XXI

Fracture

It started with a single dossier.

"And for the love of God, James, bring it back all intact," Q said as James followed him around the modified Aston Martin. The agent was heading out to Zurich on a mission to recover stolen American tech, which Q was planning to hold onto once it was recovered. The target in question was a man named Joaquin Ramirez, and his name had crossed Q's desk only a few days before when he made a spectacular entrance to a 'top-secret' conference in Zurich. Patting the hood of the gleaming Aston Martin, Q turned back to James and said, "I, along with a Q-Branch staff member, will follow you six hours after you leave since there might be some technical aspects to the mission that you might need assistance with on-site, and I'd rather we were already there as opposed to rushing to your aid."

James frowned as he followed Q, who kept inspecting the car for last minute problems. "What kind of problems do you anticipate?" he asked, unnerving Q with how close he hovered over the quartermaster.

"The safe that holds the tech is rigged to blow after three failed attempts. I have half a mind to nix your role in that part altogether and get in there myself. You could just bring the safe to the room that Nicholson and I will use as our base of operations, and we'd work on it," Q said almost absently as he knelt to make sure that the hidden guns in the tire rims were oiled and ready to go.

He heard James huff impatiently. "Or I could just do it all there, and you could guide me along in my ear so that you don't have to leave London. Simpler that way," he said, and Q sighed.

"Simpler, but more cumbersome when I can't see the problem for myself," Q countered mildly before standing up again and making a note on his clipboard.

He heard James shift. "Honestly, I'd rather you didn't go at all," he finally said in a somewhat curt tone.

Q closed his eyes, counted to ten, and then kept walking. "Your concern is duly noted," he replied, refusing to rise to the bait. James had been somewhat prickly lately, and Q had put it down to restlessness from a lack of active field missions. Deep down, Q suspected that it had more to do with the words he'd carelessly uttered without thinking, when he and James had 'helped' Tess with her mission, but he'd opted to let the matter lie instead of bringing it up again. "Besides, you have no jurisdiction in what I can and can't do, because last I checked, you are not M," he added as a parting shot before checking the condition of the headlights.

He didn't even need to be looking at James to know that the 00 agent was getting irritated. "Maybe I don't want to see you get shot," James said after a moment, voice still calm but Q could sense the anger underneath. "You're safer here. Send R instead."

"And put R in danger like that because I won't face it? Threaten R into going, and you can kiss your credit history goodbye. Coerce him anyway, and you'll be in Belmarsh for a week," Q warned as he made a few notes on his clipboard, scribbles at this point since he couldn't bear to face James quite yet. "Besides, you can relax. I'm not going to be one of your girls. That's Ramirez's wife you're confusing me with."

Silence, and Q mentally kicked himself for speaking without thinking. James, exercising that incredible self-control of his, was quiet for another few moments before he said, "No. You. Are. Not. Going."

"James, I can handle explosives, I can handle gunfights, I'm not delicate," Q said, turning around to face the agent. Swallowing when he realized that James's arms tense but at his side and worryingly near the issued Walther (Q shouldn't have given him that so soon), he said, "I am going, whether you like it or not." Raising an eyebrow, he added, "Unless there is another reason you don't want me to come? Such as interfering with any methods of interrogation?" He couldn't hide the undertone of bitterness in his voice, it just slipped out. Fine, James didn't want them to remain together as long as Q wanted. Q could live with that. But Q also didn't want to be at the same level as one of the numerous so-called 'Bond Girls', where he was nothing but a means of killing time until the next mission. He wanted to be more than that, but he'd been a fool to think that was possible with James, no matter whatever the other man had said to lure him in.

There was a reason that Agent 007 was so damn successful.

James narrowed his eyes suspiciously as he took a few steps forward, Q almost unconsciously backing away as he matched James step for step. He let out a squeak when his back finally hit the back of the car garage wall, and held his breath as James moved into his personal space, placing both his arms on either side of Q. "You know what I have to do for Queen and country, Q," he growled softly. "That doesn't necessarily mean I enjoy doing it, contrary to what you and the lab rats seem to think. But the mission takes precedence over everything else, so keeping the girl alive isn't usually at the top of my list of priorities. In this case, I can't focus on keeping you alive if you want me to retrieve the tech."

Q's lips thinned. "And you won't have to because you'll be doing the fucking mission, which, as you astutely pointed out just now, takes precedence over everything else," he snapped, trying not to panic when he tried to push James back only to meet a solid wall of resistance. He took a steadying breath before he said, "Please step back, I need to finish inspecting the car."

"I'm not finished talking to you," James countered. Q felt pinned as the ice blue eyes studied his, and then narrowed. "And what made you think I was confusing you with 'those girls'?" he asked.

Q stiffened, but paused. Once he spoke, he knew it would be all over. Trying to keep his composure, he raised a hand to start ticking off fingers. "One, draw individual in with pretty words. Two, make the person bloody well believe that she actually means something to you. Three, sex. Four, spend time with her, doesn't matter if you're both running for your lives or not, you can bond either way. Pass the time with sex until the next chunk of action. And five, detach yourself from her as soon as possible," he said, voice dropping in volume with each one as his heart pounded in fear; James could very well kill him and hide the evidence. He knew he wasn't being fair at all in this, but he felt embarrassed and humiliated that he let James take it this far. The slip, when the two had been in his kitchen, just topped it all. "I never wanted that, James. I wanted something more, but I see I was an idiot to expect that much from you."

He let out a fearful whimper as James grasped his chin and lifted it so that they could make eye contact. "Is that what you saw it as?" James snarled softly. "All because I didn't fucking go along with your 'forever' nonsense? That's rich, coming from you. Why is it that you bolted from Martin Tavalrez when he asked you to marry him?"

Q felt the white-hot anger flare in his chest at that reference. Alana. It had to have been Alana who told James about the incident from Q's second year of university. He was going to kill her once she got back from her honeymoon. "I was a student, I wasn't ready, I didn't want to be married that early!" he snarled, jerking his chin out of James's grip and nearly whacking his head on the cement behind him.

"Maybe I wasn't ready, did that ever occur to you?"

Q snorted; he'd skimmed James's files in the beginning, after taking over the post of Quartermaster and was informed that 007 had returned and was ready for his next briefing. "Liar, you would have fucking said something," he snapped, trying again to push James away; the agent budged slightly, but didn't move away completely.

"Maybe you don't know me as well as you would like, then," James nearly shouted, moving so that Q reflexively looked up at him again. "We are trained to lie, Q. Have you forgotten that already? You told me everything that I could have easily bullied R into showing me in your personnel file. How accurate are your files on me? Absolutely? Boothroyd kept everything on hard copies, it wasn't until you showed up that files became digitized." Leaning in dangerously close, he whispered, "Files can be forged. We work in the business of living in lies. What makes you so confident that I didn't lie through my teeth to you the entire time?"

Q flinched, looking away as he focused on keeping a firm resolve. "In which case," he said, not quite meeting the agent's eyes, "I'll accept that as a vocal confirmation of what I've always wondered recently." Pulling out the Aston Martin keys, he pushed the key fob into the agent's nearest hand. Gathering the shreds of his own dignity, he looked up and calmly met blue eyes with his own green. "Welcome back, Agent double-oh seven," he said before ducking underneath the other's arm. "I had always wondered where you'd gone after the Australian mission," he said, not bothering to hide the hurt in his voice; 007 couldn't touch him now. "But, as I can see, you were hard at work doing what you do best," he added as he reached for the door that would lead straight to MI6, ignoring the ominous click as it closed behind him while he walked to the lifts.

He pushed off the impending breakdown for when he got to his office and closed the door, locking it. Leaning against the door, he slowly sank to the ground before resting his face in his hands.

What have I done?

I don't know what to do now.