Chapter 20

The Shark Boy and the Lick of Life

We were glad we had sent Mezu up to knock and no me, ready to punch when the door opened, because when it did, it wasn't Itachi. But it was Kisame. From the bushes, we saw for the first time in ten years our friend's face. He looked down at Mezu, having no idea who he was. He was also surprised to find some unknown kid knocking on his door a few miles into some unknown forest. I guess it doesn't happen very often.

"Uhhh… can I help you…?" Kisame asked.

"Uhhh… I don't know…" Mezu answered. We never gave him any more instructions than "Knock on the door." So, being a kid, and being on the spot, not knowing what to say, Mezu said the first thing that came to mind. "Why are you blue?" Kisame stared at him.

"Ummm… That's private." Kisame started to close the door when Mezu said:

"That's okay, everyone has something about them they don't like." Kisame stopped and stared at him.

"You wanna come inside?" Kisame asked. Mezu nodded. Kisame led Mezu into the cabin, and as Mezu disappeared inside, he gave us a thumbs-up.

"Great !" Hidan moaned "Now what!?" We were all a little down. Only ten years had past, and we were all totally out of it. We weren't even smart enough to think of a plan! Then again, the Leader usually made the plans for us… We were doomed.

But then, not wanting to be separated from Mezu, Mergo walked up and knocked. We all remained silent. Then the door opened again, but it wasn't Kisame, and it wasn't Mezu or Itachi either. It was a small, pale faced, blue haired, red eyed, little toddler, no older than four. He was sucking his thumb. He nodded and let Mergo in. We all stared at the door as it closed, stupefied.

"F$%#&*$^!!%&*$%##^*&!%%!!!!!!!!" Hidan spat. We didn't say anything. He had a point… Even if he didn't say a single genuine word…

"So Kisame and Itachi had a kid…? How is that logically possible…?" Kakuzu asked. "I mean I know they were gay and all but… they were gay! Two people of the same gender can't have kids! That's not possible! Gay people can't make kids!"

"Yeah, we know!" Sasori sneered.

"Un… I guess they found a way, un…" I said.

"Oh, that's just sick and wrong!" Miugi shuddered. I looked over at Oiran. He was sitting on a rock, and not paying an ounce of attention to what was going on. He was watching a bird fly from branch to branch. Maybe he was trying to watch and learn to fly… He did have wings after all…

I looked over at Hidan and saw that he was hitting himself on the head with a rock. I guess this situation really bothered him…

"Hidan, stop," Kakuzu told him.

"F%#^%**$#$%**$%*$$^*%*&&*$#^Y$$%*&!!!!!" Hidan screamed. Yes, he screamed, and he attracted the attention of the people in the cabin… Kisame came running out to find us: Two Sasori/ys, a lady, a winged kid, me (almost middle aged Deidara with a hair cut), an irritated Kakuzu, and Hidan swearing while hitting himself on the head with a rock… Not your normal sight…

"W-what's going on here…!?" Kisame asked.

"Total frustration," Kakuzu answered. Apparently, it only just then registered in Kisame's mind who we were. How did I know? Believe it or not, Kisame is a fainter. He faints when he's scared. Now, not like, facing death scared, more of the being caught by your old friends that you had a kid with your gay spouse scared. He hit the ground like a rock.

"Nice one, Goliath," Sasori sneered. Kakuzu glared at him. We all got up and went over to Kisame, Oiran trailed behind us. Hidan started poking Kisame with a stick.

"Cut that out!" Kakuzu told him.

"Why should I?" Hidan asked. Kisame stirred. Then Hidan started whacking him with the stick. "WAKE UP YOU GAY BASTER*D!"

"OW!" Kisame was up. "STOP THAT!" Hidan stopped and threw the stick over his shoulder, hitting Oiran on the head.

"Ow!"

"Sorry, Robin." Hidan said.

"What's going on?" Kisame asked, really confused.

"We came to pound Itachi." Hidan said casually. "Is he here?" Kisame stared at him.

"Yeah, but-" Kisame started, but Hidan interrupted.

"Then let us in." Not even waiting for an answer, Hidan pushed Kisame out of the way and went right into the cabin. The rest of us followed Kisame in. Inside, Mergo and Mezu came up to us with the gay kid, who, we now realized, had as sharp of teeth as Kisame… and gills, but they were on his neck though…

"Uncle," Mergo said, "I think we have a problem…"

"What is it, un?" I asked. He pointed to a person, lying on a bed. It was Itachi, and he was out cold…

"He's in a coma." Kisame told us. "He's been like this for eight years now…"

"But your kid's four," Sasori pointed out, "So how does that work?" Kisame blushed…

"Well, it's not exactly a normal coma," he explained, "When he first went into it he… he became a girl…" We all stared at him, bewildered.

"HOW IS THAT EVEN F*CKING POSSIBLE!?" Hidan cursed.

"I don't know!" Kisame answered, "It's just what happened!" Hidan cooled down, and Kisame continued… "So, after a few years of taking care of a coma stricken, girl Itachi, I got bored…" We all leaned in closer, anxious to hear what happen next, and to put Kisame under more pressure. He started panicking. "I RAPED HIM, Er HER! OKAY!?" We stared at him, then Hidan stared to clap.

"WOOHOO! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD IT IN YA!" he cheered happily. Kisame blushed even more. This, was true, none of us never saw Kisame as the dominant person in his relationship… He was usually the one that was Itachi took advantage of.

"Okay, so Itachi gave birth in a coma?" Sasori asked. Kisame nodded.

"But he's a guy now." Kakuzu pointed out.

"Yeah," Kisame sighed, "That happened right after delivery…" Silence.

"I still don't get it," Miugi said, "How does this kind of thing happen?"

"It doesn't, un," I told her.

"Yeah, we're all just really weird," Kakuzu said, "that's all." Miugi shrugged. She was getting used to that fact that nobody in her life made any sense anymore. I turned to Kisame.

"What's his name, un?" I asked him.

"Huh?"

"His name, un. What's your kid's name, un?" Everyone looked at me. They had all been too confused about Itachi's becoming a girl, that they seemed to have forgotten to ask what the kid's name was, or maybe they forgot he was there, or maybe they just forgot all together that he existed, was mostly human, had feelings and probably had a name.

"Oh," Kisame realized, "it's Mark."

"It's simple enough," Sasory said. Kisame looked at him. We still needed to explain the whole Sasory and Sasori thing to him. But that could wait until later.

"Mark's a good name, un," I said. I looked down at Mark who was playing with a stuffed duck. It looked a little like Daffy… He seemed like a good kid. I felt sorry for him. It wasn't his fault he was a mutant with gay super villain parents, one of which was in a coma, and would never be able to live a normal life.

"What now?" Mergo asked. I turned to him, then I looked over at the unconscious Itachi. I walked over to him. I looked down at him. I wanted to hit him so bad, not only for lying about Oiran, but also for when he beat me the day I was forced into the Akatsuki. I wanted to hit him, but I wanted him to be awake for it so he could feel the hurt. Then, I had an idea.

"Wakey, wakey, Weasel Face, Un!" I said, licking his face with my hand. I knew how much he use to hate that. I guess my plan worked, because almost instantly I heard:

"UUUGHH!" Itachi shot up.

"HE LIVES!" Hidan cheered. I smiled, and then I hit Itachi as hard as I could on the side on his head. He fell to the floor, and then he grabbed his head in pain.

"THAT'S FOR LYING, UN!" I told him. It was actually for more than that for me, but I didn't say that.

Itachi looked up, really confused and looked at all of us. Kisame hid Mark behind him, not wanting Itachi to see him just yet.

"Wh-what's going on…?" Itachi asked, still holding his head.

"You tell us," Kakuzu said, picking up Oiran. "Wow, you are light!" Oiran nodded. Itachi stared at Oiran. Clearly no bells were being rung.

"Hi Itachi," Oiran said. Itachi continued to just stare.

"Nothing, un?" I asked.

"Huh?" Itachi asked. He really wasn't getting this. I slapped him.

"THINK MAN, UN! THINK!" I shouted.

"I'M TRYING, I'M TRYING!" he shouted back. He looked back to Oiran. Oiran waved. "Uhhh… Do I know you?" Itachi asked. Oiran nodded. "Do I know your name?" Itachi asked. Oiran shrugged. "Uhh… but you know my name?" Itachi asked. Oiran nodded. "Who am I then?" Itachi asked.

"Itachi nii-san." Oiran said. Itachi's eyes widened.

"Sasuke?" Itachi asked. Oiran smiled and shook his head. Itachi turned pale.

"O-Oiran…?" He asked. Oiran nodded.

"FINALLY!" Hidan shouted! "TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!" Itachi keeled over. I kicked him.

"SO YOU DO KNOW HIM, UN! GET UP YOU LYER!" I shouted. Itachi scrambled up.

"What did I lie about?" he asked.

"How come you never told us you had another brother?" Sasori asked.

"I though he was dead!" Itachi answered. We stared at him. This was new to us. Itachi continued, "When I was young and Sasuke was only a few years old, Oiran was born… But a few months later he became ill so we took him to the hospital…" We stopped, expecting a question or something. Nothing came, so he continued. "The hospital said that he had died, and that they had already deposed of the body." Itachi looked at Oiran.

"And you believed them, un?" I asked.

"What was I supposed to do!?" Itachi asked.

"Good point, un…"

"But I didn't die," Oiran said, "they took me way and put me in a cage. Then they stuck needles in me and made my run in this maze thing, and the fed me through a tube and the did some things…" We all stared at him. That was the longest sentence he'd ever said.

"Yeah…" Kakuzu said, "and they gave you wings…"

"Yep!" Oiran answered, opening his wings to his full seven nine and a half foot wingspan.

"And smart."

"Yep!"

"And forever young."

"Yep!"

"Yeah," Hidan shouted, "mutant!" Oiran's wings drooped. He bowed his head in same. He remembered he didn't like being a mutant monster…

"But… I…" Oiran started, but he fell silent. He had gone back to his quiet self. Itachi was also silent. He was stunned. His though to be dead brother was alive, and, he was a mutant. A freak. A mutant freak. Not him. Not Oiran. Not his brother. It was too much for Itachi. And with that, he broke down. He broke down into tears, for his mutant brother. He cried for joy that Oiran was alive, but he cried with sorrow that Oiran was a freak… If Itachi was taking this hard, I smiled an evil grin at the thought of how he would take it when he fond out about the little shark boy, hiding behind Kisame…