XIX
Sherlock tried very hard to at least look impressed by the sleek, black jumbo jet before him. The bubbly blonde S.H.I.E.L.D. scientist who had escorted him here seemed exceptionally proud of what she called "The Bus" and Sherlock was too busy trying to figure out how exactly there was still a S.H.I.E.L.D., considering recent events, to burst her bubble. Also, he was wondering how the revelation would affect his new fiancé's freedom. The agent – she had introduced herself as Agent Skimmons? Or was it Simmons? – hadn't told him exactly why he was being brought about the mobile base in the first place. She had said everything would be explained once inside.
"So how do I know I'm not being led to my doom, Agent Skimmons?" Sherlock finally asked, tempted to text a warning to Loki. He was already flipping his phone around in his pocket.
"It's 'Simmons', sir. And if you were in any danger, I would be the last agent sent to fetch you," she reassured with a beaming smile. "I'm just a scientist. Now, if they had sent Agent May…. Then there might have been a problem." The detective nodded, freeing his phone only to begin twisting his engagement ring as he exited the car.
Shortly after accepting his proposal, Loki had appeared in the middle of 221B with an Asgardian designed engagement band for Sherlock. He wasn't quite sure how the god managed to weasel around his banishment to acquire the ring and that made him all the more nervous. Loki had been extremely pushing his boundaries since the initial fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. Of course, the Master of Mischief seemed to make a sport out of pushing his boundaries. It was actually a miracle his fiancé had not been arrested yet. But of course, his godhood may have had a hand in that.
"If I'm not in trouble, why would your superiors want to speak with me? Contrary to popular belief, I can't really control what Loki does."
"Oh, this isn't about Loki, either. Congratulations on your engagement by the way!"
"Thank you." Simmons led him up the ramp into the Bus, where they were met by an equally excited young man and a thoroughly unimpressed blonde. And here Sherlock had been convinced all S.H.I.E.L.D. agents were stoic smartasses like Agents Romanoff or Barton. The young man was just as – if not more- excitable as Simmons, shaking Sherlock's hand a lot harder than he would have expected.
"Agent Fitz, Mr. Holmes. It's really such an honor to finally meet you. I'm a huge fan of your blog," the agent muttered out in a rapid Scottish accent. Judging by the random bits of scrap tech tucked under his arm, Fitz was also a scientist. Sherlock was beginning to believe his tiny blog readership was solely consisting of science geeks with the occasional criminal. Agent Simmons had introduced herself in a similar manner when he was picked up, asking questions about his entry on the different methods of poison via disease. It was actually quite flattering to have a reaction that didn't include words like "dull" or "boring" or "could be sexier."
"Thank you. Then you must be Agent Morse than." He tried very hard to not be amused by Agents FitzSimmons' confused expressions. In truth, the consulting detective had learned the various agents' faces from multiple hacking ventures on S.H.I.E.L.D.'s databanks. Of course, he hadn't quite gotten all the names to the right faces since he did not expect to encounter many. Agent Morse shook his offered hand, annoyingly unsurprised by his deduction.
"Glad to see you're actually using that information you hacked and not selling it instead."
"Selling information isn't really my style. That is, unless Mycroft is being particularly annoying. Besides, there isn't much worth selling."
"And your fiancé? It wouldn't be very good for him if you got arrested for selling classified information," Morse pointed out as she led him deeper into the Bus. Sherlock tried to not smirk at the excited whisperings of FitzSimmons being left behind.
"Oh please… He'd be sitting right beside me in the jail cell." Sherlock found himself smirking at the thought. "Knowing us, it will have been his idea anyway."
"That really doesn't make me trust you, Mr. Holmes. Even if you do have a cute face."
"You're a secret government agent. 'Trust' doesn't exactly fit into your job description. Also, I'm engaged and you're married."
"Divorced. Clearly, you didn't pay enough attention."
"Didn't deem marital status as very important actually." Their conversation continued much like this, with Morse alternating between seemingly flirting with him and blatantly insulting him. Much to the detective's surprise, his rather infamous god did not come up much in their conversation. While he fully understood the agency's mistrust of Loki, he had already heard every possible variant of how much of a bad idea his relationship was. "So why am I here exactly?" He asked again as the sterile metal walls gave way to more cozy meeting rooms. "I don't think I've committed and international crimes lately."
"Besides hacking our databases?"
"I didn't do anything with the information."
"Hacking an international security agency database is still considered a crime, Mr. Holmes," a male voice countered. "Even if you don't do anything with it." Sherlock recognized the voice as belonging to S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Director Coulson, though he did not have a face to go with it. His files were surprisingly difficult to locate. Sherlock only recognized his voice from phone calls trying to find Loki during his disappearance. "Nice to actually meet you in person, Mr. Holmes."
"Director Coulson, I presume?" The detective shook his offered hand, surprised by how – dare he say – friendly the black suited agent was. "You're a surprisingly difficult man to find, Sir. And from me, that is saying something."
"That tends to happen when you 'die.' Also classified government information isn't supposed to be easy to find. It's kinda a major part of being a spy."
"Is that why I'm here then? Hacking some useless information?"
"You managed to swipe the files of hundreds of different agents, mutants, and superheroes. I would hardly call that useless."
"The only information you had that couldn't already be found on the Internet is their home addresses. Personally, I have no use for such trivia. But if you really want to arrest me for-"
"Arrest you, Mr. Homes?" Coulson seemed genuinely confused by Sherlock's statement. "Who said anything about arresting you?"
"Is that not why I'm here? Or has Loki done something illegal that I don't know about?"
"Neither. Yet."
"Yet being the operative word. If nothing illegal has been done then why am I here?"
"Because you did something illegal in a rather impressive manner. I think you could be very valuable to S.H.I.E.L.D." Sherlock was fairly certain he misheard the implication in Coulson's statements.
"I'm sorry?"
"Well, we already we're debating making the offer but your recent hacking venture just sealed the deal."
"You're… trying to recruit me?"
"Why not?" You're a walking encyclopedia and obviously not intimidating by gods and monsters." Considering the engagement band on his left hand, Sherlock was still considerably confused as to why he was such a good candidate for recruitment. "Of course, you also saved us a little trouble ferreting out that stray H.O.U.N.D. scientist a few years back."
"Wasn't that CIA?"
"The program was, yes. Clean-up after the program was terminated, however, was unfortunately made our job." The detective had to admit, Coulson's ability to take such things in stride was quite impressive. Even Sherlock had been momentarily startled in the Baskerville case. Clearly things like Norse Gods were hardly the strangest thing this man had witnessed. "So what do you think?"
"I think you're an idiot." While he didn't seem offended, Coulson did cock his head to the side in confusion.
"Since my understanding is you think just about everyone is an idiot you're gonna have to elaborate on that a bit for me."
"I'm sure Mycroft had already given you the list of reasons why this is a bad idea and how many times I've turned him down. Also I am currently in a relationship with the man who attempted to kill you."
"And take over New York?" Morse added.
"That too."
"Well, in reverse order, Loki has actually been surprisingly well behaved since Thor dropped him off on your doorstep. If being in a romantic relationship with you keeps him out of my hair, I will happily dance at your wedding."
"Though I wouldn't suggest it."
"Shut up, Morse. As for your brother, frankly I don't give a damn what he has to say and I don't think you do either. If you did, you would actually be employed by him and we would not be here." Well, he had a fair point.
"I'm a private detective. I don't need to work for a government agency."
"Well you pretty much already do though," Coulson countered with a smirk. "You know... since you are babysitting Loki for us. You already work for us; you just don't have the actual title of agent." Sherlock frowned. He really couldn't argue with Director Coulson's logic. Still, Sherlock simply did not have any desire to join. But he wasn't stupid enough to assume he was actually able to say no. He would have to keep trying to convince them this was a terrible idea.
"If you have been watching us as closely as you imply, you would see I don't exactly adhere to the law."
"We don't always either." This wasn't going the way Sherlock wanted. The detective began to twist his ring around his finger again. He always knew government agencies were thick headed but this was ridiculous. "You know you can say 'I need time to think.' We're not that scary."
"I don't need time to think. My answer is no." A slow blink was the only indication that Coulson was taken back by the response. "However, I get the distinct feeling I can't actually say no."
"Not necessarily." Sherlock's eyebrow flicked up in surprise at that. "Who do you think we are? HYDRA? I will only as that you think very hard on this before you flat out refuse." When the detective rolled his eyes, he added, "I mean, just think of how much it would piss of Big Brother." Try as he might, the director had finally said something that force a proud smirk out of Sherlock.
"I'd imagine you would be the last person to encourage sibling rivalry."
"Yeah, well. I highly doubt you two will level New York when you steal each other's toy."
"Not really our style."
"Exactly."
"But it's also not my style to join a covert organization just to spite him. He's actually been surprisingly not annoying lately." Coulson sighed, apparently catching on to the detective's stubbornness.
"Well, if you won't say yes now, will you at least consider a case?"
"Depends. It had better not be boring." The S.H.I.E.L.D. director chuckled as he handed Sherlock a folder.
"All the information you need is in this file. We have reason to believe someone is wanting to steal from your brother."
"And what does Mycroft have that anyone could possibly want?"
"Something very important and dangerous. Unfortunately, I have something… inhuman that requires my attention. We think the thief is human. Hence, I'm trusting you to find him or her." Sherlock nodded as he flipped through the file, growing more and more interested. "I do have to make one condition."
"And what is that?"
"You cannot, under any circumstances, tell Loki you are doing this for us." He was silent for a moment as Coulson's words settled in.
"You expect me to lie to the God of Lies?"
"No. Just… omit certain parts. As I'm sure you can understand, Loki doesn't exactly have a good track record of being trustworthy. We're still reasonably reluctant to give him and classified information."
"He may be able to aid me though. If this file is correct and this… stone is not of this earth, he probably has important intel."
"Oh, he does. That's partly why we're reluctant to share this with him." This caused Sherlock to frown, since he actually hadn't mastered lying to the Liesmith. That and Loki tended to take John's place in aiding him on cases. The detective needed to be able to be honest with his new fiancé. Of course, what S.H.I.E.L.D. didn't know wouldn't hurt them.
"I'll take the case."