Chapter 21
"Jerome," gasped Addison in between his fiery kisses her hands curling into his sides. He just didn't seem to want to stop kissing her; it was like he was worshipping her with his lips as he laid there with her. He didn't stop his attentions for the longest time, but when he finally did Jerome looked into her eyes. Those beautiful orbs of love filled light were his favorite thing about her; he wanted to look into them for the rest of his life.
"Addy…I love you, I love you so much," exclaimed Jerome his arms tight around her. His words made her eyes smile before her mouth as she wrapped her arms around him snuggling close. She loved him too, more than any one person should love another, she would always love him, and she hoped he knew that. That he saw that whenever he looked into her eyes, with every kiss she gave him, and even with every touch. Addison would never love anyone who wasn't him and smiling finally she tried to tell him that without saying it at all for there were other things on her mind in that moment. Addison stared up at him what Charlie had told her repeating in her mind. Jerome had had a nightmare while she was gone, Charlie had had to wake him up because he was screaming in his sleep, and he had been screaming for her. He had been screaming her name and thinking back Addison couldn't remember him ever doing that before. Part of her thought there was more to it then Charlie had explained it wasn't just because he missed her; she was sure he had been screaming her name for another reason, but she didn't know what it could be.
"I love you too, J," smiled Addison moving to hold his face in her hands as she kissed his lips not letting him break eye contact with her as their lips separated once more.
"Baby, are you alright? Charlie told me you had a nightmare," whispered Addison watching as he sighed his eyes closing. She expected him to pull away then, to say he didn't want to talk about it, but Jerome didn't do that this time. Instead Jerome only leaned closer to her their foreheads touching as she peered up at him through her lashes waiting for his eyes to open.
"She told me you were screaming my name," continued Addison her voice barely a breath as she felt him pull her closer still. Jerome held her so tight now; it was like he thought she would suddenly disappear from his world. Addison moved a stray lock of hair out of his face as she waited for him to say something, she would wait as long as he needed her to wait. She would be there to listen to whatever he had to say whenever he was ready to say it.
"Jerome, look at me, open your eyes, and look at me," whispered Addison gently stroking his head. Slowly then she began to kiss him beginning with his lips continuing to his cheeks and every inch of him that she could. She covered his faces in her loving kisses hoping suddenly he would open his eyes and confide in her like he always could.
"Please, baby, look at me…you know I'm always right here for you. You know you can tell me anything no matter what," breathed Addison in between kisses her mind reeling with so many questions as she did. She wanted to know what he was thinking and what his nightmare had put into his mind. What was he thinking in that red head of his?
"Please, Jerome," breathed Addison about to say more when suddenly he did it. Jerome opened his eyes looking down into her face, her angel face, Addison looked into his eyes, and the fear she saw broke her heart. She had never seen such fear in his eyes before. Seeing that fear, Addison knew she needed to give him everything he needed now. She needed to hold him, to let him pour out his heart until that fear was gone, so that is what she did. Addison kissed him sweetly on the lips in that moment as she wrapped her arms around him so he was cradled in her warmth staring into his eyes willing to wait as long as he needed for him to say what he needed to say. But she knew when he was nearly ready to do so because slowly she felt him relax in her arms.
"I had lost you, Addy. You were gone…you were gone," exclaimed Jerome his breathing becoming heavier with each word as he held her with an iron grip that fear taking up every cell in his body.
"What do you mean, baby. What do you mean I was gone, you know I'd never leave you," smiled Addison trying to reassure him. But in that moment she felt anger boiling inside her not at him, but at his mother. At everyone who had ever abused him, he wouldn't have these nightmares, he wouldn't think such things if they hadn't mistreated him so. Addison also felt a sudden need to prove to him that she loved him, that she would always love him because she had a sudden fear that he didn't know.
"I would never leave you, Jerome. I love you," continued Addison her voice cracking as she held back tears peppering his face in kisses over and over again feeling as he clung to her.
"Tell me exactly what happened," exclaimed Addison finally ending the kisses to look into his eyes.
He stayed silent then his heart pounding as he pictured every scene from the nightmare again. He never wanted that to be a reality, He never wanted to lose his girl, and in that moment Jerome found he was so scared his whole body was shaking with fear.
"In the nightmare…I was outside just standing there and Oliver came. He was like checking up on me because something was happening that day…something with you, Addison. You were…you," exclaimed Jerome his breathing getting heavier with each word towards the end as he looked at her his eyes still fearful. She could see he didn't want to go on, but Addison knew he had to. He couldn't keep this bottled up deep inside himself and she had to know what was going through his mind.
"What is it, J…what was I doing. What was happening…tell me," breathed Addison stroking his head still. But he didn't answer right away, he only leaned his head against hers once more his eyes closing for a brief second as he remembered it all.
"We weren't together anymore, Addy…and you were getting married…and it wasn't to me. You were gone," whispered Jerome his voice cracking now as he held back tears. Addison gasped in that moment her eyes widening as she looked right back at him. That was the last thing she had been expecting him to say.
"Oliver said we had broken up because I couldn't give you everything you wanted. I couldn't give you everything you deserved because I have to hide for the rest of my life. So, you were getting married Addison…you were getting married, but not to me. Not to me…I couldn't take care of you Addison, so I lost you…I lost you…I lost you," cried Jerome his tears breaking through now as he looked down at her his breathing more labored than ever. Addison began crying too as she listened to what he was saying, to what had happened in his nightmare, and she shook her head because that would never happen. But she could see that he didn't believe that as he cried becoming nearly hysterical as he looked down on her. Addison kissed him then despite the tears holding him as tight as he held her. And in that moment nothing was said between them, things remained silent for a long time as they cried together his face going to hide in the crook of her neck as she buried hers in his shoulder.
In that moment she could see everything he said, she pictured it the way it must have played out in his mind, and pulling him closer she kissed every inch of him that she could reach.
"I love you Jerome. I love you so much; I promise I'll never leave you. I will always be your girl…you will never ever lose me," exclaimed Addison clinging to him as he clung to her. She made him look at her then peering into his eyes as she repeated what she had said hoping he believed every word as she got rid of both their tears. Addison was determined in that moment to make sure she proved her love for him, that he knew she wasn't going anywhere because she didn't want to go anywhere. She never ever wanted to be parted from him, she had already lived a whole year without him, and it was the worst year of her life. She never wanted to experience that ever again.
"Listen to me…I love you…that's never gonna change. I love you with all my heart…I never ever want to be separated from you ever again…I've done that and I hated it. It was the most terrible time of my life. I love you, Jerome, I'm not going anywhere. I will always be right here next to you because I don't wanna be anywhere else. I love you; I'll never leave you," cried Addison in the back of her mind remembering her year without him that alone bringing fresh tears to her eyes. As she said all of this, Addison stared him dead in the eye in an attempt to make him believe her. She hoped that he believed her because everything she said was the truth. In a way, it was the truth she lived her life by. When she was done and the silence surrounded them again he didn't say anything. Jerome only stared at her; he stared at her for the longest time as if processing every word one at a time. He believed her, he could see she spoke the truth, but would that always be the truth. Jerome was just about to say that when she stopped him.
"That's never gonna change, Jerome. I've loved you since I was nine years old and I plan on loving you until I'm ninety, or until I die whichever comes first. I will never stop loving you," smiled Addison as if reading his mind sealing this promise like declaration with a kiss.
"I love you, Jerome. That's never gonna change, if you ever want to get rid of me you'd have to send me away, and even then I might not go," smiled Addison choosing that moment to flip them so that she was straddling him. She attacked his lips them kissing him as if it might be their last. She wasn't going to give him a chance to argue, or question her because she spoke the truth. Addison would never stop loving him; she would never leave him because to do so would be like walking around day by day without her heart. And that's what he was, her heart. Finally she held his face in her hands as she leaned her lips away their noses brushing as she stared down at him.
"Please say you believe me," breathed Addison pecking him on the lips one last time. Leaving one hand cupping his cheek then, Addison took his hand in hers intertwining their fingers, and still peering into his eyes waiting to hear what he had to say she brought their conjoined hands to her chest. She was silently telling him that she was all his, forever. That her heart was his, forever, and staring at her Jerome knew that. Finally he nodded his answer a hint of a smile returning to his lips as he accepted one last kiss from her. He let her sit up then bring his other hand to brush over her hip as she continued to straddle him. Jerome didn't say anything still though watching as she kept their hands over her heart and slowly his smile widened because all he could think about in that moment was how much he loved her.
" I believe you, baby girl…I love you," smiled Jerome using the hand she held to pull her back to him kissing her this time as a way to prove his point. He broke away then holding her face in his hands as he prepared to ask her one last question. It was the one question he really needed the answer to.
"I love you Addy, but I need to know. Do I make you happy? I want to make you happy; do I make you happy?" whispered Jerome holding her close, as close as possible part of him determined to never let her go. His question made her smile and looking into his eyes Addison leaned into his touch. He made her the happiest girl in the world and from this point forward she would make sure he knew that.
"Yes, baby, you make me very, very happy. Without you there is no happiness in my life. You're the only reason I have to be happy…when you were gone…that's the only time when I wasn't happy. I wasn't happy because I didn't have you and then when I thought you were dead I seriously thought about ending it, but I couldn't because I couldn't leave Archer. But without you I was miserable. I missed you every day…I thought so many times about going to see you in that place, but everyone said you wouldn't want me to, so I didn't. But I missed you every day and now that I got you back I never plan on letting you go ever again. You make me so happy, Jerome, never doubt that," cried Addison laying her head on his chest as he enrobed her in his embrace. She cried into his chest then as she remembered that time, her time without him, and feeling as he kissed her head Addison looked at him.
"Don't you ever leave me like that again," whispered Addison.
"Never again, baby girl," whispered Jerome stroking her cheek moving tear stained pieces of brown hair out of her face. Nothing was said then as they merely looked at each other until finally she smiled waiting for him to do the same.
But when he finally did it was tiny telling her he had more he needed to know.
"Do you…want to get married…not that I'm asking," exclaimed Jerome his words rushed.
"As of right now…no, J, baby, neither of us is ready for that. I love you and I know you love me, but we're just not ready to take that step in our relationship. But I promise you that when I am ready I will let you know because when I do walk down the aisle someday I'm only gonna do it if you're waiting for me at the end of it. You're the only one I'm ever gonna want to marry," explained Addison smiling up at him as she toyed with the edges of his shirt.
"You're right…I know you're right, but still if I had asked, would you have said no?" asked Jerome part of him relieved she didn't want to get married while another wanted to ask just so there would be no chance she would ever leave him. If they got married right now, she would be his, all his, forever, and he did really want that.
"Jerome, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that we're not ready, but if you had asked I would have said yes. I'd say yes, but we wouldn't be getting married today, or tomorrow…we'd be getting married maybe a few years from now…we'd wait until we're ready," explained Addison finally making him smile. Jerome kissed her then continuing to her jaw then her throat. He loved kissing her lips, they were his, he loved them, he loved her, and kissing her lips would forever be his favorite pastime. It was one of the things he missed most while in Arkham and now he was determined to never stop kissing her. It was gone now. The nightmare, the fearful thoughts it had inspired, it was all gone now, and he just wanted to kiss her, to love her forever. He knew the truth between them now and Jerome was determined he would never ever forget it. It and everything else she had said.
Addison was his, she wasn't going anywhere, they made each other happy, and kissing her again he had a need to seal the many declarations they had made.
"I love you, Addison," purred Jerome determined to show her that now. He wanted to shower his love on her his lips moving down her throat suddenly making her moan as he marked her.
"J, baby…stop," gasped Addison curling her fingers into his hair her body telling him the exact opposite. But he didn't listen continuing to kiss her still. Jerome was going to show her that he loved her.
" Why should I stop…you know you don't want me to," hissed Jerome against her skin making her moan as her arms wrapped around him as he kissed her running his tongue over her lip for access immediately.
"I love you; Addy…you're my girl. Let me show you, let me love you," breathed Jerome looking down at her now. Addison gazed up at him her eyes as heavy lidded as his own. Jerome could tell she wanted to give in, that she wanted him to make love to her as much as he did, but then her eyes left him. They eyed the door and he knew what she was thinking.
"We can't, the kids, Charlie and Oliver, their just outside the door…someone could walk in and catch us," whispered Addison looking at him then back at the door.
"No, they won't, I locked the door. Nobodies coming in here unless we let them in and if we're quiet they'll never know. Come on, Addy, I want you, let me have you; I know you want me too," whispered Jerome kissing along her jawline.
"No one will walk in. As long as we're quiet…come on baby girl, let me love on ya," whispered Jerome moving his lips down her throat to the edge of her top just barely touching her cleavage. As he did so he felt her breathing quicken as his hold tightened on her and smiling against her soft beautiful skin he knew she would give in. And returning to her lips he kissed her filling that very kiss with his undying love for her and her alone.
"The doors locked?" breathed Addison holding his face in her hands now. She felt his lips against her palm as he nodded.
"Locked tight, baby girl, as long as we're quiet no one will even know," smiled Jerome attacking her lips. Addison ran her hands up his back then cradling his body between her knees as she gave into him.
"With you, quiet is never easy, baby," gasped Addison arching into his touch as he returned to litter her neck in his marks.