how slowly and deeply I breathed, eventually they started streaming down my cheeks like a lazy river. She went on to share a few stories about Adrian as a child, like the time he tried to sneak into Santa's present bag to go see the North Pole. Nathan then stepped in front of the mic and shared a few stories about Adrian in high school, like the time he threw a party and almost burnt the house down.
"I always expected a lot from him," Nathan began to say, his chest rising and falling before he went on. "I knew he was capable to do something great with his life, he just had to find something, or someone to make him want to. I knew he was a great artist, but I also knew that he needed a stable career, so I got him to go to college and get a business degree so that he could work with me, but he was fine with his entry level job that paid enough to feed his vices. And then, he broke his leg." His lips spread even further towards his ears and chuckle slipped out. "I don't know what it is about her, but the minute he began trying to conquer her was the minute he started showing initiative at work. I started to see the side of Adrian I knew he had in him, and I can't thank Rose enough for getting it out of him."
Our eyes met and his grin turned into a soft smile as Daniella called me up. It took me a while to register what she said, and a quick nudge from Dimitri and Lissa to get me up with them. Looking at the everyone crowded around us, I noticed familiar faces but what shook my core was the pair of emerald green eyes in the back. Blinking, I searched for those eyes again but couldn't find them. It took Daniella squeezing my hand to get me to talk.
"Well, believe it or not, I've never heard these stories but I can see Adrian doing all of that and more," I started off, not sure where I was going exactly. "Funny thing is that it wasn't his charm, his wit, his lavish outings that made me agree to go steady. And it wasn't his spontaneous weekend trips to some foreign country that made me fall in love with him. Although, it did feel nice to be spoiled. It was all of this that opened me up to him." I spread my arms out, signaling to all the paintings surrounding us. "It was this side of Adrian that I had stumbled upon that told me he wouldn't be a mistake. After we met in the ER, he would find anyway to be where I was. It didn't help that his cousin is my best friend, and she was more than happy to play matchmaker. It didn't take long before he asked me out on a real date and I agreed, I mean it wouldn't hurt and the worse that could happen is we realized we had nothing in common and stayed friends. Well that wasn't the case. We went out for a few months and he was ready to make our relationship official, but I was hesitant. Well one day he invited me over to his condo, to 'have a drink before going out'." Shaking my head, I couldn't help but laugh at the memory of a polished Adrian with a feast of food in front of him….
Knock knock…Silence...Knock knock…
Irritated, I was about to pound on the door one last time when it finally opened.
"Sorry," Adrian said, flashing me his lopsided, carefree grin. "I was getting out of the shower."
Looking at how clean he was dressed, and how dry his hair was, I doubted it.
"Mmm well are we going to stand here all night or have a drink before dinner?" I wasn't trying to be rude or lead him on, but my feet were killing me and I had decided that tonight's date would decide the future of our relationship.
"Oh right! My bad! Come in!" His face started to gain some color as he led me to the bar at his kitchen. But my attention was on the table with two plates of food and a single rose with a candle next to it decorating the table. Prime rib, salad, bread, butter, pasta salad, steamed vegetables. Adrian came up beside me, a glass of red wine in each hand.
"Shall we?" he asked after he set down the glasses and pulled out my chair. Nodding, I made my way sat down, a smile slowly crawling across my face.
Of course, the smile didn't last after I took a bite of the food. Not sure how to handle this, I force fed myself another bite of food, quickly washing it down with some wine. Maybe that's what the food was missing….
"Well," Adrian began saying after drinking half of his glass. "I don't know about you, little doctor, but I find this food horrendous." Laughing, I put my fork down, relieved for not having to continue eating. After that we enjoyed the bottle of wine and talked about work and anything else that came to mind. Neither of us really wanted to end the night, so we decided to move to the living room and watch a movie.
"Can I ask you something?" I said as he helped me out of my seat.
"Yes, I'll be your date to prom," he said jokingly, earning himself a slap on the chest.
"No, haha, since dinner's a bust do you have anything comfortable I could wear? I doubt I'll be able to sit comfortably on the couch with this dress."
"Oh yeah, pick anything you want from my room. I'm sure it'll look a million times better on you. And while you change I'll order something to eat so you can't say I starved you."
Smiling, I kiss him on the cheek before making my way down the hallway, kicking my heels off by the TV. There were two doors on either side of the hall. I was going to ask him, but I saw he was on the phone. Taking a chance, I enter the one on the left. What I walked into, I didn't expect. Canvases scatter across the room, some on easels, some lined up across the back wall, and some torn and tossed aside. A couple of the easels were covered, but the one in the middle was open, with a stool in front, a palette resting on it. It wasn't finished but you could see where he was going with his. It was a rose, a massive, beautifully detailed rose and something about it seemed sad, almost tearful, but that could be my imagination.
"I'm calling it the Crying Rose," Adrian whispered behind me, making me jump.
"Oh my god! Adrian! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to invade your privacy. I just thought it was–"
"It's ok, Rose," he said, wrapping his arms around me. "I'm not mad. A little scared but also relieved you know my deepest, darkest secret."
"That you paint?" I said, turning around to face him. "That's your big secret? Why?"
"Because it's not what people want to see. They like the cool, casual, often drunk Adrian that's always up for a good time and throwing away his money. They don't want the sober painter that uses art to let out all the emotions he has to bottle in when he's in public."
Looking into his eyes, I realized that he honestly believed that. Someone, or maybe just past rejections, have made him believe that was true.
"Well I'm not everyone and I like this Adrian more than the other one," I said, leaning up to meet his lips.
"It's safe to say the rest is history," I concluded, my cheeks wet. "I can't take credit for bringing this side of Adrian out because it was there when I met him, I just showed him that he didn't have to hide it anymore."
"And with that in mind, I decided that everyone should keep a piece of Adrian with them. There's enough paintings for every family to go home with a painting. The only thing we ask is that you give a donation that will go towards the scholarship we are creating in honor of Adrian for artist trying to go to college and get a career," Daniella announced.
A big round of applause erupted when we stepped away. My friends and I enjoyed the rest of the service as various people picked their paintings and left a generous donation with Daniella.
Having finally closed that chapter of my life, I wrapped my hands around Dimitri and nudged towards the exit, hoping we could still enjoy the nice day before going home.
A/N: Ok two things, but first I hope you liked the chapter! I made it extra long to make up for the time it took to get it up. Honestly, I wrote this chapter like 5 times before I was able to get what I wanted, or close to it.
So….1. Some of you kindly expressed your opinion about me dragging on Rose's grief too long. And to be honest, you're right. I didn't mean to. When I started this story, I had certain plotline, certain moments, I wanted to do, but how I would get there was made up along the way. I unintentionally kept bringing up Rose's grief, each time cringing because I knew it might ruin how I wanted to end this storyline. That being said, I want you to think of this story as a TV series, with this storyline being one season, meaning that the memorial service is the season finale. After this chapter, I promise to move on to different topics. So please, don't drop my story :'(
2. I'm sorry it took so long! I mentioned having to rewrite it a lot, but also summer did not go as planned. Honestly, I had the chapter done right when the 200th review came in, but I didn't like it and then I couldn't find time to read through it to fix what needed fixing. But thankfully I'm taking this short story writing class so I have found my mojo! I have the next chapter done and I'm working on the chapter after, so I'll be posting again next week! I think this chapter was just really hard for me and now I can start getting back into the swing of things!
As for my other stories, if I can get 5 chapters ahead in this story, I promise I'll go back to those stories. I have the first chapter of each written, I just want to get ahead so I don't have this dilemma again!
I'm glad so many of you stuck around! I love you! Have a great weekend lovelies! XO